CMV: the N count double standard is unfair, but so is being rejected for reasons beyond your control.

anjovis150 · 2022-10-09T13:59:28+00:00

Anyone is allowed to reject anyone for any reason they see fit. No one owes you a relationship.

There is no such thing as ''fair'' in dating.

wtknight · 2022-10-09T16:21:16+00:00

This would be a good point if there were actually some proof that women are being rejected for their n count on some kind of large scale, but I don't think that they are because most men don't know most women's n count, and the men who do often don't care what it is as long as it's lower than theirs. So I think that this CMV is mostly irrelevant.

ChadChasingB · 2022-10-09T13:36:10+00:00

Fair is opportunity, not outcome. You are free to reject whoever and everyone else is free to reject you as well. That is perfectly fair. There's nothing unfair about not being able to get a person you want.

hungrychick404 · 2022-10-09T13:51:28+00:00

how women are judged more when it comes to sleeping around and racking up a high N count

This is often called unfair because it affects women more negatively when they are doing the same thing as men.

Just the opposite. Women judge men very harshly for having slept with (too many) men. Per that survey, 63% of women won't date a man who has slept with another man even once. Men judge women for sleeping with (too many) men, but not that strictly.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-10-09T15:21:03+00:00

I think the n count says more about the man and who he is than the height thing.

A guy who gets all ewwwwww women have sex before me. Screams insecure, controlling, has an ego, religious and in some regards even predatory (a woman's lack of experience can mean she can be manipulated) . Men can have that preference sure but others can judge them for it because it's just an insignificant thing in regards to the whole. It's not unfair it just reflects bad on the man who has it.

I think judging men by height is stupid. I get the rationale but it's stupid. Its excluding a lot of really decent potential partners for something so insignificant and greatly reducing your numbers.

When it comes to dating I think of it in terms of jobs you put one app into one place you aren't covering much ground put a bunch in and apply more places you have a greater chance of achieving what you want. It's the same kind of experience you have to put yourself out there and face rejection or no success. It's not a fair thing because chance isn't fair.

nicethingyoucanthave · 2022-10-09T15:53:22+00:00

dating is unfair

I don’t think we’re using that term correctly. Is it “unfair” that an engineer works for a boss whose not an engineer? When they interviewed for the job and were told, “we’re looking for someone with 5 years experience as a lead engineer” would it make sense for them to whine, “but you don’t have any experience as a lead engineer!”

No, because that’s not a matter of “fairness”

It’s ok for short women to like tall men. It’s okay for fat women to like fit men … it might be unrealistic, but it’s not unfair.

tinasnow-poty · 2022-10-09T16:38:36+00:00

Everyone can reject anyone for whatever reason they like ❤️

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-10-09T18:12:09+00:00

This is all true. However, my beef with all this n count talk, is not the issue itself but all the bs and hypocrisy surrounding it. There are legit reasons to not want a promiscuous person. They are probably more likely to cheat or leave in a long-term relationship or marriage. It makes sense. However, men consistently ignore the fact that promiscuous men are also not the best relationship material, and come up with unnecessary pseudoscientific reasons to avoid promiscuous women like “pair bonding.”

And then the little fact that all this just doesn’t seem to match reality. I’ve never known a reasonably attractive, formerly promiscuous older woman who couldn’t easily get a relationship when she wanted to. I did a whole post a while back about this. It seems like a lot of this n count talk is just threats and revenge fantasies based on jealousy. Otherwise, wouldn’t you just, you know, not date a promiscuous woman? But they seem to feel a real need to shout about it to everyone.

RedditsOlderBrah · 2022-10-09T13:49:49+00:00

luckily, there is no n-count double standard. it only exists on message boards like this exclusively among the people who do not have sex. it is made up.

SoIlikeMangos · 2022-10-09T18:08:27+00:00

Well no other shit is fair.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-10-09T18:22:41+00:00

Daring isn't fair.

You can personally be against something and not date someone and they can also not date you

gate18 · 2022-10-09T18:27:46+00:00

I feel this misses the point!

By definition those with high N count aren't being rejected. (how else did they get the high n-count?)

Personally, I have zero respect for men that aren't virgins themselves but want their wives to be a virgin. I know members of my family that have done this and it's just... culturally, intellectually, and romantically pathetic.

Women with high n count shouldn't give a fuck, it's the virgins I feel sorry about. They are getting men with high n count that feel they are better than women with high n count but you, the virgin, have to just take it.

2022-10-09T18:47:10+00:00

Part of growing up is realizing alot of things are beyond your control and being judged for it and just moving on.

WilliamWyattD · 2022-10-09T23:06:40+00:00

What I think is wrong is everyone getting caught up in their feelings about this when they are ostensibly trying to objectively analyze a phenomenon.

The men overplay N Count, insisting with greater certainty than we know that the asymmetrical level of concern for it is a biological instinct. It likely is, but we don't know for sure. More importantly, even if it is biologically instantiated, the men oversell how powerful and immutable the instinct is. It is all a revenge fantasy due to women having greater raw sexual leverage.

The women, on the other hand, go too far in denying it. They want it off their worry plate entirely, even if they have no personal plans to rack up a huge body count. They insist it is purely socialized misogyny with a degree of certainty that is entirely unwarranted by the evidence.

I personally believe that the most likely truth is that an asymmetrical concern for N Count has become evolved instinct, but a fairly weak and malleable one relative to others. Mostly, it was a universal cultural reaction to a universal female condition: they get pregnant. But if you change the conditions with birth control, a lot of that socialization could change. And the instinct behind it is not that strong. Even now, in sexually liberal areas, men do care somewhat about female N count, as do women. And they care more than they care about N Count. But it has all become relative. If everyone has N Counts of 10-20 by their twenties, then guys don't care that much if a girl has such a count. It is only when she is pushing the limits for her demographic that it becomes a factor.

MAGA-Latino · 2022-10-09T13:45:11+00:00

It's not a good analogy because the women choose to rack up those bodies, the men didn't choose to be short.

EulenWatcher · 2022-10-09T14:44:23+00:00

Dating and life in general aren't fair, sure. The issue with n-counts lies in hypocrisy not just fairness though. You don't have to be consistent and all, but it makes sense to see moral inconsistency as a red flag.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-10-09T13:28:23+00:00

No one cares about people’s preferences. If dudes want to hold out for a hot IG model level hot girl who is actually a really a “good girl” who is just looking for the “right guy after all these years” we are cool with dudes wandering around looking for the unicorn wondering why nuns don’t look as hot as they do in porn.

63daddy · 2022-10-09T14:42:25+00:00

I disagree it’s unfair. People are free to choose whom they wish to date or not for what ever reasons they want. If someone doesn’t want to date me based on my previous relationships, that’s their rightful choice. It’s not unfair, it’s simply their preference.

The issue as I see it is people getting all upset about incompatibility. It’s silly and wasteful in my opinion to get upset or dwell on incompatibility, far better IMO to focus on those who are compatible.

If a woman doesn’t want to date me due to my past or any other reason, it’s not an issue of fairness, it’s simply her choice and it’s time to move on to someone else. There’s lots of fish in the sea. Better to focus on those that can be caught than to complain about the unfairness of those who aren’t compatible.

DRliveseyyy · 2022-10-09T14:51:51+00:00

Dating just isn’t fair, both men and women have different standards and get judged differently. And it’ll never change…

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-10-09T17:19:27+00:00

A view Men without high counts as a red flag. Women should start doing this

DeJuanBallard · 2022-10-09T17:35:22+00:00

It's not unfair, it's very logical, and also not an issue if your not gross.

sniffthisplease · 2022-10-09T18:08:40+00:00

Nobody is owed fairness. Nobody is owed justice or equality in dating.

Tell this to the males who cry and bitch everyday about how sex is a necessity and how women’s rights should be rolled back / gov pays for prostitution

ffandyy · 2022-10-09T20:02:28+00:00

Fairness? There’s no such thing as fairness in dating. It’s an open market. The world doesn’t owe you or anyone else a partner that’s not how things work.

sansan6 · 2022-10-10T03:38:19+00:00

People set their own standards. Ik women with the same standard. I don’t really get double standards in dating because unlike at a workplace or public space you set your own standards.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-09T14:52:47+00:00

Nothing unfair about n count. Everyone of us has to carry the consequences of our choices.

NationalistGoy · 2022-10-09T17:00:54+00:00

N count double standard is fair.

Getting rejected for things beyond your control is also fair.

Anyone can reject you for whatever they want without having to explain themselves to you.

Rejecting someone because of race, height, weight, penis size, breast size, etc is A OK and no one should tell me I am a bad person for it. End of the day it is my life, my future and I am the one marrying that person.

If you feel left out, or discarded because you have a high body count, though luck buddy, find someone who doesn't care about it.

m0rbidowl · 2022-10-09T13:48:29+00:00

Dating isn't supposed to be "fair". Discrimination is okay when it comes to dating because you simply can't force attraction and it's okay to have standards.

RepentandRebuke · 2022-10-09T14:54:03+00:00

A women who sleeps with a woman is deemed promiscuous, while a man who does so is deemed a stud, a whore, whatever the case maybe.

Its mainly because a man and a womans sexual selection objectives are different. Women arent playing the same game men are.

bsmith440 · 2022-10-09T14:07:52+00:00

I do agree with your final statement about fairness but I disagree with your point regarding body counts.

A woman's body count is a measure of self control. Almost any woman can get laid in less than a day most less than 30 minutes. It takes no effort to get laid on a woman's part. But a man cannot get laid whenever he wants especially not within 30 minutes. A man has to have personality, charm, good looks to get laid. All a woman has to do is open her legs.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-10-09T23:26:21+00:00

However, so is getting rejected for something you have no control over.

If she's not attracted to you, that's also beyond her control. That's entirely different from the hypocrisy of a sexist double-standard.

You're right that dating is unfair. But some people actively make it more unfair.

themostgianthorse · 2022-10-09T14:06:17+00:00

Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different ?

2022-10-09T17:59:17+00:00

In the age of not being able to define the word "women", maybe we can use this definition: an adult human who goes ballistic when double-standards works against them and deny any double-standards that work in their favor.

dbz19_kai · 2022-10-09T14:46:27+00:00

Nothing in dating is about fairness.

In terms of n-count, my problem is with men who sleep around (and particularly when they pressure women for sex) but who look down on high-n women, because according to their world-view they really can be said to be doing harm. That shows really bad morals and a lack of regard for the well-being of people he interacts with. And I'm free to judge him as an asshole.

FUIMAPRSJW · 2022-10-09T14:46:47+00:00

Why is it unfair? Sex isn’t the same for men and women. You can’t even compare like this. This is kinda off topic, but so many women lie about n count that you really can’t believe anything a woman says about this issue. She would have to start the discussion with, “yes, we lie, and here’s why.” Women know they lie and they must know why but they’re not saying it here. Maybe that’s why this is the purple pill. I guess I was naïve to think people were here understanding TRP, but arguing with it. It seems more like people aren’t understanding TRP at all with this debate.

Sad_Top1743 · 2022-10-09T15:11:16+00:00

It’s not the same and never will be.

A guy racking up bodies with overweight unattractive women is not a stud. A woman who is overweight and unattractive but pulls chads? Guys will totally respect that.

Regular chicks having sex with chads takes no skill and gets zero respect. Studs have either skill and/or genetic traits which make studs, women wanting the same respect is laughable. They’re not comparable, it’s like an adult team playing basketball against kids lol

_vitamin-protein_ · 2022-10-09T15:11:51+00:00

It's really unfair , but if you want a virgin wife/husband then you must also be a virgin.. And answer to your question is why men are called stud when they sleep with many women is because it's our basic instinct and also men from ancient times transferred this to us.evolution after evolution men were and now are judged on the basis of their body count the more stronger the men the more his gene will propagate and his clan and genes will rule the world it is the reason why men used to sleep with many virgin women..

Shroomhunter93 · 2022-10-09T16:12:28+00:00

Agree but I think “slut shaming” is some valid first because of stds. This goes for men and it’s also like why am I going to invest time into a women that’s going to just leave to screw some other guy.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-10-09T17:53:55+00:00

But women who sleep around a lot aren't considered relationship material - that's all. Yet there's plenty more reasons why men aren't considered relationship material.

StupidWhiteBoi · 2022-10-09T17:58:08+00:00

Incorrect, It has nothing to do with double standards or power and everything to do with a women's disposition to relate current conditions to past experiences and the standards adhered to from those experiences. For example, there is a reason woman who have been hurt end up nose diving their life into chaos after only one heart break. That is indicative of the power that past experiences have on their life. Secondly, it has to do with paternal fraud. A virgin is less likely to have another mans child because she is a virgin point blank period. And you know she is a virgin because you physically are able to tell that upon copulation. This give a man insurance that if a child is conceived it is very likely his. Lastly, men have nothing to gain from a virtue less woman. Men are motivated most by a woman who chases virtue, not dick because a woman with virtue brings stability to a household, not chaos.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2022-10-09T19:59:04+00:00

N count is fair because N count is something that's within your control.

2022-10-09T20:12:29+00:00

I don’t think it’s unfair. It’s just not something that women understand cuz we don’t have dick lizard brain.

shadowofdoubt13 · 2022-10-09T20:31:10+00:00

A man with a n count of 50 and a woman with a n count of 50 are 2 completely different people. Let’s not pretend like that’s not true

Few_Ratio5835 · 2022-10-09T21:10:03+00:00

I noticed reddit shames men for having standards about actions. ya know things women choose to do.

doesn't shame women for having standards about genetics though.

Cablepussy · 2022-10-10T09:32:59+00:00

There’s no double standards for N-count.

Women and men both have sex true but largely/generally women and men aren’t doing the same thing to acquire said sex.

If there was an alternate universe where gender roles were reversed men would be getting judged just as hardly as women are today.

It might not be fair but it isn’t a double standard.

To think that would be over simplifying the issue to just the result, not the process.

A hypothetical if you will:

If someone is eating candy in front of you, you wouldn’t judge them for it.
But if said someone stole it from a baby right in front of you, you would.

So you see the result isn’t always more important than the process.

Two different processes, same immediate result, different consequences.

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2022-10-09T15:10:54+00:00

The n count double standard is unfair.

Period.

FTFY

pikecat · 2022-10-09T17:06:11+00:00

The saying "All's fair in love and war" comes to mind.

vtribal · 2022-10-09T20:26:32+00:00

Noting in life is fair.

2022-10-09T21:36:42+00:00

It does matter to who cares and it is perfectly fine. Some people want someone of a certain height, weight, and skin complexion. Fine. I think the same goes for how many people you’ve slept with. It could be 1,000 or 10. There’s no explanation needed if that’s a deal breaker for someone.

CMV: the N count double standard is unfair, but so is being rejected for reasons beyond your control.

Comments

100 they absolutely want a kinky slut but are mad at the same time that she didn't pick and save herself for them.

Title	CMV: the N count double standard is unfair, but so is being rejected for reasons beyond your control.
Author	dbz19_kai
Upvotes	53
Comments	294
Date	October 9, 2022 1:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xzll0b/cmv_the_n_count_double_standard_is_unfair_but_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-the-n-count-double-standard-is-unfair-but-so.1134472 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134472