Women don't necessarily want the best men, they just want a guy better than them

Ainsleygz · 2022-12-21T18:01:07+00:00

Yeah he be better be better at my cateyeliner than me. It drives me nuts

wtknight · 2022-12-21T18:35:57+00:00

Not even that. They just want a guy that they can admire in some way. The women whom I've dated have been better than me in a lot of ways - just not the ones which caused them to be attracted to me.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-12-21T17:46:53+00:00

being a couple that complements one another is the real winner.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2022-12-21T18:11:30+00:00

"In every way" seems a bit much. I'd say he needs to be better than her in the shit that matters to her.

I have zero friends. I'm at peace with that, but I can't be with a man that is equally as friendless as me. Likewise I have no concept of maintaining social ties, a social life, or juggling a friend group. Luckily my husband is Mr. Charisma and out performs me in every way when it comes to socializing.

However my husband shuts down when he has to navigate bureaucracy and has zero comprehension of long term administrative planning. Thats where I shine, and he's wholly grateful that I'm fluent in legalese/corpo-speak.

CimZim · 2022-12-22T00:43:59+00:00

Why superior? I don't want a man who's going to think of me as his inferior or someone who is so much better that I'll be constantly jealous throughout the entire relationship. It's preferable to have a man who's my equal in all important aspects, or complementary.

bluestjuice · 2022-12-21T18:02:36+00:00

Women want good partners that they like, trust, and are attracted to. Everything else is negotiable.

MarBitt · 2022-12-21T17:44:51+00:00

Women want a guy that's superior to them in every way.

Almost no man is better at everything than the average woman. We all have our weaknesses and I don't believe that women have such idealistic ideas about men that they don't realize it.

Maybe he's not that good at organizing, he has a worse memory for numbers, weaker social skills, so he's easier to manipulate, he's not that articulate so he loses arguments, he's definitely worse than her in her field... Saying that a woman wants a man who's better at everything, is beyond reality.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-12-21T17:50:28+00:00

That is quite amusing. Like there is a man who is better than me.

AngelxEyez · 2022-12-21T17:46:43+00:00

Idk.. When I was a highschool student, I actually came to the realization that I was always attracted to my perceived “leader” of the group of guys.

If I got a new bf and then met his friends, and someone else was the “leader” of their group, id find myself more attracted to them. I even once dumped one for the other. (Hypergamy amiright?)

I’m 25 now and with some introspect and maturing I’ve gotten over that behaviour. My bf is certainly not the leader of the people he spends time with, but I’m super attracted to him and I’m happy to be his. I have no desire for who id say the leader of his group is.

JalenHurtsMVP2022 · 2022-12-22T02:11:20+00:00

They just dont want to be put on a pedastool. A lot of guys fail for being “nice” because insecure women think lowly of themselves. This leads to them seeing your value is lower if you “treat them like a queen”. Guys buy into this whole “treat ur women well” thing and it fucks them over in the short term. A lot of seduction is about the “will they wont they” and if you are super into someone and make it obvious it kills any tension. This is why “nice guys” fail they show their whole hand and all mystery is lost. If you treat someone like they r the best they start to see u as lesser because most people know they arent that great. Its backwards af but I see it play out time and time again.

Why so many people cheat late in relationships to. The “will they wont they” feeling wears off and people get to comfortable leading to boredom and cheating 🤷🏽‍♂️

WilliamWyattD · 2022-12-22T03:49:52+00:00

I'm reticent to be overly specific about what the hypergamous instinct precisely entails, especially for 'all women'.

But the OP has put their finger on an important point about hypergamy. It involves more than a comparison of men to men. There is also a direct comparison to herself, which can start to involve female instincts about wanting to be led or even dominated.

There are likely also comparisons to absolute benchmarks.

Thus this idea that if men made equal across the board improvements somehow that this would have zero effect on mating because female selectivity is all based on ranking men against men is not true.

badgersonice · 2022-12-21T21:14:41+00:00

Women want a guy that's superior to them, in the areas thats important to them.

And… men want a woman who’s superior to him in the areas that’s important to him too, right?

Most men here say they want women who are gentler, more agreeable, softer, sweeter, more feminine, more deferential, smaller, prettier, more delicate, more nurturing, more graceful, have bigger tits, and have a narrower waist than him.

Why do you consider the traits that men like “inferior”, and the traits that men consider unattractive “superior”?

Why do you believe a woman being less masculine is inferior… doesn’t that mean you simply believe masculinity is inherently superior to femininity?

And as a follow-up… if femininity is inferior and negative, then why do you expect women to try to be something you think so sucky and dumb?

punapearebane · 2022-12-21T19:59:36+00:00

I mean, my bf defenitely has a better beard than me. So I guess yeah…

northernlights190 · 2022-12-21T17:43:00+00:00

I think women are often attracted to men who have some quality or skill that’s stronger than their own, but “in every way” or else “a girl will not want you” is such an overstatement. Plenty of women are quite happily the more outgoing partner in their relationship, for instance.

KayRay1994 · 2022-12-21T17:48:43+00:00

i mean there is some truth here - in that it def applies to certain characteristics (said characteristics really depend on the individual), but it prob isn’t “every way” - that being said, don’t men also function in the same way?

Ex. the average man wants a woman who is more nurturing, more emotionally available, is better than them in certain skill sets and so on - I really don’t think the idea of finding a partner who’s better than you in some ways is exclusive to women

tossawaywilldelete · 2022-12-21T18:30:45+00:00

This couldn’t be farther from the truth and men reading this - do not get discouraged and lose your confidence.

When I was younger I definitely dated men who were not better than me at literally anything lol.

I’m my early twenties someone I fell HARD and fast for, I was barely even attracted to him when I first met him. He was a GREAT man & good at many things, & for that reason I eventually put him on a pedestal and lost my own sense of self worth.

After that and a break from dating, I dated a man who was very set in life and could take care of me in ways I couldn’t bc of a 4 year age difference. He easily was better at LIFE than me 22 year old self. It ended BC he was in a place I wasn’t able to be & bc I didn’t want that.

Casually dated since then, but recently got out of a 14 month relationship. I probably loved him as much as I did bc I saw him as my equal. He was brilliant, and arguably the male version of me. I fell for him not bc of what he did but bc of who he was. We were so similar that we had the same eye prescription lol.

Anywho my point - this post is dumb, no offense to OP. Don’t let social media, podcasts, twitter & all that other dumb shit scare you into thinking you need to put on a performance to “get someone” & give them what they “want.” You know what putting on performance is? Idk what it is lol but it’s not REAL.

If you want something real, it does start within, and I myself am still understanding that aspect of things. But what do YOU want? Work on yourself, give yourself the love YOU want, and then figure out if someone is enough for YOU. If what they want aligns w YOUR needs, THAT’S what matters.

I know for a fact good men & good woman exist and there is someone there for everyone. Don’t become swayed bc of these opinions and get off social media. Real relationships, real people, and real love & life isn’t on social media.. so don’t dwell on these things.

W that being said, women don’t want a man better than them. Obviously there will be things he is better than (me) at, but there will be things I am better at. Women (I) want the ying to my yang. Not someone to “complete me” but someone who compliments me.

Ok bye

januaryphilosopher · 2022-12-21T19:00:36+00:00

What's better or superior about being masculine, outgoing or dominant? They'd be complimentary traits to someone who was feminine, introverted and submissive, which may be why women with the latter traits tend to want men with the former, but they're not better or worse than those traits. It's common for women to be known to be smarter than their partners, or have a sense of humour when their partners don't, and indeed always has been, so I don't know where those come from.

decolored · 2022-12-21T19:48:34+00:00

You can’t expect women to just agree with you even though you’re right. Women do not see the world as black and white, they want to think they exist in a constant grey.

MistyMaisel · 2022-12-21T18:33:39+00:00

Wanting a guy who isn't worse than you isn't the same as wanting someone who is better. Equal is right there. Most women want their equal or superior, certainly. I would agree. Why would anyone want someone who is their inferior? Makes no sense. Inferior quality isn't attractive. No one would want that. I don't even think men want women who are their inferiors unless they're grossly insecure. In which case, that's not a good or healthy thing.

Pizzashillsmom · 2022-12-21T18:34:28+00:00

No matter who you pick, you can probably find a way in which you are superior to them.

annefrancois · 2022-12-21T19:30:59+00:00

wow I 100% agree dude this is facts

BeepBeepSaysTheJeep · 2022-12-21T18:00:55+00:00

Bold of you to assume there are men better than me.

wingsandeyes · 2022-12-21T17:59:23+00:00

It's not enough to simply be better than women. If that was the case most would be fine with 5'7, scrawny guys making $50,000 a year because statistically they are taller, stronger and richer than most women, however guys like this are perpetually single because in reality get ignored or ghosted by most women for a 6'2, jacked guy banking $100K+. Hypergamy demands women go for the best they possibly can, simply "better" is not good enough.

TOMTEXOMA · 2022-12-21T17:44:29+00:00

Sure I wouldn't date me

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-12-21T20:33:55+00:00

This is delusional. Women don't want men that feel the need to be better in everything. Nobody will be better in everything.

BusinessGarage2606 · 2022-12-21T21:07:50+00:00

Better than me? There is no man better than me at everything. I will always know things he doesn't know and be able to do things he can't do.

Brandy96Ros · 2022-12-22T12:24:35+00:00

No, I want an equal. I don't want to feel like he's the prize, and I don't want him to be less attractive than me either. I think that's the norm for most people. Most of the time you see people who are equally attractive or successful with each other. I've noticed that I tend to be attracted to guys who are at a similar attractiveness level to me.

You don't know anything about women if you think we feel secure being with a guy way more attractive than us lol. We want to feel beautiful and desired by our partners.

West-Ad-9697 · 2022-12-22T19:04:34+00:00

I wouldn't say superior.

I would say has a working understanding of the world. That's what masculinity is at it's core. That's what women don't understand because they take the Hollywood's grunting and posing that boomer lads made popular as masculinity.

Explain your worldview and how consequential you see the world to a woman that you have captivated - i..e. you have her undivided attention and the only goal in that moment for her is to understand what you are, what makes you tick, and how you see the world. She will be fascinated and enthralled.

The issue is most women don't think men have a better grasp of the world than them. That's what shit tests are. If you buy it, you don't realize what power you have, what leverage, what potential is within you. And ironically - when dealing with living dead that can't call her queen fast enough, a sociopath that talks about fake feelings and tells her she is a broken girl in the wind - will feel more grounded.

I issue a challenge to all the politically correct chumps. Ask your crush to start an OF page and make a business case for her. WHen you talk money and the value of pussy for smucks - you are talking woman. You are speaking truths she knows at a fundamental level. You are a PIMP and she intrinsically respects men that know pussy isn't shit but can be diamonds for a nice stable of triicks.

thisreallyisnotok · 2022-12-24T07:13:01+00:00

Oh look another “women want x” post.

Rooting for you OP! I’m sure as soon as you crack the code on what women “actually want” then you’ll be drowning in bitches.

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ffandyy · 2022-12-21T17:57:50+00:00

We all do lol.

RegionalPolice · 2022-12-21T19:13:59+00:00

This is like one of the first 10 TRP commandments that women want a guy who's better than them in 2/3 of looks, money, and status. I do recommend looking it up and finding it, it's a good read.

draiki13 · 2022-12-21T21:01:51+00:00

This isn’t the correct way of thinking about this topic.

You have to think in terms of her friends. Most women want a guy that will get her validation from her friends.

AidsVictim · 2022-12-21T22:04:56+00:00

There are a few areas where men have to meet a certain standard (for most women) regardless of whether they're "better" at them than her or not.

A man who is not social will almost always struggle regardless of any other qualities. You have to be outgoing on some level for 90% of women to find a man dateable, even if an introverted man is somewhat more outgoing than his introverted partner it will still be a major mark against him. Same for height - for a lot of women just being a little bit taller isn't enough, you should be at least XYZ height. And so on.

Some areas are a little more vague and flexible. Being a little slower is fine as long as you can at somewhat keep up with her interests on an intellectual level.

george__whorewell · 2022-12-22T04:17:53+00:00

I don't want somebody who is superior to me. I have no issue with dating somebody who is less dominant, masculine, or outgoing than me, but I wouldn't even consider dating somebody who felt like they had to be better than me in order to be worthy of my attention.

HighestTierMaslow · 2022-12-23T19:41:32+00:00

I could have written this about men, as a now married 34yearold woman who spent 10 years extensively dating doing mostly OLD apps in her 20s. I had 2 LTRs and 8 STRs all from OLD. (LTR means longer than 8 months). I used mostly Match.com and OKCupid. A little bit of Tinder and POF.

I am more knowledgeable on this subject than most people who post here.

EVERY single STR or LTR guy I was with had these expectations of me, not a single one didnt:

-pretty enough where they felt attraction towards me at best, out of their league for looks is ideal though (had several men who later admitted they thought I was too attractive for them pick apart my looks/put me down/say I could look better )

-nice and emotionally supportive whenever they are struggling, I rarely got this consistently back though.

-not disrespectful (yet "boys will be boys" and I must accept they have a douchey side)

- good communicator

-loyal, honest, no or little history of casual sex and no talking to exes (guess how many guys I dated had inappropriate contact with exes and casual sex history though?)

- interesting/outgoing/easy to talk to/must bear the brunt socially of the relationship. Must have interesting hobbies, even if their only hobbies are playing video games and watching sports. I think I may have had one where he didnt care about this

-for the ones that considered themselves intellectuals, they picked apart my intelligence and were condescending.

-financially stable. I work in an overeducated underpaid field and was able to live on my own and have a life if I was frugal about some things. I also paid for myself at times, for some I paid alot. For many men, this wasnt enough and theyd lament my earning potential isnt higher and that they could do better financially in a partner. Men certainly do care about income.

If I failed on any of these traits, because Im human and have moments of imperfection, they called me out on it. Alot of my exes expected me to be this way when they didnt have most of those qualities. Heck, some right before I broke up with them, ADMITTED they didnt have these qualities yet they STILL expected me to have them. Male Hypergamy!

Thus, I used to say "the juice isnt worth the squeeze" when it came to dating men, because they want to be treated like a king when they dont treat you like a queen, and they overshoot for what they are able to bring to the table. I can tell this forum attracts this entitled mindset as well. The worst part of this is this behavior in these men, it was never there in the beginning or else I would have weeded them out, it starts months later. Most of my exes seemed like chill, mild mannered, reasonable, fun men in the beginning.

Women definitely bear the brunt for social and emotional characteristics. I find the average man way overshoots in this area and they need to work on themselves to obtain the girl they "think" they deserve. Men have always been very picky about looks, and nowadays I find men are pickier with income too. I never dated a guy or came across men in my social circle who are ok with a woman who makes 30-40k a year. I really laugh at all the posts here that convey women as entitled and high maintenance and men arent, its not reality.

Luckily I found my needle in the haystack husband who isnt like this and no, he isnt the top 5% of men based on descriptions here. We are very similar to each other but do have some strengths that complement each others' weaknesses. But hes on my level and not entitled.

Title	Women don't necessarily want the best men, they just want a guy better than them
Author	JewliusCaeser
Upvotes	42
Comments	121
Date	December 21, 2022 5:38 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zrvaot/women_dont_necessarily_want_the_best_men_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/women-dont-necessarily-want-the-best-men-they-just.1144898 https://theredarchive.com/post/1144898

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