Do most single women have a "Steve"?

Safinated · 2023-03-09T17:07:37+00:00

Is that what we’re calling orbiters now?

Fancy-Respect8729 · 2023-03-09T19:44:23+00:00

I wouldn't hang out with woman like that. Either clear platonic friends or dating. Steve should get a life and quit orbiting.

daddysgotanew · 2023-03-09T20:37:44+00:00

Most women have dozens of these. Girls I’ve been in relationships with and hooked up with have showed me the hordes of desperate messages they get. Some of it is just sad. Triple and quadruple texting when she doesn’t answer, begging, offering money. It’s pathetic.

If a woman isn’t trying to jump on your dick the first time she has an opportunity, you’re wasting your time.

Preme2 · 2023-03-09T17:05:55+00:00

A beta orbiter?

Steve isn’t attractive enough, not tall enough, not dominant/scary enough. He’s okay overall but she keeps him around because he’s highly reliable. Husband material.

PuertoRock007 · 2023-03-09T17:09:04+00:00

I think so. I remember Kevin Samuel's used to ask women what they were going to do once they hit the wall and their options dried up, most of them used to answer that they will just get with one of their friends. Funny how they never considered that their friend might not want them either.

LeanderGrant · 2023-03-09T20:01:15+00:00

Poor Steve, ain't got a chance.

Steve is the guy who constantly invests in the girl emotionally, financially, and with his time. He hopes that one day she will see he is good enough and choose him over other men. That won't happen, because he displays low self-worth by giving his best efforts away for free.

We could call the female version of this a "Stephanie". Stephanie is the girl who invests in a man by sleeping with him whenever he wants. She hopes that by giving him constant sex that one day he will realize she is good enough and he will choose her over other girls. That won't happen, because she displays low self-worth by giving away her best efforts for free.

Steve and Stephanie do not realize that treating someone like royalty encourages them to think of you as a servant. They need to stop giving away so much and learn that they deserve to be treated well.

neetykeeno · 2023-03-09T17:12:28+00:00

Well yeah, I have hung out with nerds while being in a relationship most of my life and half of the males would have been up for it despite it being sure to fuck over most of their friendships if they did. Always had to be careful not to be accidentally seen as interested. Always had to make sure I kept track of whether particular guys had seen me too many times without my man present...if I attended the mixed group that went to the movies on a particular weeknight two times in a row alone, the Steves would be restless and rabid looking on the third time.

Steve being Steve is nothing to do with me. Steve's got a problem and I am not the problem.

What's Steve missing? Options. That's what Steves are missing. Thirsty as. That's why they are walking round with slightly erect dicks after some girl looks at them half a second too long.

Generally Steve is a guy with low social functioning who doesn't know how to create or move into other social scenes. He also tends to be a bit lazy and a bit unwilling to exert energy unless it is a sure thing.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-03-09T18:14:38+00:00

Actually most women are single for a while before getting into a new relationship. Steve is just her friend and she isn't that attracted to him.

gofigure62 · 2023-03-09T17:00:35+00:00

I wouldn't say "most" people have someone waiting in the wings for a chance.

But I've certainly seen or known people like this.

Personally, I don't think it's healthy or safe to have someone desperately waiting in their background for a "chance". I also don't trust the emotional stability or judgement of people who keep "just in case" partners looming around.

It's cruel in addition to simply being a bad judgement call.

mitigated-disaster · 2023-03-09T23:55:50+00:00

I had a girl try to use me as a Steve....she had a fucking mental break down when I rejected her.

Ahhh, good times.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2023-03-10T00:56:40+00:00

I know a few women who do this. Frankly I've always found it a little repulsive, keeping someone around like a spare tire.

CimZim · 2023-03-09T17:24:17+00:00

Yes, I currently know of 6 "Steves" aka men who I frequently see who have asked me out on dates in the last 2 months. They are all customers who come to my weekly events.

Honestly, I don't know them super well, but they all seem like genuinely great men. Hygienic, gamers like me, working class, 5-6 in looks, intelligent, easy to talk to and get along with, my age +/- 2 years.

...unfortunately, they all have kids, so even if I didn't already have a sex partner they'd be automatically disqualified

throwaway164_3 · 2023-03-09T17:41:37+00:00

Damn, women sure are the privileged sex!

HuckleberryBig3420 · 2023-03-09T17:07:20+00:00

I realized I did. Had a guy friend when I moved to a new city. Wouldn’t even date we were very close but we hung out in the same group and would even get lunch 1:1 sometimes. He was dating other people during this so it wasn’t like he was some single loser just hanging around

Like a year and a half into us being friends we do a hike one day and he asks how I’m doing. I was going through a hard time so I said as much without going into specifics and this guy takes the opportunity to confess that he’s “always had feelings” for me since meeting and he’s in love with me and wants to date. It ruined our friendship completely.

Those guys exist and I know I can be naive and not notice sometimes, but the second I figure out that you’re just hanging around for a chance to date then I’m going to have to cut off the relationship

Laniekea · 2023-03-09T17:15:44+00:00

Yes. Attractive women have the ability to line men up who are attractive, dependable, and wealthy. They will line up men who they are compatible with.

Sometimes Steve gets married, and then they'll just line somebody else up.

I think you also find that most attractive married women have a steve or several. Somebody who is Plan B if the marriage fails, husband dies, etc. It doesn't mean that they don't love their husband or wouldn't be miserable if they died. Doesn't mean that they are in love with steve. But women are planners, and they planned for the worst case scenario, especially if they have children. I wouldn't be surprised if attractive men do too.

MistyMaisel · 2023-03-09T20:01:07+00:00

Sure, but in order to understand this, you need to know my goals: I wanted someone who could be the love of my life, father to our children, and just was an all around good dude. I was never keeping men in the wings or abusing their attention. I was very clear with most of these men why I would not date them and they knew it and chose to have a friendship with me. For the few I never discussed this with, they never asked me out and it was unspoken and obvious why we were not an item. Please note, none of these men were called Steve.

Steve 1: He was a chubby, but sweet looking depressed, victim-mentality sort of dude who was constantly worship-crushing on different women and making them the God in his life. He didn't have a lot of prospects in any area of life when we met, but we had similar music taste and ran in the same circles so eventually we became friends when he stopped hating me long enough to realize I didn't have bad intentions and did deserve the hype around me. He was missing good emotional control, needed to lose some weight, needed to stop being such a woe-is me dude, and needed to realize I was a person with flaws, not his savior.

Steve 2: He was an insanely hot, extremely funny and charming sweet dude. We were legitimately best friends and had a fabulous time together and could speak about any subject in depth with fun and respect. He was also a terribly self-destructive and depressed womanizer with a chip on his shoulder, anger issues, no consistent employment, and showed no signs of changing anytime soon and when we met, he was near mid 20s. He was missing good emotional control, needed to deal with his shit, needed to man the fuck up and get a job, and needed to stop being so self-destructive and chasing skirt. We've even talked 10 years later about why we never got together, and he was stunned I knew he had a thing for me and that I'd had a thing for him, and that I'd never just slept with him. I think he was even sad when I explained that I didn't want him the way the other women wanted him, I wanted him as a person to be that love of my life, not just the hot fuckboi. And that if I couldn't have him like that, I refused to take advantage of how broken he was. Sometimes, Steve is the name for the relationship where in a different time, a different place, as different people, you might have been the love of each other's lives. You just never know, all you know is that at the time, you weren't right for each other as partners, just as friends.

Steve 3: Was a real nightmare of a human. Maximum autism. Maximum crazy. No job. No prospects. Wanna-be internet intellectual Destiny type. Just an absolute lunatic. We were friends because he glommed onto me, I was in a really dark point in life, and when he wasn't being totally insane, we shared some good times and good laughs. I think it's obvious why I never dated him, I had no attraction to him, he was and is crazy, but, I knew I could. I guess, I could say, the reason I never dated him is that things never got that bleak.

Motherofvampires · 2023-03-09T21:19:18+00:00

Nope. I was married for 20 years and can honestly say I had no Steve's. When my marriage ended I had zero male interest until I joined a dating site a year later.

8won6 · 2023-03-09T21:50:00+00:00

you mean a friendzone?

KingOnixTheThird · 2023-03-09T22:34:52+00:00

The reason why men become a "steve" is because even though he is nice and is a good friend, she's not sexually attracted to him, therefore could never picture herself dating or sleeping with him.

And this isn't just a woman phenomenon either as many men have a "steve" in their life as well. It's the older women in our lives who are nice to us and are friendly to us, but we could never picture dating because we're not attracted to them.

At the end of the day, people don't want to date you because you're nice. People want to date you because they find you attractive PLUS you're nice. Big difference.

PonderingPeaches · 2023-03-10T02:09:27+00:00

I don’t have a Steve. But I have had Steve’s in the past. They existed because I didn’t have a choice usually. The guy at work and so on. Active backup plans aren’t necessary when men are so abundant.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-03-09T16:57:45+00:00

Sure, but that doesn't mean I want him like that. If I did, I'd already be in a relationship with him.

EulenWatcher · 2023-03-09T16:56:50+00:00

Some do, but I’d guess that most don’t. If you don’t want to date him, there’s no much point in dating him out of need to just date someone. Staying single is more preferable.

For this reason I usually don’t stay in touch with people who have expressed some romantic feelings towards me, unless they are able to get over it. If they keep pursuing, I cut contact.

14ers4days · 2023-03-09T18:08:11+00:00

My Steve smokes too much weed and is a self-centered ass. But we're friends and used to be lovers. He'd probably take me back. Not happening though, unless he changes a lot which would be unfair of me to ask of him.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2023-03-09T17:40:05+00:00

I'm married, and all my "Steves" are married or paired off as well.

Should things come to an end with my husband there are no active Steves I'd turn to, and frankly I wouldn't want to (If I wanted them I would have been with them).

But I do know they'd come out of the wood work, sniffing around and offering a shoulder to lean on despite their current wives/girlfriends and my lack of interest.

They've shown themselves when things are rough with their ladies; sudden interest in my life, reaching out for deep talks like we used to have when we were younger, asking for my advice regarding their lady's behavior and praising my 'logic' against their lady's irrationality, etc.

They are always in the wings, waiting for a reason to connect despite the real life constraints and practicalities of our lives.

If you're a woman who has a "Steve", what is he missing?

My reciprocated attraction.

wtknight · 2023-03-09T18:13:40+00:00

Do you think a lot of men have woman who is their "Steve"?

No, not a lot. Most higher value men probably do, though. High value men are rare enough that they are always in demand.

northernlights190 · 2023-03-09T16:57:47+00:00

I guess I have one maybe I can think of.

He’s not missing anything, as such. Great guy, smart, creative, attractive. We’re just not a match, in terms of having enough interests or even just conversation preferences in common, and I don’t think we have the same lifestyle preferences at all. (He has a couple of kids, great dad, but it’s a very different life to the one I have and enjoy.)

We get along great to catch up for a couple of beers once or twice a year, but if we were to date we’d just have too many points of disconnection and frustration. Like, I am certain he would really come to be annoyed by me, but I’m not sure he sees that.

That said, he’s not an “orbiter” or hanging around just for a chance. We’re casual friends, we don’t talk a lot, he’s dating and doing his own life. But yeah, he’d be down if I proposed it.

mackenzie013_02 · 2023-03-09T17:04:36+00:00

I guess I have one.

He’s not missing anything, other than he lives far far away and that won’t change anytime soon.

despisedlove2 · 2023-03-10T03:23:48+00:00

The backup plan. Over 50% of women have them, and most of the rest are lying.

jah-roole · 2023-03-09T17:51:25+00:00

Men who can, do the same thing. Just like women who can, do this. It’s about being desirable.

Willow-girl · 2023-03-10T05:42:22+00:00

I think it's more common for married women to innocently have platonic male friends. Ghod help her if her marriage breaks up and she finds out those '"friends" had been hoping to get in her pants the whole time!

(Yeah, I was kinda naive when I was younger ...)

Creative_Personality · 2023-03-10T08:51:00+00:00

I don’t even have a specific one. But there are a fuck ton of men(ones I know or knew in real life) in my dms that message me all the time being desperate as fuck. Even though I’ve never responded and the only time I open them is if my boyfriend wants to read them for funsies. His caveman side goes brrrrrr seeing he has me wrapped around his finger when there are other men who want me despite me being in a relationship. I guess it reassures him that he’s not a Steve? It honestly doesn’t bother me because he’s not a very jealous person and I’m more than happy to give him reassurance if that’s what he needs.

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harmonica2 · 2023-03-09T17:19:47+00:00

I have a couple of things so I think they could me as Steves. I'm not interested in them other than friends but they act jealous when I'm in a relationship I've noticed.

MrsKetchup · 2023-03-09T19:42:36+00:00

Weird terminology, but I've had looooots over the years. Most I was friends with and simply didn't have any deeper feelings for. Also, I've been in LTRs for most of my adult life so never had much single opportunity.

One guy I was close friends with for years. We shared a lot of interests, gamed together, same sense of humor. He was a decently attractive guy, but could look a lot better if he put in effort. But when I eventually broke up and was single, he made me really uncomfortable with his advances. The tipping point was when he forced himself upon me while hanging out, that ruined any chances and our friendship itself. Wasn't something he was missing, that sort of "desperation" is what killed it

AnyIntroduction3288 · 2023-03-09T20:39:10+00:00

My Steves have mental health and financial issues that aren’t necessarily their fault but don’t make them ready for a relationship

pearllovespink · 2023-03-09T21:48:01+00:00

I have a steve. He’s not cute enough, doesn’t match my salary, and I heard the sex was bad.

The other is standoffish sometimes and I’m not into that. We have different views too. Idk if I would be happy with him.

I have a third too but you get the point.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-03-10T04:03:34+00:00

I dont have a Steve.

RealAmericanWeasel · 2023-03-10T18:38:19+00:00

I wouldn't know. I don't know any females outside of my family.

idkcjibkk · 2023-03-10T20:04:10+00:00

Wtf do I live in a different world that I've never heard of that nor anyone having a "Steve" lol

2023-03-11T02:50:24+00:00

I have a steve. He wants to be the dominant guy in the relationship and I know he would stifle me

Alone-Art-3575 · 2023-03-13T04:16:06+00:00

Only Stacies and high tier Beckies have Steve. Us low tier gals would love Steve but we're too ugly.

I've been the female equivalent of Steve. Guys would love to hang around me but since I'm an uggo they'd rather chase Stacy than be with me. 😞

M_Ptwopointoh · 2023-03-09T19:01:39+00:00

What is the difference between a "Steve" and the long-established concept of an "orbiter"?

Title	Do most single women have a "Steve"?
Author	shadowrangerfs
Upvotes	25
Comments	171
Date	March 9, 2023 4:46 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11mx1g7/do_most_single_women_have_a_steve/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-most-single-women-have-a-steve.1173005 https://theredarchive.com/post/1173005

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