"Pretty Privilege" is just another proof guys don't care about the women they don't find attractive

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Alright you’re literally just finding all my comments and going after them, so okay. DO NOT call me honey. Jesus Christ that is so condescending.

You’re using your personal experiences and applying that to everyone else’s and talking down to anyone not backing you up. You sound angry and bitter.

I’ve been harassed and put in unsafe situations by men from age 10 to now, in my 20s. It never had anything to do with my looks. Whether I’m in sweatpants or a dress, made up or with a bare face, hair in a messy bun or long and curled, men find a way to humiliate and intimidate you.

Girl, men do not respect you for being beautiful. That is 100% not a thing. Men find every reason in the world to disrespect women. No matter how educated, intelligent, beautiful, you name it, that will never EVER guarantee respect.

And yeah, that guy 100% wanted to fuck me because he asked me if he could take me out to lunch after helping me, but thank you so much for your brilliant insight to a situation you were not present for.

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[–]ricemilklatte 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

You JUST said the person at the grocery story respected me for being beautiful. I have never gained a man’s respect for being beautiful, nor have I gained respect for being educated, intelligent, funny, whatever. It doesn’t matter to these men.

Have you ever read the FDS handbook? A man being nice to you one time does not mean he respects you. That’s why the handbook exists. To teach women to be cautious of a man’s intentions. Men will literally get in a whole ass marriage and have children with someone that they don’t respect. Men will do whatever it takes to have access to you sexually and then that’s when the abuse begins. A man doesn’t have to cat call you for you to understand his intentions.

Also, turning down a man for a date has led to violence and death for a lot of women. A man asking you out on a date and disturbing your peace is 100% something to be fearful of. Don’t play dumb.

Also, I reported you for derailment and gaslighting. That is not welcome here.

[–]SPdocFDS Newbie -5 points-4 points-3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Where did I say he respected you (after you brought up him asking you out)? I said he didn’t disrespect you or use you for sex. Clearly, you missed my point that they respect some women more than others, even if you aren’t immune to misogyny. In general, they have respect for more attractive women, and you’re literally claiming it isn’t real because you haven’t seen it. I mean look at gay men like Milo yiannapoulis-he definitely isn’t trying to fuck attractive women.

And I never denied the RISK of turning down a man??? You think I haven’t had experiences of turning down men. Some get angry and some accept it, so it’s a case by case basis but I definitely know the risk exists. I said it isn’t inherently harassment unless he persisted after you turned him down. I literally also said him asking you out isn’t a great advantage. You are just putting words in my mouth and twisting my points, yet accusing me of gaslighting. And you’re accusing me of playing dumb yet say I’m condescending. I respect those who respect me.

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[–]GodILoveTheEnglishFDS Newbie 73 points74 points75 points 5 years ago (44 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely... sick of hearing how my life is “easy” and “simple” because I’m conventionally attractive. Like, sure, in comparison to women that aren’t deemed conventionally attractive, my life is “easier,” as in I’m not as frequently insulted and deemed as an easy lay... but it certainly isn’t great, because I’m a woman, and a woman of colour, at that. My life will never be as easy as an ugly male scrotes life is. No woman’s life will ever be as easy as a male’s life is. Just because I can snap my fingers and have 1000 ugly low value boys that want to f-ck me , what advantage does that give me? None. They provide no value. My conventional “beauty” provides me no real privilege. My only importance and privilege in this male-dominated world is that males are the slightest, tiniest, amount more likely to pay attention to me than if I wasn’t societies ideal of attractive.

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[–]ricemilklatte 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

She said she’s a woman of color. Where does the pretty privilege end and racist bigotry begin?

I’m not saying pretty privilege doesn’t exist, but it is frequently used as another thing to cast women as these vindictive beings that don’t understand how “easy” we have it. Why is it called “pretty” privilege when men also benefit from being more attractive? We don’t call men pretty, so why do we call the privilege by a word that is almost exclusive to women?

When it comes to jobs and promotions, sure those things can actively make your life easier and better. But getting better service at a store or a restaurant? It’s hard to consider that a privilege when the conversation around white privilege and privilege related to class and sex is tied to things that actually matter in the long run like education, capital, wealth, access to loans, housing, etc. It also doesn’t matter how pretty you are if the person serving you is racist or sexist.

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No, it’s not false lol. All being “conventionally beautiful” provides me is unwanted attention from males. All it provides me is males thinking I’m somehow more worthy to fuck than other women. That’s not a privilege. That’s something that brings down ALL women. Your examples of privilege? Getting better job opportunities, or promotions? Doesn’t happen. Getting better service at stores and restaurants? Doesn’t happen. I don’t get served drinks faster. I don’t get listened to above males in work settings. I’m a woman.. I’m ignored in EVERY setting. The only privilege I get is from males paying attention to me in any setting because I’m “attractive.” Because they want something from me. Tell me... how is that a privilege? How is it better to be regarded that way? I want to know. It’s not. If anything, conventionally “attractive” women are harassed the most. Not that it’s a competition - ALL women are harassed and belittled. Why are you trying to stomp down a woman’s experiences and say life is easier and privileged for them because they’re “pretty”???

[–]SPdocFDS Newbie 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

The negative parts you mentioned of being pretty is no different from “white privileged isn’t real because I grew up poor” or men facing toxic masculinity. Even women are more biased to other attractive women-being attractive means more female friendships and acceptance, while less attractive ones are deemed “weird” for things that are a acceptable in you.

Also, it very much intersects with racism and sexism. Most of the beautiful people are white or POC with Eurocentric features. As for sexism, less attractive women’s experiences with assault are dismissed (there literally was a judge who said she must’ve enjoyed it) and men see less attractive women as easy to “fuck and chuck” and attractive women as those they want to settle down with for something serious. When it comes to violence and death, they only cover attractive women’s (and people always comment on how she was too beautiful to die) or will be more likely to save an attractive women.

Btw, lastly don’t forget attractive folk serving less time in prison.

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Actually pretty privilege intersects with racism very much. POC with light skin and Eurocentric features are much more respected for a reason. Regarding the last one, not everyone’s looks fade. Those who “aged gracefully” are recognized and respected more.

About “cheap dick,” it’s attractive women that are seen as worth settling down with, and “unattractive” women that are seen as only “good for fucking” (and completely disrespecting after a one night stand). And let’s talk about how being attractive opens the door for other women: women are more interested in being your friend and even making you the queen of their group, and they’re less likely to judge you as weird for what the judge less attractive women as weird for.

Lastly, if we are playing oppression Olympus, it is still normalized to slander people as “ugly” and look down on them than it is to say racial or misogynistic things.

[–]ricemilklatte 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Biracial POC and POC with whiter features are given more privilege because of white supremacy, not their beauty. It’s their proximity to whiteness that leaves them better off than their darker counterparts.

And I’m sorry but LOL at that comment about women wanting to be your friend if you’re pretty. It’s quite the opposite in fact. You’re regarded as a threat, not a friend. I’m not saying I’m the most beautiful person in the world, but I have been picked apart for my looks my entire life. I have been met with disdain and instant judgement from women upon first meeting them. I’ve been told that they thought I was a huge bitch when we first met.

I’ve never ever heard a pretty woman say that it’s easy to make friends. You’re judged for trying to outdo them when getting dressed up and going out, you’re seen as a threat to their relationships with men, both as partners and friendships, and god forbid you get more attention than them in a group setting. That’s a one way ticket to friendship jail for an indefinite amount of time.

No one is handed the “queen” role in a friend group. That’s a title that is fought for and defended.

We’re not playing oppression Olympics* I just think it’s ridiculous to act like beautiful WOC are somehow shielded from misogyny and white supremacy. A beautiful WOC is better off than an ugly WOC, thats for sure, but that’s as far as it goes. Men and whites women always come out on top.

[–]SPdocFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

Again, the first example is white supremacy and beauty intersecting. They’re respected for being more beautiful, and theyre literally considered more beautiful for their proximity to whiteness. Just because you’ve never heard doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Which again shows blinding to your privilege. If anything, I’ve never seen attractive women get loathed or jealousy from other women-only heard of it online 🤷🏽‍♀️look on social media, you’ll see women only picking “pretty” friends. I’ve heard and seen plenty of women approach attractive women wanting to befriend and get to know them more because they’re gorgeous (they literally say that). In my personal experience, my conventionally attractive ex friend had plenty of women want to be her friend because she was pretty, never mind her toxic personality. And our friend group was always biased towards her. She even is doing her masters at the uni I did my bachelors in, and she gets hyped up and instantly popular with white women, whom I was invisible to (despite the fact that neither of us were even close to them). Few people forming the first impression you’re a bitch is equivalent to being wary of men we don’t know. You’ve never heard a pretty woman say that for the same reason you won’t hear most white people or men (with the exception of virtue signalers or the few actually socially aware folk) talk about the things that are easy for them. Love how you also skipped over not being judged as weird for things that unattractive people are judged for. You’re allowed to be a “tomboy” or “nerdy” when attractive (and you sure as fuck don’t know what it’s like to be neurodivergent or disabled). Lastly, nobody said it shields you from racism or misogyny. Yes, just like how we face both racism and misogyny differently from moc and white women (respectively), you aren’t gonna benefit from pretty privilege in the exact same way as a pretty white woman. My point about oppression olympics is y’all are not even acknowledging that, unlike other forms of hate, it’s acceptable to look down on “ugly” people.

[–]ricemilklatte4 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

The entire concept of beauty is literally white supremacy. It was formed from white supremacy, by white supremacy. Traditional beauty standards favor white features and proximity to whiteness BECAUSE of white supremacy. Things like classism and racism intersect because one can exist without the other. The concept of beauty would not exist without white supremacy, so yeah they’re going to overlap quite a bit. It would be impossible for them not to.

Girl, social media is not real life. Don’t use it as a form of proof for absolutely anything.

And okay you have one friend who was popular with white girls. That’s the evidence you’re going on? Not the dozens of comments in here explaining their experience otherwise?

Yeah okay, instantly hating a woman and picking apart her looks is exactly like women trying to avoid being raped when meeting men for the first time. That’s totally logical and believable. You sound like a pickmeisha times 10.

[–]SPdoc0 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Some of you guys call any women who disagree with you a pickmeisha. What does talking about pretty privilege (in my case I include attractive men and attractive women) to do with impressing men (as if that of all topics would help actual pick mes impress men)?
Clearly, you’re incapable of reading between the lines. It’s called being wary of a privilege group, whether it’s wariness of men, white people, pretty people, etc. We are allowed to be wary of and dislike men and white people, but can’t do the same for other privileged groups? You didn’t get “picked apart” for your looks hun. Kids who get bullied to the point of suicide for being “ugly” do, and you being called a bitch is nothing in light of that (literally fucking research rosalie avila).

Social media isn’t real life, but I’m supposed to trust the claims of faceless people on reddit sharing their “stories?” And y’all have missed the various other points on sexual harassment and many other systematic consequences of being unattractive, and the many other points I made, yet expect us to listen to your points.

I used one friend as an example, but she’s one of many examples I’ve observed off of the fucking internet in the real world. Social media shows the choices REAL people make. You whine and bitch about your minuscule problems yet turn a blind eye when y’all have shit on those who aren’t considered attractive by society.

As the third group on the totem pole, you aren’t any better. You guys only see racism and misogyny, but no other intersections and don’t care. Love how you didn’t acknowledge my point of ableism (esp how neurodivergent and disabled folk can’t fit beauty standards and get judged by the appearance and behaviors all the time).

[–]ricemilklatte4 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I’m sorry but this is such an exhausting conversation to have. I don’t even understand these points you’re making. Being wary of a pretty woman is just patriarchy doing it’s job. Patriarchy WANTS you to be skeptical of any woman you meet so you can hate them.

I didn’t see that tomboy reference you made at first but what????? Who ever is an attractive tomboy? That’s an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one.

I don’t have to respond to all your ridiculous points if I don’t want to but like holy fuck that is beyond strange to me. Tomboy implies hoodies, no makeup, short hair or hair not being done, when is that ever desirable for men?

Girl, did you not see the comment I made about being ugly? I have been ugly. I’ve been bullied for being ugly and of color. No matter how attractive I got, the racism and sexism never went away. And yeah, I’ve been suicidal and have been assaulted, since I guess I have to list every one of my traumas out for you in order for you to see me as a person. Oh and guess what, I have ADHD so I’m neurodivergent too! Ableism absolutely exists, but disabled people are discriminated against because they’re disabled. Not because they’re ugly. You think a pretty disabled person will outrun their disability? Absolutely fucking not.

And omg stop calling people hun and honey. That alone shows that you’re not here to engage on good faith. You are condescending, rude, and refuse to see anyone’s side but yours. I don’t know why you’re in this sub because that is absolutely not the behavior to have on here.

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I used to prefer short guys- I’m 5’2, I liked not having to crane my neck to look into his eyes, and some tall guys are WAY too into the size difference and how young I look compared to my age. Tall men’s fixation on height can get to borderline pedophilic/actual pedo levels. Sometimes it also means he has a small dick and thinks it’ll look bigger in comparison (personal disappointing experience: the saying about big hands, feet, and nose meaning he’s got a big penis is not always true). Short guys have their own issues though, and resentment and insecurity is not attractive. I didn’t start filtering short men out by height until I realized there was a pattern on how they treated me, and it was all due to insecurity.

If they didn’t draw attention to it I wouldn’t care as much or even notice. I honestly don’t mind being taller than a guy in heels if he’s not constantly whining about not looking masculine, or insulting me, or sulking, or trying to place limits on my heel height. If they didn’t lie about their height I wouldn’t leave a date when I realized the guy was 5’6 because I’d already have that knowledge before meeting them- of course I’m going to notice a lie like that and be disappointed, but not because of the height- it’s the lie that bothers me.

Edit:

Feel like I should point out that we like what we like, and I’m not making any judgements about women who have a height preference or requirement.

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“It’s important to have friends who know you through all stages of life.”

You have no idea how depressed that’s made me lately. I had to drop all of my childhood friends for various reasons from becoming young moms to drugs or just naturally growing apart so it makes me super sad to consider dropping the friends I have now.

My one friend is becoming increasingly desperate to find a man. A few weekends ago she told me over drinks she went home with a random guy from the bar and hooked up with him. When I asked what his name was, occupation, even how was the sex, she literally said she didn’t remember.

It’s not even cute or funny to listen to anymore, and I find myself having to force my shocked face down and instead smile and a laugh when she tells me about all the “wild and crazy sex” that she doesn’t even remember with random guys. It scares me to death because she lives alone and she will take the guys back to her place. There have been many times I’ve worried for her safety.

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A couple of months ago she was telling me she wasn’t really looking for a serious relationship, but when I talked to her a few days ago she was so mad that she saw one of the rando guys she hooked up with from the bar at another bar with another girl!

I didn’t want to point out her hypocrisy for the combative issue, but just listening to her gave me a headache. It’s so tough because I don’t want to leave her behind and I know she could really benefit from here.

I really don’t want to give up on her, but at the end of the day we’re in our thirties and if you’re this old and you don’t have the maturity to self reflect and get a new game plan together, she may be too stuck in her ways.

I do feel like a lot of her behavior is done out of loneliness. Her nuclear family isn’t nearby and she doesn’t have any healthy hobbies. It’s so tough 😩

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Enjoying compliments and attention is not the same thing as hating myself. Especially if I prefer compliments from other women than men. Tell me how my self esteem is in the toilets. I never said it is empowering, but the logic that it’s inherently oppressive and a lack of self worth is patronizing and absurd. Also, a pick me throws other women under the bus for men, so what do selfies have to do with that? Y’all throw that word around like free candy without knowing its original meaning. It doesn’t have to be empowering for it to not be inherently harmful?

Thank you for your disingenuous concern about my personal safety btw. I don’t have my real name, age or location on here so pics here can be as harmless as a dp of a private Instagram. Plus like I said I take them down after a day.

Lastly to your earlier comment about ugly women not having friends. I actually have had healthiest friendships with my two closest friends not considered conventionally attractive, and I’m cutting out two conventionally attractive LVW friends. Thing is, conventionally unattractive people don’t get the same amount of people wanting to be friends with them as conventionally attractive people do, even when the former have good personalities and the latter have ugly personalities. People are drawn to attractive friends and will throw other friends, especially less attractive people, under the bus for them, especially with the obsession of popularity/social status.

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Ok either way I don’t see how any of this takes away from the existence of pretty privilege, the original topic at hand. You’re arguing with me for what now?

Even if someone lied about being a women, how does that make me someone that lives my life for men? Some of those commenters show who they are by posting their own pics to that sub. I’m not against if a man happens to comment so long as it’s tactful/not sexual. I still don’t get how I’m a pick me unless you can bring proof of me throwing women under the bus for men or groveling for lvm. And why even debate how safe me posting pics on here is when you probably don’t give af-you arent genuinely concerned for my safety, you just somehow think it gives you an upper leg in an argument rather than just acknowledge pretty privilege exists (for men and women) as a different topic from male gaze and objectification. And it shows since you don’t want to acknowledge the points I made about attractive vs unattractive people.

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Title	"Pretty Privilege" is just another proof guys don't care about the women they don't find attractive
Author	Mcccy
Upvotes	942
Comments	194
Date	March 23, 2021 12:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mb1zzo/pretty_privilege_is_just_another_proof_guys_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/pretty-privilege-is-just-another-proof-guys-dont.1189762 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189762

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