Anyone here feel like they're just never gonna date again?

BlessedAF-FR · 2023-06-25T02:24:17+00:00

🙋‍♂️.

No woman is as beautiful as FREEDOM.

jgjg9999 · 2023-06-25T02:16:14+00:00

I've only dated a little since my divorce, it wasn't fun for me. I don't know if I have the capacity to fall for another woman.

The statistics of finding a "successful" relationship are so slim over 40 it's not worth the stress or money for me.

I'm open to meeting someone if it happens but I'm not looking for it anymore.

EvidencePlz · 2023-06-25T03:07:44+00:00

I haven't dated anyone since 2015 and I've been doing just fine. Matter of fact things have only improved for me as I've had more time to spend on myself and not someone else. There are so many childhood ambitions that came to fruition after I stopped trying to date. The extra time and money totally helped with that. I'll never give up any of that for a woman, or for sex.

onlyheretolurktoday · 2023-06-25T03:30:59+00:00

I haven’t tried dating for 18 months since we separated. I met one woman off tinder a month ago and it went well and we came back to my place but then she got mad when I put a condom on cause she wanted bareback and then she kept trying to take it off.

Yeah I didn’t see her again and the my mind was not into sex as I was only thinking of why the duck wouldn’t she want to be safe if we just met 4 hours ago.

otusowl · 2023-06-25T03:09:01+00:00

Monk mode is so much easier than flirt or mack mode for me. I seem to have more money and time for what I want and what my child needs when I stick to monk as well. Just one kid, ten years away from child support ending, but I know what you mean, brother.

ABBucsfan · 2023-06-25T04:19:04+00:00

Really shouldn't be an outlier. No idea what goes through some people's heads. It's like oh I lost a bunch of time with my kids, I'm a shell of my former self and remembering who I was, my savings are depleted, and I'm broke until my kids move out.. oo let's do that again! Like what the...even kids don't want to touch the stove again after they get burned.. I mean sure they look appealing

Stryctly-speaking · 2023-06-25T05:07:39+00:00

Yeah. It’s been two years since my last date. Been divorced seven. The more time goes by the less motivated I get to make any effort.

drulingtoad · 2023-06-25T05:17:04+00:00

People always say stuf indicating that they just assume I'll be looking for girlfriend soon but I can't imagine wanting to be in a serious relationship again. I mean why would I want someone to get mad at me because I didn't do this or that. Im old now so dating someone my age is dating an old lady and let's face it old people sex is just gross. I just don't see dating as something that would lead to good things for me.

Obviously212 · 2023-06-25T07:54:08+00:00

There is a reason why women push for marriage and men are reluctant. They gain you lose

itszulutime · 2023-06-25T05:05:42+00:00

Guys….I’m divorced 2.5 years (separated 4 years). Three kids aged 11-15. No, it’s not fun. And if you want to focus on kids, yourself, that is awesome. I have put myself out there and feel like I’m in college again. There are women out there who are in the same places in life and understand what we are going through. All of them are conscious of being parents. I have been on a ton of dates and in two relationships with great women who are dealing with the same shit we are with exes.

If you don’t feel up to dating, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! And if you are ready, then get out there! Nothing makes the ex wife that cheated feel as insecure as knowing her ex husband is on dates with great women who might build a great relationship with him!

Retying3043 · 2023-06-25T04:56:23+00:00

I don’t think you are an outlier. I feel the same way. Haven’t bothered with dating and don’t think I ever will. There are other things that have higher priority. I don’t think you are going to get the return on the amount of money, energy, attention, and time you will spend dating. You are on the right track, stay the course.

67Luck · 2023-06-25T05:05:46+00:00

You’re not the weird one at all. In fact I’d say you’re way ahead because you have the wherewithal to stay out of it while you’re not feeling good about it. At some point you may think differently.

Everyone has their own timeline of when (or not) to start dating again and there’s certainly no hard fast rule that you have to bring someone into your kids lives. So don’t sweat this stuff.

throwaway05092023 · 2023-06-25T02:42:01+00:00

I don’t know about others here, but I really would just like to have sex without any relationship. I was in a dead bedroom for the last year of the marriage and starfish sex for at least five before that. I haven’t had sex in almost a year and a half and I am getting restless. But I sure as hell can’t imagine giving the time and attention to a relationship when I need to be focusing on my kids half the month. Any advice is much appreciated. And i’m not really down for hookers btw. Money more than anything else is the issue there

dadplup · 2023-06-25T06:15:23+00:00

Im 48 and i was married for almost 19 years and been divorced for a little over 16 months, I don't want to date again for a while, I don't think I could get remarried either, marriage was hell for the last 10 years and I don't want to feel like that again, unless I find the right one,

Will I change my mind? Probably for the right person just not right now

morrowrd · 2023-06-25T15:57:48+00:00

Welcome to my club brother. I'm not dating again, I'm not even going out on friendship coffee dates...I'm so burned out that at the ground level of burnout, I'm dug in a few levels below that. I want absolutely nothing to do with single moms ever again. I don't care how pretty they are, how sweet, none of that anymore holds an appeal if they have children. They're all walking talking venus fly traps. Peace, quiet, solitude, and no more drain on my finances and resources. No more hijacking.

FindingMyPrivates · 2023-06-25T04:49:32+00:00

You’re either an AI based on myself or a lot divorced men feel this way. I’m the same way dude. I’ve got two 4&6 @ 50%. Cannot imagine mixing more kids or even someone else in my life. It’ll just hinder the time with my kids. Maybe date a lil here and there(not now). I could do that date but not live with each other thing. Unfortunately that’s not the case in our age groups.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-06-25T05:15:26+00:00

I started concentrating on increasing my wealth. It is amazing how quickly my wealth increased after I stopped wasting money on women.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-06-25T06:56:01+00:00

The price of Freedom is eternal Monk-like Solitude

timascus · 2023-06-25T09:16:24+00:00

Yeah. I don’t see how I can trust again.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2023-06-25T10:32:01+00:00

Recently divorced, 2.5 years separated Monk mode, just barely survived the drama and financial troubles it caused

I want to date, but i dont feel that most of girls are same , and i have to show them “something” valuable. But fck boys, has nothing to do and show.

It stresses me out , the double standard thing. Having fun all the time, and providing for them with not feedback or return.

Feels, like women want everything for you and that is not even enough. But, from their side they dont have to do anything. Only if they want

Narcissistic, non mature, manipulative and not responsible . Why would you want to dive into it? Just for pussy? Don’t know.

It seems, that destruction of peace is not worth yet those cakes. Hope to find someone who will be worth it, but hopes are kind of fading

Risks are just sky rocketing! Before, marriage and women were a backbone of family / peace /care / nurturing .

Now , they just posing delusional demands and act like kids. Social media, kind of wrecked minds of many women. They got so much attention, they just feel like queens. And promote that destructive sht to other women, spreading the disease

Summary: Risks high, RoI low, demands - delusional, marriage is a loose for any modern male, modern women - are kids, independent women - don’t need man.

No overlap, or it is so tiny that only a fraction of us (0.5% ) of us gonna get the gold spot.

Significant_Ant_2607 · 2023-06-25T13:21:01+00:00

I’ve been separated from my wife for a month now. Her choice, but it was the right one and we’re both 100% committed to divorcing.

I have gone on two first dates so far — one with a childhood friend, one with a girl I met on an app. I had fun on both, but I was faithful for fifteen years, so it’s a weird mental transition to try to see other women as potentially more than friends so neither one moved far past that stage. I’m heading to a third first date in about an hour, and I have a fourth first date on Thursday. But if I inadvertently friend zone both of them too, then I’ll admit I’m not ready for this and focus on other things for 6 months to a year before I try again.

I have no deep need for another marriage or for more kids. I love the kid I have (I have sole custody) and so I’ve crossed both those off my bucket list. I’d be willing to do them again with the right partner, but don’t need to anymore. So there’s no rush, I can take my time.

I’d rather be alone than be with the wrong person now. But I am open to the right person coming along.

BaltimoreMD19777 · 2023-06-25T17:32:56+00:00

To add my $0.02 worth on women, marriage, sex and all that. We men need to join the gig economy and find independent contractors to which we can outsource everything a woman can provide. Outsourcing! It’s the future!

Sea-Mission-6316 · 2023-06-25T19:49:26+00:00

You are not an outlier. I dated for a while after the divorce. I quickly realized it is a nightmare. You might find a unicorn, but the odds are not high. As you get older, everyone becomes damaged goods. Myself included. Life has a way of smacking us all upside the head. The baggage we bring to a relationship gets to the point where we need a UHaul truck to cart it around. Lol!

It became too much of a chore to put the effort into dealing with someone else's BS while also handling my own. I finally realized that the most important thing to me, besides my kids, is to have peace in my life. This includes being able to do what I choose to do and when I choose to do it without having to worry about whether a woman will be upset with me because they wanted attention from me. At this point, the thought of dating makes me cringe.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-06-25T22:21:37+00:00

I’m open to dating but I’m not putting myself out there either if it happens it happens

Biglu68 · 2023-06-25T22:56:46+00:00

I just want some company, someone to share stuff with at the end of the day.

Crushed_95 · 2023-06-26T06:55:17+00:00

Same here. I have been married 20+ years with a 5 year old. Divorced in 2022 and trying to have all the time available for my child while the ex is exploring her new freedom, which is cool by me because it's not my responsibility any longer. She is cool with knowing that I'm available to be with my child any second she wants to go do something or if my child asked to be with me. I got him. So, with that dynamic, I tried to date right after the divorce in 2022, and two women that I was on talking terms with have expressed to me that I'm in possession of my kid too much and that it's interfering with them wanting to be with me. Here I am, in the late 40s, with a toddler I'm trying to raise and these "B-words" got the nerve to say some crap like that to me??? I completely ended with both of them last year, and I'm no way even interested in trying to be with a woman now! That blew me! I will continue to be with my Little Man every available second that I can be with him.

No_Analyst_9131 · 2023-06-26T15:07:48+00:00

I can see where you are coming from OP. I didn't even want to think about dating or even talking with women for almost a solid year after my divorce; I did try dating and even with a naked woman in bed with me after our date, I had trouble even getting excited at the thought of sex.

That being said, at some point you will probably at least want sex or even just physical touch, I recommend just letting yourself let you know when you are comfortable doing anything and not forcing yourself to. Also, take time for yourself and enjoy having time and money to yourself again, and do all the shit you couldn't do when you were married. I got deeper into my already existing hobbies, and also picked up a gym habit to boot. This year, I have been going to places I had always wanted to go to, but didn't want to have someone tagging along with me, and I can say it was quite pleasant.

Ok_Being9645 · 2023-06-25T12:23:02+00:00

I am of the exact same mindset, having been divorced for a couple of years now, after a near-decade-long marriage. It was so so bad that I do not even want to entertain the idea of another relationship, which will eventually turn messy and unbearable in due course. I have my kid (pre-teen), whom I have about 1/2 the time, and am focused on being the greatest dad. Plus, I have my work, which is very engaging. Like you, I am determined not to give up my free time for some entitled and childish woman, who may upset the equilibrium of my life and my child's. Not worth it! However, I'll be honest that the lack of sex does get to me from time to time, for which I have a simple solution: just order from the menu!, lol!

Stay strong!!

Edited for typo.

Kalthak · 2023-06-25T04:29:48+00:00

I can honestly say I have zero interest in dating. I'm looking forward to my divorce being finalized and just getting out of this crappy situation.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-06-25T10:56:08+00:00

Everyone is different I suppose. For me, I’m 4 months into separation / divorce and the absolute LAST thing I want is a relationship distracting me from my goals. There are plenty of beautiful women everywhere in the world they’ll still be there when I choose to date again.

Unable-Economy983 · 2023-06-25T12:06:46+00:00

Haha, I hear you! But let's not give up hope just yet 😉

Bluetoes1 · 2023-06-25T13:18:49+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with being single. I married a woman 2 years after my divorce but I can clearly see how I could have stayed single. My best friend separated from his wife the same month I did from my ex and he is still single and doesn’t see ever getting married again. His kids are grown and his career is really taking off. He likes having his own place, where he isn’t beholden to anyone.

From what I’ve seen online is more and more men are over the relationship part of their lives. I can understand that as I see more and more women who have a sense of entitlement that they are owed money or a certain lifestyle without bringing any value to the relationship. Who wants that?

Brother, do you, the way you want to. There is nothing weird in your feelings or the decisions you make for yourself. It just feels weird for you to make them without having to talk it over with someone.

Smoke-Porterhouse · 2023-06-25T20:41:07+00:00

I am 💯 there with you. Separated since '18, divorced since '20. Got a couple crushes but concentrating on my kids right now.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2023-06-25T21:06:19+00:00

Friends with benefits. Situationship.

Don’t move in together. Don’t co-mingle kids.

Find someone who is okay only seeing you 3-4 times a month.

DistributionSpirited · 2023-06-25T21:23:23+00:00

Kind of wish prostitution was legal this would solve my dating needs, but I can’t see myself right because I am raising my 5 and 3 old years boys solo pretty much.

StuffToday · 2023-06-25T22:47:43+00:00

You’ll know when you’re ready. I’m 44. I went through that stage. I have a 10 year old son and an 8 year old daughter who I have 50/50. I just started exclusively dating a 42-year old with three sons aged 13, 8, and 5. We went through our summer calendars and found 27 times we could see each other. It takes that kind of planning, but so far I like what we’ve got going. It’s the first time I’ve been with someone with whom I can be my truest, most authentic self and be liked for it. We were just comfortable from the first minutes of the first date.

And the process of dating was fun. Of course there are horror stories, but I met lots of great women and made out with several who I used to think were way out of my league.

lebonroidagobert · 2023-06-25T22:54:57+00:00

I date but I’ll never get married ever again

zackknowsnothing · 2023-06-26T02:50:57+00:00

Been divorced 18 months, 0 date and unlimited happiness.

Kalthak · 2023-06-26T03:36:52+00:00

I’m going through my divorce right now. I think the furthest thing from my mind is the idea of dating. Even when I was happily married and talked to single coworkers, the dating scene sounded so awful. And now that I’m going to be going back into the single world, the idea of attaching myself to another person feels like the worst idea in the world to me.

SomeFaithlessness339 · 2023-06-26T04:03:42+00:00

Four years left for me buddy

Ok-Software4407 · 2023-06-26T11:06:42+00:00

This thread is great. I am almost 40, separated, divorcing. Two kids who are my world. I work my tail off when not around them so that I can enjoy every second with them when they are around. When would I fit in a relationship? And why would I? So scarred from my 14-yr marriage. I love women. I do not think they are all terrible. But. Some. Are. And you simply cannot figure that out quickly. Or at least I cannot.

When my boys grow up more, maybe I revisit in five years. For now, life is so full of healthier choices for my time.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-06-27T07:44:31+00:00

I’m trying to date.

An honestly for how fun it can be. I just have absolutely no trust what so ever for women these days.

So really it’s just fleeting and wasting down time I have nothing else to do.

I refuse to trust and be broken again. So I’ll just use these women when needed.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2023-06-27T12:59:28+00:00

I relate. I haven’t been on a date in 3 1/2 years. With my kids 50/50, I end up using my off days for my own errands (groceries, yard work, laundry) and typically working late so I can further refine my skills / craft.

There is also the “nothing” box. Some days, all I want to do is nothing at all. Last ex couldn’t understand that.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-06-27T13:15:53+00:00

I just started dating after being divorced for 8 months, just to dip my toes in the water. Been on a couple dates but nothing wow so far. I'm just finding it to be more energy than it's worth and alot of women are excited at 1st to meet and you think this is cool, then they get fickle or have crap communication. Then there are the ones still carrying baggage from their past marriages even years in the past. I think for the time I have been divorced from the exw, I've really shed my baggage and done all the recommended thing (gym, career, kids, house). It's a big yikes so far for me! I'm going to give it a little more time but if the juice isn't worth the squeeze, I'm going to devote my time to other measures more worth my time.

Title	Anyone here feel like they're just never gonna date again?
Author	1sAnd0z
Upvotes	67
Comments	92
Date	June 25, 2023 1:51 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14i9s1b/anyone_here_feel_like_theyre_just_never_gonna/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-here-feel-like-theyre-just-never-gonna-date.1223400 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223400

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