I'm confused on the overall stance women have on approaching

Cjaylyle · 2023-07-15T11:49:34+00:00

Because the stance changes depending on the man approaching

That is the answer to 99 debates on this sub

bad_nerves · 2023-07-15T06:30:26+00:00

women want to be chased and are in the position to not need to. they don't want to ask you out because it just doesn't appeal to most women's fantasy, especially when they have options.

SmoothForest · 2023-07-15T12:38:30+00:00

The whole thing about women not approaching because they don't want to be seen as desperate and clingy is so strange. It's not like its any different for men either. We're always seen as weird and desperate and often much worse when we approach women. And yeah, it's uncomfortable to be judged in that kind of way but we just endure. We endure the shame of it and keep moving forward because we don't have a choice. If we don't appproach then we'll die alone. And I'd rather feel weak and ashamed of myself than die alone.

But of course all the emotional burden and anxiety of initiating a relationship and escalating intimacy has to be placed on men. Women can't do any heavy lifting in that respect themselves. And to be honest, it's understandable why they don't. Because they don't have to. I've never met a woman in my life who has put in significant effort into putting themselves out there and also has trouble with getting attention from men. Even women who fall outside of "female beauty standards" due to obesity, poor hygeine, baldness, old age, wearing baggy and simplle clothes, not wearing makeup, etc, are smothered with constant attention in social environements. The only women I've met who have had struggles with getting attention from men are introverted women who don't go to actual social events and expect men to approach them at libraries and coffee shops. Like, don't you understand it's already anxiety-provoking enough to approach women at bars and nightclubs? Why would I approach women at a library or coffee shop when everyone in the entire room can hear me get rejected?

philseven12 · 2023-07-15T13:21:45+00:00

the golden rule for approach women is be tall and handsome. if you cant be that, expect to be told things that don’t make sense or work when applied. the only “right” way to be a man to most women is being handsome

kvakerok · 2023-07-15T08:28:41+00:00

You got the ones that will do all these "hints" to show they're interested but won't directly say they like you and ask you out because of this weird ego thing so you gotta be the one to figure it out. But women are also said to seem more kinder and flirtatious naturally to everyone so you'll probably think she's "just being nice" resulting in the woman thinking you're not interested, ruining your chance.

You always have to appreciate it. This situation gives you a unique opportunity to have a peek into a woman's mind. Whatever dumb shit "hint dropping" she's doing, IN HER MIND is 👇🏽

But some women will say if a woman likes you, she WILL make it known, it will be obvious, she'll make it easy for you and ask you out along with all the anecdotal experiences in the comments of women talking about the time they approached their BF first and other relationships to back it up. "If women don't this then they simply don't like you!"

YEP, all this dumb subtle hovering and whatnot, is her "coming out of her comfort zone" as far as she's concerned. That's her move.

SlyStocks · 2023-07-15T13:09:28+00:00

Currently I'm just gonna assume no woman was ever interested in me because that's seems very likely in my case

Bro, do the opposite. Explicitly ask out every woman you find attractive, with zero fucks given about the opinion of anyone in the world. Some fool on Reddit saying it's creepy and unacceptable doesn't matter - in real life that dude or gal will never dare say anything because they're probably a neurotic, socially anxious person.

Wolf110ci · 2023-07-15T19:06:42+00:00

Way back when I was single I once asked a woman out to a church event. I made it clear I wanted to take her as a date. She initially agreed then called a couple days later claiming she had to drive her niece and nephew to the event. I offered to drive her and them too, but she declined.

To me, her decline seemed obvious that she didn't want to go on a date with me after all, so I never asked her again, and she never said anything to me about it after that.

I found out several months later (by this time I was dating someone else who later became my wife) from a mutual friend that this woman's bullshit excuse was actually the truth and she held out hopes of me asking her out again.

She could have said "can we change our plans? This week won't work, can we get together next week?" when she cancelled. I never understood that.

full_stack_maxx · 2023-07-15T07:55:42+00:00

it's simple.

if you're attractive: they're olay with it.

if you're unattractive: absolutely not.

Ylduts · 2023-07-15T09:14:12+00:00

Women want to be approached unless they find you unattractive, then you are a creep and disgusting……... When it comes to hints, one woman’s hint is another’s ‘just being friendly’. Shoot your shot and move on is the best advice I can give to young men. Don’t play these dumb dumb games.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-07-15T12:32:58+00:00

Some women don’t need to approach because men approach them frequently. Men tend to hit on every woman they hope they have a chance with, that means a lot of opportunities for many women. When would they have a chance to approach if there are always a couple of men interested or orbiting?

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-07-15T17:03:31+00:00

If you’re talking about cold approaching a stranger, then, yeah, you’re probably going to be met with rejection almost all of the time. Most women just want to go about their day without having men come up to them and flirt/make small talk. It’s often said in here, but bears repeating: The best way to meet someone is to join clubs or groups and get to know some of the participants first.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-07-15T13:36:24+00:00

There is no overall stance. We're individuals, and we operate more on a situational basis than a rule-based one, if I had to make any assumption about women. We don't tend to stick to any one approach for all situations because we find ourselves in different ones. We're flexible.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-07-15T11:26:49+00:00

1) women want to be desired

2) it is not in their wiring to approach because approaching takes confidence and women deep at their core are cowards (I say this respectfully)

3) women’s ego’s on average compared to men are not built for rejection. Validation is everything for a lot of women so being turned down, especially in public, is like a slug to the chest for a lot of women

Wattehfok · 2023-07-15T12:06:52+00:00

Some chicks won’t approach guys because they think that a guy will assume they’re an easy lay.

I mean - I don’t agree with this assessment (no one said you had to hurl yourself at a guy pussy first); but I guess I get the logic.

Personally, I think it’s just a method of emotional self-preservation, as approaching anyone you’re interested in comes with the very real possibility of rejection. It’s very much easier to leave that to someone else.

c0pkill3r · 2023-07-15T14:06:52+00:00

I believe those women who claim they don't want to come off as desperate and clingy. They don't think that way for no reason. There's probably a good reason for the fear. And also both related to that and can be separate from it as well, I believe there are women who would rather die alone than admit they have feelings for someone. There are men like that too.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-07-15T14:17:01+00:00

This is a “watch what they do” thing. Of course men theoretically want women to approach, there’s nothing to lose on their end, as men are not afraid of women and tend to have low standards for casual sex. At worst if they’re completely uninterested it’s an ego boost, if they’re not really interested but she’s slightly attractive to them they can just use her for sex for a while and discard… which is why women don’t want to approach. Of course sometimes, it does work out. But in practice, men tend to not value what they don’t think was their idea and didn’t work for at least a little. Hence why women have been told all their lives not to chase men, and why they drop hints and make themselves available… to make it easy for him but still think it’s his idea. It’s annoying but there is a reason.

Dull-Laugh-4037 · 2023-07-15T16:41:29+00:00

Generally, the only women who hinted to me or somehow made sure it was communicated they were interested in me were usually slightly below average to completely unattractive to me. There was an exception or two.

But, most of the women who have lots of guys pursuing them, were passive in their dating approach and simply chose from the group of guys who showed interest in them. As it's said, guys have to treat dating like an interview while women treat it like shopping.

YveisGrey · 2023-07-15T18:05:18+00:00

Men will not reject women for approaching in fact they are too receptive which is the problem lol.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-07-15T12:12:51+00:00

Women are not the chasers almost ever, and the only reason they do not approach is because they approach most likely the very highly attractive man who has many options and will just use her for sex anyway.

throwaway123456_7812 · 2023-07-15T16:40:42+00:00

If you are very attractive, feel free to approach. If you are not attractive, do not. To see if you are attractive, make a Tinder account with casual photos and a basic bio, and if you don’t get 10+ matches of somewhat attractive women in the next 15 minutes, you aren’t attractive.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2023-07-15T07:30:04+00:00

Is there an overall stance on salespeople cold-calling you with a product offer? Recruiters cold-emailing you about job offers?

A lot of times, it's an annoyance. Unless you were in the market to buy a certain product, or in-between jobs and need work. Then something that is normally bothersome in many instances becomes welcome. Same for approaches. A lot of times, the women will not want the approach. But when they're primed for it, you're hitting a home run with little effort.

That said, there are times and instances where it happens even if the buyer/job seeker never intended to. A friend told me his company was hiring for a role that I would be qualified for at +40% my current salary. I was not looking for a new job going into poker night...until I was. It's like that with approaches too. An otherwise bothersome approach might be enticing, but it has to be super appealing (either the situation and/or the person approaching).

I sympathize because it's not always obvious - I've mistaken plenty of approaches in the past. It just comes with the role of being the one approaching. Women, like all of us, are not consistent. We make rules, but we break them often. Never mind all women not being a hive mind, how often are you consistent with yourself on everything?

totallyworkinghere · 2023-07-15T11:40:09+00:00

The idea is if the guy likes me too, he'll notice if I'm acting different/more outgoing. If he doesn't respond to it, then he doesn't like me enough to notice a difference in my usual behavior.

When I flirted I treated the object of my affection waaaaay different than other guys. Practically simping over him, arranging my body to show off my tits at any opportunity, etc. And if he didn't treat me any differently, that to me said that he wasn't interested, because I was being so different from my usual that it really should have been obvious, especially in group settings.

If I'm constantly trying to sit next to you and offering you things and not doing that for anyone else, that's a sign.

MIW100 · 2023-07-15T13:20:13+00:00

If you're hot-approach

If you're not hot-stay away or the police will be called.

PlaneWorld5287 · 2023-07-15T07:13:56+00:00

I've never approached a woman in my life. They've all approached me, even when not drunk.

Example:

Went to an event. Just sat there and watched. The leader of event came up to me and sat down next to me, said a few words, we talked, then a day later emailed me to go out with me. That's all.

Women choose what they want, not the other way around.

daddysgotanew · 2023-07-15T14:53:16+00:00

I haven’t approached a woman in years. It’s not worth the potential humiliation/arrest.

I get all my lays/hookups/relationships from Tinder/Bumble/Hinge

DestroGamaDx · 2023-07-15T10:52:11+00:00

It's not as complicated as you think.
If a woman is friendly/flirty with everyone, ignore that.
If she is only and exclusively showing such a behaviour with you then she likes you. That should be very obvious.
If she is too shy to be flirty but finds excuses to be around you often, or will contact you often under a pretence, she likes you. You should be able to tell that too.
And yes, sometimes when we like a guy a lot we will make it (more) obvious :)
Edit: formatting

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-07-15T13:14:46+00:00

see, this is exactly why women say "confidence is attractive". all this overthinking is not attractive or masculine. an overthinking man will not act to save you in a clutch, he will be paralyzed.

ChocoOranges · 2023-07-15T06:44:09+00:00

It’s almost like women aren’t a monolith, and each person is so fundamentally different that it’s impossible to just box them by their gender.

On a completely unrelated side note, one of the key signs of autism is obsessively trying to categorize/rationalize everyone and everything.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-07-15T08:14:50+00:00

We don't have one. Different people have different opinions and do different things. Wild, I know. If you're not sure and you want to go out with them, how about you just ask? (And really, of course men will say they like being approached. Reality doesn't check out.)

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-07-15T08:11:14+00:00

I tried to ask a guy out once and he invited his FWB to the date and I was so turned off I decided to never, ever ask another guy out again. Because he needs to prove genuine interest or else I 100% don't care. I'm not doing that shit ever again.

inherentlyvalued · 2023-07-15T13:22:28+00:00

All i know is approaching got me used and worse partners, so i no longer do it

Oli_love90 · 2023-07-15T15:25:56+00:00

You won’t get a singular answer because women are all different? How is this not obvious?

Do you think all billions of us meet together and decide how we’re gonna treat men for the next couple decades?

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LaTableEstBasse · 2023-07-15T12:42:20+00:00

TLDR simply is : Be attractive and everything will be fine. Whatever the method, as long as you're already considered attractive, rejection is very unlikely.

BunnyFlopped · 2023-07-15T14:30:20+00:00

Women are just different individuals.

I like directly asking people out, telling them how I feel, and I tend to be very straightforward with my intent.

Some women are less emotionally comfortable with doing that. They prefer to approach relationships with more reservation.

Some women are even more aggressive with asking others out than others.

If it makes you feel better women also cannot understand statistically when a man is flirting with them. Women also make men uncomfortable with their flirting.

Generally_Confused1 · 2023-07-15T15:05:30+00:00

General rule of thumb: where would it be good to approach PEOPLE. There's a difference between being in a social setting, like playing darts at the bar, and just trying to get errands done. Think of it in the way that if a polite stranger wants to start a conversation with you, what's the best way about it? That's the way it makes most sense to me. If you respect boundaries it'll likely be fine to approach most people in many settings but there are some where they won't like it, regardless of what is going on. It's just a rule of thumb but as someone who has always had difficulty with social skills, this generally works well.

ace52387 · 2023-07-15T18:11:17+00:00

this is just my personal take, but if you think a girl is flirting with you, she probably is. flirting means almost nothing though. if a girl flirted with me when i was single i would try to flirt with her a little too; its almost like a compulsive response. it usually didnt lead to anything. just a bit of fun i guess.

if shes got it down bad for you, im sure she will make it known. but if she thinks youre interesting it might not be that obvious. just ask. if you dont want to make it awkward spend time with her with other people, or give yourself and her an easy out for the date, dont do dinner or something like that.

toasterchild · 2023-07-15T20:16:49+00:00

If you aren't up for the game then that is ok. You get a handful of options, learn to flirt, cold approach or online dating. If you can't figure any of them out and don't like them then that is ok, but its not the fault of women that it comes hard to you.

My husband didn't learn to flirt until he was 30, he was a total late bloomer. Then he looked back and was like OH i get it now, but never once was he mad at the women because he didn't know how to flirt.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2023-07-15T20:47:06+00:00

That’s because we don’t have an "overall stance." I understand you want a simple formula but there isn’t one, other than pay very close attention to her reaction after you approach and stop if she isn’t welcoming your advance.

sexual_powerhouse · 2023-07-15T20:54:21+00:00

I'm going to be honest with you, this will probably annoy the radfems and incels who post here, but you just have to approach. If dating apps don't work for you and you're not in a position to date friends of friends, then you have to approach. Getting into a relationship is mostly a luck thing, or you dating a high number of people until you find someone you're compatible with. Yes, even if you think you're ugly. If you can't take rejection or don't care enough to do it, then don't.

But whatever you do, do not listen to neurotic people on reddit lol.

2023-07-16T01:16:41+00:00

we don’t approach guys that just not how it goes and 9/10 it doesn’t work for us we don’t have confidence to walk up like that its not our thing🤷🏼‍♀️

Meo_cute · 2023-07-16T05:03:40+00:00

One of my cousins is in highschool, and she likes one of the popular kids* in her year level. She's too scared of rejection to ask him out though, especially since he's popular.

I think how attractive the guy is plays a factor in how willing women will be to approach first, since it impacts their chances of rejection.

*they aren't actually popular by definition - most of the year level dislikes them, they just act like stereotypical "popular kids".

Scarce12 · 2023-07-16T12:52:38+00:00

Currently I'm just gonna assume no woman was ever interested in me

"Iron Rule of Tomassi #8

"Always let a woman figure out why she wont ƒuck you, never do it for her.

"An integral part of maintaining the feminine imperative as the societal imperative involves keeping women as the primary sexual selectors. As I’ve detailed in many prior comments and posts, this means that a woman’s sexual strategy necessitates that she be in as optimized a condition as her capacity (attractiveness) allows for her to choose from the best males available to satisfy that strategy.

Factor	Fear	Enjoyment	Verbal Reaction
Attractive Harasser	1.9	27.1	8.3
Unattractive Harasser	20.3	0.2	3.4
Younger Harasser (20s-30s)	10.1	18.2	14.0
Older Harasser (40+)	32.6	1.6	3.7
Harasser Same Race	3.1	4.7	7.6
Harasser Different Race	15.1	1.1	1.6

Title	I'm confused on the overall stance women have on approaching
Author	keebydee
Upvotes	44
Comments	163
Date	July 15, 2023 6:27 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1504504/im_confused_on_the_overall_stance_women_have_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/im-confused-on-the-overall-stance-women-have-on.1225346 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225346

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