The issues with online dating could be solved with a better app

EugeneCezanne · 2024-11-03T23:30:06+00:00

If we could design a dating app from the ground up, what would it look like?

The old OKCupid was the best I ever used. There were a ton of personality questions that generate match percentages with other users. The questions were about interests, values, how you'd respond to certain situations, etc. The system could be very accurate: my closest friends and I would always find we were over 90% matched with one another. Compared to every other app, OKC had the least change of yielding a bad or boring date.

But the best part was that there was no swiping. Nearby users were just presented to you in a menu, sortable by categories, including percentage. And that was a free feature.

Sadly, The Match Group bought OKC in 2011 and gradually eliminated the menu and other bits of functionality that weren't designed to waste your time or make you pay money, and it greatly declined in popularity. It's pointless now.

Ineedtogetthisout97 · 2024-11-03T23:21:28+00:00

If it was a dating app that didn’t care about revenue or profits then sure lol.

Environmental_Day558 · 2024-11-04T00:09:33+00:00

The problem with dating apps is that if they're too good, they won't be profitable. Most people would just find their person and date them until that relationship wouldn't work. The only repeat users would be the ones looking for hookups.

Like someone else mentioned, OKC used to be like what you're describing but without the swiping (which was better imo). They ended up getting bought out and changed to the tinder style. That's where the money is. I met my wife on bumble. It was the tinder like RNG swipe app but the women messaged first and they had filters which came in handy and helped me to her profile. Now im seeing articles about how they want to move away from the women messaging first and they put all of the filters behind a premium paywall. So now it's no different from the competition but I bet they will make more money.

So yea that's where the problem lies imo. If you don't care about making money then your app would be a good idea (minus the not showing male profiles to balance it out imo).

Thank-You-rand-pct-d · 2024-11-04T00:55:39+00:00

No, online dating it too impersonal. We need better 3rd places and culture surrounding dating. Social cohesion has progressively gotten worse.

DrunkOnRamen · 2024-11-03T23:20:33+00:00

I would agree there are legit issues with the current design of dating apps. Been working on a new one with a few psychologist (friends) and one economist (also friend)

LockDownHalfGuard · 2024-11-04T00:15:26+00:00

Great ideas, but I don't think it will override the human propensity to gravitate towards those who we find attractive. Regardless of what dating apps try to do, it's always the men in the upper echelon of attractiveness that get most of the likes, dates, and matches.

Physical attractiveness trumps everything.

Slipthe · 2024-11-04T00:23:01+00:00

Apps that inject a secondary goal or entertainment factor could be interesting.

Another way to bond with people outside of assessing their photos.

Maybe their is a anonymous roulette chat incorporated into dating apps, sort of like Omegle or Chat Roulette, and you can choose at any point to reveal yourself or to simply remain horny pen pals.

ThorLives · 2024-11-04T00:55:37+00:00

I don't know that it would all be solved. However, some of the things that I think would help:

- People tend to take dating apps more seriously when they have to pay. The problem is that a free version of the app will draw-in the most people, and having a lot of people is part of the appeal for people to join the app. People who are using the free version of the app are much more likely to be there just for validation.

- Users could get rewarded for doing good things, and punished for doing bad things. I'm not just talking about getting kicked off for posting dick pics. I mean stuff like: if you match with someone and someone doesn't send a message or reply to the first message, they get penalized. Or if someone has 50 matches and doesn't talk to any of them (because that person is probably just there for validation), then they get penalized. Each user has a score - like how Uber has ratings of drivers and passengers. Maybe that score gives you some benefits, like more swipes or improves your profile's visibility. In theory, people could also review each other after a date and it would affect their score (but not massively, just in case someone is vindictive because they were rejected or something).

- The fact that apps are owned by a company, and a company's primary goal is to get money, it leads to bad incentives. There could probably be a non-profit organization that runs it. Or maybe a board of directors consisting of users which make sure that the app does what it can to prioritize making relationships rather than prioritizing making money. Part of the problem with a non-profit is that investors only want to put money in something that is going to make money. This means a dating app without investors doesn't have a lot of money, and if they don't have money, they can't market the app. That can be a problem when you're trying to get a bunch of people on your app. People join apps because there's lots of other people already on the app.

- Maybe provide the option for profile reviews, perhaps as a paid service. Maybe an AI as a dating coach to provide feedback to users, including stuff like how they compare to other people in terms of how picky they are.

- Better filters. Obviously some apps are doing filters, but I'm shocked at how often women appear on my feed that don't meet my filters.

maam9243 · 2024-11-04T01:20:53+00:00

One service that I have yet to see a dating app offer is an actual comprehensive background check. Such a service would be odious to the intended audience due to its authoritarian invasion of privacy, and so I can understand why it's not available.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2024-11-04T01:37:52+00:00

The problem with online dating is:

I don’t get flooded with messages from attractive emotionally stable people who want to form a vibrant connection with me.

No app is gonna ever fix that.

Several_Fish7837 · 2024-11-04T01:50:53+00:00

No app will change human nature nor the harm that has been brought by recent dynamics.

0kayz00mer · 2024-11-04T02:05:45+00:00

The problem with dating apps isn’t the apps, it’s people. Desirable people with realistic standards and expectations and a healthy perspective on life/relationships that actually want and value a relationship… are usually in relationships. They aren’t on dating apps for long.

ElPwnero · 2024-11-04T02:41:09+00:00

If the state wants its people to reproduce so badly, it should create a good dating app

just_another_fuckboi · 2024-11-04T02:50:42+00:00

This is eharmony bro.

AnomicAge · 2024-11-04T05:08:16+00:00

I think we need better people as well

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-11-04T00:48:50+00:00

No need to read the post because they will never be created. It's simply not provitable. For this product to work a fuck ton of things need to line up.

Some stupidly rich person to fund this project, so they can advertise against the giants. Which won't happen because apps like tinder are made to make insane profits. Because of their insensitive to buy the paid option and because it is addictive.

The people who use it need to be split better than any other online dating app. Because as it is it's a sausagefest.

And people need to not just use it for casual sex. Because when that is the case women will have too high standards for it to make a difference.

There are other things as well. But these three need to already happen and it simply won't happen.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-11-04T02:00:40+00:00

I don’t know, a lot of this is based on honesty. People reporting on their long/short term preferences honestly, people evaluating the conversation honestly, calling people rude or polite honestly.

G4M35 · 2024-11-04T03:07:34+00:00

It's not the apps, it's the people:

People lie.
People have unreasonable expectations: they swipe left on people who swipe right on them; and they swipe right on people who swipe left on them.

ta06012022 · 2024-11-04T03:27:25+00:00

no premium that you could purchase to boost matching or see who matches with you

That seems fine as long as the app has a way to make money to cover its expenses. The match group's expenses are like 30x higher than its ad revenue, so the app would need subscribers to survive.

your account wouldn’t be promoted more simply for matching more

Showing more popular users first keeps other users engaged. I don't want to have to swipe more to get to the most attractive women. I want the deck to be skewed toward them.

I would divide people looking for long term relationships from everyone else.

What about those who are looking for long term but open to short term until they find it? That's been me for the last year or two.

Then I would have people fill out a comprehensive questionnaire that would evaluate their personality, find out what their minimum standards are, what their values are, etc. Then I would only show the people who they meet standards for and rank those people by who they are most compatible with.

That sounds like a lot of work and would encourage me to stick with the existing apps.

I would limit the amount of matches you could do to only 5 per day but I would allow you to view much more than 5 at a day.

That sounds terrible. Why would I want to limit my matches? And what does that really mean? Like after I get 5 matches, my profile is hidden until the next day? It's hard to see how that's an improvement in any way.

As soon as someone swipes right on someone, the other person would be notified and either one could start a conversation.

That first part makes sense. The second part would result in attractive women being inundated with thousands of messages from guys they're not interested in. I don't want a woman to be able to message me just because she swiped right on me. That's fucking awful.

After the conversation is complete you could submit a short evaluation of the person, you could ding them for being rude or unresponsive or praise them for being responsive and polite. People with more positive evals will be shown more.

Sounds like a great way for every women I leave on read to give false negative reviews. No thanks.

I would also you ai to analyze their photos and bio to judge if a person meets another’s standards before even showing them.

So instead of deciding who to show based on how other humans swipe on them, you would let AI decide? Don't you have to give each new user a period of time to train the model? How else do you know who meets their standards?

And finally I would limit the gender balance. If there are more men than women on the app, then men’s profiles wouldn’t be shown for a certain percentage of the month to even at the gender ratio at any given time.

Hiding X% of men's profiles at any given time doesn't really fix the issue.

TLDR There are a couple good ideas here, but for the most part the things you're proposing would make apps way worse in my opinion.

LogoNoeticist · 2024-11-04T05:46:35+00:00

Yes, those apps provide no useful feature. R4R on Reddit works better and that is not even a specific function of the app but just a way it can be used. All the dating apps are scams.

Evening-Barracuda740 · 2024-11-04T07:22:39+00:00

You should also remove the algorithm, because what’s happening is that guys who would be compatible partners are effectively pushed out of the deck while only attractive player types ( non committal men sleeping around) are mainly shown in the front of the que to the women that first set up their dating profile.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2024-11-04T00:41:34+00:00

They also shouldn't mention height, since chemistry happens whether or not someone meets an arbitrary measurement. I think it's so weird that having dick size mentioned on a dating app is understandably considered completely aberrant and degenerate, but height being mentioned is normalized. I bet women on OLD apps would be pretty up in arms if boob size became a default data entry on them.

cardboard_pyramid · 2024-11-03T23:34:33+00:00

Unless an app can make all men 6ft+ and high earning, no app will solve dating

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NockerJoe · 2024-11-04T01:01:05+00:00

Those aren't better apps. The apps are actually perfectly realized at their actual function, which is to extract money from desperate single people and force them to swipe through ads and engage indefinitely.

If you made an app you expected to be used worldwide by that many people server space isn't cheap and you need a steady income.

No_Teacher_3313 · 2024-11-04T01:38:10+00:00

Bumble is the best app, imo, but lacking. You have to pay to filter on religion and politics, there is no filter for ENM, and there aren’t enough filters for kids: do you have young kids or are you an empty nester? If you have young kids, what percent time do you have them?

The force swipe is also a problem, and leads to people swiping right on people they’re not super enthusiastic about. There needs to be a “maybe —come back to later” option for people with FOMO or indecision.

And being able to filter out profiles that don’t have bios should be an option.

Requiring a mutual match for communication already eliminates unwanted messages.

neverendingplush93 · 2024-11-04T02:42:42+00:00

Jesus. Y'all just dint get it

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-11-04T02:43:47+00:00

Have you seen any halfway cute girls dating app? They match insane and can get thousands upon thousands of men asking her out if they swipe right enough. So she filters down to handsome and successful or physically attractive only.

TopShelfSnipes · 2024-11-04T10:23:52+00:00

I've said variations of this for a while:

Require both parties to "like" each other to allow for messaging.
Everyone gets daily "suggested matches" - you have to go through them. At all times, no more than 50% of the profiles you see will be profiles who "liked" you.
- This forces even attractive women to go through profiles to get matches.
"Liking" someone else's profile queues you into their suggested matches algorithm in first in, first out order.
- You can't see who liked you, but liking serves a purpose as it puts you in front of people you like, but randomly.
You cannot match with more than 5 people at a time. You need to unmatch if you want new matches or to see more "suggested matches" - anyone with 5 matches will not show up randomly as a "suggested match" on anyone's page randomly.
- This forces attractive women to clear their queue to get more matches.
- This also deprioritizes saturated profiles from getting more matches, so less viewed profiles get more exposure.
Anyone who is already matched with 5 people who someone likes (that they already liked) will become match pending, and the match will appear (in first in, first out order) as soon as the person unmatches.
Anyone who does not log in for 1 week will have all their likes and matches automatically cancelled.
Publish the following statistics (percentages only, not totals) on every user's profile:
- Like rate (Profiles liked / suggested matches viewed) - objective measure of selectiveness
- Message rate (Profiles messaged / profiles matched to) - higher = better. Counts regardless of who messaged first. Encourages users to actually talk to each other.
- Date rate (users dated / profiles matched to) - to confirm a date, either user clicks "I dated this person" clicks a confirmation prompt, and the other user validates it. Also lets the site tout how many "first dates" happened on it. Encourages users to actually meet in person and date.
Flat monthly fee for full access (say, $15/month). No superlikes, no 'pay to win' crap.
Site hosts local events for an additional fee
Unsolicited dick pics/porn/spam is an auto-ban with no refund. The site has a human mod team that enforces this stuff when posts/profiles are reported, and communication is encouraged through the app.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-11-04T11:04:36+00:00

No, it can't. Information that people use to get attracted to somebody can't be transfered through internet. So application quality is irrelevant. Best thing you can do is to filter out cretins and those who aren't actually interested in finding somebody.

Kurkzer · 2024-11-04T12:04:58+00:00

No app is going to fix womens delusions.

BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2024-11-04T13:55:06+00:00

No dating app or website can change human nature.

Anyone can claim to build a better mousetrap, but eventually that mousetrap will break.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-11-04T14:12:26+00:00

Quick question: how does this app make a profit?

Like everyone shits on the current “swipe app” OLD era that we are in (with some legit reasons) But they are also extremely profitable and take in a lot of money for the corporations that own and operate them. How is this new app going to make money? Or have we under the mistaken idea that the App developers are making OLD apps out of the goodness of their hearts and don’t care about making a living?

untamed-italian · 2024-11-04T20:10:25+00:00

Tldr: profit motive fucks everything to death

qwertyuduyu321 · 2024-11-04T21:22:30+00:00

People need to understand that apps are a market place where its participants make for the dynamics and market prices. It’s less so Tinder but your face, height, or race that handicap you. Sure, Tinder and co makes it so that its clients (men for the most part) stay as long as possible but if you are attractive you’ll fulfill your objectives within days.

Betelgeuzeflower · 2024-11-04T21:44:23+00:00

The current business model incentivises the company to keep people as long as possible on the apps. It would be helpful if they had an incentive to actually pair up people. But at the moment the former seems to be more profitable.

Difficult-Win6506 · 2024-11-05T04:29:01+00:00

"So we all know that both men and women express frustration with dating apps, frankly, they suck."

I agree with your ideas, but a photos-first, text based app IMHO is not the best way to meet new people. I switched to Spontaneous-Hour, a voice-first social experience where I join small groups for an hour of fun, hosted conversation. It's like being at a relaxed happy hour with new friends, but from home. The host guides us through thought-provoking topics that create opportunities to connect.

It's audio-only at first, which takes pressure off appearance and lets personalities take center stage. I find people open up authentically when focused on listening rather than scrutinizing looks initially. It allows real, unfiltered interaction.

If I vibe with someone's conversation style, I can "like" their profile after. Mutual likes unlock video chatting, so we evaluate physical attraction too. But no pressure – some connections stay platonic, expanding my social circle.

It feels a natural way to form connections based on personality and chemistry first. I meet multiple intriguing folks in one casual hour, skipping repetitive small talk. The voice-first approach allows me to be myself without worrying about perfect photos or bios. I enjoy the experience more than swiping on looks and profile text alone.

CarHungry · 2024-11-05T05:27:36+00:00

I actually think that the problem with dating apps is that people lie. That ruins it for everybody. Think about like ebay, without reviews you have no idea what you're getting and the more you use it the more likely you'll run into scams, so how do you combat that? You raise your standards and lower your expectations. This is why I think these apps get worse overtime too, because the apps start out with a clean reputation and/or nieve userbases, but eventually honest people can't compete with liars so they inevitably either fit in or fuck off so to speak, and then only people who are dishonest are left using the apps.

Another thing that will be hard to swallow for some guys is that these apps pander mostly to men, which is why you get 1/10 women to dudes using these apps, that's completely intentional since men are normally the bigger spenders and less women == more desperation which means more money spent on the apps.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-11-05T09:22:29+00:00

Well the core problem of an app is that the people who made them need money. So it is biased in it's core

Individual_Speech_10 · 2024-11-05T10:35:34+00:00

The problem with apps are the people on them, not the apps themselves. Using an app doesn't mean you have to completely change the way you interact with people, but for some reason, most people can't seem to help it. Fix that and apps would be a great tool.

OilJust4498 · 2024-11-03T23:25:36+00:00

Honestly from my experience the best way to get results from the apps is patience and hard work. I started using OLD 5 years ago and, via swiping right 100 times a day, I've managed to get a few dozen matches and even got 2 women to agree to go out with me back in 2022 (though both backed out unfortunately), this is success I wouldn't have had if I wasn't willing to work at it. Had I given up after the first few weeks I would have had 0 matches and 0 conversations. If I stay with it a few years longer and keep swiping I may soon yield a date.

FebruaryEightyNine · 2024-11-03T23:44:02+00:00

Eugh

More assoritve mating, sexual socialism, incel pandering garbage. Most dudes struggle online because their profiles fucking suck. Even apps like Hinge, which have changed the game, and yet still you just get legions of losers complaining that they can't take a decent pic. I mean, fuck, you can literally get AI to do it for you.

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-11-04T00:47:47+00:00

Ok I'll come up with a better app.

Competition is natural so there is no reason to limit the gender ratio. All of your messages will be recorded and any toxic behavior is automatically added to your profile.

The AI analyzing attractiveness standards is a good idea. You also need to provide a complete history of your past sexual relationships, STDs, infidelity, domestic violence, etc.

Men need to report their height and dick size, and women have to post at least one recent makeup-less selfie.

Anyone whose caught lying will be banned from the app permanently.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-11-04T00:26:23+00:00

matching wouldn’t be based solely on a 2 sentence bio and 5 photos

fail, you cannot tell peoples what to do. People will do what they want and if you don't provide what people want they'll leave.

your account wouldn’t be promoted more simply for matching more

fail, there's a reason clubs do things like offer women drink or halve entrance prices. So long you can attract women to use it men will appear; the issue there is that if you don't offer women a top%man why will she use it? She can just jump on any other dating app have better looking men being recommended to her.

I would divide people looking for long term relationships from everyone else

fail, the percentage of women open to casual sex with average men is slighty to none so you'ld just have a single group of people saying they're looking for relationship.

Then I would have people fill out a comprehensive questionnaire that would evaluate their personality, find out what their minimum standards are, what their values

fail, you're making the proccess not user friendly on top of making it time consuming. Also if the "minimun standards" of women filter every single men but the top% you go back to the same issue.

I would limit the amount of matches you could do to only 5 per day but I would allow you to view much more than 5 at a day

fail, women will just be selective as they're and now men have less chances.

After the conversation is complete you could submit a short evaluation of the person, you could ding them for being rude or unresponsive or praise them for being responsive and polite.

fail, halo effect will basicaly demolish the ratings of ugly men and we know the percentage women see men as unnatractive.

And finally I would limit the gender balance. If there are more men than women on the app, then men’s profiles wouldn’t be shown for a certain percentage of the month to even at the gender ratio at any given time.

2 options: 1 you limit based on elo score what is a non solution for the dating problem; 2 you limit randomly, why would women use a dating app filled with men they don't see as attractive

The advantage of this is that women seeking long term relationships would be matched immediately with people they are most compatible with and shouldn’t have to deal with annoying assholes who are rude or just want hookups.

says who? The issue is not compatibility never was never will be the issue is plain and simple women see 80% of men as bellow average. It don't matter if both of you are compatible when she don't see you as good looking.

Could an app like this work

no, won't work, never will work

Bloody_Mandrake · 2024-11-04T04:49:52+00:00

The problem with dating apps is that they will NEVER work.

Because it offers women an endless suply of better and better suitors, and this backfires inmensely with women's pickiness, creating a "dating bottle neck" where most women are fighthing tooth and nails for a few dudes.

All the while offering the top men an absolutely effortless, low cost and "discrete" chance of meeting new women all the time, which also screws things up...

For the rest of the dudes and the lower positions.

And the SECRETIVENESS of all this is the most important part of all the fuckery...

Because women don't want to be seen as promiscuous, never.

So in real life they would vet the dudes very hard unless the man is VERY good looking or above her paycheck, and even then they would still make him go through some crap if not to make things a bit harder for him, at least to make her social circle think she's not an easy whore.

And these interactionss got kinda regulated too by the fact that top dudes don't want to be seen in public with a "lesser'' partner or approach the akward/fat/crazy/slutty girl in public and get shamed by their peers for it, but they would absolutely fuck that girl a couple times or have her as a FWB if they matched on Tinder.

But the secretiveness of dating apps help women and men to "bypass" these social conventions that used to act as regulators of the dating market...

And now women punch above their weight and get fucked over and over, and top men don't need to approach anymore nor put any effort to get an easy lay, so why not?

This is not an idea of mine I mean, that's how dating apps work and that's how dating goes these days.

IDK if it's 20/80 rule or women are hypergamous or not, or if "every average man I know out there has a relationship and sex all the time"...

All I know is most girls I know out there from 20 to 40 ARE using dating apps to met some dudes, or HAVE used dating apps at any time in their past.

Most women use dating apps with some frecuency. IDK how much of when, or of most are using it right now, but I know for sure most of them do at some point.

And they are not on those dating apps to date men on their level. They wanna bang a hawt dude, or several.

And that's why dating apps will NEVER work for the majority of people.

There are some outliers of course, but most people will get screwed over by this system.

Title	The issues with online dating could be solved with a better app
Author	Wanderingwombat1902
Upvotes	15
Comments	133
Date	November 3, 2024 11:14 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gj061u/the_issues_with_online_dating_could_be_solved/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-issues-with-online-dating-could-be-solved-with.1534558 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534558

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