Inexperienced men should not be very forthcoming about their sexual history

Ask_For_Cock_Pics · 2024-09-16T06:00:38+00:00

Who cares what they think? Not me. She can shame me about my sexual history on the way back to her car

egalitarian-flan · 2024-09-16T01:56:49+00:00

In much the same way I answered that promiscuous women (and men) should tell their partners about the extent of their sexual history, I also say that inexperienced men (and women) should tell ours.

Just because our experience is either nil or very low doesn't mean it isn't important for our LTRs to know.

flipsidetroll · 2024-09-16T05:47:59+00:00

I think this is one of those things that’s personal to everyone. And if you don’t want to tell anyone, don’t. Anyone demanding that you tell them, probably isn’t a match. I think it’s up to everyone to only divulge what they want to.

People should also understand that some things are not “tit for tat” information. Just because I may share information with you, doesn’t mean I can demand you share information back.

UpstairsAd1235 · 2024-09-16T01:45:50+00:00

Women in the thread will only give you an answer that benefits them. They definitely don't have your best interests at heart. My advice to you is: Live your life. Do not tell a woman that you are a virgin. 90% of the time (and I'm being generous), they will reject/shame you because of that (ironic, since they call "slut shaming" misogyny, I know). In their minds, they will think that they will have to teach you how to do the basic shit, and you might get attached too easily. They really think this and hate it. So please, have your best interest at heart yourself! Take care of yourself! Because nobody else will...

SDW137 · 2024-09-16T01:34:05+00:00

I would not share, unless asked. But if you're asked, don't lie about it.

BluePillUprising · 2024-09-16T01:28:13+00:00

When I lost my virginity (nearly 30 fucking years ago…) I tried to play it off like I knew what I was doing and I was so nervous that I couldn’t get it up.

Eventually, after trying probably four or five times, I told her I was a virgin and she was super understanding and we had a relationship that lasted like four years.

And then we had a horrible break up. But that wasn’t such a big deal in the long run, because I got really good at sex!

Sorry, that story was a bit discombobulated. I’m just saying you might have to be honest in the end and that it will be ok if you do.

MikeArrow · 2024-09-16T01:03:06+00:00

I prefer not to start a potential relationship off with a lie by omission.

I'm an open book and I hope they would be too.

Every_Pirate_7471 · 2024-09-16T12:10:13+00:00

It sucks but yeah. I’m 32, still waiting to find the right person who will love me for myself before becoming sexually active. I’ve accepted that it means the person I lose my virginity to will probably never actually know it, which is heartbreaking, but this is the reality.

classicslayer · 2024-09-16T12:13:32+00:00

Nothing turns a woman off more than a guy implying that he's unfuckable so I don't know why he would volunteer this information.

Legitimate_Mood_1405 · 2024-09-16T01:34:28+00:00

Women are hypergamous and operate under pre-selection. No matter how little inexperience you have, you must project the image that you're a stud that many women desire.

budgetmexican · 2024-09-16T16:59:27+00:00

For all the virgin incels here, this was my experience as a former late bloomer who found success and an amazing partner

Was a little chubby, didn't have much luck as a young adult. Tried dating a little but I had some social anxiety.

Well this turned me into being your age without any experience. Had a great career though.

Well I started dating apps. Got ghosted for years. Girls wouldn't want to message me last a few messages. Those that did message more would not accept date invitations. Even fat chicks wouldn't date me and I wasn't even a big guy. Just not skinny or muscular. Dad bod at most

Well I finally figured it out. After 4 years of this and hundreds upon hundreds of dead end conversations I weight lifted for 6 months and did climbing (bouldering for a year). I updated my photos and had 8 first dates scheduled within two weeks of doing so.

So my lesson to you is : if you want to kiss a woman, be a man that women want to kiss. This means weight lift, dress well (not expensive, well! That means loosely follow grown up men's fashion style). Get a really nice haircut and learn how to style your hair. Keep yourself clean cut (stubble is statistically the most attractive). It matters - a lot.

Secondly, do not ever say you are a virgin. Why? I learned the hard way that women will run the fuck away. I had several women be engaged, wanting to go on dates, being interested, into immediate little to no contact and eventual ghosting. I am sorry to say this but I learned that it was not okay to be a virgin at your age. So I learned that I had to lie.

Now that you know you need to lie, and unfortunately this probably goes against who you are (but it's for a good reason, because you are probably a good guy and good for a woman) sometimes you need to learn to be bad to be good. And this is where you need to learn how to have sex, how to kiss, how to touch, how to talk, effectively how to seduce on your own time. You did not get the opportunity to learn like everyone else. So it's fucking weird that you don't know what to do. Every woman will expect you know what to do. Even if they say otherwise they are full of shit and just being nice.

You are lucky that you do not have to learn through experience you can just learn online.

You can watch kissing guides in YouTube and in porn hub. You can watch position guides in pornhub. You can watch sex YouTubers like Caitlyn v for technique. You can watch Alexander grace for psychology, marni the wing girl and wingmam for dating tips.

I read the book she comes first and when I had my first sexual opportunity I made the girl I was with scream for more and left her breathless. When we seperated she actually commended me on my abilities.

You need to accept that girls will not be okay with you being inexperienced. I'm sorry, but it's the reality. So you gotta put in the effort to learn. When I didn't say anything I had girls straddling me on the second date. Because i was hot and knew how to turn them on. I got pure fuck me vibes from them. And what happened? Every girl invited me over to their place after coffee. And things escalated there every time. I couldn't get girls on a date before, and now they felt safe enough to bring me into their home. That is the difference being attractive makes.

Just my 2c. There are plenty of books you can read and feel free to DM me for more info. You need to learn where to touch, how to touch, when to touch, how to flirt, how to turn on. You need to learn that women are quite different from men (read men are from mars and women are from Venus) before you will survive in any LTR.

I'd recommend books like you are not listening, the art of conversation, 4 love languages, attached, eight dates as well. Open her is a fantastic book on flirting.

Only you can dig yourself out of this hole. You just need to learn that you need skills to be attractive, so learn those skills.

Men are like islands and women are like boats. Why would a woman stay at your island if there was a better island in view. She will just navigate to the better island instead it is common sense. So have the best island. More resources, better looking, more exciting, better accommodations, better in bed, a chef, etc,etc. it all adds up unfortunately.

If you can get your island to be in the upper echelon of islands you will reap the benefits. Its hard to describe but women quite literally start throwing themselves at you after a certain point. They have no standards or care, they just see hot, muscles, successful, father traits, good communication, good sex and say "well this guy is 1 in a million I'm going to do everything thing I can to hold on tight". And this is my lived experience.

I now have a wonderful partner who is deeply loving, she's from a good well off family, she's caring and loving, and very giving in all the right ways. I had to learn to be a good father and leader though.

ExcelSpreadCheekz · 2024-09-16T01:04:20+00:00

I agree with this in a sense. I don't think you should tell unless they ask but if you just want to there is a time and a place.

A while back I was messing around with a guy and he asked me how it was afterwards. And when I told him he was good told me he was a virgin. I thought it was really cute and sweet lol.

IceWingAngel · 2024-09-16T01:34:37+00:00

The common presumption that these men off rip or at forefront willingly disclose this information is what I would call a good faith, but misplaced understanding of the primary issue. It should go without saying, but inexperienced men (age dependent) typically have significant underlying problems with self esteem, confidence, feelings of inadequacy, social anxiety, so on and so forth. Point being, these issues will in all likelihood prevent themselves at one point or another, through behavior and other alike mannerisms, so the focus on the verbal non-disclosure of said experience or lack thereof is not the primary problem to be solved that most that make this argument try to present it as.

bluestjuice · 2024-09-16T02:40:10+00:00

I think it depends on what you are looking for out of the relationship.

If it’s just a casual hookup and you’re mainly in it for the sex, I don’t think there’s an obligation to bring it up. You should still disclose relevant info about your sexual health status, of course.

If this is a relationship or a dating partner you hope will turn into a relationship, I’d heavily lean in favor of disclosing. In that case you’re almost certainly going to tell them at some point, at which point they may feel some kind of way about not having known/had the chance to ‘make it special’,/taken special care/whatever. If it’s somehow a massive relationship dealbreaker probably you’d rather find out sooner than later. And just in general in a relationship I think that the expectations and mutual obligations for honesty, intimacy, and trust run deeper than they do in a hookup.

Goonerlouie · 2024-09-16T04:19:16+00:00

I am a big believer on don’t ask don’t tell for experienced people. But for the inexperienced, I would only bring it up when you are certain the other person really likes you or wants to be exclusive

SadCahita · 2024-09-16T09:50:11+00:00

if virgin and old fuck a prostitute and say you only had a hook up time ago while you're undressing

Willow-girl · 2024-09-16T11:38:02+00:00

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-09-16T01:30:11+00:00

I think it’s entirely up to you. Depending on your date, it could be seen as a positive or a negative. If you are going to share, she’s going to ask if you have religious or cultural inhibitions and feel concern about “corrupting you”. (Men seem to prefer corrupting, women tend to want to avoid harm)

But if you’ve simply been caught up with school or just painfully shy, you can offer that information, too.

Doesn’t have to be a long conversation.

You could also explain if you freeze up or get nervous. “Sorry, I haven’t done this before, I’m a little nervous”.

Women don’t really expect to orgasm five times the first time they have sex with a man, so her expectations should be low anyway.

Or you could just make out a few dates instead of rushing in.

You have plenty of options and your plan could change with the circumstances.

thedarkracer · 2024-09-16T02:21:12+00:00

Funny, when I was in Europe and working part time at a restaurant, I did say I was a virgin when it came up while hanging out with colleagues. Female colleagues were saying that I was lying lol.

Reflections445 · 2024-09-16T08:11:50+00:00

I could not disagree more. Some people do not want to entertain, date or marry promiscuous people and that is a valid preference. Gender has nothing to do with it.

Others don't mind it - so might as well come forward with it.

peachyyarngoddess · 2024-09-16T02:36:52+00:00

I’d rather not know than be stressed about being his first time or close to first time. I don’t mind inexperienced men but it puts so much pressure on me when I know. Also, many “experienced” men actually significantly worse in bed because they don’t actually care about their partners experience just them getting what they want. So a lot of inexperienced men have a very good shot compared to men who get laid a lot.

However, my biggest advice to inexperienced men who are getting their chance: take criticism well. If you adjust for your partner you’ll make them much happier. Nothing worse than bad head only focused on one spot causing pain because they don’t listen or don’t let me scoot to where I want them. We usually aren’t telling you as a scolding you are bad be ashamed, but we are telling you because we want to enjoy ourselves. A guy I was with for a year and, I was his first, humped me like a Chihuahua… I told him not to do that again and it was actually pretty great after that. Just take the criticism well because that’s how you learn to be good. Sometimes we will continue sleeping with the weirdest men that you would assume is not getting some because they are good in bed. Sometimes my friends look at me and go “really?? Him???” And I’m just like “yes just trust me it’s fantastic.” My dad recently met a guy I had a thing with in the past as a friend and asked me if he was into men the next day… I had to explain to my dad that he isn’t into men without making it weird. That dude was a great time just life happened and we ended up as friends. I think a lot of inexperienced guys can be like moldable play things because there’s not as many bad habits to break. Just shape them up into what you want for lack of a better phrase. Not a bad thing at all.

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Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-09-16T07:58:35+00:00

Nope they shouldn't. Unless they are way too nervous when the time comes. Because then it can lift a lot of pressure off their shoulder.

KGmagic52 · 2024-09-16T11:55:22+00:00

Yeah, don't make yourself a mark.

obviousredflag · 2024-09-16T13:09:42+00:00

Normal people don’t talk about ex’s on the first few dates.

"What's your relationship history" has been a question from both sides on all my first dates with relationship intentions. I think i, and the women i dated, are pretty normal with regards to what is talked about on first dates.

Other than that: sure, lie about your sex and relationship past if it's a big hurdle for your dating life to say the truth.

Myagooshki2 · 2024-09-16T16:36:09+00:00

If you're in an LTR with a woman she doesn't care about your sexual history.

MalbonteMyLove519 · 2024-09-23T22:24:30+00:00

I think the very best approach would be to never talk about your sexual history as a man unless you are asked. And if she asks reply 'not too much'.

This way you are being ambiguous, you don't sound like you are bragging and lying (which is a turn off), and you don't sound like a fuckboi or inexperienced dude either.

I would think yeah he had some action he is just humble and that's like a good thing in my eyes. Of course act like you had girlfriends and ONS don't give away inexperiencedness.

Then there are women who like inexperienced men but the chance of running into her is low, and it's mostly younger guys + older girls dynamic.

Armagerdon · 2024-09-16T01:36:23+00:00

Do the men who think this feel it is okay for women to also not be forthcoming about their sexual history since they'll likely be judged for it as well?

wideHippedWeightLift · 2024-09-16T01:47:21+00:00

It's not the sexual history you'll be judged for, it's not being good at oral/fingering. She'll be way more understanding about that if you say it's your first time.

the_1st_inductionist · 2024-09-16T02:36:12+00:00

If a man is looking for a serious relationship with a reasonable woman, then he should tell her about his virginity before having sex when he’s relatively certain she wants to have sex with him. That’s beneficial to him. He doesn’t have to tell her before that unless that would mean deceiving her because it’s none of her business if she doesn’t want to have sex with him.

jay_de-leon · 2024-09-16T01:28:38+00:00

I absolutely agree, under no circumstance should a man that’s a kiss less virgin disclose that to a woman he may have a chance at smashing and ruin the only opportunity he may possibly have. She will be scared off and think something is wrong with you because women only want men that other women want 💯

Also a woman’s orgasm doesn’t matter (she can finish herself off) so if they’re terrible the first few times it’s ok

MongoBobalossus · 2024-09-16T01:21:56+00:00

It’s always best to be truthful. Nobody likes being lied to.

fucksiclepizza · 2024-09-16T03:23:34+00:00

They won't need to anyway, would be pretty clear to any woman when he doesn't know what he's doing and completely fails to satisfy her. If anything that'd be worse than her knowing the truth, if she thinks you've got experience and you're still shit vs being shit because you haven't done it before.

IcyTrapezium · 2024-09-16T01:20:58+00:00

I’ve never asked a man about his sexual history on a date. I’ve asked if they’ve ever been married and what their longest relationship was, and that’s kinda it.

I think a lot of young women would think it’s sweet and makes it special if a guy is a virgin. It’s only odd once you’re well into adulthood because it suggests something is off. It doesn’t mean that, but it suggests it. Why have you never been in a relationship? If there’s a good reason I don’t see the problem. Good reasons would be: I was focused on grad school or my job or I was in the military. I once dated a formerly extremely devout catholic and I suspect I took his virginity based on his performance. I didn’t think less of him. I thought it was kinda cute. That first time was trash, obviously, but it got better quickly.

I teach experienced men stuff sometimes. I don’t mind teaching an inexperienced man.

Ultramega39 · 2024-09-16T01:31:59+00:00

Nah man, if someone judges me for being a virgin then they clearly aren't the one for me,

januaryphilosopher · 2024-09-16T05:35:19+00:00

It sounds exhausting to hide that for a whole relationship. You'd just spend it worried your partner doesn't like the real you when it's very likely they don't care.

TraditionalPen2076 · 2024-09-16T04:11:20+00:00

Nobody should lie about sexual history. That's disgusting

concretecannonball · 2024-09-16T07:23:11+00:00

Not being honest about your sexual history or lack thereof isn’t healthy. Also it’s not like people can’t tell lmao

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2024-09-16T11:37:33+00:00

I’m glad my bf didn’t lie… I knew he hadn’t been in any long term relationships before so any body count would’ve needed an explanation since I don’t date men who engage in casual sex.

I wouldn’t encourage lying. IMO the right woman will be accepting of a man’s virginity like I was with my bf. It was attractive to me that he was also able to resist the pressures of hookup culture and degeneracy of the modern world. The only women who really care are women with a high body count who view sex as something casual… if you’re looking for a woman who isn’t like this, chances are she will be more interested in you if you’re a virgin/low body count man.

Title	Inexperienced men should not be very forthcoming about their sexual history
Author	Wanderingwombat1902
Upvotes	103
Comments	356
Date	September 16, 2024 12:53 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1fhs3xs/inexperienced_men_should_not_be_very_forthcoming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/inexperienced-men-should-not-be-very-forthcoming.1530330 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530330

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