Most Women Are Not Making “Husband Material” Men Work Harder for Sex

KingBembi · 2025-02-16T07:08:02+00:00

You literally disproved nothing with this, actually you further cemented the idea of guys in the neutral category have to prove their worth more since they don't incite the immediate lust from a woman. The whole point is that men want to be in the attractive category, we want to know that even have without the effort of a relationship a chick would still be happy to have sex with him us just for the hell of it, that's why the hot guy hookup category will always be the desired goal of most men.

Atrass · 2025-02-16T09:23:50+00:00

TLDR of your post : Yes we make LTR men work harder for sex but actually it's not work, it's the good part !

We make them wait for sex to make sure they do not leave us and miss out on being in a relationship with us !

You are confirming what we already knew. You are just trying to rebrand it to make it sound less bad than it is

wtknight · 2025-02-16T04:23:19+00:00

If they make LTR man wait to have sex after more dates than casual sex man (who has sex in a matter of hours) then they are, indeed, making husband material men work harder. Anecdotally, and from what I've read in Reddit posts, there are many women out there who have had casual sex in the past who will not have first date sex with a man whom they are potentially serious about.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2025-02-16T08:15:34+00:00

It’s funny, but you seem to have just reinforced the idea that “husband material” needs to work harder than that.

I think a good place to start is to clarify that, for most women, men fall into three categories: unattractive, neutral, and attractive.

And, oh! You said it yourself.

Who in their right mind would want to be just "neutral" for their partner? It's even kind of pathetic and looks like persuasion about attraction.

Moreover, reactive attraction that grew out of initial attraction is actually insincere attraction. It's more like: "Okay, I'm in a relationship with him, so I need to learn to love it."

It's not attractive!

And yes, I agree with you that relationships are more than just sex, but everything starts only with love and sex (together), but if in your case there is no real attraction to the "neutral" option. Then it just doesn't make sense to me

Xennial3999 · 2025-02-16T04:29:07+00:00

You just explained it how we already understood it. It's not a compliment.

Nidken · 2025-02-16T03:58:41+00:00

I understand the premise but the idea that men won't recoil at it is a difficult sell.

Imagine you are a woman and you find out that your partner's previous ex was frequently spoilt with lavish gifts and expensive vacations from the moment they met, even before a relationship was agreed upon. When you ask him why he didn't do the same for you he responds that he thought his ex was "sexy" and that he impulsively spoils sexy girls, but because you are "cute" and not "sexy" his spending on you is more intentional and authentic.

Regardless of how true this is, woman would probably recoil at the idea that they aren't considered sexy by their partner, even if the man genuinely prefers it.

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-02-16T03:53:22+00:00

This is easily disproven by the number of women who have straight up said that they made someone wait because they were boyfriend / husband materia.

growframe · 2025-02-16T12:20:32+00:00

You've just restated the dynamic and presented it as a debunk of sorts.

Most Women Are Not Making “Husband Material” Men Work Harder for Sex

Women who okay with casual sex will typically pick men who fall into the attractive category, because all they typically require of a casual sex partner is that they inspire lust.

With that out of the way, we must then consider what people want and generally expect from an LTR/marriage. Things like: companionship and time spent with their partners emotional investment from their partners demonstrations of love and affection (physical touch, gift given, words of affirmation, acts of service commitment (monogamy, combining finances, moving in together, having pets/kids together, etc.)

You can call it whatever you want, but you clearly showcase that husband material man has to put in a significantly larger amount of investment to have sex with.

In your own example, "neutral guys" have to put in long term commitment and investment to warrant having sex with, while "sttractive guys" have to put in nothing; sex with them is warranted in and of itself. How else could you describe this as other than "Husband material men work harder for sex"?

fucksiclepizza · 2025-02-16T04:31:46+00:00

Most of my mates relationships started out as hook ups. They fucked whenever they both wanted to.

Next_Measurement_824 · 2025-02-16T10:40:36+00:00

Alphafuxx betabuxx

Logos1789 · 2025-02-16T14:19:58+00:00

The issue with your framing is that, I can’t imagine any woman preferring a neutrally attractive man for any reason other than to have more leverage/security in the relationship.

You can develop feelings for the attractive men, it’s just that most women can’t attract those men.

You create a false dichotomy between men who are attractive enough to be hookup material and marriage material men.

Women absolutely would marry some of the men they hookup with, but most of those men wouldn’t give up their options by committing to most of the women they sleep with.

I think you worry too much about the framing of sex as something you give to men. Most men want to have sex more often and with more members of the opposite gender than women do…so most of the time, the woman’s consent is the only consent that was ever in doubt.

So yeah, technically speaking, sex is an act between two consenting adults, but it’s more precise to say that in most instances, women allow men to have sex with them.

Let’s be real though, these types of posts are largely motivated by a desire to quell the seemingly inevitable mass dissatisfaction among men with sex and dating.

The cat is out of the bag. The internet and social media are here, and men talk to each other now (and plenty of women’s behavior online and as a result of hookup and dating apps is there for all to see).

Women had their fun after liberation, and now it’s time for men to show them that most women aren’t worth committing to.

FunPoltergeist · 2025-02-16T03:59:12+00:00

Reading this only confirms my belief I can’t be in a relationship with a woman that didn’t desire to kiss me the moment she met me. Physical attraction first is so much better.

cantthinkofaname1010 · 2025-02-16T04:12:47+00:00

"Developed" attraction isn't real attraction. That's called building a tolerance.

Responsible_Mind_259 · 2025-02-16T04:39:50+00:00

Lmao, all this does is reinforce the idea that being 'boyfriend' or 'husband material' isn't worth it. There's no point in being loyal or seriously committing to a woman who doesn’t push for sex within the first two dates, got it.

ColbyXXXX · 2025-02-16T06:43:49+00:00

If you just ask for sex you get immediate sex and if she likes the sex enough she will pursue you. It’s the ideal situation for a man.

PiePie66 · 2025-02-16T04:04:37+00:00

Both types of sexual attraction-- immediate (or "raw," as some have been calling it) and developed-- are equally real and legitimate.

This is complete nonsense.

bison5595 · 2025-02-16T04:03:20+00:00

This entire post rest on the idea that most women need to get know a man before having sex. This isn’t true. Most women have had casual sex, so everything you wrote isn’t true at all

FarConstruction4877 · 2025-02-16T04:51:06+00:00

Simple explanation is, if ur hot enough to be hookup materiel then you would have gotten the hookup, then if ur husband material then you would have became her bf afterwards, if you weren’t, then you would just be a hook up.

If ur hook up is also very attractive personality wise, then would you give it up just because he was originally a hook up? No, that’s ridiculous.

If ur only husband material and not hook up material, then naturally ur lacking in sex appeal. There’s no shame in that, ppl are evaluated as a whole and sex appeal to some ppl really doesn’t matter that much, but there’s no other reasonable explanation.

G4M35 · 2025-02-16T15:41:58+00:00

My experience is the opposite (I am a guy).

Ask the guys who are out there dating (I said "dating" not "try to date") and these sentences are pretty common:

I like you very much, and I want this to go somewhere, so this time I am not going to sleep with you right away.
oh with him/them it was nothing serious, it was just sex, with you it's different, I really care about you, so let's wait to have sex.

antariusz · 2025-02-16T13:32:20+00:00

You’re wrong about there being “different types of women”

When a woman says “I’m not interested in casual sex” I believe her, for 27 out of the 28 days in her cycle, she isn’t. But women are absolutely controlled by their hormones far more than men are stereotyped to be.

For that 1 day a month, she absolutely will hook up with some dude that she matched with same day on tinder.

And she’ll never introduce me to her friends. And I might not even ever see her again. You won’t ever know this side of her.

But that 1 day a month that she is ovulating, absolutely, every single woman will engage in casual sex.

And I didn’t have to take her out on a date. I didn’t have to buy her things, I barely had to even talk to her. I just had to look for signs that she was ovulating and not fuck it up by acting like a beta bitch.

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-02-18T00:03:59+00:00

A few mistakes here.

First of all, you seem to mistakenly think that this thing is absolute/in vacuum. It's not. It's relative to a woman's past. If she always required time/investment, then husband material is a compliment. The issue starts only if the same woman had somebody who was a hookup material.

Arguing that men can be divided into categories is not helping your case. You are actually proving the point you are trying to argue against. If you argued that that women can be split into categories and there are some that value RMV over SMV and don't have casual sex, then you could maybe have a case here. But then (and it's namely because of this that you could have a point) it wouldn't be an issue to begin with as explained the previous paragraph.

Finally, you say "But sex is not a thing that needs to be earned, and it is not something to be given to men by women; it is an activity to be mutually enjoyed together." This is an actual logical mistake. It's actually a logical fallacy - false dilemma or a type of it - if I remember correctly. Sex can be both. It can be a mutually enjoyed activity and a thing that needs to be earned and is given to men by women (or vice versa in some cases). There's no contradiction.

AutoModerator · 2025-02-16T03:37:14+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2025-02-16T03:37:14+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2025-02-16T07:17:03+00:00

Yeah in my experience you can actually dispel initial attraction by being too aloof

Local-Willingness784 · 2025-02-17T04:46:35+00:00

i think the image that most men have when it comes to this topic is single moms on dating apps or similar, women who fucked up (sometimes quite literally) and then want a man to mooch off from and maybe give him some if he behaves as a good little atm, that's what men fear when it comes to this topic, not being loved or whatever, but its just the fact that some women use the sex as a currency for buying themselves safety and security even if they 100% would be with the guy who knock them up if he hadnt left, you see them when it comes to child support claims when they come with guys who arent the father of the kid and are treated like shit by those women, those guys are clearly getting the "husband treatment" that men refer to when it comes to this topic.

at the end of the day, even if there are ways to weed out manipulative/desperate women, they can lie, in the same way a woman can be lied to in order to have sex with her, as lots of guys can say lots of shit if it gets them laid, in that same vein women can lie about their desire just to get something out of it, and what is a good measure of desire? sex, she has sex with a guy because she desires him, she feels lust for him, but what if she isn't having sex with you? does she has less desire for you if at all? and yes, on hindsight you can know that she is with you because she desires you, as her husband, but at the beginning? you know as much as a woman desire as a woman knows about a mans, a man can and do lies in order to get what he wants and women are not different, a hook-up and the sex of it doesn't, she desired him enough to sleep with him, but does she feels the same for you? or does she wants something else? you never know.

2025-03-05T16:27:09+00:00

PsychHacks has a good video on it. "Women do the right things with the wrong men"

Werevulvi · 2025-02-16T09:00:22+00:00

In a sense, "husband material" men do have to work harder to get sex, because women who require trust, knowing the person, etc to give sex will have higher standards in regards to personality, behaviour, etc.

For me, men I enter LTR's with kinda have to be more attractive (looks and personality) for me to want to have sex with them repeatedly, and to only want sex with them. But isn't it also kind of a reward to be wanted sexually multiple times, and exclusively? And to be wanted not just sexually but also as a friend, lover, companion, father to your kids, on top of also being wanted sexually? Compared to "you'll do for the night, then go away"? Or "the only thing I value about you is your boner"?

I think the problem here is men who only want sex will see having to get into an LTR to get sex as a burden. They're not going to appreciate the other things we give to a boyfriend/husband when all they care about is sex. And that is ultimately the very first barrier to a guy not being "husband material" ie he doesn't even want it. Men who think of LTR's as a burden to get access to sex won't be able to see why women typically value LTR's more than casual sex, and why we generally value "husband material" men more highly than "hookup material" men. Or they just don't care, I dunno.

angie-1964 · 2025-02-16T05:50:34+00:00

Not every woman, is out there randomly screwing the top 10% or whatever.

Many reserve sex, for ..relationships, and husband material.

Just sayin.

y2kjanelle · 2025-02-16T03:56:18+00:00

Yea exactly. What the fuck? Why would I go after some ugly guy to be married to him forever?? That sounds fucking miserable that someone extremely low quality would have to do or just a bad person idk.

I’m not going to date an ugly guy because I’m scared to be alone, that sounds worse.

As soon as I found a cute guy that I wanted to date and he wanted to date me, we got together. Isn’t that what normal people do???

And yes boyfriends have to meet more standards. That’s the point. Why would I have more standards for a hook up? Ofc my standards are higher for a relationship and I would expect men to feel the same and expect more out of me as a girlfriend. That would make me feel special.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-02-16T04:46:13+00:00

We are. Because they have to deal with us as a person. That’s work to some men

IcyTrapezium · 2025-02-16T14:10:02+00:00

It’s not about “working harder for sex.” It’s about getting to know each other before sex. And a lot of men don’t want to fuck on the first date. Red pill men pretend that’s the case because they can’t get laid and are desperate for sex OR because they don’t actually like getting to know women because, ya know, they hate us.

2025-02-16T05:12:54+00:00

Making too much sense for this subreddit. 100% agree, no notes.

EsotericRonin · 2025-02-16T10:59:48+00:00

These replies are fucking stupid. Women aren't sleeping with men at all if they aren't attracted to them. I have no clue where men get this idea. The only time that happens is in dead bed room marriages where the attraction fucking died. Previously promiscious women aren't making men wait because they're less attracted to them, they're making them wait because they don't want to come off as whores and see the guy as more than just hookup material. Its a compliment, im not sure why guys don't get that.

Title	Most Women Are Not Making “Husband Material” Men Work Harder for Sex
Author	ExcitementLow4699
Upvotes	0
Comments	327
Date	February 16, 2025 3:37 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1iqjbpt/most_women_are_not_making_husband_material_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-women-are-not-making-husband-material-men.1544008 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544008

Comments