Men will always have to be the ones to approach

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-03-26T22:38:54+00:00

Guys who complain about women not approaching are usually guys that women wouldn't approach in the first place (I'm one of them lmao)

toasterchild · 2025-03-26T21:23:45+00:00

Women do approach, when they want to, what the men who complain really want is to be wanted enough for the women to approach them.

Fan_Service_3703 · 2025-03-26T21:21:31+00:00

I'm happy being the one to approach if I like someone but also am not averse to being approached either.

I approached my GF first but I gave her my number, doubting she would use it, but she did.

Let folks do what they please.

DragoniteNine · 2025-03-26T21:41:37+00:00

But what if the majority of men looked like this? Dude looks like someone who would post here tbh

Proudvow · 2025-03-27T03:00:25+00:00

Thread title is fine, thread reasoning is off.

However if there are barriers to entry: approach first, take all the intiative in the beginning, pay for the first date etc. then this will typically filter out men who just want an easy lay.

That makes no sense. Almost all of the guys who actually pump and dump women do those things you just listed while picking up women. This "filter" isn't blocking any of them.

The reality that you guys overlook is that the guys who can just carelessly approach any woman they want based purely off of how they look without any concern about how she'll react are more (not less) likely to only be thirsty for sex, than the guys who are too considerate to do these things.

captaindestucto · 2025-03-27T03:40:52+00:00

Increasingly they aren't though.

The barriers are often unreasonable and too many women don't know the difference between remaining reserved and passive aggression. Society giving women unchallenged social power to label any guy who isn't their cup of tea a creep just adds to the problem.

Hence 45% of Gen Z guys don't dare 'bother' women their ages. More and more that leaves the socially illiterate, clueless, and sometimes genuinely threatening category of men doing most of the approaching.

Junior_Box_2800 · 2025-03-26T22:11:35+00:00

Agreed

women are more comfortable being single and aren't as attracted to men as we are to them, ergo men will have to approach more
the whole "if he wanted to he would" works both ways. Guys need to accept that girls do approach, but only if they really like them. It's a bitter pill but it is what it is, women do approach, but only to certain men

2025-03-26T21:38:51+00:00

Sometimes approaching first IS the first test that you fail man.

The game theory with sex is way too dynamic and complicated to boil down to any simple rules.

For example maybe you are at work or the gym around a girl for like 6 months and don't say anything, then one day she starts noticing you and then all of a sudden you notice her around you more and you're like wait is this a coincidence or what

By that point youve already got so many points in your favor if she is interested or if she isn't. You've showed you aren't obviously pushy or desperate, she will have noticed or heard if youvr been shooting your shot with other chicks and probably asked arounf about you etc.

All chicks are going to put you through some sort of vetting process like this. If a group isnt available to ask through like work or school or something she will get on social media after your first date and try to find details. Sometimes they will even take pictures of you before they ask you out to post online and see what they can learn about you lmao.

This is why it's so far out of our own control how sexual dynamics actually work. Every chick is going to get held up at some of the processes or maybe not, she will break rules in some cases but not others and then circumstances can add another entirely different variable. Maybe she finds out you did something she morally detests but then later something happens to here and she understands why and now regrets not pursuing you.. it goes on and on and on and on.

But yeah. You can approach chicks but a large % will write you off quickly unless you have impacted them a certain type of way (very attractive with a strong presence, traits they desire in the small amount of conversation you make or even the fact that you did or didn't make small conversation before asking her out to dinner or to coffee or for a walk.

These thinfs are all hyper specific to each person and can't be formulated but they are what define your success. As well as the looks which, as we know really doesn't lead to interesting conversation so I'm not going to even go there plus I would get banned lol

Edit: sorry thought you were a dude but you're just an anti-egalitarian woman which is why you made sense when I read your post :')

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-03-26T21:41:19+00:00

Women do approach, all the time. They just very rarely ask a guy out, out of the blue.

Usually they just seem to find excuses to be in proximity to him - to start conversations, to get assigned to group projects in class, to ask him questions about whatever their common circumstance is (work, school), to sit near him on the bench at their coed sport, etc.

The men who whine about "having to approach" could easily learn something from this, well, "approach".

BigMoistTwonkie · 2025-03-26T21:58:05+00:00

approach first, take all the initiative in the beginning, pay for the first date etc. then this will typically filter out men who just want an easy lay.

Women really think that guys putting in effort = not getting used for sex? I don't believe this, it honestly just seems like another gaslighting post. Effort has absolutely nothing to do with it. Men have already made it abundantly clear through prostitution that they are more than willing to fork over however much money it takes to get sex without giving a shit about the woman. The only reason women value any of this, is because it is easy, convenient for them, and they benefit from it. That's it. That's the only reason. If it were the exact same guy, but he was expecting all of this from you instead of the other way around, you'd lose your minds, but if a guy who really did want to "use you for sex" did all of this, you'd fall for it every time so it's not definite proof either way.

You just want to not have to risk rejection, you just want to not have to burden yourself with coming up with plans for dates, you just want free food and gifts, you just want it to be easy and for it to feel like dating is something that is "happening to you", and to receive financial compensation from men for your time, in the form of food, gifts, and outings, regardless of whether you have made any commitments to him or not.

All men know this, it's not some big secret, but acting like this is some sort of method for "filtering out fuckboys" is just hilarious considering how in conflict it is with pretty much all women's actual dating experiences, at least if we're going off of what they write about on forums like these.

wtknight · 2025-03-26T22:57:13+00:00

I think that women are willing to approach. I've been approached several times in my life. However, I think that the best women that a man can attract are usually the ones that he approaches himself, as women will only risk approaching the men whom they are uncontrollably attracted to and who don't have to do anything to actually win them over.

Tylikcat · 2025-03-26T21:28:12+00:00

Women do approach. Just not at the frequency men want us to, apparently.

Garfagnana · 2025-03-26T21:27:18+00:00

In my experience, it’s a lot more common for non-Western women to approach men. Nearly all the women who approached me were from Asia or Latin America. I think the aversion for women to approach men—at least where I live (the USA)—is largely cultural.

Riderman43 · 2025-03-26T21:46:03+00:00

I’m going to disagree. If a guy is good looking enough women can and will throw themselves at them. Yes majority of guys have to approach but some of the good looking guys just get the treatment of the average girl

NiaNia-Data · 2025-03-27T01:33:47+00:00

How does women not approaching men make them better at vetting men? This just makes men more capable of deceiving you because they understand it better. In fact this logic is backwards. The men approaching you have a non-zero chance of wanting to use you. The men not approaching you have a zero percent chance of wanting to use you (and a zero percent chance of using you)because they aren’t the ones approaching. If they did want to use you they would approach.

You should actually be approaching men if you are truly trying to vet better

MarioWilson122 · 2025-03-26T21:43:47+00:00

How would it typically filter anything when all men have to do it to get with the women. No the only reason we have to approach is because women dont want to take away a massive advantage and want to remain the ones being pursued.

GKilat · 2025-03-27T02:25:16+00:00

Woman are free to approach men that they want. That doesn't mean they must have sex with them for doing so. It simply means that the woman is open to getting close with the man and getting to know each other. No different from a man taking the initiative in the grand scheme of things.

Efficient-Baker1694 · 2025-03-26T22:07:26+00:00

If men have to do all of the approaching, then women have to be more open minded about any man approaching them. Meaning if the ugliest looking man you ever saw approached a woman, that woman has to give that guy a chance and let him shoot his shot before you turn him down.

HighestTech · 2025-03-26T23:15:15+00:00

You just made recursive statement. Yes, that's how it worked most of the times for most of the humans. But when I decide that as man I want to be approached, I must acknowledge that I should have much better traits than average man and even then I still lose at least half of options just because women aren't used to approach. I need to accept all these prerequisites if I want to break usual order of things.

growframe · 2025-03-27T01:33:40+00:00

It's not only because women don't want to deal with rejection (although that's part of the reason), but it's also because women need to erect barriers in order to make men prove themselves. In the absence of these barriers, it's very hard for a woman to tell if a guy really likes her. And, unless she wants to just fuck lots of random men, she will get used for sex.

This is nonsense but it's an accurate description of what women tell themselves to justify this.

You're correct that women will never take the active approach in dating. Not because of any "barriers", they just don't want to, and don't have to

ForGiggles2222 · 2025-03-27T11:17:47+00:00

Saying men will fuck anything is just a prejudiced, sexist and idiotic as saying women don't enjoy sex yet doesn't get nearly the same push back.

Afraid_Top5800 · 2025-03-26T22:47:44+00:00

I respect and understand the barriers that women need to have to avoid being used for sex.

The main issue I think when it comes to men approaching women now is that in the post metwo world and especially in modern day there are very few acceptable ways to talk to woman for young men and one approach can be both incorrect or correct based on if the woman likes you or not.

I'll give a real life example that a female friend of mine explained to me, if she is dancing in a club and a guy starts dancing and makes a physical move on her if the guy is attractive she can retroactively apply consent to his actions making it okay, if the guy is not attractive then it is an issue without consent.

Personally I am under the belief that making a physical move without consent is negative but many woman operate under a similar belief of my friend where depending on the guy the action is okay.

To fix this bad behavior should be called out in both attractive and unattractive men

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Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-03-26T22:48:19+00:00

There is a scene in Dead Poets Society that had a term that always stuck with me. “Carpe diem: sieze the day”

https://youtu.be/vi0Lbjs5ECI?si=B5BKELiY6K9ILE_S

This new generation of dudes should probably watch the movie.

OrganicAd5450 · 2025-03-27T01:41:28+00:00

Women do approach, it's just in a subtler way. It's called "putting themselves in your orbit" and "giving all the signs of interest" to get your attention. Men, though, usually have to be the ones to pick up on it and initiate taking it to the next level.

There, fixed it for you.

Trancetastic16 · 2025-03-27T02:13:43+00:00

Recent research suggests that human evolution is becoming faster than ever, and while individuals don’t change, generations do, individuals adapt to their environment to survive and reproduce.

Women who don’t need to approach don’t need to, but it can sometimes be more beneficial for themselves if they choose to do so or at least send signals of interest. Hence why it’s an easy recommendation for women specifically asking for dating advice.

Women who ask for gender equality in certain social/cultural areas of life shouldn’t be surprised or offended if gender equality advocates hold them to this standard although unfortunately some hypocritical modern Feminist’s do.

Men appear to generally be approached more rarely by women but highly desirable men are approached and given indicators of interest. And generally the top 20% men are approached occasionally while the average woman in our western societies is approached regularly.

Men who are approached have to be filtered during dating for only the men who want something serious just like how men who approach women have to, even if men are on-average more likely to use a woman for sex.

Education and social changes influence our social-cultural behaviours, and as part of gender equality women should be just as encouraged to approach men and send signals if they wish to.

The loneliness epidemic effecting all genders and socialising in public becoming more rare and taboo suggests this is not the case and both Gen Z men and women are feeling too nervous to approach one another.

I have no complaints about only being approached a handful of times since I was a teen, and continue to approach socially open people in case some are giving me indicators of interest and shooting my shot.

psimmons666 · 2025-03-27T02:42:19+00:00

I LOVE approaching. No shit. Nothing thrills me more than an approach that sticks. Most don't. Most are a polite exchange of small talk, I do a little flirting to see if anyone is interested. Usually not, just a polite "I have a boyfriend" or other such blow off. I tip my head and say "Well ladies, it's been great meeting you. Hope to see you again in the future." and bounce from the interaction.

But a lot of approaches, maybe 25% lead to more. One of the girls smiles in that subtle way. She reddens at the cheeks. She holds eye contact for extended periods of time. Then, if possible. She will touch you. Lightly, politely. Maybe after a joke or a laugh or to accent a point she will put her hand on your arm or shoulder.

Some are braver and bolder and once you approach and prove you aren't a creep in the first minute or two. They will let you know they like you.

Approaching is the easy part guys. It really is. The first 10 minutes after you say hello of an approach are the hard part.

Men being the approacher gives the man the supreme advantage. You can whine about women having being the chooser. Hahahaha

Brother. When you are in the talking stage with 3 or 4 or 5 women and 2 or 3 are on the hook for sure.. You get to choose.

wizardnamehere · 2025-03-27T06:09:33+00:00

I think this is a very unimportant problem and cold approaches are relatively unimportant to coupling.

Still. I've been approached by women and given a number a few times. More importantly I've been 'initiated'; that is women have started talking to me (because of some sort of attraction) but not preceded to ask me out and held out for returned interest occasionally. I'm no chad or whatever the RP term is. I have to say think you over state the issue in both importance and severity. I think this is more about how you feel regarding gender and romance than how all women approach it.

Parrotsandarmadillos · 2025-03-27T08:51:34+00:00

I’ve had women approach me. Not as much as women have had men approach them but usually the super extroverted women approach me first.

Melodic_Structure928 · 2025-03-28T05:20:37+00:00

Ironically most of the barrier these women are setting up just leads them directly into chads harem, they aren’t actually filtering for the most faithful individuals I can tell you that much, just guys who are direct and have the means to collect said harem in the first place.

OppositeBeautiful601 · 2025-03-31T20:20:58+00:00

Because men will fuck anything.

Not true. Some will, some won't.

Key-Faithlessness-29 · 2025-07-11T12:07:53+00:00

everyone of my relationships and hookups began because the woman approached me. I never had to approach women nor will I ever. Approaching women to me is some beta male shit

throwaway917293 · 2025-03-26T21:48:37+00:00

I'll be honest I didn't read the text but if it is something along the lines of what follows, it's probably correct:

Generally speaking, this is, of course, correct and follows as a logically necessary consequence of the inherent supply & demand discrepancy (men wanting women way more than vice versa).

However, it should be noted that a selected group of in-demand men, I believe them to be around 5% of the total supply of men, regularly get approached by women.

Title	Men will always have to be the ones to approach
Author	OrganicAd5450
Upvotes	0
Comments	269
Date	March 26, 2025 9:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1jkmy32/men_will_always_have_to_be_the_ones_to_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-will-always-have-to-be-the-ones-to-approach.1547739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1547739

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