Most women want to be loved, but they dont want to love.

Post-Posadism · 2025-10-18T15:00:57+00:00

There are women who go to the ends of the earth for their partner, even when it's clearly disadvantageous for them to do so - just as there are men who do the same. There are women who remain loyal to (or think that they can still "fix") abusers, people who prostitute them, cheaters, neo-Nazis, cultists, prisoners, gamblers, addicts, people with significant health complications, I could go on. Clearly in such cases there is some motivation beyond material, transactional gain, and this is something that most happy couples can identify in one another even in non-toxic, uncomplicated relationships.

Sure, there are also both women and men who are with their partners for opportunistic, materialistic or superficial reasons. Because such relationships attract narcissists, these sorts of relationships are overrepresented in front of a camera. But in reality this sort of relationship is far even from the norm, let alone the only possible relationship that all women can have.

Tylikcat · 2025-10-18T18:32:25+00:00

IME, women are more committed to things like love and connection in relationships. (Other than the love and connection that is sex.)

BrigidFairy · 2025-10-18T09:38:06+00:00

I mean that’s not reality I often think about the random nice things I’d do for my partner

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-10-18T12:56:01+00:00

These arguments are so OLD and BORING. The evidence is all around that women clearly love on their partner and those around them through acts of service, support, and generosity. This is the most “touch grass” post I’ve seen in a while on this sub.

HotOutcome9161 · 2025-10-18T17:02:15+00:00

I mean this with no disrespect but you probably dont interact with women much or you dont see the work women do.

theminxisback · 2025-10-18T22:17:35+00:00

I'm a wife to an incredible stay at home parent and I absolutely adore him. He has his VA benefits for himself for his side of our bills. He's currently in another state care taking for his grandma and raising our kids while I work in another state and support them with what they need outside of what he can provide. He also just got a job with the bus route that our kids are on. So he has a little extra cash and is there with them every morning and afternoon after school. It's awesome.

I also have a live-in partner whose job is to take care of me and essentially be my manager. He's amazing and I absolutely adore him. They both say taking care of me is a full time job. So one focuses more on our kids and the other focuses more on me.

I do what I can to support them both with whatever it is they need within my ability to provide for them. I prefer being the one with the funds. I prefer paying for dinners and paying for whatever needs to be taken care of at the time. This is honestly a dream come true dynamic for me. And I am so beyond grateful to have the opportunity and privilege of loving all of my partners.

They make the world a better place around us.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-10-18T16:24:23+00:00

I don’t need to defend myself as a married woman to prove to you that I really love my husband.

I will say that I’m in a happy, stable marriage, and you’re single and bitter. So maybe you should listen more and talk less.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-10-18T13:02:52+00:00

It's not really how it looks like. Men and women also have their way of showing love and care. I noticed that celebrating birthdays and spending a lot of time together means a lot for most women. Even though that's not that important to me. I am always grateful for the work they do and try to reciprocate. Sometimes women show love in a way we don't get and the same goes for them to the point they are asking themself if their partner love them

cb8585b · 2025-10-18T11:24:51+00:00

Okay so taking this as true, what are you going to do with this information?

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-10-18T15:18:34+00:00

Posts like these read like people convincing themselves women are “in it for resources” just to make being single feel like a choice rather than a consequence. Esther Vilar’s work is opinion, not research. Relationships are mutual, and if you wouldn’t be friends with your partner, you’re choosing wrong.

py234567 · 2025-10-18T20:33:37+00:00

Vast majority of people want to love. Many just have an immature and misguided understanding of what love should look like.

EugeneCezanne · 2025-10-18T21:02:29+00:00

pays for dates

I think the thing about men paying for dates is just 1) a vestige from traditionalist thinking, the value of which is largely symbolic and 2) already in the process of changing, just rather slowly. I doubt it has ever been more common in human history for women to split checks on dates, and strongly suspect it will only be more common in the foreseeable future.

but they don't really care much about being generous themselves

I think there is a gendered distinction in the ways men and women generally show generosity. With men, it is more often material or related to challenging physical labor. Women, traditionally, express generosity in relationship in ways that may be less visible, like emotional support, intimacy, physical affection, etc.

Honestly, this is a tough one for me because I've literally never dated any woman seriously who wasn't generous in both traditional and non-traditional ways. Like, I have to strain to imagine what you must be talking about. But I'd bet if you ask any guy here with a current girlfriend or wife, they could rattle off a list of all the things she does to show him love.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-10-18T12:18:55+00:00

“The sad truth is that if men were to view women beyond their sexual attraction”

Yeah that’s called how you view every female family member. Like I’m not sure what kind of incest orgy other people’s holiday dinners are like, but i personally just enjoy spending time with my aunts and nieces.

Same with my female friends. We did this insane thing where we just did things we enjoyed….together!

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-10-18T21:54:38+00:00

they dont want to love.

I would argue that most (not all) women don't even know how to love. They've grown up fucked up by Disney's fairy tales, Hallmark movies, or by some bullshit stories their mothers have told them.

There's a saying: "give an idiot a diamond dick, he'll still find a way to break it" - that's most women in dating today.

Now, most people on this sub are not even in the biggest cohort, they're mostly millennials with an occasional gen X and Z. They still however think that they're the majority without even realizing that their prime is past. That's why you see "counterarguments" of "I love my husband", by people who haven't even realized that the majority of couples today aren't married.

HouseOfInfinity · 2025-10-18T11:45:19+00:00

Ugh I’m so tired of these misogynistic men bitter over women not wanting them or having sex with them. Life is not fair. Move on.

Work through your hate on women and develop your personality along with your mindset then perhaps some women will give you the time of day.

KhadgarIsaDreadlord · 2025-10-19T00:22:53+00:00

Don't know chief, I've personally haven't been with most women to be able to tell. What I can say however is that I know a few men who define love as getting fed and mounted which isn't a lot better if you think about it.

Ok_Ask6327 · 2025-10-19T06:22:14+00:00

I mean if this is how some men feel, they can leave women alone. Women won't miss them and they will be better off. What is there to gain from posts like this? Do you think women are going to be upset by this pronouncement? Women don't care about posts like this. We see them for what they are.

One has to be aware that many women view men as undesirable due to their personalities, and find living with them to be a chore. They are remaining single and living their best lives. Men can do the same, and give up the idea of sex on easy mode, because that is what this is really about.

BrainMarshal · 2025-10-19T07:44:15+00:00

Choose better women. Oh yeah, "contentless rhetoric rule." Let me expand: ditch women who demand romantic gestures and give none in return. It ain't more complicated than that.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2025-10-19T18:30:29+00:00

Where do you get this idea? It’s not how the vast majority of relationships work.

GrassStatusTouched · 2025-10-19T18:47:31+00:00

True for women like my ex wife, hopefully not true for all women, but even if it is there’s a counter play available: dont commit, and even when you do commit protect your assets so she has no material incentive to merely pretend to love you

You can always just leave my bro

BougieHeaux · 2025-10-18T12:05:55+00:00

Shhhh, this is just natural selection.

...let it happen. 💛

...the herd of poorly performing males is being thinned.

Sweet_Discount4485 · 2025-10-18T14:21:56+00:00

Most men want love to have things taken off their plate that allow them to chill in the background

Most women want love to add things to life that make them feel heard

We generally just want love to be different things

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chobolicious88 · 2025-10-18T11:01:57+00:00

Well my theory is that men ad women are the same, neither can nor want to love. Its just about how much that person fits the idea of what you want from a man/woman.

Men also have an imaginary version of women while also wanting their bodies. Same shit as women with mens wallets.

So is it really love when its all about what can a person do for eachother.

SexCrispies · 2025-10-18T13:09:17+00:00

What you call "love" is just what people are attracted to.

AuraCore-main · 2025-10-18T16:46:25+00:00

So let's help them out

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-10-23T02:35:07+00:00

Lol your last paragraph just reveals that the only thing you view positively of women is the sex they can give you. And that’s not because most women are “takers”. It’s because you just don’t like women. Most women end up bearing the brunt of the responsibility of the emotional labor in a relationship, and initiate many things deep in a relationship. The beginning of courtship is the man for once bearing the brunt of the emotional labor. And it signals to the woman that she won’t have to lead everything if she’s with him. She often ends up doing that anyways. It’s a low bar. But it doesn’t prove that women don’t want to love. That’s a wild conclusion to draw.

macdaddy0800 · 2025-10-18T10:12:54+00:00

Boy math is doing the calculations and coming to the conclusion you only get a very small portion of what you put into a relationship.

Different situation if you have children with a woman but a lot of women who casually date for fun carry on like they have had 2+ kids from the men they are dating casually.

Absolutely disgraceful.

That's one good reason why men don't court women anymore and women feel invisible.

Junior-Campaign-6326 · 2025-10-19T03:59:07+00:00

Lol, look at the people gaslighting you on this thread. Reddit is not the real world nor an accurate reflection of how women think. Women by and large, still believe in gender roles, they still want to be courted properly. If anything, I believe we're going back in time to more traditional values, I think women realize that wanting a provider man is important for their well-being. Provided that that man respects a woman wanting a man like this.

Tipsy75 · 2025-10-20T06:10:46+00:00

"Most women want to be loved, but they don't want to love ME."

Fixed it for you, you're welcome!!

No_Steak_4881 · 2025-10-18T18:06:02+00:00

You got it all worng, women do all stuff just not for the bottom 80% of the men

Thatspretti · 2025-10-18T09:26:35+00:00

Yep , they also call other women pick me’s for doing nice things for men.

Or they call men sassy for wanting a woman to do nice things

Specialist_Track_928 · 2025-10-18T11:11:48+00:00

"Women crave for being loved, not for loving. They scream out at you for sympathy all day long, they are incapable of giving any in return, for they cannot remember your affairs long enough to do so... They cannot state a fact accurately to another, nor can that other attend to it accurately enough for it to become information. Now is not all this the result of want of sympathy?... I am sick with indignation at what wives and mothers will do of the most egregious selfishness. And people call it all maternal or conjugal affection, and think it pretty to say so. No, no, let each person tell the truth from their own experience."

Quote by Florence Nightingale, a woman who make modern "independent and strong" feminist looks as amateur sham.

berichorbeburied · 2025-10-18T15:14:07+00:00

Men and women aren’t the same

You can’t be expected to be loved the same way you love a woman

Can’t expect to be hugged the same way or touched the same way or spoken too the same way

You just have to internalize that and accept that. They are incapable of love the way we understand it. They have their own version of love

Talk to enough women. Fuck enough women. Be with or around enough women. This will be abundantly clear

They may have their own version of love. But you won’t accept it as the love u know

Which is why I just focus on sexual attraction. That gets me everything I ever wanted & more.

Focusing on love. Got me nothing. But lies & manipulation. And etc.

But you could be lucky and be in a situation to where you’ll never go through obstacles that show you how women are the same in this aspect

So it sounds like we agree. But no. I’m arguing that you are treating men and women the same. Which is the problem. Not them being incapable of love. But in you expecting reciprocation

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-10-18T11:12:37+00:00

Would a better way to put this be that the love someone they love feels for them has value?

I know people lose their shit over things like dread, but part of the reason it works is that it creates value for the feelings of the person they are with. Without that value, things go to shit.

Title	Most women want to be loved, but they dont want to love.
Author	Slow_Celebration1328
Upvotes	60
Comments	252
Date	October 18, 2025 9:14 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1o9r4jw/most_women_want_to_be_loved_but_they_dont_want_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-women-want-to-be-loved-but-they-dont-want-to.1564398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564398

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