Who told men being nice would lead to sex?

ChiBron86 · 2026-06-07T12:52:34+00:00

There was a question on AskReddit about a year or so ago for women that dealt with inceldom and why a man might struggle to get laid. By far the most upvoted comment in that thread was "he must be a bad person". By far. And the most common replies were pretty much all in that vein. So ummm yeah, women are telling men this.

Heck, you ask any women to this day what she wants in a guy and it will still be "kind, respectful, considerate, funny, emotionally intelligent blah blah blah". It's not that women don't want those attributes, but they want it in a guy they are actually attracted to first (good looking, confident, assertive, ambitious).

growframe · 2026-06-07T12:17:14+00:00

When I say morality and niceness has no effect on dating and attraction, it's usually women pushing back.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2026-06-07T12:31:48+00:00

I think a lot of erroneous ideas about sex and dating come from one sex projecting unto the other what it wants.

Men would definitely take "She's nice to me and she's not butt ugly" as a good reason for sex.

Sensitive_Housing_85 · 2026-06-07T13:28:19+00:00

Some women claim that being a good person leads to positive dating outcomes, but’s not always that simple or accurate. The reality is more complex, and many men have noticed this. Even misogyny doesn’t entirely some men from finding dating success.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2026-06-07T15:32:56+00:00

Who told men being nice would lead to sex?

Women did and do, when you ask them what they like in a man. It's often a compendium of "nice" things. It's just that they want these things from men they are already attracted to.

Who told men that the only reason they should be nice to ANYONE is to get laid?

You are changing the terms of your argument here.

Did no one teach men to be genuinely kind to people because it’s the right thing to do?

Oh, all the time. We are (or were) taught to. Help little old ladies, be kind to children and animals, and so on. Church does (or did) that, Scouts, etc.

i’m trying to figure out where is the disconnect when women hear “Be nice to girls“ and men hear “be nice to girls” growing up that they hear very different things.

There isn't one, but is it some kind of "hate crime" against women that men, even nice men, want sex?

The problem that "nice guys" have is that they are so scared of rejection they don't ever make their move, so, at best, the girl thinks they aren't interested and at worst, she knows and uses him for his time/attention/resources.

brassbuffalo · 2026-06-07T13:35:39+00:00

You made several posts arguing but that being agreeable would help with women. Ergo, you told men being nice would eventually lead to sex.

kexavah558ask · 2026-06-07T15:49:57+00:00

This was a message pushed by older female relatives, the media, even the school system, circa 199x-2013. "Just be yourself and they'll come", "girls are pretty dumb right now but once they grow up they'll see the value in a guy like you", etc.

There's a sea of sex comedies/coming of age dramas that fueled this narrative. Sex Ed materials from that time also would attest to it, although they're likely harder to find nowadays.

The early manosphere/PUA movement was a whiplash against that false messaging.

Since the MeToo movement/4th wave feminism escalated the rhetoric to "Women owe you Men nothing (despite you owing us massive social net contributions)", feminists have been trying to gaslight us that this message was never pushed and we imagined it. I'm sure that I've seen many posts of yours specifically about that.

gtbreddit1 · 2026-06-07T12:05:29+00:00

Women tell men that every time they insist not being nice is the reason they can't get sex.

anonymousppd123123 · 2026-06-07T12:14:42+00:00

every single movie, tv show

literally billions of dollars was spent on marketing that message

Outsider98 · 2026-06-07T12:10:05+00:00

While it’s a little different, many men were advised that women want a man who can be a Provider, and providing without expecting anything in return (but being grateful if someone does return the favour in some way) is a form of expressing “niceness”/kindness.

This is the primary dating advice I received from my mother at puberty.

Part of the reason it was common advice for men, was due to the fact that women were previously forced to marry a Provider, and still socially encouraged to do so before the 2000s wave of Feminism, so many recent generations of men were still raised to believe that providing financial stability and kindness (because as you just argued yourself, kindness is generally appealing, right?!) was what women are naturally attracted to.

And since Looks was the quiet part not said out-loud, many men felt mislead that Looks also didn’t matter more for initial attraction, but also for men to fulfil every other traditional male gender role as well, when Feminist messaging was that gender roles were shifting in general (and not only for women in the West).

WanabeInflatable · 2026-06-07T13:16:19+00:00

It is told differently. It is not a promise of sex for niceness. At least, usually there is no such direct connection.

However, when men complain that he has trouble finding love, people (women and white knights) paradrop into the thread to tell him, that's because he is bad personality, sexist, doesn't see women as humans et.c.

I.e it is not be nice to get laid. It is you don't getting laid because you are not nice.

Practical-Medium-210 · 2026-06-07T13:38:06+00:00

The words out of my first girlfriend’s mouth, verbatim, were “I’m attracted to men with a good heart.”

Women shift their definitions of what constitutes an attractive male based on whatever makes them look good. The pretense that “nice guys” somehow arrived at the conclusion that women are attracted to kindness and decency based on delusions perpetuated by nothing is women dodging accountability, as per usual.

It is, as always, fascinating to watch women be so afraid of agency and accountability that they foster most of their intersexual hatred toward men that were foolish enough to listen to them.

wesborland1234 · 2026-06-07T12:15:38+00:00

We were told being confident would lead to sex but that doesn’t work either

Training-Cook3507 · 2026-06-07T13:13:55+00:00

Women told men over and over that being nice is the way to go. They just weren't being totally honest.

Kanenas_T_Potas · 2026-06-07T15:53:52+00:00

I am going to assume this is an honest question and say: most men are taught, from a very young age, that being "nice" is a prerequisite to having a partner.

Men are conditioned to be deferential to women in many aspects. From engaging in gallant behaviour to having different standards for playing with other guys vs playing with women (in the playground).

If you are constantly told that only people who treat women a certain way (deferring to them) will get a good partner, you eventually start to associate that with getting sex, which leads to covert contracts and most of the nice guy behaviours that are detrimental to getting laid.

Robert Glover himself explains it way better than I ever could, but, just as women are generally conditioned to behave in a certain manner towards men, men are conditioned to behave in a certain way around women; generally this conditioning (in men) is done by women who subtly start to send the message since they are very young.

On a side note: no one is kind because it is the right thing to do. Mature people are polite (which is something very different from kindness) towards most people, and kind towards the people who you have a closer relationship with: friends, family, your partner.

Being kind is an act that requires reciprocity to work properly.

throwaway73737828 · 2026-06-07T12:19:59+00:00

Its through films and tv shows back in the day. The guy simps, gives flowers, gives everything to her and in the end she falls in love with him and gets laid.

We had to break the programming that they gave to us to get laid and date women. Todays kids are lucky, now there is no nice guy who tries to win her over in shows and films. Now its chads or bad boys who degrades women and women sleep with them in the films, which is responding to the reality we live in, compared to the delusional films that made men think women gives sex to nice guys.

tin8374 · 2026-06-07T18:31:06+00:00

It happens because many women who see a man is struggling with dating or is a virgin at a late age that "he must not be a nice person" or "he is a creep"

It comes when women attach a moral failing to men who struggle to date and "im nice" is a defense mechanism against those who assume the worst

"If he were nice then he would have had a gf by now" is a classic statement

The solution is for women to stop attaching a moral judgement based on a man's ability to attract women. As soon as that happens we will have less "nice guys(TM)"

Emotional_Meal748 · 2026-06-07T12:34:43+00:00

What should men be told to you in your opinion as advice on how to get laid?

BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2026-06-07T17:50:42+00:00

I've never really believed that being nice or kind to a woman would guarantee sex.

Having said that, I WAS taught that a woman wouldn't want to invest her time (and her body) in a man who was not going to treat her well. Ergo, I would be more likely to have sex with a woman if I treated her nicely and kindly.

pctopgs · 2026-06-07T12:43:58+00:00

"If you are really a nice guy then I should walk all over you and you wouldn't complain. If you say a word about me taking advantage of your niceness then it really means you are a piece of shit and I hate people like you." Some next level gaslighting in this post.

Women constantly say they want a man who's kind, attentive and considerate of their needs. Some boys hear these from women who are getting abused by piece of shit men, so boys decide to be the change that women say they want.

Steakman1 · 2026-06-07T14:16:11+00:00

Men are told its a prerequisite. Not that it alone results in sex.

So not: nice=sex

But: nice+other things=sex.

Gemini_zyx · 2026-06-07T12:18:44+00:00

I dont think anyone told men "If you are nice it a woman will give you sex." And personally I try to be nice because its the right thing to do.

As for others, I cant speak to why they act how they do. Being kind to people has not really worked so well though so maybe thats a factor.

Mela_ninja · 2026-06-07T12:17:44+00:00

It’s societal.

Men have been conditioned since a young age to think that being nice makes you a good person, and good things happen to good people. Similar to the do good in school and you’ll be financially sorted.

Then you factor in how men are socialized to think that getting women proves you have value.

It’s also instilled by women as their go to insult is something that shows you can’t get the approval of women I.e virgin, incel, gay etc..

Heck there’s women in this sub that say the reason incels don’t attract women is due to their misogyny. While not entirely wrong, it’s also not right either. Many horrible, racist, misogynists still do pretty well in attracting women.

The solution is to have more nuanced discourse, but most people don’t want that.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-06-07T12:55:30+00:00

It's typically included in a woman's response to the vague question "what do you want in a man?"

The answer typically includes, but is not limited to:

someone who listens
someone who is kind
someone who respects me
someone who cares
someone who puts in effort
someone who shows up

Stuff along those lines

The problem is, the woman is talking about how she would like to be treated by men she is attracted to, not what initially attracts her in the first place. Dudes take that and run with it and then get butthurt when she only sees them as a friend.

Damn_thats_tufff · 2026-06-07T13:41:30+00:00

The amount of men post you make is genuinely concerning at some points. Your obsession and yearning for mens attention should be studied.

It was 5am PST when you posted this. Go to bed.

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SoldierExcelsior · 2026-06-07T23:16:38+00:00

It's more of a learned experience than something you're told..I'm nice because why not though I'm not sure what your definition of nice is..

I'm friendly I greet people I say hello hold doors if I see someone struggling with something and I can I offer support etc

I once saw a woman in the store struggling with her child he's having a tantrum throwing things etc so I talked to him and calmed him down.

As I'm leaving approaches me and said that was really nice what I did she asked me if I have children and engaged me on small talk ..now normally I wouldn't ask a woman out or for her number but from the direction if the conversation I sensed she wanted me to so I did..

We ended up dating for awhile but I didn't want marriage or kids which she did so I ended things..It wasn't about her she was a fine woman I just didn't want the responsibility of having a family.

Being nice can lead to sex and relationships sometimes experience shows us that not really something you're told.

Proudvow · 2026-06-08T04:36:49+00:00

Many women when asked what they want say they like nice guys. And when a guy complains about not getting laid, many blue pillers say it's because of his toxic personality, misogyny, and objectification of women.

That implies that if you don't have these things then you'll get laid.

If they would stop lying about that then the misconception would disappear.

Dating is about social skills, seductive skills (different thing from social skills), and looks. It has nothing to do with being nice.

WebNew9978 · 2026-06-08T17:16:07+00:00

Women along with media.

Dertross · 2026-06-08T20:48:02+00:00

The usual accusation of a moral/character flaw whenever a male is unsuccessful with women necessarily implies that men with good character/morals are particularly successful with women.

aslfingerspell · 2026-06-09T06:44:41+00:00

"Nice guys aren't actually nice." is a phrase I've seen.

It's a bit of a weird piece of rhetoric. It doesn't say that you need more than niceness to get sex. It doubles down on the idea that sexless men are simply not good people.

SomeSugondeseGuy · 2026-06-07T13:06:07+00:00

Women did.

Not that she'll reward you with sex, but that being a kind person will yield dividends when dating a woman.

Who told men being nice would lead to sex?

Comments

Did I say that? NO. Im asking questions.

And you know NOTHING about them?

Title	Who told men being nice would lead to sex?
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	0
Comments	335
Date	June 7, 2026 12:01 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tza9mz/who_told_men_being_nice_would_lead_to_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/who-told-men-being-nice-would-lead-to-sex.1582263 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582263