What are your thoughts when you hear people say “Women dont know what they want”?

HollowLegMonk · 2019-11-19T15:29:29+00:00

“Believe a persons actions not their words” applies to both men and women. The human mind is driven by the subconscious which controls emotions. Speech is regulated by a different part of the brain than emotions(most of the time but not if someone has an issues with anxiety) so a lot of people are able to logically say one thing, but then do another because the subconscious will take over and cause a person to act based on emotion. That’s why you yourself in the past might have planned out exactly what you want or need to do in a situation and say what it is out loud, but in the actual moment you’ll do something different or do the wrong thing. Then afterwards you are confused by why you acted like that. It’s because you weren’t in control of your emotions subconsciously. With practice one can learn to better control their emotions.

For example if your in a relationship and your partner says they don’t have feelings for another person, but they try to interact and spend time with that person, flirt, text them, like their selfies on social media, constantly bring them up etc they probably do have feelings regardless of what they say. Learning to listen to their actions can help.

jasonology09 · 2019-11-19T17:47:40+00:00

Just my theory, but I think this exists because of the contradictions that men see in a not insignificant amount of women. For example, if you were to poll women about what qualities attract them to a man, I'd be willing to bet that virtually none of them would say, they want a man who is, e.g. abusive, or a philanderer, or unintelligent, or any number of "negative" qualities. But at the same time, men see women with those kinds of guys all the time. As men, we're told all through our lives that qualities like being nice, thoughtful, respectful, supportive, etc. are what women want from us. But in reality, we observe the "bad boy" or the "Chad" having the most success with women. For men, this phenomena is extremely confusing.

goatismycopilot · 2019-11-19T16:52:18+00:00

I think it is dumb as fuck. I always know what I want and if asked I will answer. A lot of times I am told here I am lying, it is not personal against me the women here are always told they are lying. I think whatever women want or say they want is dismissed a good deal of the time when it does not fit the narrative. Layered on to this is a Stalinist obsession with consistency and these being exactly the same all the time for all of eternity.

Reisiluu · 2019-11-19T15:02:26+00:00

“Women dont know what they want”

Said by men who have never been the targeted by a woman who knows exactly what she wants and tries to get it.

hshsvdhsiabs · 2019-11-19T17:17:15+00:00

It sounds like somebody who doesn’t want to believe the truth. Most women I know are pretty straightforward even when it makes them look shallow. “He has to be taller than me” or “ he needs to have a car and a real job” I just told my hairdresser I would be moving in with my boyfriend soon and her real reaction was “oh now you’ll share his money.” I found this kinda rude because that’s not at all how I think of it (we are too poor to not both contribute equally anyway seeing as we are college students). But usually a person will tell you who they are you just have to listen. So when a women tells you she doesn’t like egotistical assholes, id believe her too.

poppy_blu · 2019-11-19T14:47:29+00:00

I think young women who first start dating might now know what they want or may feel conflicted as they try to figure it out.

But apparently that’s why we date when we are younger. To figure out what we want.

🤯

It’s hilarious that OOH these dudes shriek all day about how they were lied to and spent years trying to figure it out and had to come to RP to get enlightened. But somehow women are supposed to be born knowing everything.

Grek27 · 2019-11-19T14:45:19+00:00

"I want a nice guy who won't cheat"

[deleted] · 2019-11-19T15:59:21+00:00

It depends on the woman, but I think people in general don't know 100% what they want, and that's okay. Unless they happen to be extremely self aware (very rare) or older, but as we know it doesn't matter what older women say they want they're just coping with the fact that they can't ride the CC /s

Also, wanting isn't the same as prioritizing or making that your only priority. "I want a good guy that will treat me nice"- what you're NOT hearing is the implied "I want a guy that I find attractive that is a good fit for me that treats me in a way I find acceptable or familiar". But saying "that I find attractive" will garner people saying "but looks don't matterrrrr it matters how he treats you don't be shallow" or some similar bullshit half the time.

Also, what someone WANTS doesn't necessarily have to be found in their waking life. A girl that consistently picks the opposite trait of whatever she claims she wants could very well want what she's saying she wants, she's just self sabotaging or not very intelligent.

BumblingBeta · 2019-11-19T19:53:32+00:00

Well when women claim they like kind, honest, decent men with dad bods and then go for hot muscular jerks who manipulate and abuse them, it's pretty obvious why men say that women don't know what they want.

You really should watch what women do, not what they say. Because invariably their words are full of shit. They pander to social expectations so they don't hurt people's feelings, so you should always look at what they do.

Women are very duplicitous in my opinion, way more so than men. They have split personalities depending on which men they're interacting with. That's why men claim that women don't know what they want. In reality, it's just their dual mating strategy - they want hot men, but also stable providers, so they have two different personalities depending on which man they're interacting with, and they will change their opinions and behaviours to please both kind of men.

Haelester · 2019-11-19T13:54:31+00:00

Tts a thing you hear from men chasing lower tier women for sex, in my opinion. A married man who has been with is wife for a few years not only knows that his wife knows what she wants, he knows exactly what she wants too.

Foxxellot · 2019-11-19T16:33:18+00:00

I think it's stupid and pretty much don't want to have anything to do with a guy who thinks so

baldandshortcel · 2019-11-19T19:42:06+00:00

They are in denial that women care more about looks than anything.

SilentLurker666 · 2019-11-19T22:37:43+00:00

No one knows what they want or need, and people's wants and needs changes over time.

“watch what women do, not what they say”

Action speaks louder then words no? Or is exceptions being made just because it portrays a certain gender in a negative light?

doctor_trucks · 2019-11-20T19:06:05+00:00

People who say that are morons.

Women know what they want. They happen to often want different things, because women are individuals. Idiots who cannot understand that get confused and start screaming the above.

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analt223 · 2019-11-19T14:00:17+00:00

Funny enough, more women have said that phrase to me than men.

mr_kuk · 2019-11-19T14:01:44+00:00

Women know exactly what they want. It's "not that!"

Galliend · 2019-11-19T14:56:33+00:00

People don't know what they want, and give shit advice to the other gender. When men give women advice they invariably say the same bullshit as the inverse: be nice, be intelligent, approach guys first. And then guys go and form obsessions with crazy BPD Becky and wonder why subs like fds exist.

exit_sandman · 2019-11-19T16:14:04+00:00

Kalzium, Magnesium und Karbonat sind eine wichtige Grundlage für den im Aquarium nachgebildeten Lebensraum Riff.

It's mostly the following things I think of:

their observable mate selection criteria being at odds with their verbalized criteria (aka pay attention to what they do, not what they say)
them picking a guy and then trying to change them at all costs, only to then fall out of love with him
them picking a guy only to dump him for someone else, aka branch swinging (this one might be particularly baffling to some guys who can't wrap their head around people having options)

Jathrowaway97 · 2019-11-19T16:17:29+00:00

It either means that the woman knows what she wants but doesn’t feel safe/comfortable to express it which leads to confusion. Or she genuinely doesn’t know.

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-11-19T16:22:42+00:00

Women rarely say publicly what they want. They use dog whistles instead though. Ambitious instead of rich. Confident instead of high status. Healthy instead of muscular. And then they say things like “funny” or “nice” which again - means nothing.

So yes, watch what they do and not what they say. Many women know what turns them on but also know they’ll be shamed for it so they act innocent. Others have no clue and legit want the Male feminist Yet later on have no idea why they aren’t attracted.

AntifaSuperSwoledier · 2019-11-19T16:28:03+00:00

Lots of research indicates people often don't self report accurately. It's not unique to women though.

Dora_Bowl · 2019-11-19T17:16:01+00:00

I agree with it, only because I think people general do not actually know what they want. A baby can desire to do a dangerous thing, such as sticking a fork into an outlet or climbing down a staircase, but they obviously do not want to get hurt. This probably applies to most people, and I know it applies to myself. But I probably know more about what I want than some random Red Pill user explaining away my subconscious to me.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-11-19T17:31:36+00:00

I generally know what I want. I don't always believe I can get it, but I know what it is.

G77R23D · 2019-11-19T17:52:00+00:00

It's accurate.

TheReformist94 · 2019-11-19T18:11:22+00:00

It's dumb as fuck. It's an RP cope.

It's quite clear as day as indicated by the pareto principle. Women couldn't make it more obvious

[deleted] · 2019-11-19T18:33:43+00:00

I'm a man and not knowing what I want is a big weakness of mine currently

alluptheass · 2019-11-19T19:20:12+00:00

I think it's just that women are attracted to strength and what constitutes a "strong" man is not easy to verbalize. So it gives the illusion that women don't know what they want when in fact they know perfectly well. Men on the other hand, are more attracted to physical beauty, which is easily verbalized, and therefore it appears as though they are more aware of what they want, when this is not actually the case.

[deleted] · 2019-11-19T19:32:44+00:00

Not gonna lie, sometimes it makes me second guess myself. I'm a congenital skeptic. That said, most days I count my lucky stars that I am where I am.

Swap_The_Gender · 2019-11-19T19:46:45+00:00

People don't know what they want

Women are a subset of people

mistresswhat · 2019-11-19T19:59:38+00:00

Lots of people don't know what they want. It's not gendered. A lot of the dudes spouting off on the internet about how they'll only marry submissive virgins are going to knowingly and happily marry women who are not either of those things by a long shot. It's the human condition.

On the other hand, plenty of people do know exactly what they want and a lot of those people are women.

Erens_rock_hard_abs · 2019-11-20T01:19:06+00:00

The same thoughts when I generally hear such generalizing claims about some "identity category": most likely the individual that says it experienced this with some members of that category but is a collectivist, rather than an individualist, and thus needs to apply it to all of them.

I can't say these things make me irate or move me any more; they're too common for that.

[deleted] · 2019-11-20T01:22:07+00:00

It's often true, not always, but alot of the time. Funny story actually, my brother was trying to get a date with a young woman he knows not long ago. She came out with all this crap saying she's a pansexual, doesn't really know what she is, doesn't want to date men etc etc...What does she do? 2 weeks after starting uni, she hooks up with a guy there. Yup lmao

SoloDoloFE · 2019-11-20T02:03:47+00:00

It's all in the moment emotions which are difficult to put into words. they don't know what they want, but they know how they like to feel.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-11-20T04:04:06+00:00

I find it so funny that men think they know what women want. I've fallen for every smart guy I've ever worked with. They ain't gotta be cute. Just... Great personality and super smart.

For some reason, I suddenly start thinking they're cute.

Men act like we are a mystery to ourselves. Sure at times it's confusing. But we can literally be the only one who knows WHAT IS GOING ON inside our head. WE feel attracted to men. We may not know WHY, but we may know WHAT we find attractive. I think, why is not possible to know. You cannot negotiate attraction, therefore, people probably are attracted for biological reasons from our evolution.

Finally, it's also the vast majority of people were raised to believe that attraction is negotiable and that women fall for "good guys". Im sure most women fall for genetically superior men, but which genetics and how can be up for debate. Good guys get the girl is a Disney movie narrative

k995 · 2019-11-20T08:16:15+00:00

“Women dont know what they want”?

Some women just like some men dont know what they want, its something we share.

misiepatysie · 2019-11-20T08:43:37+00:00

I think the person claiming it is a moron and then I go about my life. There is no point in beating myself up over a statment form a random internet starnger. I am happy with my life, have my goals and that is all that matters to me.

mabev43568 · 2019-11-20T18:25:20+00:00

First, that's just a fact. An observed fact. Not a opinion.

Here is an example:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJvZQumfxB0

That's why Freud invented the concepts of superego and the unconscious. There is a difference between what a person think he is, how that person presents herself to the public, and instinctive (unconscious) behavior.

For that reason, DNA puppeteers her inscting with feelingsthing, and also showing that (super ego) image to the public, but on sexual matters, she is guided by her instinct.

Her instinct is written on DNA, to make sure that her education doesn't messes with reproductive success.

Fuckboys are reproductively successful, so they are good DNA for her sons, and thus she is attracted to fuckboys.

For that reason, DNA puppeteers her instinct with feelings. Feelings put the rational mind aside, and take control.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-11-20T19:29:18+00:00

Its an opinion that people are entitled to have & believe

DubsPackage · 2019-11-21T04:11:41+00:00

My reaction is that it's true and pretty much true for both sexes.

Women are more raw/emotional/primal and men tend to be somewhat more analytical.

So women "want" something, they're not sure what it is, but they know it when they see it and often reverse-rationalize "it" into something wholesome which fits into their local cultural narrative.

Most men are also the same, not every man sits around pondering "What do I want, what do I really really want? And why?"

Most men don't question they just act according to their id and their loins, same as women.

El_Guapo2020 · 2019-11-21T17:22:31+00:00

They don’t have be ‘super hot’ or ‘super slutty’

Littleknownfacts · 2019-11-19T14:40:28+00:00

I think that's probably true for most women.

DontTouchTheCancer · 2019-11-19T15:33:49+00:00

Honestly, I think it's accurate.

But only because it's true of everyone. The Monkey's Paw stories shows that the worst thing that can happen is that you get exactly what you ask for.

JustAnotherHandle_ · 2019-11-19T16:50:58+00:00

I roll my eyes. I do know what I like.

However, when someone asks that question, I am not going to start talking about physicality. Women are hounded with beauty expectations from the time they are born. I try to avoid talking about physical imperfections, preferences etc. because it isn't uncommon for people's feelings to be hurt and just feels rude to talk about.

So yeah, when I talk about what I want in a partner, me being attracted to them is assumed.

Ofourkind · 2019-11-19T18:55:16+00:00

I think that sentiment usually comes from the type of dude who consistently chases unavailable women. Which in my opinion is a mental illness.

rhyth7 · 2019-11-20T01:46:17+00:00

When I say what I want then men get very mad if they do not fit that criteria. White guys get mad when I say I do not want to marry a white guy, I want to marry somebody who understands racial stuff. I want somebody who can relate to me on that.

Right wing men get mad that I do not want to date them, for them they just view my political leanings as 'female woo woo bullshit', I'm sorry but I cannot just be like 'oh that's my husband thinking gays and minorities don't deserve basic rights, males are so silly!'

I have preferences in a male's looks and styling, every time i name a celeb that I'm really into or show a pic of my youtube crush to some guy, he goes 'that guy looks gay' because he doesn't fit into what I like. They like to dismiss it as 'I don't know what I want or need' because to them they think I should want/need them. I think it's just ego protection when people say that someone else doesn't know what they want.

I know what I want but the examples of that are very rare and most guys do not want to be like that. That is fine, dating is a choice for both parties and I would rather try to date someone who is highly compatible with me than shoehorn myself into a relationship with someone who is just lonely and likes my body.

lycheenme · 2019-11-20T01:08:32+00:00

i mean yeah sometimes they don’t but most people especially as they get older learn more about themselves and i don’t think women are trying to deceive people on purpose. no one knows what they want all the time, and that’s fine, but i think it’s counter productive to shit on women on the internet who are telling the truth about their personal experiences just because they don’t align with yours.

Title	What are your thoughts when you hear people say “Women dont know what they want”?
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	14
Comments	206
Date	November 19, 2019 1:51 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dyko25/what_are_your_thoughts_when_you_hear_people_say/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-your-thoughts-when-you-hear-people-say.295853 https://theredarchive.com/post/295853

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