Waiting for sex, and wanting a provider as an independent woman - thoughts?

Aldabruzzo · 2021-06-09T13:14:18+00:00

Here's the problem:

me being independent in every way, I would still love to be with a man who was generous and wanted to provide for me (pay for dates, get me gifts, take pride in being the provider), not that I intend on not working but it’s the principle.

Here's how we men translate that.

"My money is my money; your money is my money, our money is my money. I'm independent when it suits me. I have my own money, but you still have to pay. And you have to pay and pay and pay until I decide it's enough, and THEN, MAYBE, you can have a taste of some starfish sex. Oh, and we're "equals". You providing for me does NOT mean you get to be "dominant" or the "leader" or the "head". It just means you have to pay."

What I see is a woman wanting "independence" when it suits her; and then demanding that I pay and pay and pay and get nothing back. What I see is a ballbuster who demands and demands, and then gives me nothing.

Take that bullshit somewhere else.

I liked the suggestion of replacing this with “loving man who wants to take care of me”

Only if I get a loving, caring, pretty woman who submits to me.

If you want to be taken care of, then do it his way and don't question it or complain about it. Otherwise, do it yourself, and pay for it yourself.

I think that what you really mean is "I want a man who will submit to me, do it my way, and pay for it." THAT is what I think you REALLY want and mean. You don't want the man. You don't want him. You don't want to do it his way. You just want access to his money so you can get someone else to pay for it.

owlman_in_the_river · 2021-06-09T10:03:29+00:00

the men I think have qualities I admire, despite showing interest (and receiving my IOIs) don’t ask me out!

Why don't you ask these men out, then? You can do that, it's not against the rules.

Psychological_Wear_7 · 2021-06-09T09:31:37+00:00

despite showing interest (and receiving my IOIs)

Looking at him for 5 minutes across a packed room isn't an IOI miss

Bandit174 · 2021-06-09T13:42:32+00:00

What do you think of these two standards? Would a girl like me scare you off? Do men just not bother waiting for sex because some other woman is willing to sleep with them now, and is the idea of being a provider as a man outdated/a turn-off?

If she genuinely doesnt have casual sex and has a low n count then I would be fine paying for dates and waiting for sex. It seems more fair and "worth it" in that scenario. I am doing the traditional role of paying for dates and waiting for sex in echange for a woman who is traditional in the sense she is genuinely and consistently modest/hard to get.

What I don't want is to pay for dates and wait for sex just to get a girl who has slept around and spread her legs freely and easily for other men. That is the worst of both worlds. I am expected to fulfill the traditional masculine role but don't even get a traditional feminine woman.

343_peaches_and_tea · 2021-06-09T09:45:26+00:00

So as a married man sitting here with his sleeping two day old son in his arms:

I married a woman who made it clear for me that she was interested. She warm approached as we had common friends. I was very clear about how much I was into her from early on.
no sex before exclusivity would have been completely fine. I don't like casual sex either.
I would not run around after a woman again. The whole buying her dates, big shows of affection etc etc. Running around after women made me miserable.

At the end of the day I'm pretty sure I'm good relationship material in other ways. I'm confident, I'm smart, I'm not the worst looking, I'm emotionally supportive.

At the end of the day I'm going to leverage that position. Not running around after women is the thing I want. I'd rather be single than do that again TBH.

Luckily I met my wife and didn't have to do it and oh my gosh am I so much happier.

( Just to be clear I still put a lot of energy into my marriage. But being a provider? Nope nope nope )

WillFred213 · 2021-06-09T11:09:44+00:00

When I was single and dating, I always had the question in the back of my head about what my date was doing when I wasn't around. The more attractive, the more I'd get paralyzed and consumed by visions of the real life "girls gone wild" stuff I'd witnessed in bars and heard about 2nd hand. I'm sure these women thought I lost interest, which I had. I might have misjudged more than a few women, but women also underestimate how much men put at risk falling in love... and how the good men are going to detach when the risk/ reward ratio is unclear.

If my date wasn't meeting me half way in the discovery process, I did get scared off thinking I was just a backup plan or she had her ex bf available for bedtime calls. I had a great career, so a strong professional woman wouldn't scare me off - it would be a plus.

So to answer your question - you will scare off the HVM who also want to wait for sex if you can't drop hints that you aren't 'plate spinning'. Other ways I became convinced I wasn't going out with a plate spinner was just the other clues about her character. Consistent, disciplined, returned phone calls in a reasonable time, did volunteer work, took her grandmother out for brunch, etc.

passepar2t · 2021-06-09T12:09:26+00:00

Look, if you want a "man who was generous and wanted to provide for you" just say so. Dancing a 20 foot radius around the issue is just undignified.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-06-09T13:54:26+00:00

I think the issue here is that you basically want two different types of men in one. You want a man who will take the modern approach of trying to look good for you by pampering you with dates and gifts but without the reason for why they would be doing this, which is sex.

The guys who would be waiting for sex aren't going to be the guys who are throwing money at you in various forms because they likely care more about the emotional connection and don't value the "provider" role, as you call it.

So you want a guy to do all of the work initially without the reward until you have tied him down in a relationship. All I can find myself asking here is: "what's in it for him?" You're attractive and that's it?

My advice to you, if you're looking for advice, is to approach guys that you're interested in, because the type of guy that you're looking for isn't going to be deterred by you approaching him if he's really interested in you. As you said, the guys you like don't seem to be the ones asking you out, so you might have to put in some effort in meeting them halfway. Personally, I'm kind of turned off by the type of woman who doesn't put in much effort and thinks that her attractiveness should get her everything she wants.

SylvestorTalone · 2021-06-09T14:17:06+00:00

I would just assume you were trying to extract as much value from me as possible and weren't really interested. Not every guy is as cynical as I am though.

TrueCenterRealist · 2021-06-09T09:30:04+00:00

You’re not independent if you want a provider.

DaBlockObama · 2021-06-09T09:20:02+00:00

You wouldn’t scare me off. You would inspire me to lose interest. Because someone who says with a straight face “I’m independent in every way…and I want you to provide for me”, is obviously detached and has a clear cognitive dissonance.

AceOfBlacks · 2021-06-09T11:36:02+00:00

I would like to provide for a woman that doesn't expect me to provide for her.

You are not the one.

Far-Personality63 · 2021-06-09T12:18:51+00:00

Lose the word "provider", as you can provide for yourself. Lose the word "generous", as well. Those words have a connotation of you're looking for a sugar daddy. You are looking for a man who is loving and wants to care for you because of his love for you. Define "care for you" and what it means to you.

Doesn't everyone want to know their partner cares for them and is there for them? Are you looking for financial security? Emotional security? Thoughtfulness? In a loving relationship, both parties will do for the other.

Relationships are not quite that black and white. Relationships are give and take and there are many tradeoffs! It's easy for an individual to hold old ideals (the man is the provider and I want to be taken care of) yet want modern independence (I am woman. I am independent, fuck you, I'll do as I please). Doesn't that mean you get the best of both and are a taker of what fits your wants/needs at the time? What are you giving back? Sex? You think Men don't want to be cared for in their own way, whatever that means to them?

Do you want traditional roles or do you want equality? You can't sit on the fence and have it both ways, without being the dominant. You will eventually lose respect for that individual, as they are catering to your every whim and you will take for granted what they do. You will also lose respect for the man who plays the "provider" role and is the dominant, as they will want things their way or conditionally.

A man who is truly interested in you, for who you are or who they think you are and who wants a relationship, will wait for sex. And, no, it does not mean they are of lower value. Broaden your dating pool, make your intentions clear and be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince. If you have a pretty good judgment of character and the chemistry is right, I also see no reason for not having sex should you decide and that's what you both agree upon.

Last but not least, not all men are created equal. Some are certainly more reserved than others and absolutely will not approach a woman, as you may wish. That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever for you to approach a man. We do live in a modern World, after all!

Best wishes!

reluctantly_red · 2021-06-09T13:29:20+00:00

any man I dated would have to be willing to date without sex until we were exclusively in a relationship. And despite me being independent in every way, I would still love to be with a man who was generous and wanted to provide for me (pay for dates, get me gifts, take pride in being the provider),

Hell fucking NO!!! I don't care how hot you may be.

ToughAnswers · 2021-06-09T15:01:27+00:00

don’t we all want that, love and care can take so many forms.

🤣The form of him paying and you not fucking him for months on end, apparently

Anyone can want whatever they want. But why would a guy today want it? How are they going to know you've never done casual sex....because you say so lmao

Ultimately being happy single is key to making the right choices.

This is pretty much the deal. Settling is putrid and gross for all involved regardless.

Platinirism · 2021-06-09T10:55:50+00:00

You’re either independent, or you want to be dependant on a man who’s a provider. You can’t do both.

If you tell a man who wants to be a provider that you’re independent in every way, that’ll more likely turn him off than anything else.

If you want a provider, then you’ll have to stop acting like an independent woman and let him take charge in most thing.

Despite what Redpill and shit PPD says on here, letting a man wait for sex is fine so long as you’re actually a woman who does make ALL men wait for sex. It’s a good way to filter out the men who just want sex from the men who do want a committed long term relationship.

If a dude can’t wait a month or two for sex, then how can you trust him to last years with you?

Mondholm · 2021-06-09T09:39:27+00:00

If you want a man paying for you why don't you cooperate with a booking agency?

If you value material gifts of the men over a healthy connection and mutual compassion you're gonna get a man that buys you off.

layne89 · 2021-06-09T09:52:38+00:00

I would and have waited for sex with a particular woman. I am usually sleeping with other women until we're exclusive, if you take issue with that, most attractive men with options will probably not be your cup of tea.

Unlike the top comment, I don't think your definition of provider is mutually exclusive to you being independent. You want a generous man that doesn't mind picking up the tab.

decoy88 · 2021-06-09T10:21:21+00:00

Most pf this isn’t the craziest thing.

However, to get men with qualities you want you’ll need to demonstrate those same qualities in a tangible way very early on. Have you figured out how to do that?

Also it’s good to look into attachment styles to make sure you aren’t subconsciously crippling yourself.

FreierSteinkopf · 2021-06-09T10:31:29+00:00

I am confused. The first 2 paragraphs strike me as marriage material but the the third one is one of the biggest red flags for me tbh. If you told me that I have to pay for the dates while being completely independent I wish I had lost some more weight to run faster. Further dates simply wouldn't occure. It would all be great if we were married and were living the traditional lifestyle but during dating - just no.

I pay for myself and you do for yourself. Every other realistic scenario is waay to risky for a man and quality men are aware of that. I think you are setting yourself up for failure which is a shame given the other qualities.

idrinkapplejuice42 · 2021-06-09T11:47:17+00:00

If you have a provider youre not independent. Those things are contradictory.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-06-09T12:31:16+00:00

Look at it this way.

You are a queen looking for your king in a draughts game. And you look a lot like a draught. The difference between the queen and the draughts is the way they move, but to observe a real woman in action takes time, and you will need to be very consistent in your behaviour because one slip and... Bye queen.

Also, I've seen pawns become queens, but draughts are forever draughts, if you know what I mean. If you are not what you claim to be, sooner or later it'll come up, so the better option is to paint yourself in the best light possible without lying. "Lies have short legs", my grandpa used to say.

Like I always advice to my girl friends and female relatives, if you are going to play the long game then you need to be patient, you are selling an asset that is so rare in these times that most men will think that you are kidding or trying to play mind games.

With sex off the table you need to give a very first good impresion to keep a man intrested. I don't think women realize yet how much hook up culture has damaged the dating scene and the traditional relationships, but let me tell you, presenting a credible image of a modest, virtuous woman is going to be the one of the hardest things you do. Men will asume that you have at least a short list of failed relationships and a few hook ups/FWBs on your shoulders before you even open your mouth, and I'm not talking about redpilers and incels here, I'm talking about 8 out of 10 dudes. Most women today have very liberal views about sex and they are quite promiscuous, and this is a well known fact and quite mainstream knowdeledge out there, men see it first hand, it's not a secret.

So, in short, you are entering to the dating scene with oitdated requirements and conditions from an age where women were more deserving of it, and this will probably ruin lots if your relationship prospects.

Like I said, you are kind of a unicorn. Would you believe in unicorns if suddenly a horse with honrs appeared on your front door? I know I wouldn't, so I can't blame guys neither.

However, if you are decided to give it a try go for it, absolutely. I think if you are patient enough and stick to your guns you will eventually find the guy you are looking for. It'll be though, but it's not imposible.

Crafty-Particular998 · 2021-06-09T12:36:19+00:00

Hi, I’m a woman who was in the same boat as you. Show him you’re interested, but do not sleep with him until you both agree on what you want.

vov1n · 2021-06-09T12:49:21+00:00

What do you think of these two standards? Would a girl like me scare you off?

I'd think that she is trash and next her. I don't judge people based on their standards but IMO, women who want providers are trashy to me.

Also if she withholds sex, that tells me she isn't attracted to me.

is the idea of being a provider as a man outdated/a turn-off?

yes it is, lazy leeches are big turn off.

goofstaffshin · 2021-06-09T15:36:50+00:00

lol "im a strong independent feminist woman who dont need no man!"

"but also im definitely a more traditional type in a relationship and want to be provided for by the man financially and emotionally"

RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE. you sound like you want the best of both worlds, aka very spoiled and entitled.

Algae_Natural · 2021-06-09T16:07:45+00:00

Just be careful with how long you make him wait. I dated a girl for over a year and a half and she didn't put out. It was her choice, wtf was I supposed to do other than wait? She broke up with me without ever having sex so if I ever get another chance to date someone I won't make the same mistake.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-06-09T17:11:32+00:00

I mean I’m late to this party, but yeah I probably wouldn’t be interested due to no fault of your own. Based on your feelings toward sex I can only assume that: (1) you’re much less experienced sexually than I am, so we’re not compatible there; or (2) you are only waiting for sex with me because you were hurt by someone who only wanted you for what is between your legs in the past. Either way, we’re worlds apart on what sex means to us… just like we’d be worlds apart if you fucked a different guy every week.

Also, I see you edited “provider” to mean something else.

I’m not interested in being a provider simply because the only tried and true dating strategy is to give equal energy to the person you’re interested in. If you don’t keep consistent energy, I’ll assume you’re getting everything you need from someone else and you don’t want me so, no worries, good luck.

hesipullupjimbo445 · 2021-06-09T20:53:48+00:00

I’m going to be honest unless you’re in the top 10% of women, most men that you find attractive aren’t going to pursue you for more than a date.

If a man is looking for causal sex he’ll have no problem lowering his standard as long as he has a better chance at actually having sex. The five that’s dtf is always a better option than the prudish 8.

As far as being independent but wanting a man that wants to take care of you, it depends on what you define that as. If it means he pays for all the dates and all the bills in a relationship then it’s gonna be tough. You being independent means that you’re more likely to deal with issues that he just simply doesn’t care about. He could care less about what’s going on at your job since that job isn’t contributing to bills. He may be much better off marrying a woman that’s going to quit her job to be a housewife because the issues she’ll have are relevant to him.

You can have your standards but if the men you want don’t want you then it’s all for nothing.

GrandRub · 2021-06-09T09:21:00+00:00

it wouldnt "scare me off" - its like food i dont want to eat.

a women who wants a provider ... while saying she is a "independent woman" is a recipe for stress and a very bad time.

why should a man pay "take pride for beeing the provider" - for someone who takes pride in their own independance?

the sex thing isnt bad at all ... just communicate that you think the other person is attractive... kiss...make out... what feels comfortable for you. no problem.

NockerJoe · 2021-06-09T09:19:01+00:00

You kinda skipped over the important part of men you want not making any moves, let alone paying. You're very obviously putting the cart before the horse here.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2021-06-09T11:39:20+00:00

Here’s the thing, given I don’t do casual sex, any man I dated would have to be willing to date without sex until we were exclusively in a relationship. And despite me being independent in every way, I would still love to be with a man who was generous and wanted to provide for me (pay for dates, get me gifts, take pride in being the provider), not that I intend on not working but it’s the principle.

What do you think of these two standards? Would a girl like me scare you off? Do men just not bother waiting for sex because some other woman is willing to sleep with them now, and is the idea of being a provider as a man outdated/a turn-off?

The value of your personality/companionship would have to be exceptionally high for me to not describe your standards as unfair. Not to mention you seem to be unwilling to value a man for the personality/companionship he provides to you.

To put it bluntly you seem to want a situation where he'd still want to be with you even if you provided him with nothing in return. And that is rather awful.

f1vepointoh · 2021-06-09T12:09:27+00:00

Honestly if i liked the girl and she wanted to make me wait to have sex. I would just sleep with other girls till im in the relationship. Why do women think punishing men that actually like them will get better results? Id be gone faster than you could say bye. Women use men for validation and they think we dont know or see whats going on... we know you are all talking to a minimum of atleast 5 guys. So we aint going to look dumb might aswell do our thing too till we know you aint playin. Providers are gone. Get to work feminists. none of us are interested in breaking our backs so you can have your nails done. Equal world.

LeJacquelope · 2021-06-09T10:21:06+00:00

[removed]

TheAlpha321 · 2021-06-09T10:26:15+00:00

Good luck getting a man that has any amount of options to commit to you without having sex first. That will not happen in this culture.

Casual sex is normal and if a man commits before sex he is either desperate or religious.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-06-09T11:48:17+00:00

A lot depends on how long it would take for a well-meaning man dating you exclusively and in good faith to be considered 'in a relationship' with you.

As for longer term prospects, it ultimately comes down to whether you provide a fair deal and can find a man who is interested in the nature of your offer. Essentially, once in a relationship, do think or act like your beauty is one of your assets that makes you a prize or anything like that. Be prepared to put in as much effort as the man, if in different ways, into making a great relationship. If you do that, I think you can probably find a man you are looking for.

One caveat is simple statistics. How much provisions do you need while dating? What style of gifts and dates do you want? How much would you like to work while married or after having children? There are lots of men willing to provide for a good woman to the extent they can, but men just aren't as wealthy as they were 50 years ago. The more you want, the more competition you will have for a man of that status. And likely the more other factors you will have to weigh less heavily than his resources. If you want 6 feet tall, nice body, nice face, charming personality, great style, a leader, etc. and a man of significant resources, well, that's a rare man. And the competition would be extreme.

Dirty_Purity · 2021-06-09T12:12:05+00:00

and receiving my IOIs

Are you sure about that? Men could be quite blunt in this matter.

As for you situation in general, as far as can see people becoming less and less interested in long-term relationship and commitment nowadays. Attractive guys can have sex without it so there is no reason for them to settle down and a lot of average guys don't think it is worth the outcome (and if you are really attractive you are probably not interested in them at all).

So, good luck with you endeavors.

Sabysmal · 2021-06-09T13:14:57+00:00

There's a lot of insecurity in the comments here. Men get as equally emotional and defensive about the responsibility of "providing" as women do about staying attractive as they age and have children.

If I were single (and not Christian), you wouldn't "scare me off" for possessing inherently feminine traits and desires. Through the fight for "equality" and "equity," our culture has lost sight of what makes men, men and women, women. It's difficult to maintain this balance when sex is fluid and women mirror men in every non-obvious way (i.e. pregnancy, periods, etc.).

The sad reality is that it will be difficult to find what you're looking for in the secular dating scene. But likely not impossible.

SN2rx · 2021-06-09T17:29:05+00:00

any man I dated would have to be willing to date without sex until we were exclusively in a relationship.

What makes you so special that it'd be worth waiting?

PeskyHijinks · 2021-06-09T21:25:46+00:00

I think a major problem is that women don't understand that the vast, VAST, majority of their IOIs are just far too vague and subtle for most men to even remotely pick up on. It isn't that men are stupid, we just process emotions and things very differently than women. Women will often think they are being extremely obvious, but in reality they are absolutely not. Women really do need to be more obvious and up front about these things. 90% of men, except the ones who are very successful with women and often solely want sex, will simply not pick up on them.

TheDevilPutD · 2021-06-09T09:29:58+00:00

I have chased girls like you and let me put it diplomatically: IT WAS NEVER WORTH THE TIME EFFORT AND MONEY!

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-06-09T10:58:19+00:00

Waiting for sex to test the guy is a terrible strategy. 2 things can happen

1.)He can be “waiting” for you while having sex with other women.

2.)He can be a complete loser who gets no ass. Of course he’s waiting for you he has no options. The kissing and culddling Youre doing in the meantime is better than his hand that was using the previous 2 years lol

IMO every woman I’ve ever had sex with we started fucking very early within our knowing each other. Maybe not the first date but soon, the sexual chemistry is too much to deny

wtknight · 2021-06-09T09:54:17+00:00

[removed]

timissick · 2021-06-09T12:42:55+00:00

Dont listen to these sadsacks. The man you seek is out there. We are a small minority. I'd say 1/10, because most are taken, but just stay your course, you will find him.

12inchbamboo · 2021-06-09T11:52:25+00:00

Remember women are the gatekeepers of sex while men are gatekeepers of commitment.

Many men wanting you != many men wanting commitment with you.

A man with options will not wait to be exclusive to have sex with you, he will explore other options as he waits, But once the deed is done, you might forget your power cards.

You might also have sex with a man prior to commitment then he will offer you his commitment cards if you are worthy of it.

It is a risk, the choice is yours.

DemocraticDystopia · 2021-06-09T14:19:45+00:00

Your standards are fine. If you want to find a man like that, I'd advise using him being highly educated (especially in STEM) as your main filter. Those guys are commitment-oriented.

Would a girl waiting for sex scare me off? Not in itself, but the problem you face is that men know you aren't a virgin. Men are also wising up to being used for free dates by women who are at the same time not waiting for sex with other kinds of men. That behavior from other women undermines your goals, I'm afraid. So don't make him wait too long.

You have to work out how much gold there is in his heart by the third date. Then I'd say ask him for exclusivity.

Men will never be turned off the idea of being a provider in the long-run. We are biologically hardwired to build and protect.

AutoModerator · 2021-06-09T09:15:41+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Bardox30 · 2021-06-09T13:09:48+00:00

I paid for women who aren't home girls and did casual sex, so I'd find an excellent match tbh.

thegr8profiter · 2021-06-09T15:28:33+00:00

I think you are a troll.

If you are every bit a woman as you projected here, you will not be asking for redditors view. Heck, you will not be even on reddit.

A woman such you described will be engrossed in her hobbies and confident about herself. Such woman will not find difficulty in attracting men of her liking. Even if she fails to do so, she won't be bothered much and happily remain single without giving the whole situation a second thought.

I have been seeing some similar tone in previous posts. Looks like some concerted effort to evoke response.

Goodthingstartssmall · 2021-06-09T15:40:26+00:00

If i were a man and catch your IOI's and for a switch i don't get a death glare but a chance to date you. You were transparent with what you want ok. But then i think. You want generousity with my ressources mainly time and money. So i (as used to) plan a date like dinner, climbing etc. of course i have to drive you and of course i have to pay everytime we go out and on top i don't know when the relationship starts.

In this whole process...what is your role? What do you do in this? Will you help me to make the dates fun or rather sit there like a silent hiring manager analyzing everything? Would you understand that i also had bad encounters with the opposite gender and were in this process numerous times to no avail? What would you do to reduce my fear of being taken advantage of once again under the disguise of such cute flower words you described the generousity and safety feeling?

I have a feeling that once commitment is settled that you view your commitment and your pressence as more valuable than mine and that i had to compensate with months of dating. And the biggest concern would rightfully be is that your attraction is only transactional and not animalistic. If you don't want to rip apart my clothes in the relationship means that i have to further provide and to manage your attraction for sex every time. Of course the sex that comes out of it while not being bad isn't optimal either.

In the end while i find your standards reasonable when consistent applied you have to show that the man is doing good and have a valid chance if he continues his path and also contribute to the atmosphere during dates and also remove the fears that inevitably will be prevalent since the more analytical and introverted men are the ones who will be more likely to chose this route. How will you try to do this?

Historical-Agency334 · 2021-06-09T19:41:42+00:00

ive said it before but if a woman wants a "greater beta" provider, then red pill women (RPW) is the best strategy. if you are religious you could find someone of your religion who would respect your wish to stay chaste.

KFC_Fleshlight · 2021-06-09T20:02:28+00:00

There are guys out there that don’t mind waiting for commitment and are comfortable being a traditional provider before anything sexual happens. As long as you’re okay with them sleeping with other people until the exclusivity point i don’t think it’s unreasonable.

You’re definitely limiting your pool of potential partners but it sounds like you wouldn’t be interested in someone who doesn’t meet those requirements anyway, so it doesn’t matter that you’re ruling out people who you aren’t compatible with.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-06-09T20:07:18+00:00

What do you think of these two standards? Would a girl like me scare you off? Do men just not bother waiting for sex because some other woman is willing to sleep with them now, and is the idea of being a provider as a man outdated/a turn-off?

The two standards are entirely valid for you as a woman to retain. There is no issue with you selecting for that type of men beyond the fact that many desireable men aren't going to stick around for you even if they would be genuinely compatible with you.

Personally i would not continue dating you after a few meetings because I'd assume you weren't sexually attracted to me if you had rejected all of my initial advances. I'd go to a different option who i was sure of.

As for being a provider? Huge turn off for me, not huge turn off for some people. I dated a woman like that in college and she very quickly lost my respect and admiration. I'm sure as a stay at home mom she would have been a great person to raise children. And I'm sure she'll be great with the guy shes dating now. But i require a smart and ambitious woman who's capable of taking care of herself. What if i get in to an accident at work and die? You're ok being on the street as a single mom? Also, you're ok with your husband having financial leverage like that over you?

No, i require a partner who is, if not my intellectual and financial equal, at least in the ballpark.

Unteryn · 2021-06-09T20:53:44+00:00

Vomit.

Title	Waiting for sex, and wanting a provider as an independent woman - thoughts?
Author	Noone_else_is_honest
Upvotes	11
Comments	237
Date	June 9, 2021 9:15 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/nvrfuw/waiting_for_sex_and_wanting_a_provider_as_an/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/waiting-for-sex-and-wanting-a-provider-as-an.783586 https://theredarchive.com/post/783586

Comments