Refinery29 Article: I Earn Much Less Than My Partner, But We Split Costs Evenly. How Do I Stop Resenting Him?

saint-jezebel · 2021-06-21T21:39:24+00:00

Stop having sex with men who don’t like AND cherish you.

bluemexicanblanket · 2021-06-21T19:26:01+00:00

this is so sad wtf? she’s pregnant with HIS kid. that’s more than enough reason to not have to split bills so unfairly. “he wants to feel like a team” wtf?? she’s growing his child inside of her, reduced her hours, is struggling with money, while he’s saving away for personal use. how is that working as a team?

Sage_Planter · 2021-06-21T20:00:43+00:00

This theme is so common on the relationship subreddits.

None of these men have respect for their partners. They pretend to because "ooooh, look at her being a strong independent woman contributing 50/50!" They're happy to let their girlfriends and wives supplement their lifestyles. Most of the time, these women are barely making ends meet (or even going into debt) while their partners are comfortably spending, saving, contributing to retirement, etc.

anotherdamnloser · 2021-06-21T18:47:30+00:00

She’s having his baby and will give up her career to take care of said baby. If men want equal bill pay and expenses, they have to do half the labor. Which they can’t… so eff that. One of a million reasons I won’t have kids.

eru378 · 2021-06-22T02:06:39+00:00

Remember: if he earns more than you and you split living costs 50/50, you are subsidising his lifestyle. You are enabling him to save/spend more of his own income than if he was pulling his financial weight proportionally. More than that, you are hamstringing your own ability to build financial security.

macabrasive · 2021-06-21T19:02:16+00:00

This is so awful. I'm not interested in sharing finances with a man ever again.

I was in the same situation a few years ago and earning about 1/3 of my ex's income, while paying for everything 50/50 AND paying for the groceries. I'm exceptionally good at budgeting, saving and investing and amassed a good savings account despite this. Which came in handy for leaving.

I did start to earn more money towards the end, and I remember saying to him I wanted to make MORE than him, which he thought was a threat to his masculinity. Pathetic. He got quite upset about me having goals and was threatened by the idea of me not 'needing' him financially.

Now I make over TWICE what he makes (or made, I don't know, blocked and deleted). Feels good. And I refuse to disclose my financial details to anybody .

Confused_One_ · 2021-06-21T23:04:05+00:00

The last woman’s story about having a joint account for their son’s expenses 🤡

The guy won’t even take care of his son 100% financially, makes me wonder how much of the parenting is up to the woman as well.

I know of a couple that also goes 50/50 on EVERYTHING, and I always thought it was weird as hell. My ex was friends with them, and that must have wore off on him because he kept complaining about 50/50 as soon as he started making significantly more than me.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-06-21T19:57:46+00:00

I'd say resent away. there's no solution here except parting ways.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-06-21T19:02:27+00:00

That whole page, god 🤦‍♀️ The collection of ultimate golddigging scrotes. What a shame!

MadamePotpourri · 2021-06-21T19:29:24+00:00

This was painful to read.

Ladies - never support a man financially. If a man is expecting you to support him you need to RUN. And for the love of god stop feeling bad when your boyfriend makes less money than you! Instead of pitying him and opening your wallet, you should just encourage him to be better. Or dump him.

"I sometimes feel a lot of resentment for having to pay for almost
everything. On the flip side, I then feel guilty about spending money on
buying clothes or beauty products for myself because he truly has no
money to spare for those little luxuries,"

She's resentful for having to pay her boyfriend's way thru life, but then she still feels guilty for treating herself with her own money?? Women need to stop with this excessive and unnecessary guilt. Learn to be a little selfish. Other peoples problems are not yours and you have zero obligation to help solve them.

smaller_ang · 2021-06-22T01:34:29+00:00

EveryAnswerIsLeaveHim

BoredOfBeing · 2021-06-22T01:42:45+00:00

If you’re letting a man nickel and dime you to this extent, might I suggest dumping him and getting a roommate so you can atleast adjust your expenses and lifestyle so you can save more

lansburysoda · 2021-06-21T20:12:17+00:00

Stop 👏 having 👏 children 👏 out 👏 of 👏 wedlock 👏

tellmesomething11 · 2021-06-21T22:48:43+00:00

Ugh, I had to stop. The few women I read about seemed to agree to 50/50 bc of “pressure” and admitted they felt resentful. One even said she covers all these extra costs bc the guy didn’t want to pay for them. I had to stop reading bc it’s stupid. You resent him bc you’re paying more and/or doing more.

YOU ARE RESENTFUL BC YOURE PAYING MORE AND YOU HATE IT

TigreImpossibile · 2021-06-22T01:56:36+00:00

I dumped someone for this reason. He was such a cheapskate and I paid more than half the entire relationship and then he's like, do you want to have babies? Uhhh... NO. Not with you. I could see my life clearly with him moving into my beautiful apartment, me carrying the child, raising the child and then he'd show up and be like, here's my HALF of the electricity bill... um, no fuck off, thanks.

WTF else do you do? How can you possibly contribute when you cannot carry the child and you most likely will not do the bulk of the child-rearing? How can you pay half you pathetic piece of shit? It infuriates me just thinking about the audacity of cheap scrotes like this. Your contribution is PROVIDING. Dating is a demonstration of your ability to PROVIDE.

I am not that desperate for the hollow validation of having a man on my arm to have a child on those terms.

I think that relationship was my FDS awakening. I was like, fuck this paying half shit!!! Fuck you!!! And I literally found FDS within the next year and it obviously resonated deeply with me, lol 💅🏼

fairywakes · 2021-06-22T02:14:27+00:00

I can’t even read this. Poor woman allowed herself to get pregnant without even a ring, and let this conniving fuck convince her to split finances this unevenly.

Lurkers: How can you call yourself a man and do this shit?

cherryloaf · 2021-06-21T21:56:54+00:00

There is nothing I hate more than the idea of living with a man and splitting bills 50/50 with him. I cannot understand how this became mainstream and how we are looked down upon for disliking it. I've been called a "spoiled princess who doesn't want to work" by other women for saying that it's not fair to expect me to do the bulk of the housework, give birth to and raise children, and make enough money for half of the bills. I know so many women whose life is coming home from work to cook and clean, and their husband's life is coming home from work to watch TV and play video games. Each and every single one of them is deeply miserable even if they cope all day about how strong and independent this makes them

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-06-22T03:19:26+00:00

I was in a relationship with a man who wanted me to go 50/50 with him while I was making min wage and he was a low 6 figure income. I refused.

I paid one bill-- maids cause that dude would not clean anything-- and told him if he wanted me to contribute more we could sit down and do a finance breakdown proportionate to our respective incomes. He was soooooo mad.

I dumped him after about 5 years. First three were okay last two were just a battle with getting more and more salty with my lack of compliance.

There was no way that shit was ever going to last with his horrific family situation and his asshole friends who all acted like complete losers with new babies and marriages.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-06-22T00:43:20+00:00

Classic DARVO. “The problem isn’t what I did, it’s how you felt about it.”

roonil_wazlib_the2nd · 2021-06-22T04:53:30+00:00

So after she gives birth and is on maternity leave is she still expected to pay half despite not having an income? Or at least if she is in the US. What happens if the baby needs diapers or formula? Sorry babe we can’t get diapers this week because you can’t contribute half the expense. Good lord all these men are fucking chodes.

guava-cat · 2021-06-22T00:49:21+00:00

Reading this made me so angry but my resolve to never let a man touch my money has strengthened lol.

shockingupdate · 2021-06-22T04:50:46+00:00

It’s not my partner’s fault I made less, so why should he have to subsidize my lifestyle?

If you share a car, and both of you are making payments on it…how does it make any sense to think of payments proportional to your individual incomes a “subsidy?”

And peep how the high-earning men enjoy a 50/50 situation, knowing that women will guilt-trip ourselves into accepting it, while the high-earning women live with bottled-up resentment because they’re too empathetic to demand 50/50, or even 75/25, from a broke scrote

catslovecheese · 2021-06-21T20:21:34+00:00

This is financial abuse, end-stop.

glowmilk · 2021-06-21T23:14:11+00:00

This is so upsetting. I’m infuriated just reading this, so I can’t even imagine how much resentment she feels. I’ve seen too many stories like this on reddit alone where the woman is earning much less than her male partner and is STILL contributing to half of the bills. It makes me sick. How can these men even live with themselves? This is why I don’t believe in going 50/50. People will say they are doing it for “equality” but the only thing they care about splitting equally is finances. After centuries of misogyny, I can’t believe that going 50\50 on finances in a relationship is really considered a way to make things “equal”. Give me a break 😒

IDontAgreeSorry · 2021-06-21T22:24:52+00:00

How is that 50/50 lol? That’s like 90/10 or something. And what’s the obsession with splitting everything 50/50, especially when one is well off? Is a relationship tit for that, instead of showing your partner you care for them and make their life easier when you can, and just be sweet and generous? Will she split pregnancy 50/50 too? He’s doing 50/50 of the household and parenting chores as well? I doubt it.

Hhjjuuy · 2021-06-22T08:19:17+00:00

Does anyone have strategies or advice for helping friends get out of this mindset?

Connect_Chipmunk_691 · 2021-06-21T22:25:17+00:00

I feel like this is their way of trying to stick it to us for wanting any kind of independence from them. It's their way of trying to punish us.

Hmtnsw · 2021-06-22T01:16:04+00:00

I made less than $20k while in college and when I took a break while my ex got 3 raises and made up to $60k/year AND we split rent 3 way evenly with a roommate who was getting $1k/month from his grandfather + the money he was making from work.

I was the poorest and was still expected to pay evenly.

I will never do that again.

lolmemberberries · 2021-06-21T22:50:20+00:00

I made this mistake in my last relationship and there is no way you won't resent your partner. I had to take the initiative to tell him that it was unfair (which is unfair in itself) and that he was taking advantage of me financially before we came up with an arrangement that better matched what we were both earning.

sunologie · 2021-06-22T00:00:04+00:00

Men are so goddamn useless

Candid_Check_4843 · 2021-06-22T05:26:20+00:00

Ughhh expecting women to go 50/50 on the cost of an expense when there is a large income gap is infuriating! Never do this!

Given that a large income gap exists, don't go 50/50 on the cost of the expense. Instead, it makes so much more sense to go 50/50 as a percentage of income:

Let x be a percentage, expressed as a decimal

x * (income 1) + x * (income 2) = cost of expense

Literally solve for x. This is the percentage of income each person should pay. Person 1 who makes income 1 pays (x * income 1)). Person 2 who makes income 2 pays (x * (income 2)). That's literally it. Suppose you are person 1 and make income 1. (x * (income 1)) is the absolute maximum that you should be paying! If he cares about you, he will pay for the majority of it, if not all of it. Don't date broke men.

Vaio200789 · 2021-06-22T09:50:38+00:00

Im pretty sure that site had cringe articles about sex lately too (pro sex work and kink kind of things.) it’s a very woke site for racism and body positivity but incredibly naive for the problem(s) with men.

solstice100 · 2021-06-21T23:03:51+00:00

Reading this like WHY??? would you put yourself through this?

Muffcakelord · 2021-06-22T18:32:59+00:00

He says he wants to feel like we're a team

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Novemberinthechair · 2021-06-22T20:21:51+00:00

This should be pinned or referenced in the handbook. All those pearl clutching aholes who think 50/50 equals modernity and progress should be reminded that things cannot be fair as long as there's a pay wage gap and women have the burden of reproductive labor.

TVsFrankismyDad · 2021-06-21T22:26:15+00:00

At least she can console herself with the fact that she got picked.

feelgoodlost_ · 2021-06-21T21:32:38+00:00

Situations where there is that much of a disparity highlight that these men want to financially control you and make it where you tied down to them, even if you’re putting in as much as them. They know they could easily pay, but they’d rather you subsidize their lunchables because their spare cash goes to their video games, vices, and side pieces.

I once did 50/50, would not recommend. In one where I made it clear I’d never do 50/50, that was fine until the pixie dust wore off and I needed to be demoted to a roommate but was branded a gold digger to a man without any gold. The funny part was that his ex was the bread winner and he stayed for convenience and money. Lmao. Men don’t even respect bread winner partners or those that give 50/50. He just wants you to pay while he wastes your time and all you have to offer. No bueno. 50:50 men resent that they can’t be men and provide, so it’s easier to get the woman to do it or brand her the gold digger that was taking advantage of a scrote that just needed some building and fixing. Hard pass on 50/50 men.

LR_today · 2021-06-22T16:16:45+00:00

Why is math so difficult for men? If you make half what he does, he pays 75% you pay 25%. There should be zero deviation from this.

Title	Refinery29 Article: I Earn Much Less Than My Partner, But We Split Costs Evenly. How Do I Stop Resenting Him?
Author	BxGyrl416
Upvotes	1299
Comments	116
Date	June 21, 2021 6:46 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o52b3x/refinery29_article_i_earn_much_less_than_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/refinery29-article-i-earn-much-less-than-my.785884 https://theredarchive.com/post/785884

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