I (36M) need some help. I am at a total loss right now and don't know what to do. My wife (36F) and I have been married for 10 years, have no kids, and live in Germany. Throughout our marriage, she has been very loving and caring, but recently things have stopped adding up. I need some clarity on what my next steps should be, and if I should seriously consider divorce.
The Background:
About five or six years ago, we stopped having sex. She told me she just doesn't want or like it anymore, and that it is actually painful/hurtful for her. Because she remained incredibly affectionate and loving otherwise, I didn't think too much of it at the time.
The Cheating:
Two months ago, a new guy (26M) joined her company. Shortly after, I happened to glance at her phone and found out she was actively sexting him. I know they meet up often, and I strongly suspect it became physical. When I confronted her, I threw a blind dart and said, "I know you're sleeping with him." She never even tried to deny or refute the claim.
Since then, it has been a constant cat-and-mouse game:
1st Confrontation: She promised to stop talking to him. Instead, she just switched to a different messaging app.
2nd Confrontation: She still didn't stop. She just moved to a third app.
3rd Confrontation: She moved to a fourth app.
4th Confrontation (Now): She claims it is finally over, and says the guy is now too scared to keep talking to her anyway.
The Dilemma:
After being lied to four times, I don't know how I can ever build trust again. I feel absolutely terrible about the idea of throwing a 10-year marriage away, but I'm stuck.
To complicate things, I am currently a student working part-time, and she has a simple job that doesn't earn a lot. On top of that, I really want to have children, but she has made it clear she has no interest in them.
Is this relationship salvageable at all? How do I even begin to think straight and make sense of this situation?