Could there be a more dumpster fire LVM tinder profile? I need to unpack with the FDS ladies

proudpine · 2021-07-11T03:23:30+00:00

“My life is a drama free zone” = I create absolute nonstop drama

Catz10000 · 2021-07-11T03:21:45+00:00

Poly yet wants no drama? Nope! I bet he loves to triangulate. Also, the only quantifiable things about him are his vaccinated status and Uber rating? This proves LVM are dime a dozen. OLD simply isn't worth the effort to find a HVM. I find it interesting that he has absolutely no unique characteristics.

Platipus6 · 2021-07-11T03:49:45+00:00

A unicorn - wildly inflated opinion of himself. basic losers always think they're awesome.

Looking to meet - looking to hook up asap, no pen pals, no phone calls

other unicorns - obvious 3some reference

maybe narwhals - slipped in a fat-shame there, whale with unicorn horn. He'll consider fat chicks but you're lower priority in this man's jam-packed interview schedule.

in order to apply - what a dickhead

you must be a great communicator - 'placing the burden' on you already. any problems will be because YOU are failing to communicate

and emotionally mature - any emotions you have are because you're not mature. again placing the burden

my life - is the center, I'll allow you into it if you do enough backflips

is drama free - again placing the burden. any drama and it must be all you

as well as confident - you'll confidently eat my shit and work to solve all the problems

Honest - tell me all about how my abuse makes you feel. Tell me where you are at all times. I’m not honest tho

intelligent - these women are unfortunately easy to scam because they think "I'm too smart to get fooled"

and classy - I deserve good looking and elegant outlets for my depraved perversions, in my unfinished basement (Why is it always bare brick, sloppy concrete and unsanded pine supports in shitty dungeon/basements??)

I'm not asking for the moon am I? - If you think I'm asking too much, you're just not a good enough woman. go away and improve yourself until you're confident

If you are confident, I hope you're ready for a challenge - when it goes to shit or never improves, again, your fault for not being up to the challenge of my "designed to fail" traps and bullshit.

Come say hi - message me first, I'm a raging narcissist on this app for supply

Fully vaccinated - don't ask for proof. I mentioned it first to seem trustworthy

In an open relationship, feel free to ask - again, I mentioned it first, it's out of the way, don't ask anything. ps she doesn't know she's in an open relationship hahaha

4.92 uber rating - I'm a giant dickhead, block me. There's literally nothing else I can tell you about myself because my personality is a chameleon for whoever I'm love-bombing. That's why you have to message first, so I know my trap worked and you feed me information I can work from. If I message you first, there's a chance I get it wrong and scare you off. The rejection will send me into a 6 week binge-drinking/wife-beating spiral and I can't afford to lose my current partner until I get a spare one.

Boondersnoontch · 2021-07-11T03:35:25+00:00

why don’t they understand these kinds of “requirement” bios turn women off, it doesn’t get us all horned up to try and compete for their fugly asses. eugh. it’s an instant no for me

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-07-11T03:51:36+00:00

I got the pox and an STD just reading this.

shockingupdate · 2021-07-11T04:53:12+00:00

Drama-free, but wants you to be “ready for a challenge?” Challenges in relationships are supposed to come from external sources, which you then tackle as a team. He’s promising to make you eat shit before he’s even spoken to you.

nutterbye · 2021-07-11T03:22:28+00:00

He wants an emotionally mature woman but he writes with emojis? Let me add a 🚩.

GreatOrchidAmbition · 2021-07-11T03:20:17+00:00

Also.. I was nice because I cut out his very specific name/education but the man is 33. 🤡

glendoraza · 2021-07-11T03:25:16+00:00

Doesn’t sound like a unicorn to me. Sounds like a regular mule to me.

DandelionScreaming · 2021-07-11T03:50:33+00:00

The abuse of emojis makes this feel like a kid writing rather than an adult male on a dating site. Despite that, he’s looking for an extra member in his open relationship but wants class and zero-drama? That’s not how that works. And maybe it’s just my opinion but trying to hook up with a married person who doesn’t value commitment doesn’t seem confident, intelligent or emotionally mature to me.

It’s risky to me to have sex with someone who’s currently having sex with someone else - and maybe more, and those partners could be doing the same thing. From a health standpoint alone it is a sti risk. And I’m 99.9% sure I’m never gonna dm someone asking about their open relationship. “Hey, so how’s that open thing with your wife going” oof no. 😂

And maybe the point of the Uber rating is to prove he isn’t a creep when you’re alone with him, or that he’s a likable person? Idk. Compared to the rest that seems normal.

Ok-Performance5997 · 2021-07-11T03:24:32+00:00

Unicorns are the worse. LV women who signally pursue repeat threesomes with married heterosexual couples are out of their damn minds. All for the sake of male approval and ego. The married women in these arrangements must also have chronically low self-esteem 🙃

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-07-11T04:04:18+00:00

The tone is very creepy, very predatory and condescending. No way in hell.

PinturaMagnifica · 2021-07-11T03:41:11+00:00

A good challenge?

Is he referring to the 'wiping scrote-ass' challenge, or the 'handling a toddler-level mantrum' challenge? 🤔

_cnz_ · 2021-07-11T05:56:07+00:00

Okay but is he vaccinated against HPV? 👀👀👀

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-07-11T06:36:00+00:00

are we playing red flaaaags?

oh my! I feel so giddy!

unicorn: he wants to enact the 3somes and 4somes he's seen in porn and triangulate you with the women that were tricked into his bed. has a string of ONS, disappears, then calls the backburners' numbers when there's no one DTF after seeing how horrible he is.
narwhal: he tries to be funny. but isn't. you are an animal to him. not a woman, not a human. an animal. or something mystical that does not exist. some pickmes might feel idealized but this is scrote scripts 100%. remember those guys who overused pickup lines? he's like them, only he wants 3somes.
in order to apply/ sex interview/ auditions - this guy is narcissistic, entitled, completely dark triad. he has a very good opinion of himself. he is'nae half up his own backside!
be a great communicator - lady, even if you have a PhD in communication, it wouldn't be enough. this one needs a saint, a whore and a therapist and counsellor rolled into one.
be emotionally mature - because he isn't. when he shits in your cereal, you have to be the bigger person :) it's never going to be the other way around; has a series of immature outbursts and does not need reminders, criticism or being told off because accountability is not on his priorities. yeah, if you take on him, you will be the mommy to his childish ego.
drama free zone - woke AF scrote - good vibes only? remember that? it means zero accountability, zero reciprocity. you're either ok with the scraps or you can say bye because that's how he rolls. and he knows that if it's not going to be you, it's going to be another pickme.
be confident, honest, intelligent and classy - aka let him be a jerk but you be the best version of yourself. he's not asking for too much. it doesn't even matter that he cannot be those things. you HAVE to be them. that's what trophies are for. that and besides being used to puke into/on after having too much alcohol :)
"I'm not asking for the moon" - yes he is. just like the fat smelly scrotes who only want rich, cultured hot models... but he embodies nothing similar
I hope you like a good challenge - this is your cue to run, ladies! he does not seek a partner but someone who puts up with his badly curbed immaturity. life with him is not going to be easy. you be the mature one cuz he's the immature one, okay!?
he got the covid vaccine - oh wow! what an accomplishment. he wipes his butt also? oh wow! he expects a crown of gold for that?
his uber rating? he probably doesn't have a car or is drunk out most of the time.
The biggest red flag, though, is the fact that he spent over 5 lines writing about how YOU should BE rather than how he IS! if all he can say about himself is that he has taken the covid vaccine and has a good uber rating, then this guy is empty/ void/ has no self - which is mostly the case with narcissists (pathological types). if he confounds his personality with his 'likes/ dislikes" in other people (the fictitious YOU) he also has a major problem. it's specific scrote behavior (you be this, that, and that, model hot girl, while he does not even give an indicator about his intellect, sophistication or maturity). On the contrary, the "about you" section is living proof of a lack of sophistication and maturity on his part. he would have better luck at Walmart buying insta noodles. they fit his personality and level of sophistication better.

oi_oi_oink · 2021-07-11T03:21:53+00:00

What are we supposed to do with his Uber rating? Also, an open relationship unicorn lol

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-07-11T03:23:05+00:00

The way he words everything plus his use of emojis creeps me out! How much do you wanna bet that his “open relationship” is just him cheating and his girlfriend or wife does not agree with an open relationship

miwamus · 2021-07-11T03:51:02+00:00

Dumpster fire.

throwaway23er56uz · 2021-07-11T07:38:31+00:00

"I want to cheat on my wife with other women, but only with women who are guaranteed not to tell her about it. I'm not going to infect you with COVID, not saying anything about other diseases though. Also, I'm immature and use smileys like a teen."

fireforestfairy · 2021-07-11T07:44:24+00:00

apply

What the actual fuck? What's with all these scrotes acting like employers screening job candidates when looking for women on OLD? Just yesterday there was this post where a scrote required a woman he got matched the fill an "application form" before he agreed to date her.

spiderunderweb · 2021-07-11T09:27:35+00:00

I screamed out loud 3 times reading this. First at the whole unicorn talk ⛳️, bruh are you really that special?? . Secondly at the ‘in order to apply’, yikes the whole girlfriend application really makes it .seem like a job.. where is the payment details ⛳️ lastly, at the ‘I am in an open relationship’, does she know that? Oh my goodness ⛳️ run for the hills sisters 🚨🚨🚨

spicyspa · 2021-07-11T07:30:51+00:00

Drama free zone does not equal open relationship.

Lazy-Design1979 · 2021-07-11T13:50:41+00:00

Dude, you want ALL THAT and you're in an open relationship? What do you bring to the table?

Repulsive-Ad1092 · 2021-07-11T09:07:30+00:00

Open relationship AND drama-free life.. 🤨

Reception_Queasy · 2021-07-11T10:05:02+00:00

I hate the word unicorn. I hate it with a burning passion. I have some traditional views regarding sex and if any LVM or Scrote finds out :/ I don't even want to get to the annoying one sided conversations they have with me.

Narwales is a community of people who've lost weight or trying to lose weight, as far as I'm aware, it's here on Reddit. A very common thing these men (not from that subreddit) assume about women who've lost weight is that their mindset is of an obese women with low standards but their body is extremely attractive. They actively look for such women because they put up with the man's crap.

pugaczalla · 2021-07-11T14:41:04+00:00

Emotionally mature

In open relationship

Pick one.

Street_Narwhal_3361 · 2021-07-11T05:42:59+00:00

Well he just sounds like a colossal pain in the ass that WILL fuck up your life in two languages. Swell.

Aksentia_Ivanovitcha · 2021-07-11T07:49:52+00:00

Hi im a narwhal please pick me

FDS-GFY · 2021-07-11T13:04:41+00:00

Oh god. I threw up in my mouth. Before breakfast.

mamadgaf · 2021-07-11T13:20:03+00:00

Anytime someone says any version of NO DRAMA, I know they’re the ones who cause the drama.

TrixieFriganza · 2021-07-11T08:27:38+00:00

What intelligent, mature woman wants to be in an open relationship with a unicorn. But honestly how does this morgon think that he's worth to be in an open relationship with. I would never, I'm not that desperate even if single, I appreciate though that he's honest about wanting to screw around so serious women can scroll past this (though it probably just means he's married already so he says this if she finds out).

thatshadywitch · 2021-07-11T09:31:11+00:00

"My life is a drama free zone" but then "I hope you like a good challenge" (aka drama, I guess) + OpEn ReLaTiOnShIp (aka more drama). Make it make sense.

lolmemberberries · 2021-07-11T17:42:45+00:00

"My life is a drama free zone" = my life is full of drama, almost all of which I create for my own amusement.

insurrectionaryINTJ · 2021-07-11T18:28:56+00:00

There’s a lot of disgusting things to unpack.

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-07-11T08:57:44+00:00

Why go on OLD and be shocked to see trash like this? It's like going to a landfill and being shocked to see trash and taking pics of it to share.

Happy_Mistake_3684 · 2021-07-11T19:36:46+00:00

Ugh. Too many emojis. Like a tic. Bin.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-07-12T07:52:08+00:00

This bimbo can't even use the word unicorn properly. It applies to women not LVMs 😳

poison_snacc · 2021-07-13T09:03:09+00:00

As if having a good Uber rating is something to brag about, much less on a dating app?

Happy_Mistake_3684 · 2021-07-11T19:36:46+00:00

Ugh. Too many emojis. Like a tic. Bin.

Title	Could there be a more dumpster fire LVM tinder profile? I need to unpack with the FDS ladies
Author	GreatOrchidAmbition
Upvotes	268
Comments	112
Date	July 11, 2021 3:17 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ohwsod/could_there_be_a_more_dumpster_fire_lvm_tinder/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/could-there-be-a-more-dumpster-fire-lvm-tinder.791285 https://theredarchive.com/post/791285

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