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owlwriteapoem
[–]plutonian_princessFDS Newbie409 points410 points411 points 5 years ago (38 children) | Copy Link
God this is so triggering lol
[–][deleted] 291 points292 points293 points 5 years ago (35 children) | Copy Link
For real. "You really hurt my feelings because of X."
"Well if I'm so terrible why don't we just break up? Why do you even like me? If I'm so mean, just leave. I don't want you to get your feelings hurt, so I'll fix this by stopping communication. Bye"
[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist137 points138 points139 points 5 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
If a guy ever gives me that word salad gaslighting in the future imma just say "you know, you're right, we should break up"
In fact, I actually DID do that with my narc ex. That's when he would crumble into a puddle of tears and beg me to take him back. Then he would emotionally punish me for weeks for "forcing him" to act so pathetic and humiliating himself.
[–]0kfornowFDS Newbie60 points61 points62 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So did I. I had had enough of his b.s. He said we should break up. I said I agreed because I wanted to buy a house (which he said he couldn't handle because he couldn't handle the idea of living in my house)
NVM
[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist63 points64 points65 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
LMAO yeah my ex got super pissy about me buying a house for myself and not with him. Even though he didn't have enough money to pay for a mortgage anyways.
He didn't like the idea of coming over to MY house that I own ALONE while he still lived with roommates. What a loser. I can't believe I dated him for over a year 🤮
[–]0kfornowFDS Newbie55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah mine was all "what will I say at bbqs?..."
Like wtf? Literally no one is going to bring it up at a BBQ you moron. Work on your ridiculous ideas about masculinity and move on with your life... (said this inside my head of course because he was to fragile)
Nope, it hurt his manhood too much. He decided emotionally abusing me was then a good strategy to get what he wanted before eventually walking out.
Which is great, cause now I'm renovating my house that I own without this deadweight to deal with.
[–]bootyandthebeetFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
With my ex he got bored of me anyway so when I tried to break up with him he didnt event put up a fight at all. I took it back the next day like an idiot.
And then he easily got a new gf within two weeks of him breaking up with me a few months later. Just makes me feel like he didn’t care about me at all, it’s sucks I got so attached to someone who was incapable of basic respect or even just to love someone enough to be sad that they broke up. He told me he was sad and going on dating apps straight away was how he coped but I honestly don’t believe a thing he says.
[–]123deedeedeeFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Tbh women get villianized for “getting under someone to get over someone” but men do it like it’s nothing. They will jump from person to person without any time truly being single.
My ex accused me of doing this and said I had low self esteem because I couldn’t bare to be by myself. I told him I’d been completely single for over a year before, could he say the same? Could he say that he’d been completely single for even a month before?
Of course he couldn’t. He literally jumped from woman to woman. So many men get their validation from sex but aren’t villianized for it, or accused of having low self esteem.
Not telling you to believe your ex, just saying it’s something common that men do.
[–]PooPooMeeksFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Tbh women get villianized for “getting under someone to get over someone” but men do it like it’s nothing. They will jump from person to person without any time truly being single...it’s something common that men do.
This happened to me 2 TIMES.. My ex-husband married his mistress one month after our divorce Next I dated this guy for 4 years and broke up with him...later I found out that he slept with another woman a WEEK after we broke up!
I thank you for pointing out this heartbreaking fact: That guys do this all the time..
It’s unbelievable, but we HAVE to believe it, and IMO it’s safer to assume it rather than get shocked and hurt later, if you ever find out about it. We don’t turn off emotions so easily, so it may hurt to find out about it later and damn near pass out at the revelation.
[–]bootyandthebeetFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I hate it though. My friends were also like “that’s just what they do” but all I can think is that I don’t want to date someone like that though.
I want someone who will actually be sad and or I guess at least be respectful when we breakup. I literally found her things next to my things in the apartment when I got the last of my stuff. What the actual.
[–]PooPooMeeksFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I totally get where you’re coming from my fellow sister. I’m genuinely speaking from my heart when I say that I SO wish I didn’t have to think this way. That there was some man that was actually 100% loving and respectful, and sent to me by God. But there never were, and in my case, I don’t think there ever will be :(
I think it also depends on the LVM/NVM. For example my ex husband, who was a narcissist, was at first mad at me because I left him for not giving up his mistress, but once I was gone he discarded me like I was nothing to him. Note that he did decieve me, saying that he would work on “fixing us” with me, but he made no effort, and like I had said before, he eventually married her. He also tricked me by having her go by the name “Candy” through the divorce process. Once he told me with a vengeful voice that he was going to get married immediately, we had a conference call to discuss our son with his fiancée, and THAT’S when I found out that this woman was his mistress the whole time! He had this woman around my SON, since we had 50/50 custody during the divorce proceedings. He did this, when we had agreed that we would NOT have our son around significant others if we didn’t meet them first. Now we still have 50/50 custody unfortunately. He tries to be nice to me, and I am forced to be cordial, but I hate him AND his new wife to the CORE.
I mention all of this because he replaced me rather quickly, and also disrespectfully. Once I left, he had full reign to be a selfish asshole, and he took advantage of that whole heartedly.
My next guy and I got back together last year - this was before I found out he had slept with a woman a week after our breakup.(I had broken up with him, so I think he was trying to prove his “self worth” by fucking someone rather quickly ). We’ve been on and off since then unfortunately, since I am codependent. He’s been nothing but passively toxic. When I finally told him I wasn’t going to continue being intimate with him anymore, he showed extreme sadness and sends me videos, love memes and poems to this day, trying to win me back. The reason why he keeps trying is because he has NO SUPPLY to feed on riight now. If he did, then I’d probably get no attention from him ;)
At this point I just roll my eyes because this dude has major mental issues. But since I am codependent, I’m slowly edging him out of my life. But I feel much better now, since I am not giving an LVM my intimacy anymore :)
So there you have it, two LVM’S/NVM’S, and different reactions. So in conclusion it’s just luck of the draw, either they show hurt feelings or they don’t, because you never know what specific types of mental issues they have. And it seriously depends on their background and issues.
I do pray that you find someone that genuinely cares about you and the good times you will both share. I don’t think I’ll find that, so I am focused on creating the best life I can on my own. But you never know, maybe things will change for me someday...but good luck to you! :)
[–]ThrowingItIntoTheSeaFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This post really touched me. I am almost 2 months out of dumping my bf of 4 years (on and off, pretty much once a year breakups by me, then being hoovered back in. I didn’t even have words for what was happening to me- now I see it was classic a abuse/narcissism cycle.)
This man was like a white knight to me, after my separation. Walked on water. Attentive, giving, emotionally clued in, great sex, took me out everywhere and always paid, always cleaned up perfectly if I cooked dinner without ever being asked, bought piles of flowers, did just about everything for me and my child. Said our connection was unlike anything else, loved me like he had never even loved his ex-wife of 20 years.
He also had a temper problem and was emotionally abusive. Jealous, controlling, constantly accusing me of having a “secret life” and cheating on him. (When?? While I was asleep? He knew my whereabouts 24/7 and was at my home at least 5 days out of 7!) He also had an entire HAREM of female “friends” who would call him for advice, ask for his emotional support with their apparently complicated lives, and- I swear to god- once in conversation when we were talking about sex he said completely earnestly that in his opinion, oral sex could not be cheating because cheating could only be PIV. This is legitimately how he squared that circle of stepping out at the end of all his previous relationships; rationalising that since he was unhappy or bored sexually, and it was only a matter of time to finish things, oral sex was no big deal. I damn near fell off my chair.
The first time I left him, after I was the greatest love of his life, less than 2 WEEKS LATER he was out at a party with his biggest harem supporter, and he picked up a woman, went to her place, and slept with her. I found out about it and the first time he hoovered me back, I asked him straight up and he admitted it was true- AND THEN BLAMED ME BECAUSE HE SAID I WAS PROBABLY SLEEPING WITH OTHER MEN TOO.
I have NEVER cheated on a partner in my entire life- not even a high school bf, it is not in my DNA- I think it’s the lowest, shittiest thing you could do to betray the person you love most. It is nowhere in the realm of possibility for me. My dad cheated on my mom, and I’d never do this to another human being.
To this day, I cannot even begin to describe the feeling of betrayal knowing that after all of his confessions of love, all our talks about the deepest things- including our previous marriages, our respective kids, the depth of what we had- not even two fucking weeks later, he has his face between some other woman’s legs and it’s like nothing we had previously existed. I didn’t know emotional pain like that could be real.
I’d like to say it ended there, but we got back together and he apologised and we had such an “emotional tawk” about it, and he did it because he was sO hUrT aNd ConFuSeD bEcAuSe I lEfT hIm. I didn’t know what was happening to me because I’d never been in an abusive relationship before, with the olympic levels of manipulation and lying. I never knew people like that walked the earth. I do now.
The icing on the cake was I was always accused by him that if we broke up, I am the type of woman who could never be alone. Wait- what? Coming from a man who literally hops from bed to bed believing in his GUTS that oral sex “does not count” and who starts another relationship before the last one has even ended??
The mental gymnastics. I can’t.
[–]bootyandthebeetFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think it just stings because he jumps from long-term relationship to long-term relationship. Like it’s not even a rebound. She already had her things he apartment before I had even gotten all my things out.
I also didn’t realize it at the time but when we first got together he had only been broken up with his last ex for a few weeks too. So I guess it’s just his pattern.
[–]123deedeedeeFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah I wouldn’t take it personal. I realize that’s easier said than done. But people who do stuff like that usually carry a lot of baggage around with them. He’s not taking time to see how he was wrong or could improve as a partner. You’re better off without him honestly. Whether or not he truly cares about you is something neither I or you can answer. But you can promise to care about yourself every day from here on out, and make sure you’re choosing you.
[–]bootyandthebeetFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I guess that’s just the kind of closure you can never get when you break up with someone. It was also my first relationship so that’s great haha
I have done a lot over the last few months without him and I don’t miss him, just the idea of him that I now realize never existed. I wouldn’t ever get back with him and I am taking time to improve myself and especially my own self-image. Just annoying when you think you’re doing well and then you get a random wave of grief again.
[–]ElonsSideBitchFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Oh god. Sounds just like my ex. Tell me why, that now at 27 I’m just learning. Never again.
[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Don't be too hard on yourself. I learned this late too because I underestimated the extent to which men are willing to lie/manipulate to get sex or keep a relationship (which is basically just "sex on a regular basis in exchange for low effort" for them)
I always just assumed they thought the same way as me, that they were also cared about being fair and kind. NOPE.
Thank god I found FDS. I'm never giving men the benefit of the doubt again.
[–]ElonsSideBitchFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks for sharing this. I was a little bitter and hard on myself but am thankfully over that now. I’ve forgiven so many men for things that did not deserve forgiveness...so I owe it to myself to forgive and love myself. Recently decided to learn FDS and my dating habits because it just wasn’t working before. I know HVM are rare but if I’m going to date anyone, I won’t settle for a LVM again. Pretty much have to deconstruct myself (pickme) and my dating habits!! It’s a difficult start but I hope to come here one day and post a success story.
[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've forgiven so many men for things that did not deserve forgiveness, I owe it to myself to forgive and love myself
SO TRUE. This is an excellent way to put it and it is the best takeaway
[–]textbasedpandaFDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You're never to old to learn the truth about males! It's okay! I mean that's what I keep telling myself anyway, lolsob
[–]ElonsSideBitchFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hahaha right!!
[–]BetterToBeLonelyFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well I'm learning it in my 40s so dont feel too bad.😂
[–]luna_prismaticFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a winning strategy right here. He says “oh I’m so terrible, why are you even with me?”, old me would’ve sat and comforted him. But saying “yeah, you’re right, bye” instead is suuuuuch a better option!
[–]naamshikoFDS Newbie53 points54 points55 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Omg this is my ex in a nutshell.
[–]shakethat_milkshakeKINKmeisha™️ on parole2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh god same. It’s a direct quote too.
[–]foppish_aplombFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We all should take the advice men give us in this situation. If they tell you to leave, FUCKING GO WITH THE QUICKNESS
[–]slow_life_FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh, I also had an ex like this.. He was much older than me and we got together when I was just a young teenager. I remember looking up to him and thinking he must know better than me about everything. Looking back now he was such a immature baby!
[–]TheOuts1derFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Did we all date the same ex?
[–]uselesssdataFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm so glad I'm not the only one. So glad.
[–]sweetpotatocupcakeFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is uncomfortably accurate. Like this is almost word for word what my abusive ex would tell me when I would call him out on something cruel or hurtful he would say to me. How exhausting..
[–]royaldetourFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're right ✌
[–]0kfornowFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also my ex
[–]SunflowerinVirgo0903FDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex
[–]TigreImpossibileFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right?!! Absolutely pathetic.
[–]redplaidyarnThrowaway Account191 points192 points193 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I cannot even begin to count how many times this has happened to me in past relationships.
“Hey, this is something you did/said, and this is me expressing how I feel shitty about it” -me (carefully tiptoeing and trying to remember not to use language that may cause a defensive response ex. not using “you made me feel shitty”)
“That was never my intention, but now I’m gonna need you to console me because you made me feel shitty for telling me how shitty I made you feel” - him
*uhhh huh??? feeling so confused and somehow empty and me ending up apologizing??? - me
[–]plasticineidkFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Fuck I once got in so much shit for saying “you made me feel x” he was like “omg shut up I didn’t ‘make’ you”
It’s ridiculous being controlled right down to not being able to word things naturally
Yet he was allowed to speak that way to me
Men are dumb babies
[–]123deedeedeeFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m really sorry you went through that. I went through something exactly the same. I wish people would see that this is a cultural issue, not just a few bad apples.
[–]iheartcookinPickmeisha™️6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn’t even realize how insidious this is until I saw how many others have gone through the same thing and so have I...
[–]muludnepgnicnadFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s a broken record at this point
[–]MixWideFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Hey, this behavior of yours is crummy. I am talking to you about it because I assume you both care about not being crummy and also are quite capable of not being crummy."
"Oh my god I can't believe you think I'm a crummy person! I care about you so much but you just think I'm a monster! I'll never be good enough for you, nothing is ever good enough for you!"
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hate ***.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]sanguine_dualityFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Same! As a poster above said: “what’s your problem?” Or just ignoring me and leaving the room. Maybe that’s why so many of us saw LV and NV communication as normal and expected.
[–]muricaxoxoFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So accurate ladies 😂😩😭 narc mums are the worst!
[–]FDSxMuffinVSratFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol omg are you me
[–][deleted] 45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
'Sometimes I cry knowing how I've hurt you'. Ok so stop hurting me????
[–]123deedeedeeFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
“You don’t think I feel bad enough about how I hurt you without you bringing it up?”
Ok. Well how do you think the person who you hurt feels?
Just a complete lack of empathy.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its insane how they think. They have 0% empathy fr.
[–]GRCAFDS Apprentice92 points93 points94 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes they can’t even manage the first line. You just get “How could you say something like that to me?” or “I don’t want to feel bad about doing that.”
[–]elementalviragoFDS Apprentice31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Came here to say just take that first line off.
[–]ieatrainbowsprinklesFDS Newbie79 points80 points81 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Anything I ever brought up was met with a giant sigh, “what’s your problem?” or my personal favorite, him just leaving the room.
How are these men out here able to get themselves dressed and go to work every day, pay bills, but can’t have a god damn conversation or admit when they’re wrong?
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
asking the real questions
[–]FlufferlyFDS Newbie67 points68 points69 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I'm in this picture and I don't like it"
[–]Milobear27FDS Newbie52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
“I was awake all night because of what you said” I wanted to say good!!
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Good, now you have a little taste of how you've been making me feel for the last 3 years."
Yet they wonder why we don't want to stick around to try and "work things out"
[–]ohlizardFDS Newbie55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
This reminds me of all my exes so bad, I hate it lol. Like one of my exes cheated on me and told me how much it hurt him that he hurt me like that... excuse me wat
[–]sanguine_dualityFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Same. My ex ended up sobbing about “being stupid and ruining good things for himself” and then ended up running into traffic. He said he closed his eyes “to end it all”. Guess what? I went from being pissed and demanding answers about the cheating to telling him I loved him and walking him to a therapist office (which he never entered anyways). I should’ve dumped him right there. Ugh.
[–]ohlizardFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's so manipulative :/
[–]mandiefavorFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My ex-boyfriend couldn’t enforce boundaries with his ex wife to save his life. After yet another intrusion I complained that I felt like the side chick. He couldn’t get over how I could say something “so hurtful to him.” Like, no care about what caused me to feel that way. It was all about how I hurt his feelings.
[–]ThrowingItIntoTheSeaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OMG. Please please PLEASE do a longer post about this- I cannot tell you how many times my life was interrupted by him answering her calls about bitching about her condo, how to shop for a new car, needing advice on dating, screaming about their kid... I look back on it all, and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
[–]owlwriteapoemFDS Newbie[S] 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg same - 'I can't believe I said those things to you - call me and calm me down I feel anxious about this'
[–]stg21987FDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I’ve gotten the whole “It wasn’t my intention to hurt you.” But you did and you’re not even going to apologize now because it wasn’t your intention?! 🤦🏻♀️
[–]Sea_SoilFDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would always get "That was in the past, I'm not that person anymore" even if it happened two days before lmao
[–]123deedeedeeFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Impact > intent.
[–]royaldetourFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I fucking hate that. Fuck your intentions dude. You're still responsible for your actions.
[–]tuodnanwod57 points58 points59 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
“I’m sick of you making me feel bad about myself!” He said this bc I was trying to get to the truth of his lying, liking girls’ provocative photos on IG, sending photos of his dick to co-workers, keeping me hidden on social media.
So to recap: He was upset at me for making him feel bad about being terrible to me...
[–]panormdaFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ain't nothing to get to the bottom of. If he's doing it, and you explained it's a dealbreaker... Boy bye. He showed you who he is, and it ain't what you're looking for!
[–]royaldetourFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What an ass. I hate him on your behalf sis
[–]InnocentlyDistressedFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Me too. What trash
[–]dankchick69FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh man! Ex narc deleted allll pics of us on Instagram for the past 5 years after adding a bunch of girls to follow (including the one he cheated with) and I called him out on it saying “why would you go thru all the trouble of deleting pics of us? Either we’re breaking up or you’re just trying to look single”
Him: “you are so obsessed with social media again! If I hear you talk about Instagram again I’m gonna be pissed”
Well he was trying to look single and when I dumped him I said “at least all the Instagram pics of us together you deleted already”
[–]CytrinexFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Real talk - how do you shut this down? Even men in my own family pull that switch and end up making me comfort them for their hurt feelings when I was talking about my own. I can't block/delete/avoid them, so if anyone has a good killswitch for that behaviour plz let me know
[–]ninetiesbaby16FDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t react the way they want you to with soothing their feelings, instead agree and amplify (as long as this doesn’t make them physically abusive and you’re safe to do this).
Like if they say “wow I’m such a bad person I feel so bad” just agree and tell them they deserve to feel bad lmao.
[–]CytrinexFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol true, will keep that energy. I often react in a way that says "tough cookies, this isn't about you" (not in those words but ykwim) and bring it back to focus. Am trying to find a way to get I through their thick heads that what theyre doing is a pattern , but again, I guess I'm assuming they'd care...
Thanks for the insights ♥️
[–]emowhit15FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When this happens you just nod your head and keep it moving with a little note in your head to never get too deep with them once you nod your head there is no need to discuss it again or explain why your hurt in this way you take all the power family has on you away and you realize you don't need their opinion about what they did to hurt you validate your hurt but you can maintain relationship with them or without them if you stick to your boundaries the boundaries are what important in family problems and boyfriend relationships
[–]CytrinexFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean sure, but they're still going to keep doing it. I'm not going to try and fix them by any means, but when they do it every time something is raised to them by someone else about their behaviour, it's a problem. That doesn't actually give me any more power, it reinforced theirs because it's unchallenged.
[–]painmakesyoustrongerFDS Apprentice10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Every time. It’s like they expect a prize for acknowledging how selfish they are, like the self awareness is a of any consolation.
[–]msromperstomperFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
omg. triggered. this. every. time.
[–]prizebeansproutFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"You're making me feel like an asshole, and I don't like it!"
[–]elsalinneakarlbergFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
SMH VIOLENTLY
[–]SunflowerinVirgo0903FDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂😂😂
[–]PollyAnnaSunshineFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OMG this is like someone was spying on me and my ex. The pictures even kinda look like us.
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck every single piece of shit that does that. FUCK YOU! You're not the one having a hard time. Stop treating people like shit! Plain and simple. (Not directed at OP. This shit just makes me fucking angry, especially because I've been on the receiving end of it.)
[–]starsheepieFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or they get angry & upset at YOU after they hurt YOU!!!
I hate this sh!t. 😒
[–]RiteWriterFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Makes
Sorry and Sorry I was an ass look high effort
🤮
[–]mandiefavorFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well... Saving that for the next time an ex hits me up out of the blue.
[–]0kfornowFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LadyArellanoFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m triggered so hard right now 🤦🏽♀️
[–]marsupialfaceFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
When I told my ex how much he’d hurt my feelings by telling me I was socially awkward and didn’t compare to his ex, he text back “yes I’m an awful person and deserve to just kill myself, you’re right”.
!?!?!!
Not at all what I’d said to him. Said as much. “Nah you did”. He put his phone on airplane mode and had me, the girl he discarded pretty horribly, panicking at home and wondering whether or not to call his parents about his apparent suicidal thoughts.
He was on Tinder 24 hours later lmao
[–]flowerdough0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m so sorry you went through that.
It’s incredibly manipulative and abusive. Overreacting to minor feedback so much that nobody ever feels safe doing it again, because literally they’re concerned you are suicidal. And clearly not caring 1oz about your mental health and impact on you sharing something that would prob be way more appropriate to share w a therapist. But cool cool, men don’t go to therapists bc paying someone for emotional labor and taking on the onus of healing themselves is Way More work than just being a lazy motherfucker.
I’ve been on both sides of mental health (struggled w it, and helped people who are struggling) and there’s such a big diff between people who just go thru what they’re going thru and try to help themselves and heal and not hurt others, vs. someone like your ex who literally just tried to use his suicidality to manipulate you and scare you.
[–]LemonEnhancingPolishFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This brought up some old memories and jeez I am not too thrilled about this.
[–]hunhun1299FDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OMG THIS!!!
[–]catsorbetFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
textbook
[–]GretaTheBeeotchFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Grrrrrr
[–]stressedasheckThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When your ex wanted to cheat on you but you shut it down before he could do it and he’s still angry at everyone cause he “doesn’t know what he did wrong” and I’m a child and sadist for not telling him, even though I did lmao. Clown shit.
[–]phage_rageFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My soon to be ex husband gets mad when I bring up he cheated for 2 of the 3 years we were married because I'm just making him feel bad. (Yes I know I have to cut him off from my life but its been less than a month since I found out an we were together 9 years. I'm getting there, but for now I like the option to call and remind him what a piece of shit he is when I'm vodka drunk in my new apartment)
[–]flamingo232320 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol, my sister does this.
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