I never understood the double standard about promiscuity.

renfsu · 2020-12-21T06:09:28+00:00

Men who are virgins are shamed, women who are virgins are praised. It works that way at both ends of the spectrum

RandomUsernameSkrrrt · 2020-12-21T09:01:58+00:00

I was browsing through the comments not intending to contribute anything, but kept seeing a conflation of two things, so goddammit I have to say something.

Two primary arguments are used to explain this double standard of promiscuity.

The first:

It is harder for men to get sex, so high sexual success for them implies desirable qualities of character. Conversely, it is easier for women to get sex, so high sexual success for them does not necessarily imply desirable qualities of character.

This is fair, but it only explains why promiscuity in men might be perceived in an even better light than promiscuity in women, not why promiscuity in women is negative (opposed to neutral).

Which is where the second argument comes in:

Promiscuity in women implies a low commitment threshold and past behavior indicates future behavior. This is bad because it means they're more likely to cheat in a relationship.

This is fair, too, but the same exact thing can be said for men as well. Promiscuity in men also implies a low commitment threshold, which is similarly bad because it similarly means they're more likely to cheat. I do not desire high n-count men for this reason, just as men don't women.

Since the first argument doesn't explain the negatives of promiscuity, and the second does but for both sexes, no progress has been made.

ANRthrowawayABF · 2020-12-21T07:05:51+00:00

when alone

Women: Independant

Men: Creep / weirdo

when short

Women: Cute / short queen

Men: Manlet / midget /short ass / loser

when overweight

Women: Thicc / curvy

Men: Fat slob

when arguing / fighting

Women: Strong / brave

Men: Abusive

When bald

Women: Brave / trendsetter

Men: Gross Bald loser

when poor

Women: Hard working / poor single mother

Men: Broke loser

when depressed

Women: poor thing :'( / strong / brave

Men: weak / weirdo / "get over it, man up"

cheating

Women: "Oh it was his fault you cheated, he didn't meet your needs"

Men: "Cheating scum bag!"

touches inappropriately

Women: indifference

Men: "rapist! abuser!"

rejects advances / has preferences

Women: "Yeah you go girl, dump that loser, reject him"

Men: "How dare you reject this beautiful queen!! She's crying now a-hole!!"

dating

Women: doesn't put any effort in, gets free food.

Men: puts effort in, gets nothing, has to pay for date.

achievement

Women: "whoohoo you earned it! Good job!"

Men: "You achieved that because of patriarchy, not on your own merit.."

But yeah, please go on telling me how unfair it is for women..

mechanical_elves · 2020-12-21T06:16:03+00:00

Again?

If women want to be promiscuous this bad, they should just do it and deal with the consequences later

tthisisalljustatestt · 2020-12-21T06:09:34+00:00

Every other fucking post is literally this.

angels-fan · 2020-12-21T06:16:50+00:00

The same way that women are viscerally disgusted by a jobless guy that lives in his mom's basement, men are viscerally disgusted by women with high n counts.

There's really no good reason to be disgusted by a jobless guy living in his mom's basement. We don't feel disgust at jobless girls living in their mom's basement.

These things manifest in our pre cognitive lizard brain. You can't reason it. It is what it is.

Tek_Analyst · 2020-12-21T12:43:30+00:00

I’ve seen like 5 posts in a row about women upset that men aren’t ok with them whoring around.

Holy shit. Men prefer lower N count ok. That’s not a RP thing. They just do.

Some might date you despite knowing you’ve had a lot of partners. But I guarantee you they prefer if you were still you without the bus load of dicks you’ve sat on.

Mk7GTI818 · 2020-12-21T06:07:34+00:00

Males want a less promiscuis mate because there is a higher chance the kid is theirs if the woman becomes pregnant. So men evolved to be that way.

NoRoperino · 2020-12-21T10:39:32+00:00

Women that complain about this are like kids playing football in the backyard, wanting the same amount of cheers as if they are playing a profissional match.

CyclopeWarrior · 2020-12-21T11:49:33+00:00

It's about difficulty, we don't give awards for doing what's easy. Male sexuality is worthless while female sexuality can pay for rent. Women sit on potential scholarships

Bandit174 · 2020-12-21T15:39:26+00:00

Men decide what is attractive in women and wome decide what is attractive in men. If women are more accepting of a promiscuous partner that is not our fault.

Furthermore the notion that all men care or that promiscuous men are praised is overblow There are some men who care and some men who don't. And it's more accurate to say promiscuous men are envied rather than praised.

The main difference between the genders is the promiscuous women are shamed from both genders and don't receive any envy from other women which makes sense because sleeping around is easy for most if not all women so they aren't going to envy someone for something they could easily do themselves.

At the end of the day the sexual dynamics between men and women are not equal. An average woman can have casual sex, get dates, amd monetize her sexuality to the opposite sex far more easily than an average man can. Yes you might be more likely to receive judgement for doing so but you can't divorce the two. The same underlying dynamics that give women such advantages likely also influence them being more judged on it.

Also you can just lie about your past so it's not even an issue unless you're fucking stupid amd get a reputation. If you're smart about it most women can sleep around and have no consequences for it.

M4sterDis4ster · 2020-12-21T17:11:06+00:00

I never understood why women and kids should go first from sinking ship and men last.

cloudydays84 · 2020-12-21T06:29:29+00:00

NO, there's no double standard about promiscuity, men who get fucked by lot of other men are way more shamed.

Ain't nobody shaming women for fucking tons of women, so go fuck bitches.

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-12-21T09:55:48+00:00

People who have issues with n count fall under the following.

Religious or traditional people that view sex as something reserved for marriage or LTR.
Hypocrites who want to have their cake and eat it too.
People who missed out on the hooking up and casual sex years and are bitter about it.

1 is the most understandable and reasonable, these people don’t date those who partake in casual sex but also don’t partake in it themselves, they hold themselves to the standards that have on others.

2 is for weirdos who sleep around with dozens of people and then demand a Virgin spouse while shaming the opposite gender for doing exactly what they did.

3 is where a good majority would fall I imagine. Being passed over when everyone is hooking up while you watch from the sidelines is bound to make someone envious they didn’t get to do the same.

2020-12-21T13:28:03+00:00

Lol, this argument is so old it goes back to Chaucer.

reignoferror00 · 2020-12-21T14:39:54+00:00

"That doesn't seem fair"

Soon as women start having sex with ALL types of men indiscriminately, we'll talk fair. Fair is just a word in the dictionary before fairy tale.

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2020-12-21T23:02:14+00:00

Generally speaking women set the standards for what is desirable and undesirable in men, and men set the standards for women.

Men are shamed for being virgins or sexually unsuccesssful because women see them as losers and inexperienced, "if other women don't want him why should I?"

Men who live at home with parents are shamed because women see them as losers.

Men who are short are shamed because women openly mock their lack of desirability.

I could go on and on...

Women have the power to shame promiscuous men in the same way they do short men, virgins, broke guys etc. but instead they tend to take the view that high n count men are more desirable to other women and therefore higher value, more experienced, more sexually confident/dominant etc. This is not something you can blame on men.

As for "is it fair women are judged for their high n count?" - Well their divorce rates are higher, more failed relationships, lower relationship satisfaction, more likely to be single parent, more STI's, higher infidelity rates (by extension higher paternity fraud rates). So no, men are not being irrational when they want low n count women.

LittyKitsune · 2020-12-21T10:31:27+00:00

Learn to stop thinking of it in terms of others being unfair and focus on where you as an individual fit into this.

So what if high N internet men think they're entitled to virgins? Are you going to be one of the virgins they get, or not? If it's a no, there's not much else to discuss.

taapy234 · 2020-12-21T06:34:58+00:00

Men with high N count are like keys that open multiple locks. A key that opens 100 lockers is more valuable because those lockers may or may not have valuable things in it. Women chase after men like this because they want a key that opens multiple locks.

Women having high N count are like the lockers that can be opened by multiple keys. Its a simple question: Would you ever trust to lock your house with a locker that can be easily opened by hundred other keys? (or) would you sleep at night knowing full well that 100 other people have access to your door and can easily break in if they want to?

Men are disgusted by high N count women because... if she fucked multiple men before him, then what possible guarantee is there that he's her final man? Who would want to commit to a woman like this when statistically there's a high chance she's going to ditch him anyway?

Its pretty simple thing to understand. Men who get easy access to sex are valuable because its women hold all the cards when it comes to sexual access.

But all women had to do to get sex is LITERALLY seconds away from swiping on her smartphone screen and get a hung dude within a 100 mile radius to fuck her senseless.

This is so simple to understand that I suspect women are gaslighting men and pretending they don't to create an ambiguous situation for everyone and keep betas from truly redpilled and get the truth..

ex_red_black_piller · 2020-12-21T09:28:04+00:00

One is like a billionaire losing a $100mn in a deal and the other is like a nobody making $100mn due to effort.

Who gets praised and who gets made fun of?

moneygang4life · 2020-12-21T06:19:58+00:00

Men like what they like and women like what they like and if men dont like high n count women and women dont really care then that solved that. Its a free market people can choose to be with whoever they want.

cantwrapmyheadaround · 2020-12-21T06:08:45+00:00

Jim Jefferies has a bit that addresses the sentiment. Not that I'm saying you should slutshame. Pretty much just echoes what you've said.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_CULy_-5FI

zerofeetpersecond · 2020-12-21T14:26:13+00:00

A woman doesn’t need to be skilled or special to meet many men. A man who meets many women is usually special or skilled. A lock that accepts many keys is a shitty lock. A key that opens many locks is a master key. Eggs sell for more than sperm. Men are interested in paternity and loyalty.

LooseIndication · 2020-12-21T19:31:54+00:00

Women create the double standard by being attracted to attractive men, which have high n-count because they are attractive.

If women were so worried about "double standards", it would be super easy for women to adopt the male standard, and reject all the alphas.

A woman complaining about double standard, has a double moral, where she is pretending that men have to adopt female standards. That's inherently evil.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-12-21T20:26:22+00:00

Nobody "praises" high count men, thing is they rack high numbers because, well, women like them and sleep with them. Men regard players with a mix of jealousy and contempt, and most guys are wary of "Chads" too and warn their female related to stay away from these types of men.

Do you think dad wants his little daughter to be pounded and dumped by a random handsome douchebag? Do you think brothers encourage their sisters to go on a rant of hook ups sucking rich frat-bro dick and get a reputation of easy whore and their feelings hurt? Do you think every time a fuy finds out Chad of the hood used to fuck his girlfriend up in the ass and having threesomes with her, the guys like "ooh girl that is so hot, you banged Chad gimme high five!"???

Ask any father what he wants for his daughter, I promise he will describe to you a very very Beta. Yes, fathers want their daughters to marry Beta guys, a man that will protect her and provide for ver, that will comply to all her demands, a guy that will never ever raise his voice to her less a Hans, a guy that will support her in her "dreams" and goals and will be there for her and forgive all her faults even to his own detriment.

No father wants a "tall handsome player with a sus pack, a flashy car, a big dick and a bad attitude" that will string her alone and abuse her and will ger her pregnant and bail.

What the fuck? That's every father's nightmare.

Men HATE players, I know this because I'm a player and I hate players too, and everytime I wall into a room full of couples and women stare at me in front of their husbands, boyfriends and fathers men give me this vibe of "dare you come near our women and I will kick your ass."

Do you think banging women is hard? Try prove yourself you are worthy of trust around men when you are good looking. It's a fucking nightmare, I've lost two good friends because they were insecure of me around their girlfriends.

Men never "praise" Chad, is just that all men would love to be welcomed by women like good looking men are. That's what women don't get. There is no double standard. Men hate players as much as women slutshame whores.

Which part of "that guy is bad for you, he doesn't love you" women don't get? Like women can't stay away from top dick right?

Funny part is that men WON'T COMMIT to a slutty woman, but on the other hand good looking men always have their pick on the best women, be it for hook ups or LTRs, and I think this is where this "double standard" nonsense comes from.

At the end it all boils down to preference. All things being equal, men prefer low N-count women no matter their looks, and women prefer good looking men no matter their count.

But this is not a double standard but more about what men and women think is valuable in the other gender.

Women could change this by banging Betas, then Beta guys would come up like the most sucessfull men thus Beta traits would be praised in society both by men and women, and men would work hard to achieve more Beta qualities like "emotional responsability", "economic instability", "partnership", etc...

But wait, oh yeah Patriarchy/Monogamy was exactly about that right? Oooh too bad sexual revolution messed the entire scheme up.

PMmeareasontolive · 2020-12-21T21:09:07+00:00

Chad is shamed if he is a manwhore. But men don't date Chad. So they don't go on about it. Sour grapes that would be anyway. But they find Chad-the-manwhore a bit gross, even if they envy the ease with which he scores. So if you are a woman waiting in line to fuck Chad, men will be turned off a bit, not because you fuck, but your choice in men is reprehensible, greasy Chad being the equivalent of a woman who has sex with a new guy every few days.

Men don't shame Chad because they don't date him (but they might shame him a little by proxy by not dating the girls he's slept with).

Women don't shame (or avoid) Chad because ... I don't know why. They don't realize they aren't special? They like a guy that other women are attracted to? They are turned on by confidence? Maybe they know they aren't special and don't care, it doesn't bother them if Chad's N count is off the charts. Guys would often do the same if beautiful slutty girls hit on them all the time, thinking "I know this is going nowhere but this is tempting and fun so fuck it".

Stevefr0mYellowstone · 2020-12-22T04:58:06+00:00

Men and women value different things in the opposite sex. We're not blank slate equals. A woman prefers a man who has displayed the ability to have sex with numerous women. Women insult men with few or no sexual partners as incels. A man prefers the opposite, at least for a long term partner. As you said yourself, it is a lot easier for a woman to get sex than a man can. I don't think its that difficult.

If you want it from a scientific/evolutionary standpoint, its about men ensuring their own genetic legacy. Men don't wnat to be cucks raising someone else's kids. Higher odds of that happening with a promiscuous woman than a virgin.

And ultimately it is a desire, but the vast, vast majority of men recognize that finding a virgin woman these days who doesn't have some sort of issues or big restrictions (extremely religious, really ugly, etc...) is extremely unlikely. Those who claim they are holding out for virgins are likely not the type of men who are going to be having success in the sexual marketplace in the first place.

TheExist3r · 2020-12-21T12:14:23+00:00

Easy being slut, hard being chad?

moneygang4life · 2020-12-21T06:17:53+00:00

Both male and female promiscuity is bad its just that female promiscuity is arguably worse. Its not a double standard. Its like saying black people and white people both should not use the n word but its arguably worse when white people do it. Its really not a double standard if u ask me.

etzio500 · 2020-12-21T08:23:15+00:00

The idea that a person’s value or worth is at all affected by the number of people they’ve had sex with is so ridiculous and flawed and very damaging to both genders. Women shouldn’t be shamed for taking advantage of the fact that they can have sex more easily than guys, men shouldn’t be shamed for being virgins, or vice versa

Dodechaedron · 2020-12-21T07:27:54+00:00

Men are supposed to compete for reproduction, this is nature's design (the ugly truth). A man who can't reproduce is seen as biologically losing the competition. A woman who is sexually inactive is seen as potentially faithful and therefore desirable, because of the paternity uncertainty. These are primeval drivers that are to a major or minor extent mitigated by social rules but still present.

Sir_manalot · 2020-12-21T08:11:34+00:00

Whenever I have asked why this standard exists, I was told that a high N woman is taking advantage of something that comes easy to her just because of her vagina while the man worked hard to bed that many women.

Hatred of high N count women is done by men whom don't belong in that N count. Men love highly available sex.

hnug2 · 2020-12-21T09:00:42+00:00

Doesn't matter, I don't want to put my penis inside promiscuous woman's vagina.

Who knows what disease is in there.

Same reason as woman who doesn't want to have sex with promiscuous man, at least in my social circle.

It's just gross.

Romantic_Asexual · 2020-12-21T05:56:35+00:00

Think about faithfulness as a model

The more “dicks” she takes, the less the model works

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wtknight · 2020-12-21T14:48:03+00:00

So just because men are naturally more horny and sexually indiscriminate, women are supposed to be either sexless or fuck only one man? That doesn’t seem fair.

Why? If every woman was only having sex in monogamous relationships then every man who is attracted to women would only be having sex in relationships too, unless those men are bisexual and taking care of their polygamous urges with other men, I suppose.

Men who are sexually indiscriminate are only taking advantage of what women are giving them, and they're free to judge those women however they want. Women are free to judge those men how they want, too, but usually women don't seem to judge high N men harshly for some reason, unless that high N is from having sex with prostitutes.

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-12-21T16:01:41+00:00

Well for me (male) personally I’m pretty adamant that lack of virginity precludes me from the type of attachment that I would have wanted in a relationship; like I think I’m pretty consistent on that. Women, on the other hand, don’t mind that I’ve lost mine and some even still want me. There’s a disconnect between what these men (like me) want and what women (like the ones who insist they’re still interested in me) want.

When I turn down these women and get demanded for an explanation, I should add, they really, really don’t get it. My side of the story is that, with the ‘magic’ discovering intimacy for the first time gone, settling down again to someone who can’t give me that excitement simply isn’t worth it. These women are thoroughly convinced that I think they won’t want me because being divorced is a turn-off. It comes off as women thinking they have inherent value to the point that if one wants you it’s always in your interests to take her and simp for her; their circuitry breaks when I try to explain like ‘no, I’m turning you down because unfortunate events have put my life in such a place where simping for you doesn’t add value to it.’

themostgianthorse · 2020-12-21T19:42:01+00:00

The only fair way is on a golf course.

2020-12-21T22:23:10+00:00

A person who can get job offers from Apple, Google, Facebook, and Netlfix must be pretty damn impressive and have a great resume

But if Google offered a job to literally every candidate who ever applied, it wouldn't be a prestigious place to work.

Workaholiconew · 2020-12-21T23:52:22+00:00

Because people tend to want what is rare, beneficial, positively valuable and hard to acquire.

People also tend to want to avoid what is common, detrimental, negatively valued things and easy to acquire.

Simple supply and demand.

BadWrath · 2020-12-22T01:32:35+00:00

Yeah, it's simple. It's the whole, "a key that can open any lock is a master-key, a lock that can be opened by any key is a crappy lock".

Women hold the key to reproduction. It's why a lot of men have a disdain for women. Essentially, if a woman wants kids, she will have them. If a man wants kids, he has to run it by a woman first. Because of this, the nature of women is that they are the filter of humanity. A filter that lets anything through is a crappy filter. As a matter of fact, a filter's quality is directed linked to how much it DOESN'T let through. So women are, at least supposed to be, naturally exclusive in their sexual practices. So when a woman is very promiscuous, it's looked down upon.

On the contrary, a man is simply trying to get a woman, any woman, to let him reproduce. Because of this, the more women he gets to accept his inquiry, the more valuable he appears.

It's not fair, but life isn't fair. Plenty of men envy the fact that women have suitors begging for their attention, yet men have trouble finding just someone to talk to that cares about them outside of what they can offer and who they are. Plenty of men envy the fact that men can have tons of sex and not be judged, while women are pressured into inhibiting their sexual potential when nature has blessed them with such in-demand sex appeal. Life isn't fair. Most men will die alone. Most women will die never having gotten the guy of their dreams. Sucks. It's life.

WilliamWyattD · 2020-12-22T01:37:34+00:00

There's no reason to believe that promiscuity would have identical effects on each gender. Therefore, a different standard is not necessarily inherently unfair. That said, a different standard that is excessively different could be unfair.

cloudsongs_ · 2020-12-24T19:30:05+00:00

"taking advantage" 🙄 it just sounds like jealousy and insecurity to me. If it is something that is valuable to you to know that your S/O has had a similar sexual history as you, that's fine and completely valid. As a woman, I would not be happy to hear if my S/O slept with 30 women because it would make me question their view on sex (I personally find it very meaningful as I don't let anyone touch me, even platonically other than my S/O) but I'm also not going to shame other men and women for casually having sex if they're not hurting others.

moneygang4life · 2020-12-26T14:04:19+00:00

Women have the option of dating their equal if they just lower their standards where as men can’t lower their standards cuz it is already in the dirt so idk what u want men to do exactly other than just never have sex

hollywoodswinger1976 · 2021-01-10T14:13:39+00:00

There is no double standard Virgin or slut You’re one or the other You use it as a fear based insult Or have it used on you true or not. Same goes for any other nether genders Shamed of what you know you are or trying to hide or play hypocrite. Each person has an aura of what they appear to people around them as and the sometimes unjust karma that can rear it’s ugly head from time to time and put you in the crosshairs. How you enjoy it is up to you.

Proteinsaurus · 2020-12-21T14:42:32+00:00

High n-count men aren't as universally praised as people think. Many think such men are degenerates, idiots or exploiters/abusers even.

Title	I never understood the double standard about promiscuity.
Author	Romantic_Asexual
Upvotes	15
Comments	365
Date	December 21, 2020 5:54 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/khbbcw/i_never_understood_the_double_standard_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-never-understood-the-double-standard-about.339557 https://theredarchive.com/post/339557

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