Q4ALL: If men gatekeep commitment, who exactly are the women being gate kept out of commitment?

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-09-04T14:02:39+00:00

[deleted]

brinkleybuzz · 2020-09-04T14:17:12+00:00

The women being gate kept out of commitment are the ones who chase high value men and won't settle for a perfectly nice, ordinary guy who would love nothing better than have a girl he can call his own.

Expressed another way, only a select group of men who are desired by women are the true gate keepers of commitment because they're the ones with options.

taapy234 · 2020-09-04T16:01:57+00:00

You got to think of it in terms of marketplace. Not in terms of individuals.

Men gatekeep relationships because todaý's dating market is skewed towards serving top 20% of men. Today's sexual marketplace heavily favors casual sex, hookups, friends with benefits more than commitment.

This means, as time goes on, as time passes by one year at a time, its women who face the prospect of hitting the wall.

A 38 year old male can easily say he's "not ready" for commitment, but for a 38 year old woman who's interested in starting a family, its a very hurtful rejection. (because her fertility window is closing up)

wtknight · 2020-09-04T15:18:23+00:00

Any woman in a hypergamous FWB relationship or casual plate type relationship can be gatekept from commitment. Beautiful Hollywood stars have been gatekept by celebrity men from commitment. It’s not just low to average value women that it happens to.

SeemedGood · 2020-09-04T14:27:14+00:00

Very few women are gate-kept out of commitment altogether.

Many women are gate-kept out of commitment from the men they actually want.

But yeah, we men are oversimping and generally doing a bad job at our job. We should be substantially less willing to engage in LTRs than we have been.

flamingoinghome · 2020-09-04T14:04:46+00:00

You've never met a woman who has a hard time getting a boyfriend?

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-09-04T14:51:40+00:00

> but who exactly are the women being kept from relationships?

Statistically? I don't know.

But you can find plenty of posts made by frustrated women about how they could not get men to commit.

In my experience (again, statistically useless):

- Sluts - although they end up finding someone

- Obese women - and yep, they also end up finding someone

- Older women - these are a bit more helpless

-Hot, but insufferable women - yep, these end up finding someone and making them miserable

Sooooo naaah... men don't gatekeep shit when you stretch this issue through time. Always, sometime, at some point, someone will give a previously undesired woman a chance.

i_cri_evry_tim · 2020-09-04T14:13:13+00:00

Women gatekeep both. The only guys who gatekeep anything are rich and hot.

PickleLine · 2020-09-04T15:19:43+00:00

Majority of men don't gatekeep shit. stop it.

AntonfromDotA · 2020-09-04T14:13:09+00:00

Women with low social responsibility.

12112019 · 2020-09-04T15:27:51+00:00

Men don't gate keep commitment, only a sub group of men gate keep commitment, the women being kept out are the women who are good enough to sleep with but not to offer commitment to.

jax006 · 2020-09-04T17:21:23+00:00

Fat women, ugly women, women who don't know how to girl

Marketing_Baboon · 2020-09-04T17:58:20+00:00

The women on tinder who consistently get pumped and dumped, mostly. Or the 30+ women who have several cats. Small sub-populations of horribly non-self-aware women mostly. Same way incels are a small sub-population of non-self-aware men being gatekept out of sex.

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-09-04T15:01:30+00:00

According to reddit, fat women are all single or with unhappy men

MasterTeacher123 · 2020-09-04T15:12:28+00:00

“Top” men are the gate keepers of relationships. There are tons of regular dudes who are DYING to be someone’s boyfriend/husband.

midwesternMD · 2020-09-04T16:20:59+00:00

Theoretically anyone who checks off enough boxes for me to date but also has a dealbreaker is gatekept out of commitment.

I can’t speak for all men. But I’ve let a fling run it’s course with a woman older than my cutoff. She was 34 and for some reason thought she could convince me to settle down with her even after I told her that her age was a dealbreaker for marriage material.

I still felt guilty even though I was transparent about it, so now I just don’t engage in conversation unless she’s 32 or younger.

Tongue37 · 2020-09-05T04:38:34+00:00

The dramatic or jaded single mothers, fat emotional women, whores, bipolar or borderline pd gals, feminazis

BigJohnson1994 · 2020-09-05T05:12:24+00:00

The lovely ladies of r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Meritamen9 · 2020-09-04T14:38:42+00:00

Desired men gatekeep commitment. You see when hot guys have sex with girls they would never date.

goneaway2thewind · 2020-09-04T20:11:56+00:00

The women who send us long texts for us not calling back after we fuck them.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-09-04T14:06:59+00:00

Lower SES women, men of that strata are largely um, what's the word, like, vagabond-ish? They don't stay in one place and often have to move for work if they can find it at all, lots are in and out of jail, few men are tied to property or family. The more stable men don't want women from that sort either, for a variety of reasons..

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-09-04T20:29:26+00:00

Every woman who keeps getting pumped and dumped by the men that they're interested in.

throwaway91078 · 2020-09-04T23:09:50+00:00

There are lesser and lesser women deserving of commitment. It would be a bit of a generalisation to say it comes down only to her N count for the mere fact she slept with multiple men (afaik neither penises nor vaginas get spoiled if you use them multiple times). The N count is often linked to more significant flaws: - lack of self control - entitlement attitude for having been "desired" by multiple men in her youth, in turn leading to a greater hypergamy - they don't usually make good mothers; just observe the average single mother out there. Their notion of parenthood is giving their kid a phone/tablet or letting him/her yell, throw stuff, run around etc. - they don't acknowledge the concept of responsibility or action/consequences. What every single mother/promiscuous is going to claim? That she was abused, that the right man hasn't come along, that she doesn't have any time for games. Have you ever heard a leftover woman self-reflecting "I fucked up"?

All these traits are not favourable for a long-term relationship. Most people don't see that the N count is just a metric to assess women, even a not so complex one tbh. There are high N count women who are awesome? Yes for sure. Is that the norm? Absolutely not.

You can try to find women in the first category but it sure is a hell of a lot easier to vet for promiscuous women and cross them off. After that what matters to a man is subjective.

tripleundone · 2020-09-04T15:45:14+00:00

The things I gatekept for (the more I read this sub the more I sound like the hypothetical “Mega Thunder Chad” but what I’ll say is it’s definitely not all it’s cracked up to be):

Kids
Not attractive enough to go to the Grammy’s with. This can partially be genetics but has a lot more to do with performing femininity/status
Gets too attached to be independent from me
Bad hygiene
Ignorant (willful is worse than unintentional but both are bad
Tends to avoid conflict
Long distance
Tries to make me jealous to secure commitment or expects commitment without earning it

CJs_goldfish · 2020-09-04T17:19:48+00:00

In my exp, ambition = not wife material to a lot of dudes. The trouble is not all realize it until weeks, months, sometimes years into dating. My n-count is pretty high partly because I’d say at least 80% of those I dated eventually tried to steer me in the direction of tradwife and I was/am not interested.

extrachromozomes · 2020-09-04T18:51:02+00:00

It’s just a cope men say on this subreddit

2020-09-04T20:06:55+00:00

The bottom of the barrel women in terms of looks and I guess status.

Grave_Heresy · 2020-09-04T23:18:00+00:00

All women who want to marry a man.

aedvocate · 2020-09-05T01:39:55+00:00

who exactly are the women being kept from relationships

I suppose it would be the women who are lead into a relationship with a man under false pretenses? If you rely on women for physical and emotional intimacy, you may find yourself tempted to lie and cheat in order to 'use' them for the intimacy you crave. That's unethical, obviously, but if you feel that you yourself are not being treated fairly, that can make it easy to justify the unfair treatment of others.

So in that sense it's less that women are being kept away from relationships, more that they're being kept away from good partners, I guess?

Physiologist21 · 2020-09-05T04:51:05+00:00

Basically everyone over 30, everyone who has been ran through, people who are entitled and fat. Lots of people.

irllylike-spiders · 2020-09-04T18:22:49+00:00

If i have to honest, as a woman, it’d be ugly women. women that don’t fit into the stereotype of small or pretty are left out.

those women tend to go for the bottom of the barrel with men. as in - druggies, abusers, emotionally stunted, can’t have a friendship with a girl without being attracted to said girl kind of dudes.

but if i’m honest, i don’t rlly buy into the whole “women gatekeep sex, men gatekeep relationships” because IRL i’ve never seen it that much. sure, i’ve “friendzoned” men and women before and it’s gone good and bad(in terms of them being understanding that i don’t share the attraction), but i’ve been friendzoned myself by men and women i was attracted too.

but i’m young so 🥴

RottingAway90 · 2020-09-04T14:24:17+00:00

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kingplanet · 2020-09-04T18:12:24+00:00

a lot of guys only want to fuck and not to date. isn’t that gate keeping affection?

YveisGrey · 2020-09-05T02:52:55+00:00

Men don’t gatekeep commitment but shhhh don’t tell anyone

upalse · 2020-09-05T07:36:15+00:00

FWB.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-09-05T23:25:43+00:00

Becky.

The quintessential member of the mating arena who enjoys the female privilege of hitting above her SMV weight sexually because men want sex more than women do.

But, good looking guys are lazy too, and will bang lower SMV women just because it's easy.

Then, Becky thinks she's an 8 because she fucked an 8 once.

So, in that regard, she's being denied the commitment she feels entiteld to, and of course "all men" are assholes, aka the hot guys she's fucking but can't get a ring from.

Most guys who can get casual sex on the regular are probably not lining up for marriage or commitment anyways. Most women eventually wise up and realize that they need to "settle" for an average guy in a covert "sex for commitment" arrangement which is a horrific idea - especially for the man, who gets the bill at the end.

vargstrike · 2020-09-06T15:33:43+00:00

It's a bullshit, hackneyed saying to make men feel better about themselves. The reality is only high value men gatekeep anything, whereas women are the gatekeepers to all sex for all men to the point that they will outlaw and make socially taboo prostitution. There is simply no male equivalent of gatekeeping. It absolutely does not exist, except in the case of the high value men that all women desire.

SherbertBacon · 2020-09-07T05:05:04+00:00

I say this even as a guy very interested in finding a long-term relationship/marriage: the bar is just much higher for commitment. Doing some mental math, I'd say I've done the "breaking up" or "not progressing" to relationship stage something like 90-95% of the time. I meet women who are perfectly lovely, give them a fair shot, and then realize I can't go the distance with them.

"Men are the gatekeepers of relationships" in the same way that "women are the gatekeepers of sex." It's not that Woman X can't get a relationship, it's that Woman X can't get any relationship, or will find relatively fewer relationships. Man Y can get some sex, but not necessarily sex with the women he wants it most from, whereas Woman X will very likely have sex more available to her.

WilliamWyattD · 2020-09-05T01:45:16+00:00

Men are not the gatekeepers of commitment in the way that women are the gatekeepers of sex. A lot of TRP writers tried to create a pithy, symmetrical statement and in so doing distorted a more complex dynamic.

decoy88 · 2020-09-05T12:40:25+00:00

Stereotypically, women want relationships more than men. Therefore in any given situation, when a woman likes a guy, she’ll be pushing more for commitment than the man is. Meaning it’s up to him to propose (or allow) that commitment.

That’s what it means.

Title	Q4ALL: If men gatekeep commitment, who exactly are the women being gate kept out of commitment?
Author	Throughawayman80808
Upvotes	14
Comments	332
Date	September 4, 2020 1:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/imge5b/q4all_if_men_gatekeep_commitment_who_exactly_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-if-men-gatekeep-commitment-who-exactly-are.174194 https://theredarchive.com/post/174194

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