Q4M fidelity testing

KidPowered17 · 2022-08-25T07:07:21+00:00

Personally I’d welcome the test. Had a couple of exes that were still working through past issues of infidelity and trust issues. Showing them “proof” of me doing nothing more than going to work and coming home with no extracurricular activities would be vindicating, but at what cost? She’d still figure a way in her mind that I somehow manipulated the test or the people giving the test, and then we’d be back at square one.

I guess the moral of the story is: go to therapy people!

GottaPSoBad · 2022-08-24T23:13:10+00:00

Why bother with these kinds of threads, people? With the possible exception of Sark and a few others on the female side, and maybe a couple crazy dudes on the male side, no one answers this stuff in the way you're hoping for. It's either a predictably self-serving/flattering response or they just ignore it because they feel called out.

What cheater would come in and say, "sure, provide my partner proof I'm an asshole"? C'mon, Jimmy Neutron, freaking think about it for a minute. No one's gonna be honest in this thread unless the truth already makes them look good.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-08-24T23:47:09+00:00

Yes. The only people worried about it have something to worry about; failing the test.

Capable-Resolve-2001 · 2022-08-25T01:00:37+00:00

I’d take the test and wouldn’t think less of my wife if she asked me to.

Cheating is extremely common, and I really don’t fault anyone, man or woman, for taking measures to protect themselves from it. It’s not as simple as simply marrying someone you trust, since I’d imagine most people who get cheated on trust their spouse.

Fidelity means nothing if it can’t endure being put to the test.

I don’t support collecting someone’s DNA without their consent or the consent of their parents/guardians.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-08-24T23:41:54+00:00

Yeah, let’s do it!

EasternToe3824 · 2022-08-25T04:56:40+00:00

With your test you are asking for more than I get with a paternity test. Paternity tests do not rule out cheating. She could have been lucky, used protection or cheated with a woman.

The reason for me to ask for a paternity test would be that I want to know that the child is mine, not if she cheated. It is about my relationship with and my responsibilities for the child not my relationship with the mother.

Women know their child is theirs. Men can only trust on the womens word and for some things in life a word is not enough however sincere it may be, but the supposedly empathic gender is unable to perceive this.

To create an equal situation in your scenario from this perspective both partners would have to take the lie detector test.

Also no divorce because no marriage.

DerekMorganBAU · 2022-08-25T04:22:42+00:00

Sure who cares

Point is women will never understand the uncertainty that men face with paternity. Too many men were “so sure” that their child was theirs until it wasn’t.

Oh well

“Mother’s baby, father’s maybe” is an expression for a reason

And best of all you can get a paternity test without the mother knowing after the baby is born by asking the nurse to do it and take a swab of you and the child (that’s what I did) or you could order a kit or take your child to a testing site

So it doesn’t matter men have more options than they think just like women can make a man raise a baby that’s not theirs a man can get the test done without the mothers consent

Equality

StarchRunner · 2022-08-25T01:54:41+00:00

Sure to the lie detector test.

Not sure what your database thing has to do with anything. Two people getting tested to establish paternity don’t need a database.

Cobra_x30 · 2022-08-24T23:14:20+00:00

Provided the damn thing was accurate then YES.

However the analogy is stupid for the following reasons... not all cheating results in children, children represent a very strong emotional attachment, and children also represent an enormous financial investment.

ChadChasingB · 2022-08-25T02:44:37+00:00

Why does their need to be a database? And child DNA testing isn’t a fidelity test, there is a much bigger consequence and it’s for the child as much as the father. Being the child of paternity fraud is awful, and something we as a society should be against allowing to exist when the price is literally just a medical test.

Again, absolutely no database would be required and this even being mentioned is an argument in bad faith, as is calling paternity fraud being equivalent to cheating….the cheating is the least bad part of paternity fraud, fraudulently letting someone fall in love with a child, committing their life to it in a way that is orders of magnitude higher than they do to a partner, only to find out that they are not actually that child’s biological father is not the same thing….and again, equating it is an argument in bad faith.

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-08-25T02:47:26+00:00

I wouldn't give a shit.

That aside, your comparison is flawed. The equivalent would be the same damn test.

Like it or not pinning false paternity on someone has far greater consequences than just cheating.

I think we can all agree we'd rather be cheated on than cheated on and stuck with a false parenthood because of it

So to even it out very slightly, if he ever leaves for any reason you automatically owe him 40 percent of your income for the next 18 years unless he fails the test, now do you ask for it?

NockerJoe · 2022-08-25T00:20:23+00:00

Sure, but if she's that convinced I'm cheating this is already a very serious concern. Polygraph tests can be faked and odds are she'd have the same suspicions later on at some point.

I don't support such a database because theres zero chance it wouldn't be abused in some way more or less immediatley.

GottaPSoBad · 2022-08-24T23:12:39+00:00

It's not going to bring her peace of mind, since I could cheat in the future.

If there was a test she could take that tells her whether I will ever abandon the family, with 99.9% certainty (the true equivalent to what you're suggesting), I'd be happy with her taking it before we got married.

Pablo_el_Diablo88 · 2022-08-25T06:57:21+00:00

to prove to your spouse that you have never cheated or attempted to have sex or a romantic relationship with someone

This is the male version of paternity testing for men.

So are you saying that a paternity test can prove if someone cheated/attempted sex OR HAD A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?

You might want to see this part again, dear lady.

ChudBuck · 2022-08-25T01:41:18+00:00

Sure, it's a level above a paternity test though since cheating does not guarantee the child will not be yours. If anything, it would show that she cares and is acknowledging that i'm not desperate and settling for whatever I can get.

I would take it as a compliment. Also trp has ways to vet if the womam sees you as the "alpha". In my past relationships, it was always a goof sign to me that she acknowleged i had options in some form.

Furthermore it shows that she had enough self respect to not tolerate cheating.

I would love for such a hypothetical test to exist irl, provided it would be legitmately accurate.

This is why it seems like women who are against paternity testing come across as toxic and want only to manipulate and beat their men (not physically, probably) into submission. Both men and women imo who are against this have a low sense of self worth or are clinging to a naive set of ideals.

Trust is something you earn, not something to take for granted by expecting it to be there by default.

supershotmd · 2022-08-25T05:29:17+00:00

Of course. I have nothing to worry about.

finch2200 · 2022-08-25T06:26:48+00:00

I personally don’t have any issues with the fidelity test or the database.

dbz19_kai · 2022-08-25T09:30:34+00:00

yes. I have nothing to fear.

Imagine if police are investigating a murder and they ask you to do a DNA test, and I went like "ohhhh, so you just assume I'm the one who did it and I'm guilty?"

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-08-24T23:11:06+00:00

prove to your spouse

If I have to prove anything to my spouse; she wouldn’t be my spouse. I give Trust freely. If she abuses it, that’s on her.

Godspeed and good luck!

webernicke · 2022-08-24T23:10:55+00:00

I'm single, but hypothetically, yes.

I should have nothing to hide on that front, if I do the relationship honestly should end, and it's perfectly understandable that she may not feel it's wise to "just trust me" without any evidence.

Prryapus · 2022-08-24T23:54:49+00:00

yes

would you support a DNA database of men from birth that can only be used to accurately identify fathers and all children are tested.

absolutely not, though for reasons other than this

techr0nin · 2022-08-25T00:29:40+00:00

Sure, why not.

And I’m not sure why there needs to be a national data base for all men. I would prefer mandatory testing at the child’s birth prior to signing the birth certificate. No reason to violate the privacy of other men who aren’t involved.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-08-25T02:08:14+00:00

If she's willing to cover the $200 to $2000 price range and take one too then sure.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-08-25T02:08:39+00:00

Questions like this make me wonder if monogamy isnt a mental illness.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-08-25T02:13:43+00:00

Are the wives taking the lie detector test as well?

Hodgkins_Fun_Alt · 2022-08-25T03:33:02+00:00

I’d personally fight 200 3 year olds over one leopard

Caring_Cactus · 2022-08-25T07:08:49+00:00

Yes, and if after that there were still trust issues I'd be a bit lost on what the real issue is at that point.

And no to the database. If you want to find lost cousins do a voluntary ancestry test.

bluthofmaids · 2022-08-25T02:53:19+00:00

Yea, IDGAF. You can even add it to the paternity test as a requirement if you're so butthurt about it.

What a dumb "gotcha" question. You really thought you did something there. Women already treat men like they're always cheating and can't be trusted. You're just mad women are being treated as equals on that front.

Play_Muted · 2022-08-24T23:51:48+00:00

I would only if every women had their body count written somewhere on their body

OrdinaryFarmer · 2022-08-25T00:33:32+00:00

YIKERONIES sweetie!! My past is my past, it doesn't matter, you're being insecure.

baresquad · 2022-08-25T00:55:51+00:00

No. If I cheated I’d probably just tell her. If I didn’t, I’m not going through strenuous lengths to prove that didn’t nor currently am cheating

We’d just break up if I had to do this

smallstarseeker · 2022-08-25T01:26:06+00:00

I'd be willing to take the test. Wouldn't even feel butthurt about it.

Offcourse if I had cheated... I wouldn't be willing to take one (duh).

"Fathers" DNA database sounds just fine to me.

reddit_lotto · 2022-08-25T04:25:12+00:00

lol... women cheat more than men. Most men dont get sex offered to them as much as women. men would have no problem with your proposal!!

Barely-moral · 2022-08-24T23:46:11+00:00

Would you be willing to take an accurate lie detector test, if one existed, to prove to your spouse that you have never cheated or attempted to have sex or a romantic relationship with someone during your committed relationship?

Yes.

She is guaranteed to divorce you if you fail. This is the male version of paternity testing for men. Remember, she's not accusing you of infidelity. It's for her "peace of mind".

Sure. I don't care.

Edit: would you support a DNA database of men from birth that can only be used to accurately identify fathers and all children are tested.

Sure.

2022-08-24T23:09:55+00:00

Ha, she’s the one sleeping around - that’s why we get the paternity test…

upalse · 2022-08-25T02:09:12+00:00

What about emotional cheating? Suppose: A man has a second wife they don't sleep with, but still support her and her kid (which isn't his). It's not all that unusual as it sounds, either. Especially in middle age when sex is nowhere near as important for some men.

IME, women are far more possessive in this aspect, than the sex as such.

calfshrug · 2022-08-25T03:46:51+00:00

What is cheating? Is looking at dozens of prime hot women in pornography considered cheating, or mutual masturbation and flirting disguised as meaningless hookup sex?

TheCultOfGrogg · 2022-08-25T06:14:35+00:00

If I ever get another girlfriend, I’d cheat. Absolutely. Men, being the risk takers, hunters, tribesmen, and warriors that we historically are value loyalty a lot more than women. Men value loyalty as a principle, women value loyalty as a tool, only useful insofar as it furthers some end they’re trying to meet.

Women actually don’t understand loyalty all that much. If you look at how women pledge loyalty, it goes something like “I’ll be loyal to you so long as you remain the best, most convenient, most accessible option for you at all times”. Which isn’t loyalty at all, it’s lack of a better option. Just because someone is present, doesn’t mean they’re loyal. Now women they won’t say that, but their actions show it.

Men’s loyalty is kind of like “I said I would be loyal, but even though you don’t deserve it and I certainly could’ve capitalized on better options, I’ll stay faithful because that’s what I said I would do”.

You can’t really have a relationship with how women think of loyalty… you’ll never set sail and leave the dock because she’ll always be jumping ship. So if I were to get in a relationship, knowing what I know, I’d go ahead and play that little “I can do better than you” game that women play, even if not to replace her outright, but to alleviate the pain caused from her inevitably cheating…I can say I did as well. Nevertheless relationships have become absolute shit shows so if I did get in one I’d literally just use the chick for as much as I could. I’d get as much free meals out of her, gifts, bj’s, and whatever, and just move on to the next one after leveraging her to get the current one. It sounds bad, but it’s what women do. They’ll just call you a dickhead for winning the game they play.

343_peaches_and_tea · 2022-08-25T10:19:39+00:00

No. I wouldn't take the test.

However I would also not be upset if my partner took regular STD tests within our relationship. Even if those would largely point to me cheating.

I also support fathers getting paternity tests if they feel they need to. I didn't have one though.

Paternity tests. Like STD tests. Aren't necessarily about the other party. They're about someone's relationship with their child & body respectively.

Also to the edit. No support for a DNA database.

statsfodder · 2022-08-25T08:35:24+00:00

What you are proposing isn't the same as paternity testing.. end thread.

DNA testing should be done as a matter of course UNLESS you believe men should have even less rights than women. A man SHOULD have the right to know the kid is his, there should be no argument. 1 in 4 men are raising a kid that isn't theirs.. (source: Wikipedia "paternity fraud" - studies that solely looked at couples who obtained paternity testing because paternity was being disputed, there are higher levels: an incidence of 17% to 33% (median of 26.9%). Most at risk were those born to younger parents, to unmarried couples and those of lower socio-economic status, or from certain cultural groups)

ChadChasingB · 2022-08-25T00:00:14+00:00

Well…kinda.

I’ve got no qualms because I’ve never cheated; and I certainly don’t plan to.

And here’s the Kardashian-sized “but”:

Certain things need to be taken on faith in a relationship. You can’t know that your partner will never cheat on you. You can only do your best to give them no reason to do so.

As far as your argument that this lie detector testing is equivalent to paternity testing - No it isn’t. That’s an asinine comparison.

There’s a kid involved now. Hurt feelings over cheating are the least of the issues at hand.

abaxeron · 2022-08-25T06:46:10+00:00

Yes and Yes; I have two conditions tho.

First, the "fidelity test" must not buzz on thought-crimes (i.e., it must not label me as cheater for thinking "wow, nice boobz!" about anyoe's rack except my wife's, even once, throughout all the years of our marriage).

Second, the "fidelity test" must not buzz for any type of solo self-satisfaction. No matter what kind of depraved nonsense I've done in the privacy of a separate room with no humans or animals in, it must not register it as cheating. I don't know if, say, hiring an online stripper should be considered cheating, but even if it was by the test, it would not go off on me; I've never done such things while in relationship or married.

I'm perfectly fine with going through this test for as long as my partner pays for it herself.

kvakerok · 2022-08-25T08:49:19+00:00

Sure, but then I also know how to fool the polygraph 🤷🏽‍♂️ so she'd just have to take my word for it.

Ohms2North · 2022-08-25T12:25:13+00:00

Nah. The male version of paternity testing is whether he is giving significant amounts of his resources to another woman

Bandit174 · 2022-08-25T13:10:42+00:00

Sure, but I'd want n-count testing too.

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JMoon33 · 2022-08-24T23:35:32+00:00

Yes, but I'd have to be sure there's no margin for error. Imagine losing your partner because some "expert" didn't interpret the results properly.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-08-25T00:33:33+00:00

jackedsoon · 2022-08-25T01:00:24+00:00

sure

tired_hillbilly · 2022-08-25T02:20:41+00:00

I wouldn't support a database of DNA for any purpose, but if it's taken and kept just long enough to do a paternity test, I would be for that 100%.

ta06012022 · 2022-08-25T03:20:11+00:00

This is a weird place.

NICHIJOU2411 · 2022-08-25T04:13:32+00:00

Yep. What are you even trying to do here?

A96ZWvjbP7Fd3 · 2022-08-25T04:34:50+00:00

Why not But instead of going far to that just gain backdoor access to his mobile It’s better to find out at the earlier stage than later when things have gotten worse

ARX7 · 2022-08-25T05:21:02+00:00

Lie detector tests are a load of crap, the us is the only first world country that I know of that puts such credence into them

MarBitt · 2022-08-25T08:16:57+00:00

A paternity test will not reveal if a woman has ever been unfaithful (without getting pregnant) or if she has tried unsuccessfully to seduce someone. In order for a woman to get pregnant with a lover, not only was she unfaithful, but she had unprotected PIV sex with that lover. And the paternity test will not detect every unprotected sex with a lover, but only the one that resulted in a pregnancy that the woman did not decide to terminate, for example with a postinor.

Equal to a paternity test would be a test (if it existed) to see whether another woman is carrying my child without my wife knowing about it. If there is any way to find out, I also definitely want to know. Because if I had a biological child somewhere that I don't know about, I want to know about it and participate in its upbringing.

So paternity tests are primarily to ensure that children will know their biological parents and their biological fathers will care (at least financially) for their biological children.

But yes, if my wife really needed it and it calmed her down, I would undergo even a lie detector test according to the conditions you described. Why not.

EDIT: The problem is with the exploitability of such a database and with the fact that I do not believe that it would be used only for this purpose. Otherwise I would definitely be for it.

domdomdom333 · 2022-08-25T08:47:09+00:00

Wish it was something other than a lie detector test as they can be easily manipulated but yes.

Even testing if the father is the real father upon birth I support, less worried about the cheating part, more worried about baby swapped at birth part.

ThatTallBrendan · 2022-08-25T10:23:05+00:00

What is it that you're searching for with this question, B? (Well, I know what. However I'm going to walk you through how I got there and show my work.)

You keep following up to people with questions about a biometric database, or something, as well.. so let's empathize for minute, and figure this out.

In a simplified form, you're asking:

"If you could reveal the truth to someone, with certainty that they would believe the truth, would you?"

Which is a purely philosophical question. Let's explore that.

Any honest person who has had to deal with a paranoid individual, will answer yes. Because they know how negatively that effects both the paranoid individual, and the people around them. (See 'Flat Earth', and, 'Holocaust denial')

By contrast; Any dishonest person who would benefit from saying no.. will NOT, say no. They will either lie.. saying yes to save face. Or stay silent, also to save face.

Liars, by their very nature, misrepresent and omit the truth for personal benefit.. So, expecting them to self identify when they have nothing to gain by doing so, is wholely unreasonable.

Therefore; Were you to ask this question with the intent of identifying liars, you, in doing so, would be acting in a wholely unreasonable manner..

But nobody is ever truly unreasonable. We all have reasons.. So let's meditate on that.

I don't think you are in any way 'seeking an answer to your question'.. so much as you are seeking confirmation of a foregone conclusion, while simultaneously not being immediately forthcoming about what that conclusion actually is.

I know this because, of what you do reveal of your conclusion.. you reveal in steps. Only proceeding to the next step in your thought process, once someone has already agreed to the premise of the step that you're currently on.

Which, while not inherantly suspect, very much could be, for one of two reasons.

Either A: You are unsure of, and afraid of how you will be perceived on account of your actual opinion.

Or B: You know you will be perceived negatively for your conclusion, and are attempting a form of coercive persuasion, in an attempt to lead those who are most susceptible to your opinion, towards it. (A mechanism by which radical ideology spreads itself. See 'Flat Earth', 'Holocaust denial', and, 'The Alt Right')

Now.. while I am not calling you a Holocaust denier.. I am calling into question your intentions relative to the penultimate opinion that you actually hold..

Which appears to be: "We should systematically biometrically index men at birth, for the purpose of identifying their future children," which is, by all accounts, a radical and fundamental violation of human rights.

The idea that we should be systematically indexing the biometric data of anyone without probable cause, is absolutely absurd for reasons I need not buy a plane ticket to Germany to explain.

ALL THAT BEING SAID..

I would like to ask you a question of my own.

If you had the opportunity to be honest about what it is that you truly believe..

Would you?

Given your initial phrasing of the question.. apparently not. Thus I propose a second question;

Having already failed to do so, and with nothing to necessarily gain, would you take that opportunity when presented with it.. for a second time?

...

I'll let you figure that one out

lonewolf1961 · 2022-08-25T10:37:49+00:00

DNA test for sure.Question if the test is possible.

SnowHatesWome · 2022-08-25T12:54:17+00:00

Depends how often. Like once every few months to a year, sure. If every other week I’d be a little annoyed

NotARussianBot1984 · 2022-08-25T13:02:18+00:00

No becuse its not reliable qnd a false read would ruin the relationship.

North_Difference6981 · 2022-08-25T13:25:57+00:00

would you support a DNA database of men from birth that can only be used to accurately identify fathers and all children are tested.

Lol no. I assume the corollary is mandated state paternity testing at birth which I also heavily oppose.

occisor-san · 2022-08-25T14:04:50+00:00

Sure, as long as she took the exact same test.

Best_Illustrator_137 · 2022-08-25T14:17:52+00:00

lol if there’s an easy way for us both to take a test to see who’s cheating then I’m all for it..

NigelDweeb · 2022-08-25T14:27:00+00:00

Yes, would have no problem with this

Hungry-Nebula · 2022-08-25T15:58:23+00:00

Accurate lie detectors aren't real, and will likely never be real. There are too many variables to consider when determining if something is a lie.

For example, let's say I was in a committed relationship, and had sex with someone else. However, at the time I had assumed my partner was cheating on me, and therefore I thought the relationship was over.

Or let's say that I tried hitting on someone that I assumed was my SO (ie seeing them from behind at a bar), but it turned out to be someone else.

Or, let's say that I was raped by a woman. Is that considered cheating?

Or. let's say that I had sex with another woman, but was somehow able to convince myself that my SO gave her consent to that activity? Even if she didn't, but I was able to fully convince myself that she did, would that be considered a lie?

no_bling_just_ding · 2022-08-25T17:32:32+00:00

if i had a spouse? sure on condition that she takes the test too. in this case, you got nothing to hide, you got nothing to fear

King-SAMO · 2022-08-25T17:35:20+00:00

No, but not because I’m cheating on the do or because I’m upset with my partner for not trusting me (she knows too many of my exes to just trust me without ever verifying)

it’s because of all the other confidential shit that I’m privy to; the second they’ve got a good baseline for my stress responses,the rest of the lights come up and here comes the lieutenant. Hard pass.

now if you can amend the question so that it’s some sort of magic that only checks how faithful I am, then bring it the fuck on; I’ll make a standing appointment to set my partner at ease.

yvaN_ehT_nioJ · 2022-08-25T17:36:40+00:00

Sure.

FlyV89 · 2022-08-26T01:03:16+00:00

Well I flirt a lot with other women... Does that count as cheatin?

Hell bring me that lie detector, now I want to know if my subconscious thinks I'm a cheater or not.

Euphemia006 · 2022-08-26T22:51:56+00:00

I think no, I would not.

Title	Q4M fidelity testing
Author	ChadChasingB
Upvotes	43
Comments	259
Date	August 24, 2022 11:00 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wwxjg1/q4m_fidelity_testing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-fidelity-testing.1129473 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129473

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