What causes people to do a complete 180?

szclimber · 2023-07-16T18:46:35+00:00

There was never a 180 with any of your examples. The women got to know you and were not interested. That is just regular dating.

Ok-Visit-496 · 2023-07-16T19:14:46+00:00

It sounds like it's the opposite, you are decent looking but don't have good social skills. Similar experiences have happened to me as well, and that was the reason in my case.

Jazzlike-Actuary-99 · 2023-07-16T18:48:14+00:00

1) Sometimes people think they are ready to date, but they aren't.

2) Sometimes the spark just isn't there. The ghosting is immature.

3) And yes, it can take a few dates to figure out if there is potential.

I don't see anything unusual or unreasonable in the dates above. They just did not end up with a relationship. Very few dates do. And yes women are often vague, flaky and indecisive, and this is annoying to be on the receiving end of, but nothing I would take personal.

Nate_Reborn · 2023-07-16T18:50:43+00:00

It just sounds like regular dating, man.

I would focus more on your own self awareness.

Let's assume these women have enough options to not waste their time with ugly men. There was something she liked about you. The only way for her to confirm this is to go on a date with you.

If it works out, great. If not, no worries. Chemistry is a tricky thing, and it can't be forced. Just keep going on more dates, and make time to reflect so you can see where you can improve.

You got this.

Independent_Day678 · 2023-07-16T18:50:59+00:00

How I see it:

She was not into you, but liked your demeanor/personality, so she gave you another chance to see if something changed, it didn't.
Very confused with this one. Might have self-sabotaged or met someone else.
I think she liked you, but didn't feel enough chemistry that would warrant a relationship.

Don't take it too personal. Clearly these women liked your looks and personality enough to go on multiple dates with you. Finding a long-term/marriage partner is hard for everyone, so rejection happens.

Diddy_1978 · 2023-07-16T21:37:12+00:00

You pushed physical contact and she didn’t want it. Second time too, you kissed her and she didn’t reciprocate, clearly she didn’t want to.
She found someone else or anyway she decided not to pursue anything more with you.
You say she rejected your advances. With her you instigated unwanted contact too. Unless you have terrible breath or stink, it sounds like you can’t read cues at all and push unwanted physical contact onto your dates.

Barneysparky · 2023-07-16T18:27:43+00:00

If they thought you were ugly they wouldn't have gone on a date.

You are socially awkward.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-07-16T20:15:00+00:00

Number One told you: she wasn't over her ex.

Number Two doesn't know what she wants.

Number Three was vetting you. She let the experience settle in her gut and then she probably thought, "He made me laugh, but I don't think I want to be with him. Since he's not heinous, I'll give him a couple of dates to change my mind." And you couldn't.

MyLastBestChance · 2023-07-16T22:21:16+00:00

They just weren’t that into you. It sounds like they gave it a shot, weren’t feeling it and decided not to continue.

That’s not a 180, that’s just dating 🤷‍♀️

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-16T20:39:56+00:00

It doesn’t sound like those women did a complete 180. It sounds like they went out with you a couple times and didn’t see it going anywhere. It happens.

No-Chance-8405 · 2023-07-16T21:25:27+00:00

No. 3 gave you actually a good hint. There was no sexual chemistry or emotional connection. That was likely the case for all three of them. The brief kisses, kissing without tongue, and the pat on the back indicate that quite clearly. They had good time with you and had hoped for the chemistry to develope, but nothing has changed on the following dates so they decided to quit it.

SlyStocks · 2023-07-16T22:00:23+00:00

They also date several people all the time. The second one probably kinda liked you, but then got to know someone she liked better or went back to her ex with no regard for your feelings whatsoever. Which is regular behavior in modern dating.

ace52387 · 2023-07-16T20:15:22+00:00

1 and 3 just sounds like it took some time. not quite a 180 to me. i think you dodged a bullet with 2.

GoodApollo506 · 2023-07-16T19:30:30+00:00

Because it’s all a game to women

Dating for a woman is like ordering a pizza

Dating for a guy is an intense job interview

She had 20+ other applicants and you simply didn’t make the cut.

daddysgotanew · 2023-07-16T19:50:41+00:00

This is what happens when you’re not attractive. Women call it “no spark” but what it really means is “not Chad”

badfirstdate- · 2023-07-16T18:31:45+00:00

Are these from dating apps? It’s actually pretty common for this to happen with online dating. Especially attractive younger girls. They have so many options that they are quickly looking to move to the next if anything isn’t perfect.

What you just described is my exact experience with these apps. Some did lead to hookups but nothing goes the distance.

Meeting someone in person is completely different. Even if the girl is just as attractive and has just as many options, meeting them in person makes you stand out.

I will meet a girl off an app and we hookup or we don’t and she ghosts me. Cool.

I will meet a girl in person just as attractive or more, and she will look at me much different then these girls on apps. She is more attracted to me and the chemistry is much better and more natural.

This is my anecdotal experience, but I think the majority will agree with me.

Ainsleygz · 2023-07-16T18:45:24+00:00

Multidating and she liked the other guy(s) more

Ok_Tomorrow_3963 · 2023-07-16T20:29:47+00:00

Tingles are all important early on. They're just not feeling the tingles from you.

HazyMemory7 · 2023-07-16T18:56:56+00:00

Emotional unavailability, or a guy/girl the person is more interested came along.

But 1 and 3 don't sound like a 180 to me. Just didn't pan out.

P.S. Never, ever ask a girl to kiss. Read the vibes and her body language and make a move when you feel the time is right

Pathosgrim · 2023-07-16T20:02:00+00:00

Hypergamy. You can be disposed of anytime for little to no reasoning.

Dunkman83 · 2023-07-16T20:27:50+00:00

what happens is their ex (or the chad they are chasing) notice that their attention has gone else where. so they come back and tell the girl everything she wants to hear so she drops u and gives them a 2nd chance for the 200th time, burning a bridge in the process.

women will burn bridges their whole life, then end up 50 and alone and mad that no one is sending them a boat.

basedmama21 · 2023-07-16T19:56:33+00:00

1, 2, and 3 have the same thing in common. Each woman had some sort of visible/tangible aversion to physical contact from you, and/or lack of reciprocation in their own different way.

They’re giving you a second date because you’re probably nice and didn’t get pushy (as far as we know) or aggressive so they want to see if they can form more of a connection and get some sexual chemistry. They might see potential but they want both things to be there. Some women are willing to give something a second chance to see if that changes or develops.

Former_Molasses_7073 · 2023-07-16T21:08:09+00:00

OP, i think the problem is likely you dont feel comfortable being intimate with women or are unsure about it. The reason i say this is if you kiss a woman and she's avoiding tongue / switching to a peck / breaking it off quickly without reason, it means there's no spark there.

But sometimes this can be promoted by a lack of self esteem .

For the second woman, this part sticks out to me.

Matched with a woman and she comes over for wine and board games. She very clearly isn't looking for a hookup,

so a woman you don't know agreed to come over to your house, and drink in your house (total stranger) and you believe she's not looking for a hookup ? Unless there are more key details, this is usually 100% sign of DTF.

Women who are looking for relationships will avoid alcohol early on and meet at public locations.

kukkle1111 · 2023-07-16T18:28:55+00:00

I sometimes wonder if I'm just ugly, but the women like my personality and my kindness so they try to give me a shot, but they end up not being able to do it since I'm ugly.

Why start a thread when you already know the answer?

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-07-16T19:14:56+00:00

So, just the inevitable results of blind dating? People try, don't like where things are going, and quickly move on. I agree with you on that it gets very boring very quickly.

wtknight · 2023-07-16T20:36:39+00:00

That's the ick. Men do something that icks a woman and she often doesn't even realize that it icks her until later. It's usually something that isn't small and serious, but it's something that makes her lose attraction and think that she can "do better".

Sometimes it's because she just met a guy who she thinks is better, though, and it's not like the first guy did anything really wrong.

Leyoniflowers · 2023-07-16T21:14:04+00:00

destructive life experiences

puddingbike · 2023-07-16T21:42:22+00:00

This is pretty easy to diagnose.

First, what's with all this hand-holding bullshit? Your problem is you're not aggressive enough.

You need to be aggressive right out of the gate immediately. You need to act like you've got a dick in your pants. These women are rejecting you because they're concluding you're some hand-holding pussy.

Take your very first date in the coffee shop. Soon as she shows up, that's when you kiss her. Find out right away. If she doesn't want to kiss you then, she ain't never going to want to kiss you.

Bmiller1550 · 2023-07-16T21:43:54+00:00

Girls like to chase and you provided none of that experience for them. They knew from the start that they had you and got bored.

philseven12 · 2023-07-16T18:35:43+00:00

I have a remedy to either get them to proceed to the next step or weed them out immediately if they really just aren't interested, but it's a toxic remedy lol

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DerayRevan · 2023-07-16T18:35:26+00:00

What

itiswhatitis1090 · 2023-07-16T19:31:16+00:00

OP, how long have you been dating for? The more you get out there the more you should be able to read signs of whether they are interested are not. Non verbal cues as well as if she seems engaged in the conversation. Whether she is asking questions or not. Once you have been able to figure this out it will save you alot of time on women who are not interested. Though what you described just seems like dating these days.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2023-07-16T22:24:38+00:00

Seems like they do like your looks if you get matched enough to have dates and girls come over, and they come for 2nd dates..

Maybe you're doing something off-putting with how you touch or talk.. bad mouth smell?

Hard to say, I'd rule out looks for now unless the girls are really unattractive

Rhinosaur666 · 2023-07-16T22:34:15+00:00

Yes, you are thinking about what the woman is thinking and thinking you should be all respectful and goody two shoes. Who cares what they want. Actually here is what they want. They want a man who knows what he wants. It doesn't sound like you know what you want. What do you want to do with these women? Hold hands? Or do you want to fuck them? Don't tell me you don't want to fuck them, because you that would make you a fucking liar. Be true to yourself and express what you want. The purpose of a relationship between a man and a woman is sex. She's either there to fuck or to play games with you. Don't tolerate BS.

BaadKitteh · 2023-07-16T23:10:53+00:00

... you do get that the first few dates are for figuring things out, right? Are you expecting some kind of love at first sight situation? That a nice conversation over coffee is going to light a fire in her loins? The situations you're talking about are totally normal, including the ghosting which is slightly shitty in that context. Would be a lot worse if you had actually been seeing her for awhile. Basically you just need to stop assuming that a woman agreeing to a second date means you are absolutely in, obviously that is not the case

EsotericRonin · 2023-07-17T00:12:54+00:00

It sounds like you should get better at reading body language because you're initiating unwanted physical contact, multiple times. Test the water with less risky physical contact and see how open and relaxed her body language is around you. Overall this seems just like you need better social awareness like the other comments state.

Willow-girl · 2023-07-17T00:24:18+00:00

A coffee date is fine for a first meeting, to see if there's at least a possibility there's something there. Ideally you want to maintain a little mystery and leave her wanting more. Try to do something you're passionate about on the second date, though. Invite her into your life; let her see what you're all about. A little less talk and a lot more action! So much more interesting than having a long, awkward conversation over dinner ...

Rich_Photograph2859 · 2023-07-17T00:25:41+00:00

They just weren't feeling it, that's all. I was talking to a guy I thought was beautiful, we were clicking, had a phone call and he just came off as immature. Don't take it personally

Dalton4775829 · 2023-07-17T00:58:30+00:00

Get richer.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-07-17T01:19:27+00:00

At the very start of dating, behaviour is maybe 10 percent motivated what impression they have you and 10 percent motivated by how they think a relationship with you would go and 80 percent motivated by a general desire to be behaving as they feel a person should in general behave on a date.

Then they get to know you and the "what they think of you" and "how they think a relationship with you would go" categories expand. And the "being a theoretically ideal date because social expectations" category reduces

It would be more amazing to me if someone had no-one decide to do a 180. They got to know you and formed a more full opinion of what being in a relationship with you would mean.

I can't tell you precisely what made them stop wanting to date you in each case. To me you're a stranger on the internet. I don't know you at all.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-07-17T02:30:05+00:00

Some know they dont want a second date at the end of the first, but do not have the guts to say it right away or to say it at all. When I was 20 and went on my first OLD app date I did this because I didnt want the confrontation. So I told him I wanted a second date then ignored his texts. It was immature but yeah there you go.

Some may be on the fence about wanting a second date, and after a few days thinking, they decide they dont want it. Then, they take their time telling you or ghost. (This is good- you dont want someone on the fence about you anyway)

A smaller % I do believe are interested but something comes up that changes their mind. An ex for example or someone else asks them out they are a bit more interested in. This is particularly true on OLD apps where people are multidating or not taking enough time to mourn an ex.

Also one not mentioned here in depth is mental health issues or attachment issues. There are a lot of avoidant attachment types on OLD apps. God bless em to find happiness.

MistyMaisel · 2023-07-17T02:46:34+00:00

I think you got honest feedback. She's not over her ex. You probably moved too fast physically for where she was at in recovering from her last relationship and it scared her off. Hard to avoid people that aren't ready, but think they are. Just bad luck for all involved.
Could just be me, but I think asking for the kiss when it's clear she doesn't wanna move that fast was a bit of a mistake. She did like you clearly given all the chatter, but I think when it got close to the date, she probably felt like you'd have high physical expectations and wasn't ready for all that. And then just made a lame excuse and pulled the plug rather than communicate where she's at, probably because you seemed both like a fun dude, but possibly a bit pushy.
Again, you got honest feedback. Again, sounds like you were being physically forward in a way that they didn't like. But, also, she just sounds like she's not feeling the chemistry. You gotta remember, women sparkle eye with each other. It's not always a sign men think.

If I were gonna give a potential bit of advice, sounds like you move too fast physically for the kind of women you're attracting or going after. Flirt more. Enjoy the tension.

I don't think these are 180s, you're reading too much into women enjoying your company or wanting to date more. It's a good sign they wanna go out more, it doesn't mean as much as you're wishing it did, I think.

womandatory · 2023-07-17T03:04:35+00:00

It takes a few dates for women to gauge attraction, because it’s more than just how you look to us that matters.

Sometimes she will meet a better match.

Some things will give her the ick and she’s just no longer interested.

She may well be hung up on her ex and not realise until she tries to date.

None of these are 180s.

Particular_Trade6308 · 2023-07-17T03:30:16+00:00

You aren't giving these women any tingles. You're either ugly, or you're ok-looking but acting platonic/not escalating.

3 dates with blonde-haired woman and you aren't even getting to a kiss. By date 1 you were finished from how I'm reading the story.

The reason you are getting multiple dates is because you are a nice person and will take them out/plan, so if the girls are bored there's no harm in giving it a shot. But they're not into you.

You should consider that all three of these girls have probably fucked a guy on the first date off of the same app you met them.

redditmcx · 2023-07-17T03:32:41+00:00

Were you into all three women? You’re just focusing on whether they liked you. Did you like them? Is this just three that you liked and didn’t want to continue but there’s also 10 more you’re not mentioning that liked you and you cut it off? Hard to get a sense of the overall picture but it matters in speculating an answer.

Sea-Lengthiness8846 · 2023-07-17T04:43:44+00:00

Sounds like no sexual tension created, dragging out dates, you’re talking too much, following the typical advancing stages where there’s no spontaneity.

Excellent-Yam409 · 2023-07-17T07:19:13+00:00

Were you 100% in on all of these women? Would you have cut it off if you were no longer interested?

Greenlemon17 · 2023-07-17T08:36:29+00:00

The hand holding... maybe it's a personal thing but it's a passion killer for me

_demidevil_ · 2023-07-17T12:09:43+00:00

I can understand why that would feel really confusing to you. I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but it is common. That doesn’t mean there’s nothing to it at all. If your face was an issue you wouldn’t be on the date in the first place.
There might be something happening but I do think it’s common and sometimes we underestimate how much rejection is about the person doing the rejecting rather than the one being rejected.
With the second one who ghosted you, I actually feel that sounds like she was afraid of being rejected by you. Sometimes people with low self esteem can feel they don’t deserve affection. They will push people away before they get too close.

ReferenceImpossible2 · 2023-07-17T12:27:40+00:00

Maybe it’s because you post on Reddit like a fukin beta lol

DoinIt989 · 2023-07-17T12:45:57+00:00

Women are just overly polite and agreeable. Their words mean nothing, it's just "nice talk". The only way you know if a woman is interested in you is if she messages you first/agrees to another date via text. IME saying "we should do this again" or "I had a good time" almost always means "I'm not interested"

Also if you don't have sex on the first date, you probably won't have another. Women usually don't "feel a spark" until you have (good) sex.

Thetruthisneeded · 2023-07-18T11:02:34+00:00

Are you certain that you don't have bad breath?

Title	What causes people to do a complete 180?
Author	AudaciousPanther
Upvotes	26
Comments	89
Date	July 16, 2023 6:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/151dhs4/what_causes_people_to_do_a_complete_180/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-causes-people-to-do-a-complete-180.1225460 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225460

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