What is the difference between a guy women make wait for sex and a guy guy that gets it shortly after you first meet?

twistednormz · 2025-03-07T20:44:52+00:00

You're assuming the difference is in the guy, whereas I think the difference is in the woman. Some women if they are sexually attracted to a guy will generally sleep with him early in the relationship. Some women will always wait a while until she gets to know the guy better. Of course, we're talking about humans so there are going to be outliers who sometimes sleep with the guy quickly and sometimes wait longer, but that's still more likely to be due to herself and not the guy. Women are generally not out there going "well this guy is hot so I will sleep with him straight away" and "this guy is not as hot so I will make him wait and work for it". You guys really think men are at the forefront of women's every decision. You're not.

Also, the language you are using around this topic is telling. Sex is not something that a man "gets" from a woman, or that a woman "gives" to a man.

Barneysparky · 2025-03-07T19:53:25+00:00

What's the difference between a guy who wants to wait, and the one that doesn't?

I've been on more than a few first dates. There is one thing that became evident. When there was a great connection and both of us were feeling it, there was never any pressure to have sex now. When the date was mediocre and not a lot of chemistry going on 9 times out of 10 the guy tried for sex.

The reason? The connection guy and I were engrossed in great conversation and making plans for a second date, while the whatever dates were thinking "may as well shoot my shot"..

I just want to add that I have never been disappointed with sex a guy who had mutual interest, the couple of times I went "what the heck, I'm not doing anything else tonight may as well be him" I was disappointed.

OP have you ever had an amazing conversation on a date?

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-03-07T21:06:05+00:00

It's not the guy that's different, it's the woman. I made my first boyfriend wait because he was my first boyfriend and I was virgin and not ready to just have sex immediately. After we broke up, I waited 2 years to sleep with another guy again, and the guy I slept with, I did on the first day I met him because I had completely changed my relationship to sex across the previous 4 years. After that, I slept with a few other guys for fun, had one FWB. And then my current boyfriend I also slept with the first day meeting him, and I'm still with him.

leosandlattes · 2025-03-07T17:54:27+00:00

The boyfriend who never got sex never got it because I wasn't ready to have sex. Personal thing. The boyfriend who did get sex on the second date got it because I was ready to lose my virginity.

DenverKim · 2025-03-08T00:55:00+00:00

In all honesty, for me, the majority of the time if I sleep with a man really quickly, it’s because I don’t really see much of a future there. I might find him attractive and fun, but there’s something there that doesn’t seem like we would be a good fit for the long-term (usually lifestyle differences, like they have kids, aren’t looking for a relationship, are too young, polyamorous, etc.). In which case, I’m not really interested in investing a lot of time there, other than to have a little fun.

But when it comes to a guy that I think might make a really good partner in the long run, I might be a bit more hesitant. Not because I’m playing some kind of game or treating sex like a commodity, but honestly because the sex is usually far far better when I get to know somebody a little more first. If we hook up really fast and I don’t have a good time, it’s going to be over. I don’t believe in placing arbitrary time frames on it, it’s more about how you feel with a person. It’s just nice to invest a little bit of time to build up some tension, chemistry, and a little bit of trust when you think you might have a real one.

Either way, I’m a bit different than a lot of women in that I don’t like to wait too long either way because sex is a crucial part of a relationship and there are just way too many men out there who are either really bad/selfish in bed, or who just totally change personalities after you’ve slept together. Investing a little bit of time to get to know one another if you think something is worth it can be nice… But not too much time.

attendquoi · 2025-03-07T19:27:28+00:00

The guy who waits says he wants a relationship. The guy who doesn't wait says he wants casual sex.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-03-07T21:15:17+00:00

never did this, never heard of anyone doing this off of reddit

CreepyVictorianDolls · 2025-03-07T21:10:07+00:00

The person who got sex was in the right place at the right time and I was feeling experimental. After I decided I do not like ONS and hookups, nobody gets sex.

half_avocado33 · 2025-03-07T18:07:43+00:00

The boyfriend who didn't get sex, didn't ask. The boyfriend who got sex, proposed sex, made a move.

Kizka · 2025-03-08T12:16:51+00:00

Sometimes it doesn't have anything to do with the man himself but with the woman. We don't live in a vacuum, our mood changes, our circumstances change, our hormones change. I don't meet guys I don't find attractive. The same guy could have wastly different outcomes with me depending on the day we have our date. I can be up for a date to get to know someone and know upfront that I'm just not in the mood for sex. Doesn't have to do anything with him. If I'm already in the mood for sex THEN the way he behaves towards me comes into play. Is he flirty, seductive, can he banter? But if I'm just not in the mood, then I can have a pleasant date and can be interested in meeting him again but I just don't want to have sex that particular day.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2025-03-09T00:46:48+00:00

It’s wild that men assume women don’t like them when they don’t rush to sex, when the opposite is true. If she respects his caution and conservative values, she’s willing to wait to honor his morals.

Yet men here tell one another that’s evidence she doesn’t like him 🤣

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-03-08T02:11:29+00:00

If the purpose of me seeing him is casual, then we fuck

If the purpose of seeing him is dating, then we wait. Because compatibility matters and that's how you choose better

Something men here virtue-signal about women doing, but also get resentful about

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Trouvette · 2025-03-08T23:47:07+00:00

The difference is that the second man doesn’t exist. No one is getting it that easily.

greedyleopard42 · 2025-03-09T20:18:31+00:00

i kinda feel like your three reasons are pretty much the same thing in different words, but i also disagree with them. there can be a wide variety of reasons.

i can speak to my personal experience when i say that i have waited longer with guys i am MORE physically and emotionally attracted to, only because i wanted to increase anticipation and make the final moment when we do it more rewarding. these are the people ive been with that i am MOST viscerally attracted to. I wanted to be with them long term and grow with them so i wanted to “go in with a bang” and start off our foray into that world with a great experience.

i actually did it quicker with people i didn’t really see anything happening with. i didn’t care how good it was going to be for us because i just sorta stopped talking to them not long after the act- and these aren’t even the more physically attractive people either. one of them i did it with early was pretty attractive but i didn’t like his personality very much so i wasnt romanticizing him in a way that made me want to maximize our first time enjoyment.

my current bf for instance- the first night we met we had so much in common and i was so attracted to him and neither of us came right out and said it but i knew i could have done anything with him that night. if i clicked with him less i might have just went ahead and gotten it out of the way so i wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of seeing him again, but i let things unfold the way i knew they could, which was much better.

i don’t see it as “making him wait”. and i don’t think he does either. he was interested in me as a person and it was about much more than instant gratification.

waffleznstuff30 · 2025-03-07T21:31:38+00:00

Relationship guy. Is relationship material. So I am vetting and getting to know him. I'm attracted to him we want the same things so I am going slow with him. Making sure he is a good partner. The connection isn't solely based upon sex. It's compatibility. Respect. Mutual affection. Having good conversations and generally just enjoying each other's company. Making this a consistent reliable thing. I care about him. There's a lot more going on a lot more things to vet for. This is someone I want to spend a significant amount of time with.

Hook up guy. Usually seems like a good idea at the time not really romantic interest. I'm single I'm feeling experimental it never really happens. We had good banter. Seems like some cheeky fun. Don't expect much out of it. Don't really care if they call the next day. Will give them a high five and politely shoo them out the next day. It's usually just because I want to have sex? And that's it. There's no feelings really involved. Basically attractive enough? Not going to murder me? There's chemistry. Okay cool. Friendly like you treat a service worker or something but not intimate. Made each other's night. There's an expiration date. Fun and memorable but not something I would continue pursuing.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-03-07T23:29:24+00:00

It’s mostly not the guy but the woman’s mindset at the particular time and circumstances under which she meets him. For example, if let’s say she just got out of an LTR and is looking for a distraction but not ready to seriously date yet, she’s more likely to be down for a hookup than if she’s actively looking for a relationship. And of course, some women are always going to want to wait longer for sex than others. That’s called “sociosexual orientation” and varies a lot from person to person. But time and place tends to be the biggest factor for individual women.

Churchneanderthal · 2025-03-07T23:02:38+00:00

The guy who gets it right away is the one I met at the bar while I was trashed and horny. I don't remember exactly what he looked like. I think his name starts with an "M". Oh gross he left the condom on the bathroom sink.

The guy who I take it slower with is the cute one I see at the coffee shop all the time. We talk and seems like he might like me. Maybe we'll become friends or boyfriend/girlfriend. Sometimes I think about him in bed.

ThatBitchA · 2025-03-08T01:18:00+00:00

None of those things make a difference.

It's not necessarily so much about the dude as it is about me and what I want.

So yes, you're wrong.

Some dudes I've met and thought, "you'd be fun to fuck." And thus, we fuck. These are hookup material dudes.

Some dudes I've met and thought, "you're fun and smart and cool and sexy and I want to fuck you and spend time with you and do fun things together and and and and." And thus we date for weeks, months, years, etc. Those are the husband material dudes, the dudes you wanna fuck AND spend time with.

Some dudes I've met and thought, "ew, leave me the fuck alone."

No-Past7721 · 2025-03-08T00:21:57+00:00

I've never taken less than six months because I recruit only from friends so whatever. But there are times in my life I have idly considered it. Those times have been when I felt I wanted a pivotal memorable experience to contribute to a process of personal change.

Sort of like how if one was stuck in a rut one might decide to have an experience that has always been available but is a bit silly and inconvenient and one doesn't usually do. Maybe one lives at Redwood Park but there's a part of town one had never been to so on a Saturday morning one packs a lunch then takes a bus to an interchange then the O-bahn then a train then transfers to another train then a bus and finds oneself at Aldinga where the temperature is fully five degrees lower and the air smells like ocean and sand not hills and dust. And one sits on a bench and eats one's lunch then wanders round and finds a gift shop in the local shopping centre where one buys a pair of earrings as a souvenir then one takes a bus then a train then another train then the O-bahn then a bus back home. And home looks different now. And one tucks those earrings into one's jewellery box as a reminder for when one wants to remember how things are from a different perspective.

Anyhow that would be the dynamic under which I might have sex with someone I barely know. He wouldn't necessarily be any different. The key difference between me doing that and not doing that wouldn't be in him. I would have decided to do something different to rattle the bars of the cage of ideas of normalcy I had built for myself.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-03-07T21:23:26+00:00

never did this, never heard of anyone doing this off of reddit

Title	What is the difference between a guy women make wait for sex and a guy guy that gets it shortly after you first meet?
Author	Realistic_Guava9117
Upvotes	3
Comments	204
Date	March 7, 2025 12:40 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1j5mk53/what_is_the_difference_between_a_guy_women_make/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-difference-between-a-guy-women-make.1545879 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545879

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