Is cheating and infidelity inevitable?

Short-Fingers · 2022-08-20T15:30:21+00:00

For me personally right now, I benefit by not looking at this page. It gets me down about the current state of dating. I don’t want to think about a chad going to nightclub and fucking my future girlfriend and anyone else’s and the women not caring about being one of multiple fwb in a soft unspoken harem. I’m also 32 though.

What is helping me personally is not masturbating or browsing dating websites endlessly and going to the gym almost every day early in the morning and improving myself in the best way I can right now. You have to find your zen and just focus on you. This redpill and dark pill crap can really get you down and you can’t give your energy to it. There is utility to knowing what many women may do but they will reap their rewards and so will you if you keep obsessing on it. You just need to find one good woman. Let the dregs find and hurt each other.

EulenWatcher · 2022-08-20T13:41:26+00:00

Statistically most people, both men and women, don't cheat.

But you can't have any guarantee your partner will never cheat on you. If you date someone exclusively, you agree to take the risks. You can minimize the risks by going for a partner with no previous cheating history, who's mentally stable, has secure attachment style, is honest and sticks to their own morals etc.

As usual personal experience in the end. My husband and I have been together for more than 8 years and I haven't cheated on him nor I'm going to. For 8 years I've only once experienced some sort of romantic attraction to another person (a woman), but we discussed it and I got over it pretty quickly. I don't know anyone personally who has cheated on their partner or at least I'm not aware about it. The only person who I know was accused in cheating had already separated from their partner and their partner wasn't okay with their separation and he thought he still had some kind of rights on her, so when she started dating someone, he got pissed off.

_revelationary · 2022-08-20T13:54:59+00:00

It’s a risk on her side of the relationship too, you know? As others have said, there’s very little we can control outside of our own choices. Vet your partner, communicate well, and understand that there’s risk involved whenever we are vulnerable. If the foundation of the relationship is strong then hopefully there won’t be reason for either party to stray.

LooseNectarine7295 · 2022-08-20T15:50:14+00:00

Exactly why I don’t plan on getting married

peanutbutterjams · 2022-08-20T13:40:15+00:00

there’s an inevitability that infidelity will usually be present to some degree, no?

I can't tell you the sun will rise tomorrow. but I can tell you that my wife has never cheated on me.

I'm a lifelong skeptic but this I know.

So no, it's not inevitable. At all.

If you don't believe me, believe the 3 other happily married couples I know.

I don't know how else to convince you that betrayal is not inevitable.

Here's an idea:

The next time you're dating someone, ask if yourself if you'd be comfortable with asking them to hold $200 for you on your first date.

I'd've absolutely trusted my wife on our first date.

Be the best person you can be, and then have confidence that you deserve someone who deserves you.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-08-20T13:54:17+00:00

I’m gonna tell you something a girl told me when I was young. “You might not be for everyone, but you are more than enough for most”

Once you understand and internalize that concept your mind will stop trying to “always be on your a game” and you will become comfortable being “who you are”

Now the only question is: who do you want to be?

Cool. Now get to it.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2022-08-20T15:14:36+00:00

The tools available for communication today make it all too easy for cheating to occur. Cheating isn’t a mistake. It’s the final step in a long process which starts when people don’t guard their hearts and protect their relationships, and likewise don’t respect the relationships of others.

However, the availability of no-fault divorce probably did much more damage.

Ganajin · 2022-08-20T16:27:48+00:00

Most people do not cheat, but why are you so worked up over this anyway? If you find out someone has betrayed you, just leave them.

mmm_try_again12345 · 2022-08-20T14:15:31+00:00

Go to church and do your best to find a girl who’s strongly religious and whose family likely raised her with a set of values that will lead her to be faithful. Yes I know not EVERY church girl is actually traditional, yes I know ‘religion bad’ since this is Reddit, yes I know non-religious people are capable of being faithful too. But girls who have been raised in a traditional religious environment are generally a better option if you want to ease your mind about this stuff.

onirroc · 2022-08-20T13:41:59+00:00

Both genders cheat at similar rates, its a valid fear for everyone... but jealousy and paranoia will backfire and ruin any chance of a healthy relationship.

Unfortunately monogamous relationships involve being vulnerable and trusting and realizing it could happen.

I've been cheated on, and I've cheated. I'm happily married now and I can honestly say I don't worry or fear it. I trust my wife completely.

sarkington · 2022-08-20T14:37:12+00:00

Obviously not, otherwise it wouldn’t be notable when it does happen

AstronomerNo42 · 2022-08-20T14:20:26+00:00

No, there are people who have been together for like 60 years with no cheating.

This mindset can’t be healthy for relationships though, not trusting your partner and feeling they’re hiding something. That can lead to wanting to control them. I’m sorry about your breakup I hope things get better for you.

Exotic-One3381 · 2022-08-20T15:08:23+00:00

Absolutely not. I would never cheat on a partner, either you break up or be faithful. But I'm not afraid to be single whereas a lot of ladies line up the next guy while still in relationships.

You can't control your feelings but you can control your actions and it all depends on their individual values and morals and self control .

Would you /have you cheated?

Oh and hypergamy? That's some red pill nonsense. Some women are happy to meet a guy they love, settle down, and just stay with their guy.

Capable-Resolve-2001 · 2022-08-20T16:13:53+00:00

Cheating statics are not saying 60% of humans cheat in every relationship no matter what.

They say about 60% of all people have cheated at some point. At some point in their life they cheated. That's not that bad, not that scary.

So is it inevitable? No. And will self improvement make it impossible to happen? Also no!

Find a partner with similar values. Like I wouldn't date somebody who believes love isn't a choice and that they can't control how they feel about things. That person, imo, is more likely to cheat because their world view is already based on "my emotions are always right and I shouldnt have to filter them"

Dude, get off red pill. Why do you think taking advice from people who seem fucking miserable is going to make you happy?

ErenYDidNothingWrong · 2022-08-20T18:23:38+00:00

Most people don’t cheat so no. Just make sure you get a dna test when you start having kids.

cunningcaring · 2022-08-20T14:17:52+00:00

There are no guarantees in life, but red pill has poisoned your brain. Most women are faithful.

Sad_Entertainer6312 · 2022-08-20T14:21:30+00:00

I've never been cheated on, but I did cheat once (a drunken moment making out with someone that I instantly regretted).

Fidelity is possible, just pick the right person, and give them your trust.

infinitofluxo · 2022-08-20T15:25:53+00:00

Considering the general population, about 30% of the people won't cheat and will tell you when it is over and they want another. That is the data we have, almost 70% of the people cheat nowadays.

If you are worrying about being cheated because of hypergamy, this is the best kind because we can learn how the woman acts when she is targeting another male.

I don't think most people can do it without leaving traces. I only found evidence of cheating by one ex and she gave me plenty of signals, I was dumb not to see it because she had a great facade.

Why did I not see? Because I was a blue pilled liberal, listening to all the bullshit the usual redditors claim, like "you have to trust her", "you don't have the right to see her phone", "she does not have to tell you who she's talking too", "a woman can have male friends", "you are insecure if you think she can't be alone with a guy at his home and not have sex".

This is why we can't deal with reality and become vulnerable to an unbearable amount of pain. Reality is what it is and it is always safer to be with someone open, with plenty of boundaries and that believes it is normal to feel insecure in a world like that. If a partner isn't willing to make you comfortable and secure, it is a matter of time until you will be disrespected in a mean way.

Understand hypergamy, learn the signs they give when the "better male" is being targeted, only be in relationships with transparent people that recognize the bullshit out there, know that love will end someday and that you will always have to get up and survive by yourself. If you can, keep close to the heart male friends that will be with you for life because they usually are more trustworthy than the majority of women we will know in life, not because they are male but because they are your friends and don't want money or sex from you.

kvakerok · 2022-08-20T15:45:54+00:00

Making strategic decisions based on dating praxis (red pill) is dumb. Red Pill doesn't quantify faithfulness or unfaithfulness. Red Pill simply maximizes your chances of getting laid. Use it for that purpose.

One thing you have to understand is that modern society is actively working towards destroying monogamy in favor of hypergamy. Cheating will not exist in hypergamy. Once you accept that as inevitable it should be easy for you to get rid of the fear and paranoia.

Finally, I think your insecurity stems primarily from your low self esteem rather than possibility of being cheated on. Work on becoming a better person for your own sake, both psychologically and physically.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-08-20T17:52:06+00:00

I wouldn't say it's inevitable, at the end of the day you're only in control of your actions tho

beleidigtewurst · 2022-08-20T18:39:27+00:00

Inevitable in which sense? There are stats on adultery, doh.

Figures vary though, but of more recent ones:

20 percent of married men had cheated on their spouse at least once in their relationship

compared to only 13 percent of married women (IFStudies.org).

So, you were asking?

here’s a quote that goes something like, ”you can’t trust that others will never hurt you, you can only trust that you’ll be strong enough to handle it when they do”

Yeah, but you lose all fights in which you don't show up.

Leave being risk averse to women.

M_LaSalle · 2022-08-20T19:14:27+00:00

Nothing is inevitable except death and taxes. but cheating and infidelity are highly probable. They're hard wired that way.

The concept of hypergamy is really disheartening for me as well, in that women always have a roster of men to pull from and if I slip up or am deemed not good enough.

As the saying goes, she was never yours, it was just your turn. That doesn't preclude you enjoying your turn.

MisterBastahrd · 2022-08-21T01:07:27+00:00

That's a you problem, not a them problem. Stop pretending that everyone has the same trust and fidelity issues that you do. What is it about YOU that makes you incapable of believing that someone would love you for you and stick with you? You are conflating possibility with reality and fucking up your own life as a result. Red pill content preys on weak-minded men and blames women for being human. It's the unified theory of misogyny. They are not objects or house plants, they are people and deserve to be respected. If you can't respect a woman enough to trust her, then you have a hand and I'm sure you know how to use it.

Marzipan-Happy · 2022-08-21T02:37:04+00:00

I always assume the man is going to sleep with other women. Every make I know has at some point or another.

RedditorSafeSpace · 2022-08-20T14:22:17+00:00

Depends on the person. You should know just by talking to them what their values are.

Correct-Warthog-9061 · 2022-08-20T14:08:26+00:00

So don't care. Like u said u probably will never know. I think its a fact that women are notoriously better at hiding cheating then men are. So she will probably never get cuaght. So im saying that what are u gonna do? Track her every move or u can just not worry about it till it happens. Thats the most reasonable choice from the choices given. Cuase ur only options are dont date, track her every move, or just not worry about it until it happens. I'm not saying assume she's always trust worthy but be vigilant, dont worry about it. But dont be ignorant

NewWayNow · 2022-08-20T15:30:52+00:00

Women hate monogamy. They like to get into relationships but they’re bad at them over the long term. They are very prone to get restless and resentful. That’s a breeding ground for cheating on both sides.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-08-20T15:31:30+00:00

Pretty much. My parents split over an affair after over a decade of marriage.

are there other dating dynamics at play to balance this out?

Yes. Never marry, always be the less invested party in the relationship, always have an abundance mindset.

govedototalno · 2022-08-20T21:14:06+00:00

Well, the reality is that women are cheating at higher rates than ever before. There are articles indicating this and my suspicion is that these don't capture the extent of the problem. My ex girlfriend was a serial cheater and her friends were cheating, too. My guy friends have each been cheated on and, almost without fail, the women I knew (as friends or acquaintances) were cheating. Obviously, this is anecdotal evidence, but my own life experience hasn't given me much faith here. To be clear, I'm talking about women who were in my age cohort, which is for women in their 20s. I have no experience with older women.

I really think the only solution is for men to take a hardened approach. Accept the fact that these women are cheating to a massive extent and internalize the idea that it isn't your fault. It is her choice and hers alone. Plenty of women are just really scummy people. You should no longer really be wondering "what went wrong", but rather "what will I do about it?" I think the answer to this is that you will dump her instantly. Cut off contact and, if people ask, tell them what she did. It's time to bring back shame. Let her look her behavior in the face. Then, focus on yourself. Have fun with your friends, workout, tell your family members you love them, and so on. Live your best life. Part of a relationship is that you have to trust your partner. You can't really have a functioning relationship without trust. Obviously, women have plenty of options and you have to hope she'll be loyal to you. If she isn't, do what I wrote above.

Most of what I wrote is advice I'd give to women, too. Men also cheat. I just happen to be writing for men because I'm a man and my life experience is with dating women.

BlindFollowBah · 2022-08-20T14:01:17+00:00

Yes. It’s not natural to be completely faithful and with the same person long term. It’s not biologically natural either.

StacksFifthAve · 2022-08-20T15:05:12+00:00

In the grand scheme of the multiverse, the inevitability of infidelity is infinite.

On the other hand, stop being a weak bitch and be committed to the person you’re with or let them go.

attendquoi · 2022-08-20T15:28:12+00:00

Inevitable? Nope. But it sounds like you're just really incapable of trust at the moment.

totes-not-angels-fan · 2022-08-20T17:51:14+00:00

Back in my younger years, I fucked other men's wives and the husbands had no clue.

I also had an online affair with my past girlfriend. She came close to cheating, but in the end couldn't do it.

I made out and did oral with a married girl, but she wouldn't fuck because "that would be cheating".

I trust my wife, but I can't be 100% certain she's never cheated. It's not in her nature to do so, but nothing is impossible.

If I were ever to be in a position to marry again, I would have to be in an open relationship. My trust issues run too deep and I would drive myself insane worrying that she's out cheating on me. At least if it's open I'll know about it.

Ok-Map-7596 · 2022-08-20T14:36:18+00:00

If you're with the same person for a very long time probably. Humans aren't naturally monogamous.

jackedsoon · 2022-08-20T16:37:54+00:00

inevitable. most will cheat in some form of way whether digitally, emotionally, physically whatever. dont put too much effort in a girl and you wont be disheartened much.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-08-20T19:44:40+00:00

Since the breakup, I’ve found a lot of red-pill content that further amplifies my lack of trust for women

yup that's how they get you.

I think cheating, the fear comes from the uncertainty. It can happen at any time or could have happened at any time in the past and you never know about it.

Still, i'd rather not live on fear of it. Even if I did get cheated on I wouldn't regret being trusting or having the relationships.

Jonesw16 · 2022-08-21T12:12:57+00:00

Being cheated on is inevitable, just be prepared for it and don't ever get attached from the get go.

ruboyuri · 2022-08-21T15:05:09+00:00

If you can’t handle the risk, you shouldn’t be playing

Very simple

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-08-21T00:49:37+00:00

Stats show that female infidelity tapers off after they turn 30 - when they move into a betabux phase of sexuality and have lost SMV for finding affair partners.

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koolex · 2022-08-20T15:57:07+00:00

I've been cheated on twice, I actually think as a guy if you have a healthy relationship and you communicate well you really have nothing to worry about. Women don't usually cheat if they are happy and fulfilled in a relationship, but you need to be very conscious if they are happy and fulfilled.

For women I think it's way more difficult to avoid being cheated on, men cheat even when they're happy with their spouse just because the opportunity was tempting.

You can't control other people so there's no reason to worry about things you can't control at the end of the day. Pick a good partner and trust them as long as they are trustworthy.

Comfortable-Unit-897 · 2022-08-20T16:10:50+00:00

Never cheated, or been cheated on.

boundarychimps · 2022-08-20T16:33:50+00:00

There are two ways to look at it.

In a particular individual relationship, those individuals may or may not cheat. Most people don't.

In general across all of society, there will always be some fraction of people who cheat. But the prevalence can vary a fair bit by subculture and such.

moosemc · 2022-08-20T17:50:36+00:00

Not for really unattractive people.

gofigure62 · 2022-08-20T17:53:53+00:00

Inevitable? No. Possible? Always.

There's always a risk in romantic relationships. And someone you love can fuck you up worse that just infidelity.

Your romantic partner can financially devastate you with a gambling/shopping addiction, your partner can become addicted to drugs and make your life a living hell, your partner can become violent/abusive and maim/kill you, your partner can become physically ill and require round the clock care, your partner can also just fall out of love with you and leave.

Anything negative can happen in a relationship because the variable of another human being will always be uncontrolled for.

Statistically the older you are, the more educated you are, and the class that you grew up in are better markers for healtheir, happier, and longer marriages. And obviously you'd have to select for a partner that's similar.

However at the end of the day, if someone wants to live outside of their romantic comitment then they will. If it was possible to prevent heartbreak a d infidelity, then no one would experience heartbreak or infidelity lol.

The only way to 100% a oid heartbreak and infidelity in a romantic relationship, is to never have a romantic relationship with anyone.

FrostieTheSnowman · 2022-08-20T20:47:37+00:00

Fuckin... No dude. There are good people out there who won't do it, and there are unfortunately shitty people who will. There's no guidebook, just experience and, in some cases, trusting your gut.

GamerZ44 · 2022-08-20T21:41:48+00:00

”you can’t trust that others will never hurt you, you can only trust that you’ll be strong enough to handle it when they do”

You can trust others not to hurt you. You just can't trust everyone that they won't hurt you. This kind of mindset is incredibly negative and will stop you from opening yourself to other people.

but even with that there’s an inevitability that infidelity will usually be present to some degree

No, not everyone cheats when a relationship isn't working out. For the most part, people will break up and then go on their way rather than cheat. It's only the people who are not emotionally mature and not sure what they want who will cheat because, on one hand they don't want to end a relationship they think they can eventually fix or are comfortable in, but on the other hand they want something else that they believe their current partner can't provide for them.

This is a red flag that you can almost always tell about a person pretty soon after meeting them. If they're not determined, mature communicators, there's a chance they might cheat. But if they know what they want, they know how to resolve conflicts, and are ready to let you know honestly when things are not going well, those are the ones that won't cheat on you.

LeeroyX · 2022-08-21T00:01:38+00:00

Do you feel it’s helpful in other areas of your life to ruminate, perhaps even obsess over a past hurt or learning experience? To consume content that amplifies your fears, that encourages you to expand that fear to all other similar experiences? Can you think of other goals or life experiences you may not have been able to achieve if you had taken this approach?

Be wise, learn from a hurtful experience and then move on.

urbangoth · 2022-08-21T00:53:12+00:00

Not inevitable. Just always a risk if you're agreeing to a relationship. Doesn't matter what sex you are, it could happen.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2022-08-21T04:04:50+00:00

There is no level of masculinity, femininity, game or whatever that will prevent cheating. Full stop. If someone's going to cheat its 100% NOT YOUR FAULT.

Your best bet to prevent cheating is vetting. Choosing a partner who is honorable, thoughtful, who doesn't just love but RESPECTS you is your best bet.

Gingersparadise · 2022-08-21T04:04:52+00:00

No not everyone is a liar or cheater. You just have to go through the getting to know each other stage before you can come to the conclusion though. Sure some people are shit heads and will cheat but there are some genuinely good people who wouldn’t cheat even if given the opportunity. I tell my bf all the time and I’m sure he doesn’t believe me but it’s the truth. A rich and famous super attractive man could come up to me and I wouldn’t even bat an eye. There are some faithful women out there. Goodluck !

JellyBubber · 2022-08-22T14:13:20+00:00

I think it is. Too hardworking, not home enough? She will cheat. Too agreeable to her? She will cheat. Too disagreeable? She will cheat. Not hardworking/ambitious enough? She will cheat.

What’s important to note is that you have to be ambitious and hardworking but not at a job that takes up too much of your time but also pays well while you’re not working over 40 hours. You need to be firm and have a backbone but also know exactly when to be agreeable and let her do whatever she wants. It’s so simple…

Title	Is cheating and infidelity inevitable?
Author	JellyBubber
Upvotes	78
Comments	154
Date	August 20, 2022 1:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wt79js/is_cheating_and_infidelity_inevitable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-cheating-and-infidelity-inevitable.1128716 https://theredarchive.com/post/1128716

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