Q4W: Have you ever had a long period where you couldn't meet a guy you liked? How long did it last?

HappilyMrs · 2021-09-13T18:33:55+00:00

No, but I met my husband when I was 15.

TakeThePinkPill · 2021-09-13T19:14:39+00:00

Literal years. It sucked too because I love love and having someone to be excited about. Went from boy crazy to absolute flatline and I thought I was broken. But I wasn't.

What do you mean turn friendship into sex? Like growing romantic feelings after seeing your friend in a different light? I mean that feels really amazing in that there are deep roots there but it can't just happen at will or for just anyone if that's what you mean. I do know women who make the decision to go forth with someone but and they grow love for them but not in love. It's more a pragmatic thing and it's different.

TheElusivePeacock · 2021-09-14T00:08:27+00:00

Never had that issue of getting someone.

But honestly if you’re a guy friend of ours, we more than likely don’t look at you in a romantic or sexual way. So it’s not as easy as “turn any friendship into sex, because I have so many great options in my circle.” More than likely, we don’t consider you a “great option” for anything other than friendship. We also actually place value on friendships, and don’t look at it as something to turn into sex. There’s a reason so many men complain about the friendzone, and this thinking is why.

SaBahRub · 2021-09-13T18:28:06+00:00

Years

No big deal

Cimorene86 · 2021-09-13T19:13:12+00:00

I tried dating, both online and irl, from the time I was 18 until 22. Unfortunately I'm demisexual so while I see men as being attractive physically (like I can tell who is good looking or not, in my opinion) it takes me a few months to experience sexual attraction. So 99% of guys I dated thought I was being a cock tease or stringing them along since I wouldn't have sex within the first 3-4 dates...despite the fact I had this listed in my bio and I was very upfront with it so nobody was blindsided. And I always pay for the full date or go dutch, so they couldn't even claim I was using them for free stuff.

Couple that with the fact that, although all my friends are men, they're also largely married or in committed LTRs. Some of them are gay, so obviously no interest in me. A few were single but I'm not their type since they're not into tomboys/prefer feminine women.

Thankfully my one single friend who does like tomboys asked if I wanted to be FWB. As most here know, I agreed and have been happy with it for years so no need to date since then.

AtTheEnd777 · 2021-09-13T20:47:53+00:00

Not really. I constantly have options but I did make an active choice to not date for a whole year after 15 years of truly horrifying relationships. You should've seen the faces of the men asking me out. "I don't date." "It's okay if you're busy. Later in the week good?" "I don't date." "Wait. You mean you don't date at all?!"

quiturbitchn · 2021-09-13T18:47:50+00:00

About a year. But to your point of fucking male friends, that’s always been off the table. I don’t date in my social circle as a rule. Solved the year issue by using OLD and putting in my exact requirements

xQueen-Bx · 2021-09-13T18:45:06+00:00

whats a long period

Orange_Paisley · 2021-09-13T19:02:35+00:00

Pretty much from 2008 to 2012.

AquaChip · 2021-09-13T19:19:01+00:00

I’ve always been comfortable with myself and my own company so I’ve never had a nagging feeling of, “I need a boyfriend right now!” But I have gonna long periods of time not because attracted to any men in a more than a friend way.

Superfluous_Toast · 2021-09-14T01:21:00+00:00

5 years. Funny thing about all those friendships you mention, most women actually see their friends as, you know, friends, not potential romance options. I spent a good long time after my last long term relationship not really looking for anything, and not really meeting many new people until I started hanging out in online communities a few years ago.

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-09-13T18:50:53+00:00

"a guy you liked", you mean liking him in a romantic way? if so, then the answer is 30 years as I have never met a guy that I would like in a romantic way. I have met plenty of guys whom I liked in a platonic way.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-09-13T18:59:06+00:00

For dating, maybe a couple of years...? Shorter if it's just sex (2-3 months).

Demasii · 2021-09-13T22:38:43+00:00

So I always figured that if I had a woman's ability to turn pretty much any friendship into sex, I'd never even be interested in meeting anyone new

Sex doesn't equal relationship though. Also it's looked down upon to the be that woman who gets passed around a group of male friends.

Most men don't want to start a relationship with a woman who slept with their friends.

If she is popular, she should wait until she is 100% sure which one she wants. Or date outside the group and keep the rest on the back burner.

GigaKarenEnergy · 2021-09-14T01:30:35+00:00

It’s kinda weird reading your post. You assume we all have great options of men around us. As you can see, most women here are saying years. That’s how long it might take to find a decent guy. Most men are not great options.

ThrowRA_forfreedom · 2021-09-13T18:30:53+00:00

I had a time period where I wasn't into anyone. For almost a year I had no desire to date at all so even if someone was amazing and interested, I was inaccessible. I may have missed out on some great potential partners, but once I was ready I found my next steady partner pretty quickly. I'm happy where I ended up.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-09-13T18:48:07+00:00

Yeah. Went about a year after a LTR when nothing was really clicking, either I wasn’t that into them or they weren’t that into me. It happens.

Full-Pumpkin2330 · 2021-09-13T20:07:46+00:00

Between my first boyfriend and my second (my now husband). That was 5 years

KikiYuyu · 2021-09-14T20:41:49+00:00

The last time I had a crush on an actual real person was in high school, a decade now at this point. I'm overweight, got social issues, big introvert, so it's only been fictional crushes all this time.

Men put too much focus on merely being a woman as the source of romantic prowess.

Sophiatab · 2021-09-15T16:10:51+00:00

All of my teenage years and most of my twenties was a lonely period when I had no guys interested in me. Few were even civil. They all wanted fuckdolls, not girlfriends. It was only when they started edging toward thirty some already had little bastards from their fuckdolls that they wanted someone else to raise that men started noticing me.

Novadina · 2021-09-13T19:08:03+00:00

Being able to easily get sex as a woman doesn’t equate being able to easily get a relationship of the type we want, though. I’ve pretty much never gone without at least a FWB, so the only time I’ve gone without sex was when I was actually in a relationship because it was long distance.

There was a period of 3 years where all of the men I went on dates with didn’t develop into an actual relationship. I did sleep with a FWB during that time in between my relationship attempts and if he was single (he was an ex, we had great sexual compatibility but weren’t relationship compatible).

simeneta_two · 2021-09-13T18:33:56+00:00

I think 1 - 1.5 yrs is the longest I’ve gone not meeting anyone I liked enough to seriously date.

A couple of months for meeting someone I liked enough to fuck casually.

philomexa · 2021-09-13T18:39:58+00:00

Since I started dating I've never really been single, however I have dated a series of guys I wasn't thrilled about but I was bored, they asked, and I liked the attention.

ashpr0ulx · 2021-09-13T18:34:54+00:00

between a year and two years, a few different times since i began dating.

houstongradengineer · 2021-09-13T19:45:41+00:00

I'm not talking about constant rejection or not being able to get sex/dates, since I know that probably doesn't happen.

Hahahahaha...

So here's the thing. This absolutely happened for me. With that said, casual sex was always off the table for me. I just don't do that. It would've been easier to get that, but the results would have been very negative and not worth it to me.

I always figured that if I had a woman's ability to turn pretty much any friendship into sex, I'd never even be interested in meeting anyone new because there were so many great options in my circle.

Haha again... I can't just walk up to these great guys I know and step into the middle of their lives any more than you can do that with a great woman. These guys have REAL lives. Some have girlfriends. Some aren't dating for reasons. Some aren't into me in particular. Sure there are great guys I know, but there are those who wouldn't be interested in more than sex. There are those who might even turn down sex There are a lot of reasons, which I'm sure you can never understand, why that "just sex" arrangement with a great guy I really liked who didn't like me would be just plain hurtful.

januaryphilosopher · 2021-09-13T20:29:07+00:00

I went through a period of a few years where I got rejected a few times and nobody was interested in me. There was never a substantial amount of time where I wasn't interested in anyone since I hit puberty, though.

Mimoxs · 2021-09-13T18:28:48+00:00

I would say it has been about 6 years

beautysleepsodom · 2021-09-13T20:41:55+00:00

Three years.

I met lots of new people, went on dates, and even "turned a friendship into sex" during that time period. All of it was awful till I met my current beau.

rosesonthefloor · 2021-09-13T19:22:21+00:00

Longest I went without dating since I started is about 8 months. Usually I’ll take a month or two break or so after each relationship before I find interest in dating again.

Ok_Investigator_6214 · 2021-09-13T19:28:40+00:00

Ngl 4 years

_mwk · 2021-09-13T19:41:29+00:00

not really, i've always had crushes. i've only been in love twice though.

superlurkage · 2021-09-13T20:28:51+00:00

Three years. Oh look, I survived!

cupcakegensis · 2021-09-13T21:09:08+00:00

A couple years before. Dating feels like trying to find a diamond Ina coal mine.

nemporisso · 2021-09-13T21:00:11+00:00

Met one last month, and before that it the last time I was really enthusiastic about wanting to carry on with somebody was two of the guys I met in 2018. That's not how often I meet good (straight) men, just ones that are truly compatible with me.

Miserable_Yam4778 · 2021-09-13T21:51:59+00:00

I've never been one to go looking for a relationship. I've spent more than a few years single and happily celibate before. Because I've never had any interest in casual sex I skipped over online dating entirely, the few dates I went on were with people I met organically in real life.

Which is not to say I don't go after what I want. When my current partner broke up with his former girlfriend I had snapped him up in less than a month.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-09-13T22:56:28+00:00

3 years. I felt sad about it a lot since a lot of people I knew were getting into relationships and I felt "left out." At the time, it REALLY sucked but I'm glad I wasn't able to get into a relationship during that time. I really needed the time to become a better person

chalkandapples · 2021-09-13T23:23:20+00:00

If I only count the time I was actively looking, 2 years.

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merlinscalculator · 2021-09-14T02:55:33+00:00

3 and a half years. In that period of time I just had 2 very drunk make-outs and probably around 50 odd dates that I just couldn’t find any interest in. For the last 1.5-2 years I completely stopped trying or looking because I was just so bored of it all.

NarniaFox · 2021-09-14T05:06:21+00:00

A guy specifically? A few years I guess, but I'm not sure that I can count teen years considering that I met my husband when I was 16. I'm close to demisexualty, have very narrow preferences and I'm introverted, so it's not that I constantly meet lots of new people. All of it results in having very very few people I've ever been interested in.

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2021-09-14T09:53:26+00:00

Romantic liking: Between my last ex and the first guy I liked were 2½ years. Between that guy (we didn't become a couple) and my now boyfriend were 3 years.

lacedankles · 2021-09-14T12:06:04+00:00

I had a boyfriend over the pandemic when lockdown hit and his parents were (and still are) very controlling, so I couldn't see him for months, we just had a lot of video calls, it was kind of sad.

badgersonice · 2021-09-14T14:08:06+00:00

I wasn't actively searching and was content being single, but I also was almost never pursued by guys during my teens or twenties. I think I had like 4 dates total before I was 30. That's single event dates, not boyfriends or relationships. I had tons of guy friends and acquaintances (I majored in a dude-heavy STEM field), but none ever seemed interested in dating, and I wasn't interested in casual fucking.

Yes, I know that men not showing interest means I'm probably ugly and undesirable. It is what it is.

redkoicarp · 2021-09-14T19:19:41+00:00

I'm not talking about constant rejection or not being able to get sex/dates, since I know that probably doesn't happen

why not?

I'm approaching my fourth year being single and was only rejected from the guys I liked during that time. Of course, if we are talking about just "any" kind of date (with strangers etc.) then yeah, sure, I'd probably have found someone. But that's not what women are interested in. Strangers hitting on me and "likes" from guys on dating sites aside, I had no real interest (from anyone I knew personally/reasonably)well) either during that same period (that hasn't ended yet). Female singledom isn't that uncommon, you know.

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-09-14T02:38:05+00:00

All of 2015 was a wash. Summer of 2018 was pretty bad too. This summer I hooked up with a hot guy on the 4th of July, then it was dead until the end of August. Then boom I hooked up with 3 hot guys in the past 2 weeks. Cuffing season maybe? Idk

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-09-14T02:43:12+00:00

When I was in college I used to have really long dry spells in between guys that were losers. My love life really started to level up once I got a job and started traveling in my mid 20s. 2016 was a great yet, as was 2020. Idc what men say, having money really does make a difference for women s success in dating. Also disproves the "post wall" myth

87AudreyHorne · 2021-09-14T08:09:47+00:00

To be fair I never consciously wanted a relationship, they always just happened to me. I definitely went long periods without liking anyone but maybe maintaining some flirtation or gauging who likes me without wanting it to go anywhere concrete. Actually I find it very hard to fall in love, so I very rarely really crush on someone, but in a more lighthearted way I guess most of the time I have a little flirtation going with many, when I'm totally emotionally uncommitted to anyone

Title	Q4W: Have you ever had a long period where you couldn't meet a guy you liked? How long did it last?
Author	Scores_Man_Mund
Upvotes	23
Comments	80
Date	September 13, 2021 6:20 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pnl6ji/q4w_have_you_ever_had_a_long_period_where_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-have-you-ever-had-a-long-period-where-you.1070612 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070612

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