Is there something wrong with nice guys and what exactly ?

The_Meep_Lord · 2022-02-21T16:47:17+00:00

It is meant to be about fake nice guys.

But is often used to gaslight nice guys who are upset at being mistreated for various reasons and shame real nice guys too.

socialising21 · 2022-02-21T16:37:09+00:00

r/niceguys is mostly about men who can't take rejection without an outburst of pettiness and hatred. The common scenario is something in lines of "hey, beautiful, let's go out, why not, you're an ugly pig and I hope your cats will eat you when you die alone!".

So it isn't really about nice guys, it's about guys who call themselves nice but then show fail to live up to show this trait.

Have no idea what the other sub you're talking about.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-02-21T16:29:54+00:00

When people mock nice guys they don't actually mean just guys that are nice. They're mocking a specific type of guy that claims to be nice, says woman only want assholes and then flips when being rejected. And yes anyone that does that deserves to be mocked

Smitten_Squire · 2022-02-21T23:19:20+00:00

Nice guys are boring

logiauser · 2022-02-21T16:36:30+00:00

Pretending to be good in order to get into women's drawers = nice guy.

Actually being good because that's how you were raised = good guy.

Too hard to tell them apart so go with the bad guys instead.

socialising21 · 2022-02-21T16:52:35+00:00

Last guys finish nice

Someone already posted it in the thread but obligatory radicalizing the romanceless

If you’re smart, don’t drink much, stay out of fights, display a friendly personality, and have no criminal history – then you are the population most at risk of being miserable and alone. “At risk” doesn’t mean “for sure”, any more than every single smoker gets lung cancer and every single nonsmoker lives to a ripe old age – but your odds get worse. In other words, everything that “nice guys” complain of is pretty darned accurate. But that shouldn’t be too hard to guess…

zeroaegis · 2022-02-21T18:52:26+00:00

In my experience, a lot of these guys have made "nice" a main personality trait. Somewhere in their development, they got it in their head that just the act of being nice would make them irresistible to women and never developed a decent personality or even into a decent human being. Then the bitterness of constant rejection builds up into the "nice guy" behavior we're all familiar with.

I do believe the vast majority of them could benefit from some serious therapy, but that won't even help unless those guys admit they have a problem that needs solving internally. When you treat people the way "nice guys" treat women, you earned the ridicule and mockery you get. It really goes back to the golden rule; do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Matt_Door · 2022-02-21T17:35:03+00:00

I’m a recovering “No More Mr. Nice Guy” nice guy, and I’ll tell you why they (we?) aren’t liked: first of all, easy targets to mock, they don’t fight back or have boundaries, easy to push around. They’re afraid to be direct about what they want and live genuinely, so they go about sneaky ways trying to get their wants/needs met and of course this ends in disaster and stupid shit that hurts others. They’re not terrible people, they’re hurt and neglected and learned maladaptive survival methods, but it’s still wholly unattractive. It’s a long difficult path to recovery, full of missteps and back sliding, it’s something I have to actively manage and probably will for the rest of my life

I think subs like r/nice guys are…not exactly helpful. I get why they exist but there is a massive selection bias at work. You don’t ever see the guys who take the L, want to remain friends and then go home and call themselves a fucking cunt in the mirror. But those guys will read that for self-hate fuel and that just makes the recovery all that harder.

SwimmingAd9458 · 2022-02-21T20:54:39+00:00

Any self-proclaimed nice guy I met was a huge creep with full disrespect towards women. The least harmful was 'only' ridiculing girls with body hair, to the worst one I had to call the cops because he stalked me and threatened me with various stuff only because I was not willing to date him.

Nice guys don't promote themselves as nice, they just are nice people. Not just with women (...whom they like) but with every person they meet.

shmungo_haboyo · 2022-02-21T22:30:50+00:00

Nice Guys are duplicitous, scheming weasels who hide their sexuality and try to sneak into a woman's panties through "chivalry." They do these things because they have zero self confidence in their own masculinity and put other people (women) as the center of their universe, longing for his Disney princess to swoop in and fix all of his insecurities for him. They end up getting exactly what they deserve in the form of being either friendzoned from the start of every encounter they have with women, or by getting cheated on for a man who actually behaves like a man.

Sadly, their low self esteem usually has origins in mistreatment/trauma in childhood, and giving them the bluepill bandaid of Disney fairytales about perfect Good Girls recognizing and rewarding their disgusting cowardice with everlasting pussy is far too lucrative of a business to ever go away.

The Nice Guy's problems are completely fixable, but they enjoy the chains that bind them and fear getting out of their self-flagellating comfort zones too much to ever change. The real problem is when their misplaced resentment towards women causes them to act out (you know the specific example I'm talking about).

If I were a woman I'd be 1000x more terrified of Nice Guys orbiting me than overly sex hungry dudes at parties. At least the latter are predictable and can be deterred by the former.

Athlete9000 · 2022-02-21T19:53:21+00:00

Demonise a good characteristic, so that when a woman chooses an actual asshole, she can use the defence that the good options were equally as bad and she had no choice but to end up with Asshole McAss. Or it can be used as an easy shaming tactic to fall back on for undesirable men.

This doesn't happen all the time. I'm just cynical AF and I've had this thought multiple times based on what I was observing. I think a lot of women try to set the playing field up so their negative dating practices gives them as little judgement as possible.

The other side of the coin is the actual guys with terrible behaviour describing themselves with good characteristics.

ScarAdvanced9562 · 2022-02-21T16:36:14+00:00

being nice often according to game theory often means sacrificing yourself for the greater society, which is why the tend to finish last and why their genes don’t tend to pass on

slavicslothe · 2022-02-21T20:00:40+00:00

So you went to this sub: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/sxk5mg/thought_this_convo_of_me_and_this_dude_was_golden/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Saw that stuff and thought the nice guys were in the right? You might be a psychopath my dude.

Different_Avocado501 · 2022-02-22T07:06:24+00:00

Idk but I stopped being nice to people a few years ago and life's infinitely better now. Being nice comes with putting others first and that gets you nowhere.

Of course, thinking of others is important, but always make sure you're okay with the certain position/agreement/situation before making sure others are. Being a decent person is actually a lot easier if you're not a "nice guy"

Complete-Temporary-6 · 2022-02-22T15:16:59+00:00

It's a typical gaslighting strat women take to justify AF/BB mentality.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-02-22T16:35:45+00:00

Deeply. It's such a loaded word.

It reminds me of a time when I was a teen. I was at a beauty pageant that my cousin was participating in. She was introducing me to a couple of friends, and I went around giving hugs to all. ( in my cultural background, and the culture of the event, hugs are normal. It wasn't sexual, it wasn't taking advantage, and we were all of similar age ).

I mingled and wandered off. Later, I was going to reengage with my cousin when I saw her with one of the prettier girls and I overheard my cousin reassure her about me, saying, verbatim, "don't worry, ohhmaygah is harmless".

My heart sank. I felt so stupid, so romantically/sexually ignored with that comment. Like I'd never, ever have a chance, with her, or someone like her. And seeing my cousin think so little of me.

I felt so bad I left the event minutes after I overheard the convo. I believe "niceguy" has the same connotation. It has a sort of, he doesn't "get" it. He is romantically and sexually clueless. And even if a man genuinely is that, at least being regarded as "dangerous", it validates a man as having romantic and sexual; drive, which niceguys don't get to have. Like they are some sort of eunuch.

It's incredibly insulting and demeaning, in a soft language kind of way. Unfortunately, I don't think leaving the way that I did many decades ago was the correct choice to make for my self esteem, but I'm not sure what I could have said or done that would have made that particular situation OK for all parties.

Hoopy223 · 2022-02-21T16:40:40+00:00

There are people who will hate you for being a good person. For whatever reason there are more women who hate on good people than men, at least in the younger crowd. My theory is it has to do with insecurity. As you get older it sort of dissipates.

As for Niceguys its a meme that has turned into a man-hating ragfest on Reddit. I don’t read those forums because the hatred and venom is straight up toxic.

-passepar2t- · 2022-02-21T16:54:21+00:00

There are really annoying guys who try to play/call themselves nice.

And there are also women having to create a narrative to explain why they aren't attracted to many kinder guys, like they say they are. So they say that these guys were manipulative assholes all along.

overandunderX · 2022-02-21T17:30:10+00:00

Let me get this straight, you actually browsed the sub niceguys, and somehow came to the conclusion that the men they are posting and mocking there are genuinely nice guys?

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-02-21T18:26:35+00:00

Honestly...who cares?

The biggest issue with 'nice guys,' in quotes because I'm referring to specifically the alleged fake nice guys who complain women only want jerks or whatever --- but I'm also referring to legitimate nice guys who, when used in this context, have trouble enforcing boundaries and are people pleasers (just to head off the 'you can be nice but firm' crowd -- is that 'nice guys' care.

Who cares if some chick has some weird reaction to something you do? Honestly. Thick skin solves most of life's issues.

sarkington · 2022-02-21T17:17:32+00:00

“Nice guy” is not a genuine compliment or accomplishment, so I wouldn’t worry. It’s better that you don’t think of it as a useful descriptor of yourself

DianeticDelight · 2022-02-21T18:56:02+00:00

They’re physically unattractive.

ruboyuri · 2022-02-21T19:01:36+00:00

Expecting something for being nice, of course

Fickle_Razzmatazz392 · 2022-02-21T20:02:24+00:00

They're not masculine and try too hard. It tends to make women feel uncomfortable.

socialising21 · 2022-02-21T21:44:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Charming-Low-8788 · 2022-02-21T22:05:44+00:00

Yes. They are just ugly.

Mundane-Currency5088 · 2022-02-21T22:18:18+00:00

The term "nice guy" refers to the tendency of guys who call themselves nice to expect attention, kindness, a romantic relationship, or sex as a transaction for basic human kindness on their part. If they do something for the woman and they don't get the expected thing in exchange they get nasty or resentful. They often are bitter that they inserted the fake kindness, or kindness coins, into the slotn pulled the lever and sex didn't fall out. We would rather they not offer to be a fake friend and went away to look for someone who actually feels romantic attraction for them.

calf-ogress0k · 2022-02-21T22:57:59+00:00

I am a genuinely nice guy, as in, my intentions are good with no ill will, no lying behind their backs, etc.

I don’t take a h none sense though I will call her out, I am willing to lose her.

I think it’s the ‘fake nice guys’ that get a hard time. In reality they are not nice they are behaving how they feel the woman wants them to behave so they can date them or get into their knickers; they will also be nice in order not to lose the girl even if it contradicts their own values which makes them needy.

So all in all these guys have some work to do on themselves, including myself I am far from perfect

Anyway side tracked the point of my comment just wanted to express that

boofthegirl · 2022-02-22T01:45:02+00:00

If you have to aggressively tell people “I’m a nice guy” you’re probably not a nice guy - that’s just a fact haha

People like NICE guys but they don’t like “nice guys”.

Ruskooly · 2022-02-22T19:57:44+00:00

Just look at the responses here. Theres a bunch of "nice guys" here circle jerking each other, blaming woman bc they are alone, they have the mentality of a 8 year old who thinks women are gross and theres a competition between man and woman and all your failures in life is because of them. If you cant see that, congrats, you are one of the 'nice guys'. Keep sending creepy PMs to random girls and calling them a bitch when you get rejected, and that "chivalry is dead", never self reflect and change your attitude towards woman and ppl in gereneral, bc at the end of the day, woman owe you their attention, affection and body, because you sent a PM calling her beautiful, and asking her address, right?... hope you got that, "nice guys" doesnt mean exactly that, its kinda the opposite. Its about self-proclaimed "nice guys" who thinks woman exist to serve them and when they get rejected, they lose their minds and start to harass, things like "im gonna find where you live and pay you a visit, its not over, you will be mine". I open doors to my grandma or my dog and call her beautiful too, grow the fuck up if you think thats being a "true nice guy" and woman should fall in love with you bc of that, you are just a man-child with like kidergarten level understanding of woman or human relationship in general.

Kaisha001 · 2022-02-21T18:01:57+00:00

You're going to get nothing but mental gymnastics from the women here.

Nothing dries up women faster than a passive, kind, patient, or nice man. They are aroused by assholes and aggressive behavior. But they refuse to admit this... So everything will be these half truths, gaslighting, and outright lies.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-02-21T16:29:10+00:00

The difference between a nice guy and a simp is the former has a sense of malicious entitlement rooted in covert narcissism or narcissistic traits - deeds are done selfishly with a desire to be exploitive with intent to gain. The woman must give him what he wants or else.

The simp, while he does the same deeds, usually lacks this, and is a victim of not knowing how to attract and get women. His acts are often naive, but selfless nonetheless. He is irresponsibly vulnerable with strange uncommitted unknown women. The woman doesn't owe him anything in his mind, but that'd be nice if she was responsive.

John_Oakman · 2022-02-21T16:30:19+00:00

Anything short of genuine moral virtue that's purely internally motivated is self-serving/selfish and evil by secular modern liberal standards. Those subreddits are just mocking fake moral virtue (and the rampant misogyny that lies breath).

Sorcha16 · 2022-02-21T17:51:53+00:00

Nice guy means there anything but nice the use of nice in this instance is ironic.

Knightridergirl80 · 2022-02-22T00:01:03+00:00

You’re missing the point. This type of ‘Nice Guy’ is a term to refer to a guy who only ACTS nice because he thinks ‘being nice’ is all he has to do to get sex.

These types often view it as a guarantee that a woman will have sex with him, and many find themselves disappointed when they get rejected. Most of these guys also cannot handle rejection in a mature way. It’s about their entitlement.

LittyKitsune · 2022-02-21T17:17:06+00:00

My favorite example is how the only guy I've ever met irl who blamed his dating problems on being too "nice" also told people I was probably a slut because I went to Catholic school 🙃

Forsaken_Software394 · 2022-02-21T17:42:23+00:00

Men that call themselves nice guys are nice in their own heads

Yupperdoodledoo · 2022-02-21T19:26:59+00:00

So you read the posts and thought all of those ‘nice guys’ were really nice?

RavenWiggles · 2022-02-22T02:05:12+00:00

A "nice guy" is a guy that thinks kindness and basic decency are coins they can put into their objects of sexual interest for sex or relationships. Then when that doesn't work they bemoan how they are such a nice guy and people are just attracted to jerks. Sometimes followed by insulting the person they were trying to attracts attractiveness or intelligence.

CallMeJessIGuess · 2022-02-21T16:43:15+00:00

Whoosh. You totally missed the intent of that sub.

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daddysgotanew · 2022-02-21T17:59:51+00:00

Being nice doesn’t get you anything in life. It doesn’t get you respect, money, admiration, or anything of the sort.

The most successful people that I’ve come across are sociopaths. They’re not afraid to walk all over someone else for their own benefit. That is what is rewarded in modern society. Results and success. You don’t get to the top without stomping a few innocent, well meaning people’s heads into the dirt.

Being “nice” means getting taken advantage of, being miserable, alone, and broke.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-02-21T18:23:33+00:00

I guess it depends on what someone's opinion of what a nice guy is. There is an enormous conundrum that people are faced with. I'm a man, and I know women don't understand men. By that same token, it's reasonable to say that men don't even begin to understand women. Being nice is in the eyes of the beholder. I've known men that are consistently dicks to the women in their lives. They never seem to be without a SO, why is that? People, especially nowadays feel that being nice to other's is a precursor to being taken advantage of.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-02-21T20:11:36+00:00

Because being nice to people(especially women)you don't know is cringey. It comes off as disingenuous.

greedyleopard42 · 2022-02-22T00:15:43+00:00

did you actually look at any of the posts???

socialising21 · 2022-02-22T01:01:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

GauravXD · 2022-02-22T16:46:40+00:00

What exactly is a nice guy?

Actuator-Certain · 2022-02-22T19:32:01+00:00

NiceGuys forum is specifically men who can't process rejection like a grownup:

They claim they are "better than most guys" which conveniently sets the bar of "good" at their perception of what "most guys" are... which is of course a hypothetical standard based on biased observations (what human beings notice is never a random sample and is therefore never a reliable gauge of "typical" behavior)
They say they "deserve more of a chance" instead asking themselves "if this person is not attracted to me... is it reasonable for me to demand they try to force attraction that is not already present?"
After being told by a girl that she is ok with being friends but is NOT interested in a relationship the guy starts doing things for her while building up expectations. He tells himself (without consulting her) that eventually she will give him the romantic attention he craves as thanks for favors he is pretending are out of friendship. When she responds by saying "I already told you and msde it clear that I am not interested in a relationship" they throw a tantrum over the fact that they made unspoken promises to themselves regarding what someone else does (without that person's knowledge).

DarkSp3ctre · 2022-02-21T19:36:06+00:00

A “nice guy” is someone using being polite or “nice” as a way to try to get into someone’s pants. It’s a transactional mindset that does no one any good. People that are actually kind do so because it’s the right thing. Be kind, not nice.

ffandyy · 2022-02-21T19:40:52+00:00

Niceguys aren’t actually nice guys lol. They are nice to try and fuck girls, the second they get rejected they explode with rage

OfCatandPagan · 2022-02-22T05:55:33+00:00

Well because the people at /r/niceguys are just narcissistic assholes, they're not actually nice people. Normal people are usually said or indifferent when they get rejected, /r/niceguys brand are the ones who tell you they hope you get raped or they hope you end up with an abusive asshole because you didn't text then every waking minute of the goddamn day.

Title	Is there something wrong with nice guys and what exactly ?
Author	socialising21
Upvotes	16
Comments	248
Date	February 21, 2022 4:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/sxxga4/is_there_something_wrong_with_nice_guys_and_what/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-there-something-wrong-with-nice-guys-and-what.1103682 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103682

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