Can a man truly give up on sex and be happy ?

bloodthirsty_emu · 2022-09-25T09:58:18+00:00

The early signs from my decision to give up (after 20 years of being ignored and even abused / literally assaulted for my illness affected appearance) are not positive.

I don't really know how to stop hoping. As much as I believe I'm trapped in the "ugly" / different-looking man's paradox (basically the idea that any woman who is a good enough person to not judge me first / solely on my appearance has had zero trouble finding relationships and is unlikely to be still single), I find it difficult to accept that I won't find a unicorn.

And it's not even sex that's the issue, it's the reality that the rest of my life will follow this same path of ongoing loneliness while my friends continue down the "normal" path and drift away into happy family life.

The sense of isolation and helplessness is hard to overcome.

I hope it's possible though, maybe it just takes time.

Ok_Cake7513 · 2022-09-25T16:01:20+00:00

I'm a 29 year old man who has never had sex or been in a relationship. For the most part I am pretty content with my situation. I'm giving less of a fuck as I get older. Life is too short to be obsessed over this crap.

John_Oakman · 2022-09-25T11:23:35+00:00

Yes, but impossible to prove to those who already made up their minds.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-09-25T11:52:54+00:00

Yes. I think it’s possible. In fact in the next few years it’s expected that half the population will be single and childless. One author that has touched on this well is Aaron Clarey with his book “The Menu: life without the opposite sex”.

https://www.amazon.com/Menu-Life-Without-Opposite-Sex-ebook/dp/B09X963THL

So if your looking for how both men and women can be happy alone, his book list some ideas.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2022-09-25T13:43:16+00:00

Yes. Stoicism is key.

newoneaj1234 · 2022-09-25T10:09:51+00:00

I don't know but I am taking that path and so far I've been alright

M_LaSalle · 2022-09-25T10:52:00+00:00

Cue up "Looking for the Next Best Thing" by Warren Zevon

In the situation that OP posits, you'll be faced with the choice offered in The Shawshank Redemption. Get busy living or get busy dying.

Whether a fellow is having sex or not, he needs to be busy. Relationships are a lot of work, and that will keep him busy. No relationship means that he needs to be busy looking for one, or improving himself, or finding something interesting and worthwhile to do. He may or may not find happiness, for any given definition of the term, but what will matter is that he not sit there listening to the voices.

Gandalf was right. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

crispickle · 2022-09-25T12:04:21+00:00

Sex alone is easy to give up however sex usually comes with love which together is a whole different experience that contributes massively in improving an individuals long term mood.

If you're not getting this then you need to find a group that makes you feel wanted and loved otherwise happiness will continually elude you. Unfortunately for men these days this is getting more scarce so many guys will be unhappy.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-09-25T11:04:59+00:00

He's found other thing to make him happy. Good for him. Yes, he can be happy. Sex isn't life's only source of happiness, nor are romantic relationships.

mandoa_sky · 2022-09-25T14:11:44+00:00

ask monks and normal catholic priests what they think

AreOut · 2022-09-25T14:47:31+00:00

it's not about sex (men can get sex for $50 today), it's about the feeling that you are valued as a person

hhhhhhikkmvjjhj · 2022-09-25T17:52:00+00:00

I’m 40 soon and pretty much a virgin still, as in some experience a couple of times in my life. Up until early 30s I was still hopeful but then I was getting more and more frustrated and angry and sad. So ended up getting a sex doll as a companion and also eat lots of medications that lower my libido. It’s a form of medical self castration I guess.

I’m not happy but I’m not suicidal. It is what it is, we can’t all get what we want in life. Some are poor in money, others are poor in relations and intimacy. It’s not a fair world and some get it and other don’t.

Swigart · 2022-09-25T13:28:27+00:00

I don’t think you can ever fully give up on the hope for physical intimacy. Unfortunately I’m speaking from personal experience.

I’ve tried giving up for nearly 15 years, but every once in a while it rears it’s ugly head. It usually throws me into a depressive state that takes me a week or so to come out of.

Focusing on work, hobbies, family, and interests can only do so much and go so far. We are hardwired to need the intimate physical touch of another human being.

toasterchild · 2022-09-25T14:37:46+00:00

The grass grows where you water it, if you stop watering your resentment typically your life will improve.

Anykindofland · 2022-09-25T11:26:07+00:00

Can this person really take control of his emotions and be happy ? Or is he just deluding himself and in for a serious life crisis

Depends if he can live with the fact that he is cut out from a whole lot of experiences when it comes to love, sex and intimacy. Now if you don't care for those experiences than yes its possible. You just have to face the fact that you got one chance at life, things you don't see, feel or experience will be lost forever for you.

KekeSmall · 2022-09-25T11:47:54+00:00

You can accomplish anything you put your mind to.👍🏾

MollyNext2 · 2022-09-25T13:35:28+00:00

I'm not sure why it's completely out of the question to simply give up on relationships, and still provide for you sexual needs via escorts. I know the idea from women is that sex and relationship are inextricably linked, and you can't or shouldn't have one without the other. I think that's nonsense. You can give up on relationships and still have sex.

I don't blame any man for giving up on modern women. The feeling that you're just being used for financial and body guarding needs is enough to make any man resentful.

D_D_BA4 · 2022-09-25T11:34:22+00:00

A minority of men can, most can't.

Jonesw16 · 2022-09-25T10:50:09+00:00

At this point it's necessary.

MAGA-Latino · 2022-09-25T13:52:51+00:00

Maybe a man that's been traumatized by sex somehow.

Hungry-Nebula · 2022-09-25T15:14:22+00:00

There are fucking 4 billion men on the planet, of course at least one of them can.

SuspiciousRule · 2022-09-25T16:22:42+00:00

What about Buddhist

HinduProphet · 2022-09-25T17:13:08+00:00

Yes, you can have other masculine pursuits to compensate for it...

Be an MMA fighter, adventurer or something..

Strict-Position2151 · 2022-09-25T17:41:18+00:00

Go for men, or maybe pay some prostutites.

As an ex prostitute, I can tell you that we are much more caring and understanding of men’s insecurities and kinks because we have been trained and exposed to lots of different types of men. I found my partner as a prostitute and he tells me that I’m the kindest and most understanding person he knows, and give the best sex.

Us prostitutes can take some time out to listen to and counsel you, and to be a friend. We can teach you some techniques to improve your sex life.

staggerlee718nyc · 2022-09-25T20:09:13+00:00

I would say that if a man gives up, he was never truly horny enough. The reality is, if you wanted a girlfriend this badly you would have figured out how to get one.

shadowofdoubt13 · 2022-09-26T02:36:49+00:00

Can a man give up on his nature and be happy ? No

No_Mathematician8341 · 2022-09-25T10:45:43+00:00

Practicing semen retention/nofap. I'm on about 30 days rignow no sexual contact. It feels good . it shows I have discipline to not give in to temptation. I might talk to a woman every once in a while or flirt and get a phone number but I stopped putting serious effort into having sex and it feels good. I have alot of extra energy to do more productive things. Before even making this comment I was already fed up with treatment I was getting from the women I was truly attracted to. It got so bad that even when I was truly interested in a woman I would get her number and not even call/text because when I actually called or texted I got no response. Feels much better now. I feel free. Almost like a kid again.

abaxeron · 2022-09-25T11:57:10+00:00

Absolutely, but I'd still recommend this hypothetical person to have sex at least a couple times to know from personal experience what all the fuss is about.

luxuriouscraig · 2022-09-25T13:09:45+00:00

Depends on how horny they are, how frequently they are horny, and how fulfilled they feel outside of sex. Some would thrive and some would be worse off. I also believe that what I just said applies to women.

Sad_Entertainer6312 · 2022-09-25T16:18:47+00:00

Oh course he can be happy.

Sex isn't the end all of everything. In my opinion no sex outside of a relationship is much easier to handle than no sex in a relationship

prizefighterstudent · 2022-09-25T16:26:48+00:00

You can look at the progression of marriage as an example.

Sexual arousal and activity generally decline as a marriage / partnership continues, so most dudes in their 40's and 50's aren't getting the full gamut of sexual experience they once did. The real learning point is in the details though -- marriage entails shared purpose, children, activities, community, companionship. People's priorities change, and its their sense of purpose that keeps them going.

Can you recreate that happiness in your personal life? I'm sure there are ways -- passions, hobbies, family, community work. Does this phenomenon happen for most men who give up on sex and relationships? My guess would be no.

2022-09-25T16:32:36+00:00

Very few people are truly happy, sex or no sex. That said, living without it is hard, but you get used to it after a while.

It’s easier to just become numb to it and stay numb than it is to get your hopes up and have them dashed, IMO. Others may disagree. I probably wouldn’t give up totally before age 40, though.

chickenfriedsteakdin · 2022-09-25T17:16:15+00:00

Isn’t the irony here that for all the things you can’t control, men will give up and ignore why they CAN control. ANYONE can workout, drop down to 14% body fat, whiten and fix their f’d up teeth, buy clothing that fits, be clean, shower, clean breath, good haircut (not looking like you combed your hair with a pork chop) …..but making excuses is too easy.

Stop being lazy. Start with small steps each day. No drinking alcohol, walk for an hour a day. Only water/club soda, no processed foods. No sweets. Push-ups pull-ups then a gym routine. Look though pictures or have a friend help you. I’m 53 dating a graduate student 24, last serous girlfriend was 27 and a med student. If you want help I’ll help

jacare_o · 2022-09-25T19:05:21+00:00

Yes.

Sex or romantic relationships is not the only way to happiness.

Learning. Being good at something. Making money. These are all other ways of being happy.

Family is another way to be happy. He can pay a surrogate and have his own biological children. Skip dating and go straight to reproduction. Raising his children will be a joy. And he can keep spreading his seed like Genghis Khan, depending on how much money he can make. And he can also be proud of hacking the human body, and avoiding the unnecessary expenses and risks associated with reproducing with a woman.

trail22 · 2022-09-25T23:16:27+00:00

In the end the only people who seem to succesfully give up on love are those who have had it and been burned by it.

dukesaces · 2022-09-25T12:07:10+00:00

A man doesn't need to give up on sex per say. Not in 2022 where sex work and prostituition are super normalized and women that lack morals are found everywhere. You can always get a sugar baby or something.

That being said many men will have to give up on relationships. They can be happy without a relationship but only if they don't obsess about finding one and invest their energy in other areas that bring them happiness. It's hard to fight your biological and sociological needs for reproduction and companionship so you have to try extra hard.

Pacman124 · 2022-09-25T12:42:19+00:00

24 and virgin here. Not by choice obviously. There's worse although I have emotional moments of deep, heavy loneliness at least once a day where it's difficult to even move and be productive.

I get by, by filling my days with studying, hobbies. platonic social interactions etc. Nothing can replace companionships though.

I don't think I'll ever really move on with my undesirability. I think it's the same for most men unless they're predisposed to not minding being alone or being asexual.

Any straight man who is unsuccessful with women "endures" it until they are successful, no matter how they choose to cope with it.

CameronJohns88 · 2022-09-25T14:41:05+00:00

I think men truly need a loving, affectionate relationship with a pretty partner to be happy

You can go long enough without that to numb it out, but I don’t see this MGTOW life as being fulfilling

Attractive women are an extraordinary amount of effort to keep and retain, but there really isn’t a better use of that time and money and energy

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-09-25T17:02:23+00:00

No.

It's a basic human need. Or at least, there's strong support for that line of thinking.

Harz362526 · 2022-09-25T10:05:16+00:00

Some of us can, and some can’t.

I have a very high sex drive and women lost all value when I turned to an age where I discovered masturbation.

It was very easy to determine that women are too expensive to do something I can do myself.

And since women outright refuse (don’t know how) to cook, clean, and all that nonsense they complain about, they lose any non-sexual practical value.

Which brings us to emotional stuff. Emotional stuff is for men who have emotional problems and mommy issues. Usually distilled into violence, anger, sexual aggression, and women whining about not wanting to be your therapist.

What this means is women don’t want you to have any emotional expression of any kind, despite them lying and claiming you need to be more emotionally open and vulnerable to benefit them.

Work on yourself, women don’t want emotional men, despite all the nonsense they claim.

I lack emotional issues because I’m a rare unicorn, I grew up in a loving family with non-narcissistic parents and siblings.

Some men will say they “need” sex. These men are lying, primarily to themselves. What they “need” is mommy, who they can have sex with.

They’re pathetic. No wonder women reject them. They’re emotional incls.

Now or you’re emotionally “healthy” you’ll pretty much see women as sec objects. Sounds weird I know, but you’ll see them as “equals” or just another human being with moist genitals that can feel good to fiddle with.

However, the problem lies in that they can be replaced with anything else that feels good, so you don’t need them, unless you’re the aforementioned Ed emotionally damaged person looking for a mommy.

So happy men who see women as sec fun and not an emotional “need” don’t need women. Because all they are is a sex object. Sure they can be a friend and all that nonsense. But a complete person, by definition, doesn’t “need” anything, outside of food, water, oxygen, etc.

Deal with your emotional crap, and ignore women. The better you are, the less you need, or even want, them for anything. Too expensive for the perceived benefit. Then you get to be their therapist, and who wants to do that.

BruddaMSK · 2022-09-25T10:56:02+00:00

MetaphysicalDominant · 2022-09-25T16:52:24+00:00

In most circumstances he’s deluding himself that the effort isn’t worth the rewards of a romantic relationship. He could be mistaken by thinking the costs to him will be higher than they can be or mistaken by thinking the rewards will be how lower than they can be. He won’t necessarily have a serious life crisis, but I don’t see how he’ll be able to have self-esteem. If you have self-esteem, then you’d think that there would be some woman who would esteem you enough to enter a romantic relationship with you.

2022-09-25T17:55:05+00:00

I am going to be honest.

No. You can cope with not having sex, but your life won't be as happy without it. MGTOW is only for incels.

darkvalleys · 2022-09-25T14:59:12+00:00

In the age of the internet, no man has to give up on sex. Or even relationships

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SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-09-25T15:19:23+00:00

is this sub about sex and dating anymore?

TonytheNetworker · 2022-09-25T16:57:43+00:00

There needs to be more context because it varies so much. There are many guys who will put their self-worth into being in a relationship. I think for guys like that it will be extremely hard to be comfortable being single since you’ll always feel like there’s something “wrong” with you. Other guys who have passively given up but have a healthy group of friends and hobbies that fulfill them will do better.

2022-09-25T18:59:15+00:00

I’m sure some can provided they find something to fill that hole.

Pilling_it · 2022-09-25T18:59:56+00:00

Can a man truly give up on sex and be happy ?

Anyone that comes to that conclusion is on the acceptance stage of grief. You would have had a really rough experience to truly accept it.

Can this person really take control of his emotions and be happy ? Or is he just deluding himself and in for a serious life crisis ?

Doable, depending on the person. But mostly sad.

2022-09-25T20:07:46+00:00

https://soundgasm.net/u/OldMcdonald/My-favorite-neighbor

You think you would be happier if you can pop a pussy this good?

Freevoulous · 2022-09-25T22:18:55+00:00

I think it might be possible. Im on a 6th month of voluntary celibacy (I can get laid with some effort, but simply im not in the headspace for this bullshit).

First 2 months were hard, third month I don't ever masturbate, women are basically like small beardless men to me.

RealNiceLady · 2022-09-25T22:33:50+00:00

Can a man truly give up on sex and be happy ?

Only Catholic priests can pull this off.

jackedsoon · 2022-09-25T23:55:38+00:00

No unless low T. Sex is what drives us and fulfils us. I dont have a study on me but im certain men getting consistent sex are most happiest in life.

kvakerok · 2022-09-26T00:27:52+00:00

Only if he lost his junior in a tragic accident.

2022-09-26T04:30:14+00:00

I am that person and currently I can confidently say that I still cannot fully surpress my desire for a relationship.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2022-09-26T04:35:12+00:00

No, or very few can. Or some reach that zen self control thing where they like it and enjoy it, but it's not raging horny constant hard on dick ready to fuck mode.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-09-26T04:59:04+00:00

Can a man truly give up on sex and be happy ?

He gets married, and is then happy, apparently.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-09-26T11:57:10+00:00

No I don’t think so

Harvest895 · 2022-09-26T14:35:24+00:00

Hold up. Is the goal to meet women for the single purpose for sex or relationships??? If you just want sex then there’s escorts. I don’t see anything stopping you from doing this.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-09-26T16:14:32+00:00

So any person regardless of gender can live a happy life without sex, but depending on the person it can take MANY years and LOTS of hard work to become fulfilled without it.

It would be a lifelong maintenance process for me and I'd be miserable for a few years but eventually I could do it. I know I'm capable of it as some time before and during the first 2.5 years of the pandemic thus far I had no intimacy with anyone other than myself.

Also for this query, are we also talking about giving up masturbation? Because that would be a much more difficult feat in some ways.

Acceptable-Change204 · 2022-09-26T21:26:05+00:00

Of course, men have lived celibate lives for centuries. As have women. In theory it opens new doors to spend time on other things…. Chasing consumes much of our time and effort

Inabind369 · 2022-09-26T21:42:44+00:00

I couldn’t. I’d lose my mind

Title	Can a man truly give up on sex and be happy ?
Author	wannabe_winner21
Upvotes	54
Comments	208
Date	September 25, 2022 9:36 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xnitlj/can_a_man_truly_give_up_on_sex_and_be_happy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-a-man-truly-give-up-on-sex-and-be-happy.1131785 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131785

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