Are women really not able to love unconditionally?

Odd_Green_3775 · 2023-02-24T16:31:32+00:00

Love, a feeling, can be unconditional.

Relationships should not be unconditional.

Even cynics typically believe you can love pets and children unconditionally. But when your dog gets rabies, you put it down. If your child becomes a meth addict and refuses rehab, you cut contact until there’s hope for change.

I’ve loved exes unconditionally, but walked away from relationships that are unsafe for me.

KikiYuyu · 2023-02-24T21:34:59+00:00

Whatever emotion a man is capable of, a woman is capable of. The capacity to feel isn't divided by sex, though the way it is expressed might change.

The Redpill is basically one big unhealthy coping mechanism men use to deal with their fears and their pain.

12throw1234away34 · 2023-02-24T16:20:06+00:00

I didn’t read your entire post (sorry) but to answer your title, both genders love conditionally for the most part.

I think where the genders differ is that women are more likely to leave a relationship when those conditions are no longer met.

Men are more likely to stay in the relationship but be very unfulfilled and likely not treat his partner with the same love and affection he first did.

So while you could technically say the man is being unconditional in his love if your primary metric of success there is staying or leaving a relationship.

But I think that metric is flawed. It should be whether your love remains the same. And the answer for both genders is a resounding NO.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-02-24T16:33:38+00:00

Nobody loves unconditionally. Nobody. Not even parents love their kids unconditionally, it's not human.

begayallday · 2023-02-24T18:48:34+00:00

I do love unconditionally. Even if I have to make the difficult choice to end a relationship because it’s become unhealthy for me or harmful to me, there is still always a part of me that loves that person and cares about their well-being.

My second husband and I split up five years ago. I gave him one of my kidneys. I talk to him daily. When I didn’t hear from him for two days, and he wasn’t reading my texts or answering my calls, I called the police department where he lives and they sent EMTs over to check on him. He was medically transported to a trauma center at a nearby hospital. I flew to his city the day after I found out where he was and that he was in the ICU. I contacted his family (whom he’s not close with) and his building manager and work supervisor to let them know what was going on. I stayed by his side every single day, held his hand and talked to him until he woke up. After they took the vent tube out he asked me who I was. He had meningoencephalitis and it took a month for him to regain the ability to walk and talk. He did remember me again after a few days, but even if he hadn’t I would have still been there. I took care of his cat the whole time he was in the hospital. I cleaned the bloody vomit stains out of his carpet, did all his laundry, cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom, took out his trash. I stayed for another week after he went home and cooked for him, cleaned, helped him walk to the store and up and down the stairs. I’m currently clearing out my second bedroom and getting it set up for him to move in, because he’s not able to go back to work and he’s been hitting roadblocks with getting short term disability pay. I have asked my friends and family for donations to help with moving expenses for him, and to replace some furniture he will need here, and many of them have helped him out. It’s not just me either. My wife has been 100% supportive of me helping him every step of the way. She insisted that I drop everything and fly there to be with him. She was insisting that he move in with us long before he ever decided that he didn’t really have any other options.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2023-02-25T06:11:30+00:00

Red pill dudes in podcast :

Yo if my wife gains 10lbs after child birth and doesn't lose it , I'm divorcing her ....

That's real unconditional love .

themoderation · 2023-02-25T06:03:22+00:00

Men murder their intimate partners at much higher rates than women, and leave their ailing partners at much higher rates than women. Classic unconditional love stuff right there.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2023-02-24T16:27:15+00:00

It took me a long time to realize what a con that whole bit is.

What the manosphere originally said was that men love idealistically. That sounds really beautiful until pull the thread a bit and find that what they mean by idealistically is that they love the idea of a woman, the ideals of perfect femininity. That’s not love, that’s pedestalization.

In their defense, TRP does of course say that men shouldn’t put women on a pedestal. But in practice, instead of just recognizing that women are also human and establishing a relationship with another individual who they love, they swing in the opposite direction and hate the very idea of women in order to “de-pedestalize” them. And a lot of incels, blackpillers, and MGTOW’s quickly substitute idealistically with unconditionally or truly which helps them further dehumanize the women they resent, by believing they can’t feel genuine emotion. (Until they want to trot out the ol’ ~~razzle dazzle~~ menarelogicalwomenareemotional.)

This is one point that has really reinforced the idea to me that men literally do view attractive young women as objects more than people. I also think the scientific literature supports this.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-02-24T19:33:35+00:00

I don't think most people love unconditionally, maybe parents (and not even all parents) love their kids unconditionally, but that's it. This isn't a man or woman thing. We all have a breaking point at which we'd stop loving someone or at least, leave them. And we should have that point, otherwise, we'd all be putting up with the shittiest of behaviors just because we love someone. I've loved someone despite their flaws and how poorly they treated me (to be young and dumb again), but in the end, I realized loving them without any conditions was a giant mistake. My love didn't change how they treated me, it didn't motivate them to be a better person, it just gave them the security to continue being a dick. Why would someone change their ways if they know you'll love them just as much if they didn't?

Love is a wonderful thing, but you shouldn't use it to enable someone to be a shitty person. You shouldn't love someone more than you respect yourself and everyone should have a hard line of ''this is unacceptable behavior'' and leave that person, regardless if they love them or not.

As to whether women are more likely to leave - I think a lot of dudes just latch on to the one woman they got and would sooner chop off their own arm than dump her and try to find someone who isn't garbage. I don't know if it's fear they won't find anyone or that they just want a woman and any woman will do, but I think most men wouldn't put up with shitty behavior from their partner, same as most women.

Prize_Juggernaut_517 · 2023-02-24T16:25:40+00:00

People confuse love and feelings with a willingness to tolerate any circumstances or treatment from that person. Feelings and putting up with things are not the same. You can love someone that abuses you and realize that you can't be with them for your safety. Staying isn't love. You can love your heroin addicted brother that robs your house too. It doesn't mean you need to give him the keys and trust him to show that.

Purple317 · 2023-02-24T16:26:20+00:00

I think a parent’s love for their children is the only love that is truly unconditional. Even if one of my children grew up to be a murderer or a sex offender or something, I would still love that child. I might have to distance myself from them for my own safety and mental well being, but I would never stop loving them.

The love I have for my husband absolutely has conditions and limits. That doesn’t mean I would be able to stop loving him easily or instantly, but there are definitely things he could do that would eventually lead to me no longer having feelings of love for him. But I think this is normal and healthy in romantic partnerships. 🤷🏻‍♀️

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-02-24T19:55:51+00:00

I stopped reading at "men can love unconditionally" LOL thanks for the laugh.

FightMeCthullu · 2023-02-25T02:48:52+00:00

You’re gonna get as many individual answers as there are individual love stories. My truth is, as a woman, my love is unconditional but relationships are very conditional. I have a sister I don’t speak to much. We are entirely different people, we don’t get along. But in an emergency if she needed me I’d be there. I often say ‘I love her I don’t like her’ and that’s the truth. We disagree on everything, our personalities clash, but when she had covid and needed someone to watch my niece, I stepped up and helped, despite the fact that I don’t like/am not good with babies. Because she needed help. She would do the same for me. She has many times.

I have dear childhood friends I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. But I’ll never not love them. They helped make me.

My fiancée, who I love so much I can’t even put it into words, will always have part of my heart. If we broke up I would not come out the other side the same person I am now. But I know (barring abuse or something similar) I will always care about them and want the best for them. He taught me what love is, that doesn’t just die.

But relationships are conditional. If my fiancée became abusive, our relationship would end because the conditions of our partnership (mutual care, respect, affection) would be unfulfilled and that would be harmful to me. My sister and I don’t have a sisterly relationship because the conditions of sisterhood for both of us are unfulfilled. But we love each other. My other sister and I by contrast are fairly close but spent years barely talking because we didn’t fulfil those conditions of sisterhood. And yet when she needed me I was there. Because even when I didn’t like her I still loved her.

Unconditional love is everywhere. But not ALL love is unconditional. You see stories on reddit of people falling out of love with someone for reasons that seem silly or superficial - clearly that love was conditional.

So yeah, everyone I think is capable of unconditional and conditional love. But just because love is unconditional doesn’t mean the relationship is as well.

Safinated · 2023-02-24T16:54:34+00:00

Everyone loves conditionally. Otherwise we would form relationships with whoever walked by at a convenient time, which would probably be our genetic relatives (ew!)

CimZim · 2023-02-24T16:21:47+00:00

Some men can love unconditionally, certainly not all.

Some women can love unconditionally, certainly not all.

Personally I cannot, I know my FWB cannot, most people I've known in my life cannot. In my opinion this is a good thing, because loving someone without any conditions on said emotional state is a recipe for total disaster.

I'm willing to give so much to those I consider my loved ones. My FWB, my regular friends, a few family members. If they needed it, I'd give them my blood, my organs, my home, my money, my support, and of course, my love. But that's with the condition of being treated well in return...doesn't even have to be to the extent I'd go for them! Just not be deliberately hurt or abused or taken advantage of.

Without that condition, sure, I'd be capable of unconditional love. But why would I ever do that?

blueberrypie02 · 2023-02-24T16:35:35+00:00

I’ve said it a few times here-RP took the ‘men are not loved unconditionally’ shtick from a comedian that cheated on his wife. That answere any questions about how serious that statement should be taken

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-02-24T16:33:19+00:00

Everybody has some conditions. Be a decent person. Don't cheat. Hold up your end of the relationship. That sort of thing. I think most men would lose their unconditional love for a woman if she was sleeping around on him or if she was ripping him off, just like most women would lose their unconditional love for a man.

I've been with my partner 10 years. We've been through a lot - sickness, financial downturns, being sequestered together during a pandemic. He's my 2nd favorite person in the world (after my kid). At some point in your relationship/marriage, your partnership bond goes from being romantic to being family. You accept them, just like you do your parents, siblings, your cousins, etc., for who they are with all their faults. And it's deeper, because you CHOSE this person, you weren't born having to accept them. I'd say that's about as unconditional as you can get. I've supported him when he couldn't work. I've held his hand during medical procedures. He's my person.

However, if my person suddenly was schlupping the neighbor lady behind my back, he would severely damage that love and trust. Likewise if I found out he was, oh, I don't know, a truckstop serial killer on his off hours.

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-02-25T02:44:55+00:00

“Men are capable of unconditional love” (as long as she still turns them on) is not unconditional love, my dudes. Next thing you know, she gets cancer or she’s paralyzed in a car wreck, and he’s gone. Found the condition!

gymbro718nyc2 · 2023-02-24T18:19:46+00:00

I can't think of anything more toxic than listening to RedPill infected posters, other than incels.

AquaChip · 2023-02-24T19:26:13+00:00

No one is able to love unconditional. If your wife gains 200 lbs you’re no longer going to love her.

launcelot02 · 2023-02-24T19:00:19+00:00

Of course not. If she is stable she will love her children unconditionally. Anything other than that money and more importantly time must be factored into the equation.

2023-02-25T02:27:20+00:00

I love my husband beyond what words can describe. However all relationships (save probably parent/child) should have a level of conditional love. Actually its not even conditional love, it is boundaries in which they will not allow themselves to be disrespected, abused, etc.

With that being said, within the bounds of those major deal-breakers, my day to day love is unconditional.

Leeola_Mcgillicuddy · 2023-02-25T03:40:31+00:00

I really like this post.

JoeRMD77 · 2023-02-25T06:34:31+00:00

Women do love conditionally and it's a cope if you think otherwise because you can't be a provider. And what I mean by provider is not a Financial Security provider, although that's what most guys end up doing, but I'm talking about an emotional connection provider or straight up good dick provider. I've known some girls that are definitely dating down just to keep that good dick around and they're taken care of most of the bills but the guy is still providing that dick.

If you're not providing something to a woman, she's going to leave. That's what we call conditional love. Unconditional love would mean you can just show up and she'll be fine with you. But most women don't operate that way or a lot more guys would be in relationships- at that point they would be acting just like men who just want to date and they don't.

bread93096 · 2023-02-24T18:09:52+00:00

Men don’t love their female partners unconditionally. Nor should they - romantic relationships come with responsibilities and obligations. If your partner consistently fails to uphold those responsibilities, when they have the option to do so, you should stop loving them.

The only unconditional love that exists in this world is a parent for their child, and even that is scarcely guaranteed.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-24T19:08:50+00:00

Nobody is able to love unconditionally, with the exception of any gods if they exist. There are always conditions, the conditions just vary. And conditional love is a good thing, it means that person actually cares about who you are and what you do and loves you for that rather than just loving because they can't stop. (That's what you're saying if you say multiple women love you unconditionally - that they won't stop loving you, ever, not if you leave, not if you change your entire personality, not if you try to kill them, never.)

_here_ok · 2023-02-24T22:20:58+00:00

I don't think anyone loves unconditionally, love is just ever persevering. it takes a lot and I mean a lot for love to fade once it has been formed. it's why it is so hard for men and women alike to break up despite knowingly being wronged. the love is strong and is fighting against our decisions.

we just say it is unconditional because it feels like that, it feels as if there is nothing we can imagine that can take that love away. yet that's only because we as people don't want to imagine the set of scenarios that would cause us to loose that love. we want to keep it precious and dear to our hearts.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2023-02-24T22:29:55+00:00

I don't believe they do but I also don't beleive men do either.

What I do beleive is that more men than women take their vows of loyalty through marriage as literal vows and they're more likely to fulfill those vows even when they're not happy. This sort of attitude difference is why I tend to date women who are more masculine than average. I think part of this is related to brain chemistry & how we're rsused/socialized.

mcove97 · 2023-02-25T00:22:41+00:00

That's definitely an issue. I've done everything for guys I've been in love with, and had to stop when I realized I also needed to take care of myself and set conditions and boundaries which are incredibly important in relationships. Yes, I do love to please, but not at the cost of my mental, physical or emotional well being. Especially not if the efforts and lengths I go to to please isn't equally reciprocated, or worse, taken for granted.

abaxeron · 2023-02-25T15:43:45+00:00

Women are able to love their children unconditionally.

As a general rule, a woman's unconditional love for a man (i.e. NAWALT/unicorn) is something that appears to be happening occasionally, but realistically it's not something you should ever bet/count on.

Healthy-Educator-267 · 2023-02-25T20:38:04+00:00

No one really loves unconditionally. People love their children unconditionally... sometimes...

4spooked · 2023-02-25T22:27:18+00:00

lol these replies are nuts

Subject-Ad-9613 · 2023-02-26T23:49:09+00:00

it depends on the psychology of the particular person. love can be "unconditional" if a person provides something that can not be replaced by another person, but many women are just narcissistic and can not have reciprocal emotional connections with anyone, not just men. these same women also do not love their children in a reciprocal way, they just hide their selfishness and guilt semantically.

Barely-moral · 2023-02-24T17:01:15+00:00

I have yet to meet a woman that is able to love unconditionally anyone that is not their own children.

I have yet to meet a woman that can love in a way that is comparable to the way I love. Every woman comes short. And I am a sociopath.

TaxNegative161 · 2023-02-24T16:13:57+00:00

Animals love unconditionally. Not humans.

NoInjury1499 · 2023-02-24T18:47:46+00:00

The only things loved unconditionally are women, children, dogs, and money. No matter what society we live in men have to earn their love and we should accept that instead of bitching about it.

Cuthbert-Binns · 2023-02-24T16:44:27+00:00

These replies are sad. Real love is dead.

wtknight · 2023-02-24T18:08:11+00:00

If a woman likes a guy’s looks and personality enough then she can love him unconditionally, sure.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-02-25T05:17:57+00:00

No. The assertion is wrong. RP says no human loves conditionally.

But that men love IDEALISTICALLY, whereas women love OPPORTUNISTICALLY

LouisdeRouvroy · 2023-02-25T08:22:51+00:00

You have a logic problem.

TRP says that men are never loved unconditionally, unlike women, children and pet.

This doesn't mean that women are unable to love. They sure do love their children and cats (usually).

minanaro_3776 · 2023-02-25T14:11:43+00:00

I've known many men who weeped in silence due to their unrequited love for a woman, but not a single woman who did the same. It's the same reason a man will accept a poor or rich, healthy or unhealthy, good or bad woman because men love with incredibly easy conditions that most women will fit into, whereas a woman will not love you if you're not good enough to meet her criteria.

NataliaCaptions · 2023-02-24T18:16:06+00:00

>The women I meet in my own dating life in general will wholeheartedly assure me that they do love unconditionally and then tell me stories that do appear to back this up with anecdotal evidence. Honestly some of the things I’ve heard are far worse than what any guy I know has had to put up with.

They're not lying.

The problem is that their so-called "unconditionnal" love is dependant on feelings and feelings change. The moment the guy isn't providing the feefees, they love stops and they can become extremely cruel (light switch effect)

TL;DR : No. They can't. Only a tiny minority

cmvmania · 2023-02-24T16:16:17+00:00

I don't agree and there's at least two scenarios why women could or will love unconditionally

a textbook style chad gave her mind blowing sex which she couldn't go back after

she will love him unconditionally with very low expectations given that there's no extreme behaviors in the relationship e.g. physical assault

even though they broke up somehow i would still bet on my money she would go her way to cheat on her partner to get laid with her ex and relive "the old days" if there's an opportunity. thats how unconditional their love is

women with limited worldview who didn't knew any nor anyone better. they would just stick with a guy in their social circle who could at least size up 70-80% of people in their area

tl;dr be chad

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armpitpics · 2023-02-24T19:10:58+00:00

Love has to be triggered by something, and when that trigger no longer exists love fades. I don't believe anybody can truly love unconditionally. There are always conditions even when they're not clear or explicitly stated.

Stunna4Yerks · 2023-02-24T19:28:19+00:00

I don't think men or women love unconditional.

Notsonewguy7 · 2023-02-24T20:14:45+00:00

Nobody loves unconditionally.

We just have different conditions.

HikingConnoisseur · 2023-02-24T20:51:05+00:00

Women can love men unconditionally, absolutely.

You just need to be a close blood relative of theirs (father, brother, son, grandson).

If you're a man you're only loved under the condition that you provide something.

nemma88 · 2023-02-24T21:54:14+00:00

I think both can love unconditionally with the exception it will fade with time if not watered (is that really a condition? If so the answer is then no I guess). I don't think it's a good idea to stay with someone unconditionally.

I've broken up with men I've still loved.

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2023-02-24T23:15:16+00:00

Unconditional love does not exist. Parents love their children because that child is their child. If that child was not their’s, they would not love it. Men love women for what they give them. Women love men for what they give them. If the things they provide ends, they will no longer love.

LotBuilder · 2023-02-25T05:44:23+00:00

The CAN love unconditionally, kids and dogs.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-02-25T12:18:27+00:00

Nothing is truly unconditional.

But also, what is 'love'? There is a strong chemical hormonal soup that usually swells in a man when he sees a beautiful woman/girl, usually with sufficient neoteny. He wants to take care of her, protect her and do anything for her. BUT this is as much because this drug induced state makes doing things like that feel so good for HIM as it is about any kind of selfless concern for her. Remove that hormonal state and see how much he wants to do for her?

Real love develops around the margins of these various hormonal drug states that exist to tie men and women together. Real love takes time, usually. It is hard to articulate what it is exactly, but it is not the raw euphoric feelings of just going along with our biological programming.

With respect to this real love, men and women are still probably different, but not THAT different. And this love is fairly unconditional, though if you press it, the nature of the love changes.

k_aevitas · 2023-02-25T16:00:41+00:00

This is why red pill is a stinking pile of misogynistic trash. In no logical scientific study anywhere does it say one gender has more unconditional love than another there's no such thing. It's pulled straight out of their ass. In fact studies show that men leave women up to 7x far more than the other way around when the partner is sick and needs caring. There is no such thing as unconditional love between romantic partners for th very nature that it HAS to be enforced with healthy boundaries and transaction

Weird_Slice4439 · 2023-02-25T16:48:24+00:00

The only unconditional love, is a mother's love. Anything else has conditions and requirements.

Vulture051 · 2023-02-27T03:35:31+00:00

Nobody is. You're thinking of dogs.

lallelelu · 2023-03-01T08:38:19+00:00

How are redpillers able to love uncontrollably? Yet their condition is that the women is submissive and obeys them. That is a condition.

I personally think only children are loved unconditionally and I don’t think it’s good to love your partner unconditionally. Think about what that means? Why would you love someone who treats you bad or who has done a terrible thing? I only love conditionally because I respect myself enough to walk away from someone who isn’t good for me. That is my condition and everyone should have one

rainbowkombat · 2023-07-06T05:42:45+00:00

i think woman can love unconditionally too if its was not the case i believe we would all become mgtow

Beneficial_Donut2209 · 2023-08-14T13:01:39+00:00

Women are the problem… as a man you don’t get what women you want, but they mostly always get what man they want… always

Title	Are women really not able to love unconditionally?
Author	Odd_Green_3775
Upvotes	67
Comments	263
Date	February 24, 2023 4:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11auwcd/are_women_really_not_able_to_love_unconditionally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-women-really-not-able-to-love-unconditionally.1153488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153488

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