[Q4W] Would you say most or all men can be great lovers?

Urbanwitch666 · 2022-08-11T13:33:07+00:00

I definitely think so.

I find it weird and shallow when people expect anyone to be "good at sex" rather than that it's a shared mutual sexual journey of discovering each other.

Maybe that comes partly from being a queer person, who has been a lot of women's first ever fem experience. I don't expect a woman's first time to be all smooth and suave. Usually a bit better than inexperienced men for obvious reasons, but not by much.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-08-11T12:52:53+00:00

Not all men can be great lovers but it has less to do with their equipment and more to do with a flaccid personality.

crookedsummer2019 · 2022-08-11T12:37:09+00:00

I don’t think most men ‘just know’. That has never been my experience anyway lol. Communication is key and it goes both ways. I can see how some men find it unfair that they are just expected to know. It’s not like in porn or romantic movies. Us women have a role in communication when it comes to having good sex.

In my opinion, a bad lover is a selfish lover who doesn’t listen nor care what their partner wants. Any guy who is open to following up on what gets her off is a far better lover than a selfish lover.

Novadina · 2022-08-11T16:47:55+00:00

In my experience the men best at sex were the ones who get off on making women orgasm. I’m not sure that can be taught.

Of course it’s also important they pay attention to my reactions to see if I enjoy something or not, but guys who get off on my pleasure will just tend to pay attention like that, or ask if I like something if they aren’t sure (it can be asked in a hot way), and immediately stop if I express discomfort.

Also I think I’m most compatible with someone passionate, experimental, and dominant in bed. I’m not sure if that can be taught either.

h1shman · 2022-08-11T12:44:14+00:00

You only need one or two regular lovers to work out the basics of the female orgasm. It's mostly about knowing which areas to give the most attention to and pacing.

Aside from that, women have different tastes and mental turn ons, so listening to them and using non verbal positive feedback (she gasps/writhes when I do X).

Logical-Raisin-486 · 2022-08-11T14:19:13+00:00

Given enough time and effort I would say most could. The problem is that is usually too much effort when what they want is a user manual that applies to all. In my experience the key to being good is always tied to emotional connection that allows you to “melt” into someone’s body to the point you can just “feel” how to move and what to do to get them there. I can only talk someone so far without that connection.

houstongradengineer · 2022-08-11T12:43:25+00:00

I think it doesn't take a smart person very long to learn the basics. Overexplaining can definitely kill a vibe, in or out of the bedroom. So can lack of necessary communication.

For me? So many men fall very close into the average range of size. Almost all men have multiple hands and a tongue. Yeah, it's easy to think most men can be great lovers physically. Where a man might not be equipped is usually in the mental, emotional, or social capacity. That's one major reason why I would vet for several months to see where men stand in those areas.

EulenWatcher · 2022-08-11T13:23:29+00:00

Not all, as there are some limitations people can't overcome, like some health/mental health issues. But most men probably can be pretty good lovers, if they invest enough efforts into it. Having said that, I'm not sure how many men (or people) actually can follow instructions correctly and listen to their partners. From what I've read online it seems quite a share of men either doesn't care or fail at it miserably.

My husband and I are each other's first partners, so we kind of have been learning together. It took us a few months to figure out how I can have mine with 99% probability and it wasn't rocket science. I guess a huge reason he's great at it is him listening to me and caring for my pleasure. He prioritizes my orgasm and knows what kinks I have and everything.

rurunoa · 2022-08-11T13:26:29+00:00

Getting a female turned on in the brain is what makes you a good “lover” and understanding women orgasm from clits.

But if you don’t or refuse to understand that females orgasm from their clit, then you will be considered bad by most women as you will never “bring” them to orgasm.

Most men watch porn and poke women with their dicks and they think that is what will get her off. Poking a dick back and forth will not reach her clit at all.

You need to learn how to grind against her clit when you are on top of her. Go google CAT technique.

You also need to understand if the woman you are with KNOWS how to orgasm. She needs to know SHE is responsible for her own orgasm. If she doesn’t, then she will blame you.

There seems to be a common thinking that a man is responsible for his own orgasm, … which he is …by pumping in and out of a hole. But in addition, at some point, someone decided that he is responsible for bringing a woman to orgasm? Why? It’s her clit.

Only I can control the amount of friction and pressure needed to orgasm on my clit, just like a man controls the amount of friction and time needed to orgasm by controlling his pumping.

If the common thinking was that a woman had to be responsible for a man’s orgasm, then we would expect her to:

Be on top and physically move up and down fast enough without him moving, and have the strength to do that. How many women can actually do that? Or use her mouth and hands with the appropriate friction and for the appropriate amount of time for him to orgasm.

Most of the time. A man controls his orgasm. He doesn’t rely on a woman to make him orgasm by sitting there.

I don’t understand why we don’t apply the same logic to women and have them grind their clits against something hard?

I am guessing it’s because men want to believe that the clit is inside the vagina and they are somehow hitting it. Unfortunately, the clit was not designed that way.

That is why there is an orgasm gap during PIV cuz people believe in porn fairytales.

Stop the poking pandemic 🤭🤭🤭

vivvienne · 2022-08-11T12:48:41+00:00

I think any guy can learn, but I also think women need to be very in tune with themselves which is not always the case. How can you give instructions if you don't know your own body? Sex education has not been the best on this front.

There is the factor of time too though. ONS are not going to be enough, people don't usually pick things up instantly. This is more the work of LTRs.

If you want to figure it out on your own, don't put penetrative sex on the table and play them like an instrument, figure out what makes them sing. No instructions needed.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-08-11T12:45:02+00:00

no not all men can be great lovers to a specific woman. hot amazing sex is about more than technique, it is about attraction and sensuality. a lot of men are very asensual and uptight. having to "teach" a man would be a massive turnoff to me and immediately wreck sex

2022-08-11T13:24:51+00:00

No. I think some do care about learning and listening and observing but most don't.

2022-08-11T14:13:41+00:00

Yea but they aren’t. As someone who taught myself it’s literally pretty easy you just listen and put in effort.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-08-11T15:16:39+00:00

In terms of physically having the ability, absolutely, it's not that hard if you're willing to learn (and willing to learn specific things for each partner). In terms of compatibility and personal connection, which is the primary factor in what makes sex good, only one man will usually be able to provide that for each woman at a time.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-08-11T13:01:22+00:00

I don't know if I'm just lucky but I've never had to tell a guy what to do. If I had to give a guy instructions I can't imagine thinking he was a "great lover," even if he did everything I asked, because good sex isn't mechanical. It's about chemistry and vibes and instinct.

That said, it's possible that after learning the ropes with the first girl or two he can go on to be a "great lover" who "just gets it" with the next one.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-08-11T13:01:49+00:00

I would say all men have the potential to be great lovers. But not all men want to learn to be.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-08-11T14:12:05+00:00

No, not all men can be great lovers to all women. The inverse is also true. Because different people have different ideas of what is great sex. Some like soft, gentle lovemaking. Some like wild crazy monkey sex. Some have kinks and fetishes they would like to indulge and their partner may not be into all that. If you are fortunate you will find someone you are sexually compatible with. If not you’ll get duty sex or worse, a dead bedroom.

Poly_frolicher · 2022-08-11T17:36:01+00:00

I think any man can be good, or at least get better. I think only a small number can be great lovers.

In my experience, very few men are paying close attention to their partner and following her leads. The truly great lovers have amazing control of their own excitement and are excellent observers of their lover. I’ve tried to explain it is much less technique and far more paying attention, but most men don’t get it.

poppy_blu · 2022-08-11T20:17:16+00:00

Absolutely, barring a physical limitation.

What women are saying is not that most men aren’t capable of being good in bed, it’s that they don’t care to try to be.

Which I don’t think is fair. Most guys just need the experience and the confidence to admit they just need to learn versus talking advice form other virgins on the internet.

This is why men who have serial relationships and always better lays than men who sleep around. They’ve had success consistently pleasing a woman over time.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2022-08-11T12:49:59+00:00

I think so, but I've got not much field data on the subject.

Apart from not doing retarded stuff (wheeere is the clit?/calling her 'mummy' unless that's her kink, etc) and obvious health/performance issues (E.D. or lasting 1 minute) it's not really rocket science. I think 'great lovers' don't do anything extraordinarily different than 'meh lovers', and the difference is in the level of mutual desire. A quickie in the car when you are 18 and in the honeymoon stage is an exciting, passionate memory, but for the same couple 15 years and 2 kids later if the desire went down it can be seen as 'low effort, terrible, selfish lover'.

2022-08-11T16:41:36+00:00

It's like any other skill. Practice, studying, and asking questions help. And like any skill, it doesn't promise everyone will become a "master" or great, but most everyone can become passable or good if they put consistent effort into becoming better.

smegma_enthusiast · 2022-08-11T18:50:59+00:00

You just gotta learn how to “scoot”

IcarusKiki · 2022-08-12T01:17:50+00:00

I seriously believe that there is someone out there for everyone but most people are not compatible with each other

permiecandy · 2022-08-12T03:51:19+00:00

Pretty much. Women are beaten down (sometimes literally) to just submit and take whatever they get... But... If men would get over themselves and just listen to instruction on what she likes and wants and then give that to her, he'd eventually be the best lover for her.

My husband and I have only been with 3 people each, including each other.

If I like something I tell him I like it. If I don't like something, I ask him to stop or do something I do like. He's given me the most amazing orgasms I've ever had.

We also experiment and if we like something, cool, if not, cool. Just a matter of communication and being willing to please the other person and make that a priority. I LOVE making him happy and satisfied as much as he loves making me happy and satisfied. 🥰

Sex is very much a learned behavior and there's always something to learn or try, kinks to explore, etc.. It CAN be amazing.... With the right person, that's willing to put in as much as you are.

beleidigtewurst · 2022-08-12T12:01:17+00:00

Absolutely not.

"Great" means "so good only small part could do it".

BY DEFINITION.

Cough.

That most guys are just not equipped(take that for what you will) to be great at sex no matter how much instruction they get

That is also, largely, low female libido. Because, I guess, evolution.

rurunoa · 2022-08-11T14:16:51+00:00

no because a lot of men are simply selfish and dont care

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-08-11T18:08:04+00:00

Yes. Because even though you can't necessarily become good at every technique/position/approach and things like stamina and dexterity can play roles in some of those, there are SO many different ways to pleasure someone even if they (or you) have a lot of limitations.

And every partner might have wildly different needs and desires and turn ons/turn offs so you get better at asking and being curious and considerate every time you fuck.

JustSmores · 2022-08-11T14:13:58+00:00

No, they have to be taught when they’re 18-21. Any older will be too lazy and slow.

AutoModerator · 2022-08-11T12:23:27+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

sarkington · 2022-08-11T14:05:01+00:00

Of course, but it’s all voluntary

DestroGamaDx · 2022-08-11T14:51:18+00:00

Lots of women actually don't communicate in bed it helps it be more natural where they don't have the pressure of communicating and can just focus on what they're feeling. Also I just wanted to add, if she uses a sex toy often enoughthat raises the standard of pleasure required to make her orgasm. Lastly in relationships I know alot of men stop flirting and doing as much foreplay, never ever stop and lastly, its a great feeling but use everything to your advantage not just your junk and dirty talk not just about what you're going to do to her but about how she looks, even if you're not having sex.

2022-08-11T16:14:14+00:00

Not for me.

Charming_Anxiety · 2022-08-11T16:20:02+00:00

Half at most. Ego rules out 50% already

Hodgkins_Fun_Alt · 2022-08-11T20:05:37+00:00

physical fitness is probably the #1 predictor of being good at sex. you can do more for longer. i suppose someone will steam in with a tale of hooking up with a gym bro who had a tiny dick and came in 3 seconds, but that’s just the man-bites-dog phenomenon

womandatory · 2022-08-12T00:00:29+00:00

If they can learn to tie shoelaces, or make a sandwich, the only reason they aren’t good in bed is choice.

TheElusivePeacock · 2022-08-12T01:36:13+00:00

Judging by the orgasm gap, dead bedrooms, and the comments from men on here, it’s looking like a nah. Oh well.

RinoaRita · 2022-08-12T05:05:02+00:00

Yes. If his attitude is great you can absolutely have great sex with him.

The only thing that could potentially vary is dick size but even size queens can have their filled up feeling if guys were willing to use toys. I definitely have seen posts where guys are threaten by toys instead of embracing it.

The only case I can see if kinks not matching and having incompatible styles. A submissive guy might not have the acting skills to please a submissive woman and a dominant guy might not be able to act submissive to a dominant girl.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-08-12T07:07:53+00:00

Yes and no

Yes as in if you tell him what you like and he does it

What you can’t always create is the chemistry to make it work

Peacesquad · 2022-08-15T01:05:51+00:00

Oh boy

Title	[Q4W] Would you say most or all men can be great lovers?
Author	MasterTeacher123
Upvotes	35
Comments	240
Date	August 11, 2022 12:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/wlq3jk/q4w_would_you_say_most_or_all_men_can_be_great/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-would-you-say-most-or-all-men-can-be-great.1209124 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209124

Comments