I'm losing the only family I have. I can't afford therapy and don't have anyone, while she has a great family to support her. Honestly, thinking of ending it.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-05-17T20:43:12+00:00

No woman is worth ending your life over!

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-05-17T20:08:27+00:00

You came to the right place. You're not alone. I am going through hell right now too in much the same situation.

Has she filed paperwork yet? If not try to file paperwork first. There will be a part that will prevent her from taking the kids out of state. Also request temporary orders to ensure your contact with your kids.

I've been there, wrt taking an early check out. Dm me and we can do this together.

clarkr10 · 2023-05-17T20:39:58+00:00

Been there. My first few months alone were similar.

This immediately helped and now I truly dont think/care about my ex, 9 months in to separation.

Quit drinking alcohol (if you do). Alcohol can cause depressive tendencies for days after your last drink. Just quit trust me.
Find a hobby.
Make a list each day of 4 (or so things) that make a day successful. Example if you went to work, exercised, talked to your kids and ate 3 square meals. Make it 4 things you typically do, but 4 things no one can tell you that ONE day wasn’t a success overall. To get out of depression you have to take it day by day or even hour by hour. This helps.

These 3 things took me from wanting to end it for about 2 months, to completely over her and moving on about 2-3 weeks later.

Major key is avoiding alcohol though….it’s hard to get over a depressed state of mind when regularly consuming alcohol (a depressant).

ranger69danger · 2023-05-17T20:38:26+00:00

While I was in the pit of divorce, I read somewhere (here?) that 1 in 8 men that experience divorce opt out of life. Don’t let her win like this.

Stay here with us! I promise you it gets better. Much much better.

cheesewindow · 2023-05-17T20:49:48+00:00

Every day will get a bit better dude. It’s a shit time in your life but you will get through this. Pretty much all of us on here have felt the lowest of the low. Don’t do anything stupid, talk to us.

juliaskig · 2023-05-18T00:02:10+00:00

Sometimes depression is anger turned inside. Your best revenge will be getting your life together so beautifully that she wants you back. By then you will have met your new love.

Xan-Diesel · 2023-05-17T20:48:27+00:00

You're not going to do that. A permanent solution for a temporary problem is NOT the move, my man. I fell in love with a woman after my ex-wife left and her Dad died in front of her when she was eight or nine years old. He had a heart attack and died right there. She grew up without her Dad and I can absolutely, positively tell you it dramatically impacted her.

Your boys need you. You're not raising kids - you're raising adults. They're looking to you to form the foundation of who they'll be when you're just the ghost in their memories. If you bail now you're doing them a tremendous disservice and they'll end up being raised by another man.

You can do this. Keep waking up and handling business. Fake it if you have to. You're stronger than you know.

RuRu_1999 · 2023-05-17T20:21:06+00:00

Text 988 to talk to the suicide hotline

donkeykong64123 · 2023-05-17T21:33:26+00:00

Don't let her win. Doesn't matter what she says to your kids. Deep down inside, they are confused, missing you and stressed in their own way because of how mom is handling this.

A lot of us are or have been where you are, my friend. If you haven't done so, get a lawyer. Perhaps you can qualify for free legal aid. Document everything.

See a doctor, get anti depressants, sleeping meds or whatever you need to keep you going. Your kids are worth it. You are worth it!!

Accomplished-Toe5220 · 2023-05-17T21:45:43+00:00

In the words of General Zod...." You are not alone". We are here for you bro. Most of us have been exactly where you are. For most of us it didn't get easier, we just became harder men.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Roman's 3

dnbndnb · 2023-05-17T23:43:44+00:00

If you love your kids you’re just not gonna do this. Instead of channeling your grief into sadness & negatively, channel them into “fight mode”. You’re going to fight for them and their sake. They deserve and need a father. Society seems to promulgate that men are unnecessary but show me kids who grow up without a father in their life and I’ll show you people missing serious emotional & logical connection in life.

Your family was your world, your wife blew it up. Your kids are still your world. She is no longer hours, and she’s clearly not on your team, so she is the opposition. Time to suit up, put on your game face, and fight the good fight. If you checked out what message do you send your kids?

arcasul · 2023-05-17T20:13:10+00:00

There is no reason to do that. I am thinking that our parents wanted us to be as happy as possible. There are so many things you could do. You need to live your life in the best manner. No need to end it really.

BeginningRegister992 · 2023-05-17T20:49:25+00:00

Hey man in the early days of my divorce I checked myself into the VA psych ward for the same reason. I stayed 20 days and left a new man. The lack of distractions or things to do in general forces you to come to terms with your new life, and plan for a brighter future. Also about 80% of the guys in there were in there for the same reason. I now advocate for everybody going through crisis, divorce or not, to check themselves in and chill out for a few days. If you kill yourself your wife will still be fucking the dude, probably that very day AND she'd just it as justification for leaving. If you're at that point seek acute help today.

wisstinks4 · 2023-05-17T21:08:07+00:00

No to self delete. Your life matters. it may not seem that way right now, there will be blue skies for you in the future. You need to get through this shitty time in life. Eventually, the storms in the clouds go away and you can get back to a normal life. Stand firm and strong, dig deep, hold the fort. There are people praying for you.

Adventurous_Tie_4464 · 2023-05-17T21:15:55+00:00

Hang in there man. There was a time when my ex finally acknowledged some sort of affair / inappropriate relationship after two years of denying it in marriage counseling and I was in the same place. Going thru a brutal divorce with plenty of false allegations almost pushed me back there. Get out and get active, pick up the phone and call anyone, and believe brighter days are ahead.

Blackbarnabyjones · 2023-05-18T01:42:06+00:00

Don't Delete, RESTART!!

Go, somewhere else and begin again.

Install a call recorder APP on your phone.

Save ALL the phone calls you have with her to 3 DIFFERENT PLACES!!!

Phone
USB
Email
Suprise! Keep a hard copy in your house or car hidden at all times.

Mark the Calendar for when the youngest will turn 18.

Plan to stay alive at least till then

Send them All the calls and emails as they each turn 18.

If you need to bail to keep your sanity, bail.

Let her do what she will, record it, and plan to show your boys when they hit 18.

That is your fighting chance now. And it's something to live for.

Take it.

Cute-sailorboyz · 2023-05-17T22:44:35+00:00

I be here for you bro

upvotersfortruth · 2023-05-18T02:41:40+00:00

You’re not alone. You’re overwhelmed. You’re on the back foot. You were taken by surprise. Frankly speaking, you’re better off than the guys here who have ended up with everything you’re facing, plus being arrested and removed from their own home on fake DV charges.

Don’t surrender before you’ve rallied and fought back. She’s counting on her opening “shock and awe” salvo to be the beginning and ending of the war. Apparently it was about to work, but now you have us.

Ecstatic-Eye-5766 · 2023-05-17T21:14:22+00:00

This will pass, the emotions are high right now but the storm will calm down and you will be fine… hang in there brother we are here for you… many of us are in the same boat cruising the same storm but this will pass and you will have great time with your kids in the future… now is time to love yourself , taking care of yourself and see men’s group on church’s if possible , travel if u can too to relax your mind

LilBigKidsMeal · 2023-05-17T21:46:41+00:00

If you need some one to talk to, I’m here

BreakGrouchy · 2023-05-17T22:07:07+00:00

You can see someone for free . Plenty of professional help is available. You need some confidence and a night with some guy friends .

captainchippsixx · 2023-05-17T22:55:29+00:00

Put on the armor. It’s time for battle. You have taken the wrong road for too long. It’s time to go back to how you were. If she is going to be evil, treat her as such. Say fuck it. Call her out on her bs on social media. Follow to the T the agreement. No ducking extras. If you have any incriminating texts, call her folks. Ask for them to intervene to be a father.

Start with working out daily and eat better daily. In 4 weeks you will notice a huge difference physically and your mental well being. Watch captain America, guardian of the galaxy, Conan the Barbarian. Got me through the nights after I worked out.

If you have insurance get mental health help!

BaldieGoose · 2023-05-17T22:56:06+00:00

Call 988 my friend.

Metabater · 2023-05-17T23:24:38+00:00

You aren’t alone, I thought I was too. This is the time where you focus on yourself. This will pass, your children are still in your life and you can build a new one. The FIRST time I went through the child custody thing I was 21. At that point, I felt exactly like you do, I was only able to see my son twice a month. It used to depress the hell out of me, fast forward to today. I’m now 45, and I was/still am an active part of his life and we hang out all the time. Life is short, but it’s a lot longer than most people realize, you have a lot of road ahead of you.

My second time around, with another woman almost completely destroyed me. I’ve been separated two years and we have court next month actually. Even as terrible as that was and still is, I chose to move on again.

Now, I have an amazing girl; she loves my boys and I seem to have found my perfect match.

Just keep going, life is a long story and this is only 1 chapter.

You’re going to be ok. Go within, and pour all of that love into yourself.

Bipolar_investor · 2023-05-18T02:03:08+00:00

It does get better. If not all men in your situation have been where you are, most of them have. Keep your spirits high, no man is more manly and accomplished than one that falls and lifts himself up on his own.

Love and care for yourself as if you were someone else you're responsible for.

scootfaster · 2023-05-18T00:57:12+00:00

No woman is worth your life. Think about your kids. They need you whether you see them or not. Straight up. DM me. There is light at the end of the tunnel

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2023-05-18T01:28:52+00:00

Don’t take a permanent action to a temporary problem, brother. Join a divorce group or a men’s group at church. I’ve made a lot of new friends who are going through the same, and look forward to meeting with them.

theduchess01 · 2023-05-18T01:53:07+00:00

File for divorce first. Get a lawyer and talk to a support group online if you can't afford therapy. Divorce is ugly buy know your children need you. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Try keeping yourself busy, exercise, and eat well. Once you get a schedule on the parenting, then work with that. Sending you positive thoughts. No human is worth losing your own. Remember your kids need you and need their father.

Sergio_B_ · 2023-05-18T02:01:25+00:00

Listen, I hear you man..I through it, but the only thing that kept me from not loosing my shit, was the fear of leaving my kids alone withhout me. For now it's the only reason you need to stay here, also it does very much help talking to another divorced dad, to help you stay up. If you need someone to talk, just hit me up I'll be happy to tell some dad jokes or some evil memes, ending it.... Is not the answer you are truly seeking.... Therapy...talk to any divorce dad here and we'll give you first hand therapy. You need someone to talk to. Reach out man, we are here.

Cripstacey · 2023-05-18T02:02:27+00:00

You gonna let a horrible woman KILL YOU? That's what overcame your power? You're far more powerful than all of that. Rise up!!!!

dogsrule2019 · 2023-05-18T03:11:21+00:00

Everything good has been said here. But I will add this: your boys fucking need you. DO NOT let them down. It’s your job. Embrace it!

External_Hippo · 2023-05-18T04:34:07+00:00

Your boys are gonna need you in the future do not leave them. Hang in there, after the storm comes clear skies.

MusicianSilent6772 · 2023-05-18T05:24:07+00:00

Don’t do it bro. Time heals all wounds..

Rustyrockets9 · 2023-05-18T01:29:59+00:00

Fuck that bitch king

Infinite_Ad_4765 · 2023-05-18T01:48:34+00:00

Go back to the feeling you had right before you met her. I’ve been with my wife for 27 and remembering the person I was right before I met her is the thing that gives me confidence to be lonely-yet-interested.

ballzdeepinbacon · 2023-05-18T02:41:54+00:00

3 years ago, I was in a similar spot. I called old friends who picked up the phone and listened. Over and over again. I joined a men’s support group. I didn’t think I was worthy. A few years later and the separation is still going on, I’m in a much better mental space even though things are hard. And I had a welcome surprise of a new partner who is super supportive and my absolute rock in life.

jbuds1217 · 2023-05-18T03:16:52+00:00

you taking your own life will hurt them more than she ever could. if you need someone to talk to text talk to 741741 or call the national suicide hotline 988

SuspiciousMeat6696 · 2023-05-18T04:04:42+00:00

Success is the best revenge. Don't let them win.

email68 · 2023-05-18T04:43:27+00:00

Hit up divorcecare.org. Local free groups with a 9 week program for support. USA.

Data_Ninja_ · 2023-05-18T12:05:47+00:00

You said you don't have any other family. Well now you do. You have us.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-05-17T21:32:17+00:00

Then what? What happens when she gets a new boyfriend and he abuses your kids and you are not around?

Fun-Possible7676 · 2023-05-18T04:03:28+00:00

https://youtube.com/shorts/asq3DVczAvA?feature=share

Masypha · 2023-05-18T08:22:01+00:00

Hi, friend

JoeofZflow · 2023-05-18T09:27:19+00:00

Sorry for what you are going through, look around you'll find someone to support, you have this group as well and off course your kids.. I won't bluff it will be tough in the beginning, males adaptation to change has longer time span than females but you'll adapt and you will find joy in life again no doubts on that. For the time being I recommend good daily routine: jogging, walking, working out, full time job fill your time as much as you can.. in parallel read about physiological cycle for divorced men.

Good luck man

Renee9485 · 2023-05-18T10:40:59+00:00

Plenty of support out there brother. Don't fall into the fallacy of being all alone.

jkw118 · 2023-05-18T11:21:57+00:00

Their are free options, hget some help as othrrsnhave mentioned.. And your family/kids are still there.. they need you to pick yourself up and get your life back together..so you can be there as they grow older have gfs/bfs and married etc...

5unshine_Daydream · 2023-05-18T12:54:49+00:00

You can search for free online therapy and find some options. Some are with a licensed therapist and some offer spaces for peer-to-peer coaching.

jujumber · 2023-05-18T13:33:37+00:00

whatever you do, learn from my mistake and don’t try to self medicate with alcohol to feel better. It is a depressant and tricks you into thinking it helps. I just got divorced and laid off 2 weeks after.

LonelyNC123 · 2023-05-18T14:00:37+00:00

Friend, I know how tough this is. This is my 2nd marriage, the 1st was brief, right after college, no money or children to fight over. The only reason I have stayed married in this 2nd marriage is to be a good dad and because I knew I could never support two households and pay for my child to go to college. My child is about to be a Senior in college, she will finish with no student loan debt thanks to me (my spouse made no effort to plan for college or retirement, dear GOD she has made this so hard). I am not in the middle of divorce again but I am looking very, very hard at it since my one child is kind of an adult.

Anyway - things look really tough for you right now but you will get thru this. I PROMISE. Brighter days are ahead.

Even if you can't afford therapy find a Divorce Support Group. Alot of those are free (or have a minimal cost). They really help, I promise you.

And, don't fear Anti-Depressants. They are not a permanent solution but they can help for 12-24 months while you transition to the next part of your life.

Hang in there, things WILL get better, I promise.

jamesjeffriesiii · 2023-05-18T15:34:31+00:00

Ending what? Man, fuck that and fuck her. Call a helpline, take some time to yourself, take some walks in the woods and try to find some meetup groups if you can.

No one is worth unaliving yourself. Trust me, I’ve been there. This too will pass.

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-05-18T15:47:02+00:00

So many men (and sometimes women) feel this way while going through a divorce. I remember Googling "suicide methods" myself at one point. It was definitely the darkest time of my life, but now that I've gone through it, my life is so much better. I'm now with someone who actually wants to be with me, my kids enjoy spending time at my house (as much as mom tried to make me out to be the bad guy), and I learned a lot from the experience. Divorce tests the limits of who you are and I believe that, eventually, you'll be better for it. Also, your kids need their dad!!

rhett342 · 2023-05-17T20:18:23+00:00

To be honest, I've thought the same thing multiple times over the past year or so. Just havent been able to act on it yet.

oldskoolflavor · 2023-05-18T02:12:06+00:00

No bitch is worth losing your life dude. Life is a rollercoaster. Bad shit is also part of the experience.

We all know what you’re going through. It will get better. I promise. Hang in there. Is just a storm and your focus should be to endure it.

BadPsychNurse · 2023-05-18T17:03:34+00:00

There’s a lot of good advice going on here from other comments so I won’t echo it again.

I will say three things;

Completing suicide increases the risk your children will do in later life. I say this not to hijack you but help you realise the impact on a familial death. I see this on my work.

Time and occupation. Create some distance between your divorce by working on yourself through occupation or hobby. Release those endorphins.

And finally, living well is the best revenge. Show her how you’ve been able to transform yourself into something incredible and strut with big dick energy.

You goes this bro, you are stronger than you’ll know, and use this forum.

Love PsychNurse

Ever-learning271 · 2023-05-18T17:24:48+00:00

Hey…that’s what she’d like! Don’t give her the satisfaction…pick yourself up, get to the gym, walk in nature, meditate like a Ninja and succeed for yourself…YOU CAN DO THIS!! Good Luck❤️‍🩹

nimportfolio · 2023-05-18T21:44:42+00:00

Focus on becoming the kind of man that any woman would be stupid to turn down.

How? Learn how women think and what they want/need so you can give it to them on purpose.

I used Calle Zorro's program at Married and Happy .com. The book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is good too. Another whole angle is "Love and Respect." L&R is a Christian book, and it was on the NYTimes Best Seller list. It's that good. (I'm not 100% with it on its perspective on sexuality but IMO, the rest is good.) Lastly, I recommend "8 Dates" by John Gottman.

You will have high-quality women falling over themselves to get your attention. Having a choice of women lets you really think about the kind of woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with so you don't settle.

It will also push you to become the kind of high-quality man who can distinguish himself and attract this kind of woman. It will help you excel in every area of your life.

You want this. You have it in you. Every man does.

Trust the process. For me, that's the same as saying, "Trust God. "

Me: I'm courting one of the most sought-after women on social media. Because, why not? Because she matches the kind of woman I want: one who will never stop pushing me to be the best man I can be and whose spiritual values profoundly align with my own.

This is while immediately friendzoning another highly sought-after creator when she came to me wanting romance... (I don't do "plan-b women" or play the field. I have no need to because I know what I want in a woman.)

You can become this kind of man. Anyone can.

I agree with the others who are advocating for taking this a day at a time.

Each day, win one.

You've got this. If it makes sense to you, with God, you've got this!

Now go do it--one day at a time.

-Dave

Sweet_Satisfaction_5 · 2023-05-19T13:05:14+00:00

You’re not alone brother I’m going through a divorce right now too, it’s not worth ending your life I felt the same way but I thought about my son and daughter and they do not deserve that. I would be selfish if I did, as I’m giving myself time to heal everyday slowly but surely I’m starting to feel whole again

robertstone123456 · 2023-05-19T13:38:16+00:00

Brother, she is not worth it! I’ve been in your shoes much like everyone in the comments has as well. Trust, she is not worth it, your boys will need there father! If you do this, guess what? You think she cares, hell no! And it will be your boys in the long run who will end up feeling that pain.

I stopped drinking, because 1 beer led to another, then led to a shot, then another shot, and it was driving me to think these crazy thoughts.

I joined a CrossFit gym, which was one of the best choices I made.

And I found online forums with others going through the exact same thing.

It sucks at first, it really does. But you’ll come out of this even better!

I'm losing the only family I have. I can't afford therapy and don't have anyone, while she has a great family to support her. Honestly, thinking of ending it.

Comments

3 is great. I’m going to use that. I think my mistake when my ex cheated/left me was I developed a 3-yr plan. This is great in theory, but months in, I got impatient that I hadn’t seen real results, and crashed really hard.