The toxic friend

Double-Garage-1200 · 2023-09-04T15:53:03+00:00

Damn this sub is hitting home lately. The toxic friend. Walk away wife.

Sorry I don’t have much to add. But we all have this shit in common.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-09-04T14:33:35+00:00

My ex wife wanted a divorce about 2 months after she became very supportive of a friend that had began divorcing her husband. It was like she projected her friend’s marital problems on to our marriage even though we really did not have those problems.

MoNeyMillz28 · 2023-09-04T14:59:37+00:00

Misery loves company… my ex and I still chat and she finally admitted she took some bad advice from Shit friend. Thought she wasn’t happy at the time and now realizes her mistakes. Honestly it brings me no pleasure and wish would’ve been different. We all live an learn I guess!

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-09-04T14:25:02+00:00

I’m positive my wife’s friends all encouraged her to divorce me

upvotersfortruth · 2023-09-04T15:08:34+00:00

No divorced woman will ever encourage a married woman to fix her relationship.

justsomedude1111 · 2023-09-04T15:20:25+00:00

I'll put it this way: I had never in all my days heard the term "ex-best friend" until I met my stbx. My experience is that she finds other women with whom she can trauma dump back and forth with until they stop talking over something catty. Then she moves on to someone else. The really funny part is she always wants to "get my advice" on why the other woman is being such a bitch. And I just continually quote Eleanor Roosevelt: "Small minded people talk about people. Mediocre minds discuss the news. Great minds talk about ideas." And I exit the conversation.

Round-Ad-6667 · 2023-09-04T15:24:39+00:00

Ahh the third wheel friend of a women's in a marriage, my ex wife had a friend like this, I thought it was a great idea for her to be with friends and become more and more at this women's and her husbands house, on our anniversary she came home and never said a word or even after I gave her a gift and a card, wasn't until midnight that night she told me that her friend had helped her see that she wasn't in love anymore with me, even though we didn't have any problems at the time, few months after this I learned she had been sleeping with a coworker and in which was the friends husbands brother, she failed to mention many times that he was there when they had their discussions. Found out that her friend had helped her stop loving me and starting loving another man just because of how her friend thought it would be so cool to see them together. So I absolutely see this being true.

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2023-09-04T16:43:09+00:00

Had this happen to me somewhat about 4 to 5 years ago.

Wife had a coworker who was recently divorced. She kept mentioning how the coworker was "independent", got to keep the kids, and received child support. Also remember how her electricity was cutoff for non-payment and had to stay with us for a week while that got sorted out. A few months later, wife asked me to move out while she "thinks things over" and consulted with an attorney because she "wants to know her options." I told her to put up or shut up. Ultimately, things quieted down but were never the same.

Fast forward to now, I filed.

Once it starts, it's almost impossible to get back.

Frosty-Panda-3131 · 2023-09-04T19:14:06+00:00

Yeah, my wife's college roommate moved to town in January. Story was she escaped an abusive narcissistic husband. My wife rallied to her friend to help her and support her. She started acting like she was back in college, and her friend led the way. Asked for an open marriage and just went off the deep end .Now it's September. I served her with divorce papers, and all of a sudden, I existed again, and she just lost herself. Sadly, she also lost me in the process.

jimsmythee · 2023-09-04T16:40:39+00:00

My exwife, while we were married, poisoned her BFF on her husband. Caused their marriage to falter, with statements like, “I don’t work, you shouldn’t have to work either.” And they started trading pills. Stuff like that.

They even got matching tattoos.

They’re not friends anymore…

HereinPA1 · 2023-09-04T17:38:56+00:00

Jesus, this one hits home. Mine has a group of 4-5 divorced friends and I can only imagine how many times they encouraged her to talk with me about how she was feeling instead of just them. My guess is zero.

She went on a girls weekend in April to visit one of said friends and my stbxw came back different. Two months later she dropped the bomb on me. She was kind enough to wait until after my son’s graduation and the thousands of dollars I spent on the food, party and gifts.

She’s out living her best life now and I’m here picking up the pieces.

Pinnerforever · 2023-09-04T18:54:31+00:00

It took my ex-wife's bestie two and a half years to turn her against me and become a cheating whore.

Alatornio · 2023-09-04T19:36:43+00:00

Also on the flip side.... my ex wife is now the toxic friend to these other families.

I can see her causing shit.

The last conversation I had with my ex revolved around her friends relationship not looking good... and she went over to "help"

Godspeed man.... you are doomed.

sixtysixpixistix · 2023-09-04T20:23:35+00:00

My wife had several such friends. They certainly did influence her behavior. It doesn't matter, though. I no longer have interest in anyone so tempted by Dumb and Dumber.

Flapique · 2023-09-04T16:57:48+00:00

Yep, as I've seen my soon to be ex-wife have more and more divorced friends the more and more she seem to like the idea. And of course they're all lying and seeing that they're living their best single lives. And I think she's already figured out 6 months into our separation that they all lied to her. Unfortunately she put a bogus OOP on me. Freaking tried to take full custody of the kids 6k a month. Alimony keep the house. Oh and by the way I've been dealing with chronic health issues that don't even allow me to sleep regularly for the last 5 years... I'm finally getting better but only because of a recent operation I just had last month. Once I'm all healed up I'm going to live in the gym and that's where I'm going to find all my real estate clients and b****** I'm going to bang.

Rollercoaster72 · 2023-09-04T17:14:04+00:00

My stbxw joined a pilatus sports group for 5 years with women ony, 50% was divorce now it's 70%. They also hanged out with eachother after sports.. They always came to gratulate her to her birthday but never came in. I heard all the bs stories over the years and I afraid from the start that this would turn out bad. On her lists of things she wanted to do when she would move out was: meeting friends at her new place.

I said well that's something you can do any day here too... yeah but you don't like them she said. Well they never were here... she knew if they would start to tell bs stories I would tell them that...

The trainer of the group had her divorce as the first ofc. Stories I heard about her ex were like he was a monster. I knew his parents are rich but he didn't get any of that big money. So I asked why did they marry at all? How did they came together. My stbxw didn't knew and asked. Came to me one day and told me how they got together: his name was Mario and it remembered her to one of her youth loves. My stbxw found this a resonable reason. I asked her do you believe that? Do you really think she maried him bc of his name? Yeah sure. I mean why not Mario from 2 blocks away or the Mario from the pizzastore? She didn't get it. She didn't get that this is a bs story... (the guy helped her out when she was in her mid twenties, cause she studied dancing and ofc didn't got a job. She got pregnant twice and made sure her ex helped her out to start a sports school/group. As soon as this was done she dumped him. )

Our marriage wasn't great at the end but it would have been possible to fix things after being through a lot over the last 25 years... but I am 100% sure these women gave her the trigger to pull it off and believe the way they live is much better.

In the begining of the end we tried to fix things, but the only story she got from them was: we are very sceptical.

pk2at · 2023-09-04T17:45:07+00:00

I would say toxic friends circle of same age group. Married women keep complaining about husbands and marriage in these groups and divorced women say that separation was the best thing that happened and they are now 'liberated'. There is rarely any older, wiser lady in those groups to talk sense

AffectionateAd6060 · 2023-09-04T17:48:41+00:00

Some people put a lot of stock in friends, I have like two really close friends and that's it (no enemies but not many friends). 100 percent once you have children neither party should be investing a ton of time and vacations with any group of friends except maybe once a year, it is a massive red flag if she would rather travel to Napa valley than dig her toes in the sand while junior builds sand castles. Her friends are NOT your friends, they do NOT give a shit about your family dynamic. When my mother passed away, (who had mass quantities of friends) her friends were not there, her family was.

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-09-04T18:05:16+00:00

My ex wife friend influenced my ex to cheat on me utterly destroying our marriage my ex was somewhat remorseful I didn't care at that point it was over with us someone you don't see every day that can change 12 years of marriage I don't blame the friend 100% bc the ex played a role in it's demise also so I would say 50/50

Throwaway19891953 · 2023-09-04T20:16:35+00:00

Similar here also. Fucking crazy how we all have the same experiences. STBXW's best friend had been complaining about her guy for a good year to us. Shirtly after our separation (she cheated with her boss, gas lit me, trickle truth, the whole common shebang), her best friend also dunped her own guy. Almost certain they planned on doing it together. Funny enough her friend got back together with her hubby and my wife's AP dumped her. I'd enjoy the karma if my kids weren't suffering so much....

Significant_Invite48 · 2023-09-04T15:16:12+00:00

It was the same with my STBXW (48f) she started hanging out with several of her single divorced friends going on girls weekends partying started doing 420 edibles. I didn't have a clue till April fools day. I came home from work and she said that she wanted a divorce didn't want to do marriage counseling. She said that her mind was made up. She told me a month before our son graduated. She Ruined his graduation party. She moved out a week later and it's just me and my son living in the house. She moved in with her niece (26f) acting like she's 20 something blew through $40000.00 in 2 months and didn't even file for divorce. I ended up filing on her. Now her niece wants her out and she tried to move back in. My STBXW and her father showed up unannounced and I had changed the locks her and her father called the sheriff and the sheriff's told her to beat a path. So then she filed for exclusive use of the house and lost pissed the judge off and he said that she is not allowed on the property without permission from the judge and me. Final hearing is set for October 19th now the judge fast tracked it since she wouldn't agree to anything reasonable. This Walkaway wife thing is for real she had been planning this for several years. I knew she wasn't depositing her milage checks from work into the joint account for years. I knew it but it wasn't worth arguing with her about it. You can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl.

letsgettserious · 2023-09-04T20:58:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Ever-learning271 · 2023-09-04T17:47:44+00:00

They can encourage all they want but it is up to your wife in the end if she betrays you; her doing, no one else: remember that! Good Luck❤️‍🩹

redditrock56 · 2023-09-04T19:02:57+00:00

I'll have to quote myself:

"redditrock5625 points ·3 months ago

I'll always remember what an older guy at work told me: When a woman gets divorced, watch how many of her friends do the same soon after.

He told of one woman he knew.

She got divorced, she told all of her friends how liberating and awesome it was to be free again, and sure enough, every one of her friends was divorced within a few years."

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/147t7a3/if_your_getting_married_in_the_us_remember_these/

Thebadmamajama · 2023-09-04T20:11:13+00:00

This is the way of the world. Toxic friends who feel lonely making a decision on their own, then encourage their friends to follow along (come on in, the water's warm!). They can regret life decisions later, but the damage is done.

The only defense is to move on, and not let it affect you long term as you become your own person again. If they made the decision for shitty a reason, you can't change that. But you can choose to have pity for them, and focus on being the best you with our them.

yes2matt · 2023-09-04T20:39:37+00:00

Eww. I have suspected this too.

"Keep your enemies closer" is the only strategy I can imagine might have worked in my situation but honestly I don't think I have the psychology/duplicity to pull that off.

I did watch my wife distance herself from the set of friends who would have/did encourage her to work it out. She chose the rabble.

Hurts, though, makes me angry. I trust God with it, whether he chooses or not to avenge me it will be the right choice. I have to keep my nose in my own business, my hands on the plow. Best for everyone.

Spudlink9 · 2023-09-05T02:05:50+00:00

Dude this is exactly how my situation is going down. Wife stopped hanging with all her nice married friends about 6-8 months ago and all the sudden all the friends were divorced barflys. It went straight downhill.

Is0prene · 2023-09-05T02:32:18+00:00

This was my life. I worked graveyard shift at a hospital. She was stay at home wife. We unfortunately didn't have a master bathroom so if I had to pee during the day while I was sleeping I would have to creep to the bathroom. Almost every single time I did this one of her friends was over and 50% of the time they were in the middle of bitching about me. I was so pathetic I simply snuck back into my room and pretended I didn't hear anything because I didn't want to start a fight and I was afraid she would leave me. When we got divorced my family was shocked because they had no idea anything was wrong because I was a good husband that never trash talked about my wife ever period.

To all you men out there, if your stay at home wife is having company over while you are at work there is a 100% possibility they are shitting on you while you are slaving away providing them food clothing shelter and a comfortable way of life.

letsgettserious · 2023-09-05T03:54:15+00:00

This is so incredibly common, I'm surprised there's no official name for it yet

antREDcoe · 2023-09-04T22:21:17+00:00

Again, so many similar stories. Her “friend” would encourage her to abuse me, to go out 4/5 nights a week, to cheat and what’s worst, she is right now influencing her to alienate the kids and she’s influencing the kids directly. It is heartbreaking and it seems there is nothing I can do about it.

DocHolliday80 · 2023-09-04T22:43:08+00:00

My ex shared an office with a woman who is the ex of a friend of mine, and who rants about him all the time. Things started going really down hill when she started working with this woman.

On the bright side, this friend of mine is who makes an effort to take me out for drinks when I get in hermit mode.

Saulzy · 2023-09-05T03:21:19+00:00

Single women keep women single.

captainchippsixx · 2023-09-04T20:02:25+00:00

It’s common for most women to do this all the time, even before marriage!

So when you date after marriage, if your date uses those words, you have to wonder if it’s the truth.

life-is-short- · 2023-09-05T00:22:21+00:00

My ex had such friend and she was the best friend. When I started to see some red flags I told my ex that I do not like her friend. Guess what she said that this is because I want to sleep with her friend 😃. Fast forward she can leave same life style by changing guys whenever she wants.

dkblue1 · 2023-09-05T15:15:11+00:00

I witnessed my own mother do this when I was a teenager with 2 of her friends. She would try to convince them how wonderful it was to be divorced. On one occasion my mother was having lunch with her friend and brought me along. My mother told me to tell her friend how good life is without my father.

Both of them really considered divorce because they were going through a rough patch in their marriages. My mom coaxed them to go to the clubs/bars with her to flirt with other men and cheat.

One friend's husband had a heart attack and died not long after and left a substantial amount of life insurance. So, good thing she didn't divorce.

The other friend got scared and decided to stay with her husband. She is still married and better off not being divorced although she isn't really in love with her husband. She just likes his money and now retirement income.

My mother is not too happy in her retirement and sometimes expresses regret at being divorced.

I have a childhood female friend who isn't always happy with her marriage. I know her well enough to see it. Guess who she keeps in contact with more between my ex and I: my ex wife. And I know why. She's watching my ex wife's life post divorce and wondering if she should do the same.

sixpack7506 · 2023-09-07T22:07:20+00:00

My Ex met her’s at the gym… this chic left her husband for some gym rat… Ex and her started hanging out alot after their morning workouts…next thing you know I’m getting the ILUBINILWU speech and she’s banging a Ted Nugent wannabe with worse talent… (I know that doesn’t sound believable) Misery loves company.

Old_Payment_4335 · 2023-09-04T17:28:24+00:00

Hunkaflesh13 · 2023-09-05T01:18:07+00:00

Can confirm that certain types of friends will certainly destroy a marriage. My stbxw went through many friends over the years, besties then enemies, and on to new besties. Heres my twist: stbxw suddenly decides to be best friends with someone who, she had been telling me just months before, was someone who treated her badly all her life, long history of neglect and abuse. Was a big part, maybe even start, of the problems in her life. They suddenly reconciled, began talking all the time, got tattoos together (breaking the promise that we would do that). Her now best friend became that voice in her ear, telling her about how bad I was, introduced her to the " narcissist" term that we all know. Her own mother, who was like you, nice to my face, until I snapped one night and called her out for her controlling behavior. The boom, Talk about out of nowhere, I was the enemy. I have/had my faults, but the accusations these two women made up against me were insane. Guess who actually displays traits of narcissism?

I say all that just to add another voice that says you are not alone. I have no idea how to root them out, especially if they can even show up in family. Just gotta be vigilant and learn from this I guess.

FuriousSasquatch · 2023-09-05T15:06:29+00:00

Toxic coworkers who she considers friends as well as a family that is full of single mothers. Recipe for disaster fellas. Only a matter of time before it gets turned on you.

ThrowAwayAccount__0 · 2023-09-06T13:15:49+00:00

I straight up tell her that her friends are jealous that they don't have what we have. And why they are doing it and why I don't like them.

I'm extremely blunt and honest.

A lot of these issues are like us raising kids. Imagine your kid likes to walk on the curb next to the street. Are you going to just say, "I don't like that?"

No, you drill it into them exactly why and what can happen.

As a man, be the fucking leader. Do the same. Tell her why she can't just have friends because they're "fun" or whatever. Tell her why it's stupid. Tell her what can happen. Tell her you're not standing for it.

You choose to let her hang with shit friends. And then when she brings that energy I to the house, tell her it's because of the friend you td her you hate.

Put the blame on her and hold her to it. What's she gonna do? Get emotional? At the end of the day you can either convince her to own her shit or she'll run you ragged.

ivereadabookor2 · 2023-09-09T05:30:09+00:00

My ex has a friend like that who emotionally abused her husband, cheated on him and took everything in the divorce. That said I done my share of shit and can’t write off my marriage ending because of her toxic friend. I feel like my ex would have pushed for divorce with or without her friends “advice.”

Title	The toxic friend
Author	gudachi
Upvotes	62
Comments	92
Date	September 4, 2023 2:20 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/169t9mk/the_toxic_friend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-toxic-friend.1231241 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231241

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