Are relationship worth it?

krackedy · 2024-01-30T00:02:10+00:00

I like the companionship I get from a relationship. I like the kissing/cuddling/etc. I like knowing I'm always coming home to her. I like having the support through rough times. I like that our combined finances let us buy a house, travel, etc. I like having someone to share all the mundane life shit with.

MyLastBestChance · 2024-01-30T00:02:46+00:00

If you don’t value being part of someone’s priority list, exclusivity/monogamy, building trust and intimacy, having a partner etc., limiting yourself to those who want a FWB arrangement, never feeling that someone is committed to you, then don’t do it.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-01-30T00:16:02+00:00

Relationships are worth it if you value what they can give you. If you like stability, if you'd prefer having one serious partner rather than several partners who aren't exclusive with you, and if the idea of having consistent support in the form of your partner are all things that appeal to you, then relationships are great. Not every partner will give you those things, some relationships suck ass but in general, a good partner should be/offer those things. If you're more adventurous, you don't want to be tied down by commitment, and if you value the sexual variety that not being in a monogamous relationship offers, then it might not be worth it for you. Relationships require compromise and to sometimes put the other person's needs above your own, not everyone wants to deal with that.

Not a dude, but those were my 2 cents.

Windmill_flowers · 2024-01-30T02:55:45+00:00

Why should YOU get to be single, childless, and free?

The rest of us are drowning in responsibilities we will never escape from.

Kids, bills, taxes, arguments, drama, resentment, alimony, debt...

wistfully reminiscing about childhood when things were different...

No - Tie yourself down to another miserable adult on their way to their deathbed.

Last spouse alive dies alone

Life is suffering. Join us.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-01-30T00:52:12+00:00

Relationships are great. You have a best friend you do all kinds of things together. Even sex stuff! Not even when you aren’t doing those things you have someone that you just like being around. All the time.

mcove97 · 2024-01-30T00:23:39+00:00

Depends. Imo it's usually too much work. I prefer the more laid back type of relationship where there isn't a lot of pressure or responsibility.

Currently dating a guy, and agreed to be his girlfriend cause why not I like the dude but I wouldn't mind if I wasn't. However if he starts expecting lots of stuff from me he'll be demoted to FWB situation again. I don't really have the time or energy to be in a demanding relationship.

I just work too much, and sleep too much, to have any time or energy to go on dates regularly. Like my days are usually work until 5pm, go home, shower, make dinner and all by 7 pm, by which point I'm exhausted. I then nap or sleep for 2-3 hours until 10-11pm because I'm dead, at which point it's kinda late to leave the house to go on a date when I have work the next morning. It's currently 1am and I finally recovered after work 8 hours later...

Don't really get how people who work full time have the energy to date or even have a hobby. I'm either busy working or busy being extremely exhausted. My sex drive all but died after I started working full time due to constant exhaustion.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-01-30T00:40:36+00:00

The general importance of marriage are things like:

Right to see your spouse in the hospital.
Right over your spouse's last wills.
Right to your spouse's children.

And other things of the sort. Generally, marriage is you telling the law that you and this person are choosing to combine your lives, and the law recognizing you two having a joint life (for this part of life, anyway). Hence why the gay community was so desperate for it.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-01-30T00:03:20+00:00

It’s definitely possible men can get what they want in just a FWB relationship but how many women are willing to put up with that? Some will sure but most men can’t get any form of relationship let alone access to no strings attached sex. So even if most men are happy with a FWB relationship most will never have the opportunity for one. They will have to give a woman what she wants or else he gets nothing.

Safinated · 2024-01-30T00:15:21+00:00

Why can’t you, an adult human with free will, decide that for yourself ?

Why do we have to sell relationships to you?

Zabadoodude · 2024-01-30T00:38:48+00:00

A good relationship is worth it. A bad one probably isn't.

I've had fwb's before. It was fun but it wasnt nearly the same level of intimacy you can experience in a relationship. I like coming home to a woman that truly loves me. I like that I have her all to myself and don't have to share her with other men. I enjoy spending time with her so its not a burden that she she's around more.

On a more practical note. As a man you can usually find a higher quality woman for a relationship than a fwb. There are more men looking for that arrangement then women, so you will have more competition.

wtknight · 2024-01-30T00:58:44+00:00

People in FWB relationships aren't in love with each other, as they are just "friends". That's the biggest difference between an actual relationship and an FWB situation. I'd rather be in love than just have sex with a friend.

harmonica2 · 2024-01-30T00:20:51+00:00

I'm in a relationship and I get a lot of benefits out of it, unless I am being ripped off likely, and not seeing it? The problem with FWB situations is that women usually want to move on after a few times, and it's just not as fulfilling as having a long term committed partner.

Hot-Law2682 · 2024-01-30T00:45:53+00:00

Based on the most comprehensive studies of human behavior yes.

One of the largest studies on happiness showed that close relationships, not money or fame, are the biggest predictors of lifetime happiness.

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/

Its not just that happy people with good mental health are the ones forming relationships. It has been proven that relationships are more of a causal predictor for mental health than mental health is for relationships. Improving your mental health does not effect relationship quality, but being in a good relationship does wonders for your mental health.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2352250X16300252

So generally its worth it.

AceOfSpadesGymBro5 · 2024-01-30T00:31:00+00:00

You can do whatever you want.

YasuotheChosenOne · 2024-01-30T00:48:29+00:00

FWB are better if you’re “that guy” but LTRs are the way for the majority of men.

FWB guy has the options and choices to freely fuckzone women and could easily fall into in LTR if he wanted. A lot of women in FWB are just hoping dude decides to LTR her so it’s a pretty kush position to be in as a dude.

LTRs responsibilities/expectations multiply significantly. If you were never the FWB guy, then LTRs are almost always a heavy compromise on the dudes part, and she’ll know it. If you aren’t attractive enough to get FWBs then you should probably work on that before worrying about LTRs as a man imo. LTRs are a lot more painful if you have minimal capacity to attract women or incite dread.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2024-01-30T00:45:43+00:00

Depends on the relationship and the person. Some men do want emotional connection, affection, a partner in life, a woman who motivates him to work hard and be a better man - which are all things that are possible in a good LTR. Other men just want the physical part of the relationship which they can get from a FWB. Most high-value women wouldn't settle for being FWB so men who desire a woman like this are better off committing to LTR with her. The women in FWB situations are usually not wifey material which is fine bc they're not being wifed up in that situation anyways.

gntlbastard · 2024-01-30T00:49:53+00:00

I quit looking for a relationship when I was 27. At 37, I don't regret that choice and I certainly don't think I missed out on anything. Relationships are compromise, endless compromise of putting up with your partners shit. Life is too short to keep compromising of the things you want to do. So yea, fuck buddy and enjoy your life. Take the added precaution of getting a vasectomy and you are golden. Last thing you want is for a bitch to baby trap you.

johnnybayarea · 2024-01-30T01:09:35+00:00

I enjoy reminiscing about adventures and good times had. With a LTR, that person is always there, through the ups and down...they are supposed to be there for you. You may have friends that you act a certain way around, but you are around that LTR too much for you to fake it that long, so they generally accept you for who you really are.

Until I got married I found it a waste since all these memories I was making with other gfs were all just temporary as we'd eventually move on....sorta saw it as time wasted.

FWB sounds good on the surface lvl, at least for physical interaction. Rarely will you get a deeper connection and rarely will a considerable amount of time. FWB generally don't hook up multiple times a week...so unless you have enough gam/resources to maintain a harem its not even the same as a solid LTR.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-01-30T01:10:29+00:00

The only applicable question is “are relationships worth it to YOU?” It’s a very personal thing. If they’re not worth it to you, then don’t have one and don’t ask people to change your mind. If they’re worth it to other people, then no need to question their choice either.

McTitty3000 · 2024-01-30T03:20:46+00:00

The best relationships are basically enhanced friends with benefits

ta06012022 · 2024-01-30T05:15:18+00:00

For me it’s 100% worth it. As a man who’s had a lot of casual sex and some relationships along the way, I would 100% prefer a relationship at this point. Might have been different when younger, but over the long run relationships win.

TonytheNetworker · 2024-01-30T08:42:14+00:00

(Many) guys can easily get by with sex alone for a long while. You can still cuddle, hold hands, and be physically intimate with friends with benefits. The main caveat is that most guys aren’t sexually desirable enough to women to just have sex.

On the other hand I do think many guys crave relationships as they want something more significant, want to create a family, deeper emotional connection, that kind of stuff. Generally speaking I don’t think guys care much about the burden of responsibility because of the chronic loneliness they feel most of their life.

HTML_Novice · 2024-01-30T00:07:51+00:00

IME and opinion, relationships are only worth it to have someone to have consistent, no condom, std free sex with on a consistent basis. Other than that, the price for them is too high compared to the reward as a man

EulenWatcher · 2024-01-30T00:00:31+00:00

Not a man, but as it's tagged as debate, I'm going to reply anyway.

It depends entirely on you and a person you're dating. Some people are great LTR partners, some are better left alone or their company can be enjoyed only for short period of times without any commitment or long-term plans.

If you aren't interested in an LTR and/or you don't think you can find and keep a good partner, you probably should stick to casual encounters.

Unique-Ad1830 · 2024-05-28T03:03:47+00:00

If you are a grown adult who needs their hand held when the lights go out, I suppose you'd love a relationship. I can't say relationships are worth it. You can have good times here and there. But there is a lot of unnecessary stress that comes with it. If you are a man, being in a relationship will put you in great legal exposure when you break up. Also, a man will not become the very best version of themselves in a permanent relationship holding him back. Remember most relationships end, and half of all marriages end in divorce with women filing first 70% of the time.

no_usernameeeeeee · 2024-01-30T00:34:45+00:00

I think some men actually want a romantic partner and not just sex. They want love, affection, to live life with someone by their side, companionship & the emotional/physical intimacy of a romantic partner.

I think maybe men who haven’t had the chance to explore sexuality the way they’ve wanted to may seek FWB relationships or casual fling more but even players get tired and eventually find value in having a partner - even without necessarily wanting kids.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-01-30T02:26:14+00:00

There's really no benefits of a LTR that you can't substitute with a prostitute and surrogacy.

AutoModerator · 2024-01-29T23:55:10+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-01-29T23:55:11+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2024-01-30T00:11:32+00:00

Good ones seem worth it. The multiple relationships you will have to go through to get your life partner though seem to be tough. Most people don’t get lucky and find their life partner right away.

Scarce12 · 2024-01-30T00:13:17+00:00

This only comes about because "casual sex", "situationships", "FWBs" aren't classed as relationships and are thus more sexy.

And it's the Madonna-Whore dichotomy, yet again, but it is represented in women, so there's no railing against the patriachy available, so they just dissing Freud or say it's old and thus conservative views and use that as avenue to rail against the patriarchy.

I think relationships are still worth it, but be prepared to confront them and vet them about their views on sex and relationships.

AngeCruelle · 2024-01-30T00:17:27+00:00

For men who are religious and do not believe in having sex/children out of wedlock, yes. For secular men, eh.

Butterfly_2311 · 2024-01-30T00:40:34+00:00

It's worth it if you're a personality type that cannot compromise on expecting the other person to be 'faithful' to you. It's an emotional need many people seem to have.

LadyLazarus2021 · 2024-01-30T01:08:54+00:00

What is the added cost of a LTR (unless the LTR = marriage) versus a FWB?

KayRay1994 · 2024-01-30T01:10:33+00:00

i mean…. what kind of “responsibility allocation” would you want to “incentivize commitment” in a relationship? lol

the answer to this is not nearly as mechanical and business-ee as you think. If you both have feelings for each other and are at a place where you’re ready for a relationship, then yes, it is worth it - in any other scenario, it isn’t. Simple as that.

maam9243 · 2024-01-30T01:16:37+00:00

The title of this post is triggering my inner grammar nazi, so based on that and other anecdotal experiences, I am going to say no.

ShelterNo2786 · 2024-01-30T01:16:39+00:00

Honestly, I was going to make this post, it doesn't really seem worth it for an average man.

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2024-01-30T01:44:33+00:00

No. Life is pretty easy without them in fact

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-01-30T02:05:49+00:00

It depends on what one wants and prioritizes. For some, the loss of freedom in a relationship is worth it because of the benefits. Others want the other side of the bargain.

CryptoThroway8205 · 2024-01-30T03:09:50+00:00

How much would you pay for a subscription for a gf? For a rental girlfriend? Cuz it sounds like you're not interested in kids or marriage.

There's a time cost too to relationships. It's up to you to determine if that's worth it. A lot of people, men and women, are not looking because they don't think it's worth the effort or are too busy at any time.

Planthoe30 · 2024-01-30T04:30:55+00:00

Isn’t having sex when you don’t want kids more risky when you are doing it more casually? Also aren’t men upset about what hook up culture has done to the dating market?

If you don’t want kids it’s seems like the best solution would actually just to be to find someone who also doesn’t want kids.. Who has a career..

ihih_reddit · 2024-01-30T05:04:04+00:00

For me personally it isn't worth it. I don't want children and therefore don't see the need to get married and so I don't date

SnooSongs8797 · 2024-01-30T05:58:34+00:00

Relationships are great (when you can fucking get in one)

throwaway164_3 · 2024-01-30T06:20:39+00:00

If the sex is good yeah

tadL · 2024-01-30T07:15:42+00:00

Yes they are with the right one.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-01-30T07:16:39+00:00

What are the advantages and disadvantages of relationships that you see of relationships then? It's hard to engage with you if you're being vague about what's bothering you. (And to be clear, it is you specifically. Unless you believe everyone except you is stupid, they won't en masse be doing something where the costs outweigh the benefits.)

SeveralAcorns · 2024-01-30T08:12:19+00:00

Like, if at this moment a man doesn't wish to start a family,

I don't see the benefits of a LTR (long term relationship ) over an FWB situation (friend with benefits).

Have you been in both kinds of relationship?

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-01-30T08:21:41+00:00

What I currently see around me in Australia is a lot of young people who aren't into marriage and having kids but do the LTR thing basically to save money by sharing costs especially rent. It's especially common in rooming houses. For example one room with a double bed is $200 a week for one person or $300 a week for two. So people just talk to the landlord then move in together, save $50 a week each, also do a lot of making shared meals, sharing of various stuff like online entertainment, computers, games, air fryers, ubers to go out etc...fuck a whole lot for free entertainment...and if they eventually break up it's no real fuss or bother, one of them finds another rooming house.

Substantial_Video560 · 2024-01-30T09:07:31+00:00

Never been in one so I can't really comment but I will say I don't see much interest in being in one. Different strokes.

Electrical-Beat-2232 · 2024-01-30T09:48:54+00:00

If you are too shallow to committ to another person and be loved deeply and wholly in return, dont do it. Dont subject a poor women to being in a romantic relationship with you

aimee-wan-kenobi · 2024-01-30T11:23:39+00:00

Well, then only date with intention.

Don’t date until you are ready to get married and know what you want.

If you know you ONLY want to date and have casual romance, be UPFRONT.

It’s really no that complicated.

47sams · 2024-01-30T15:10:43+00:00

Yes. Never let anyone tell you having a significant other is something that isn’t worth the hassle.

Agile-Explanation263 · 2024-01-30T22:36:54+00:00

No. They will leave when they find better and you are lacking in some department. Being attractive will get you more chances, or them reminiscing about you when thier new partner comes up short because now more than ever relationships are centered in comparrison because of social media. Before it was just your social circle, your parents and the past, now you have to compete with hundreds of people

2024-01-31T02:57:12+00:00

I actually agree with this statement. Nowadays FWB you get more than a lot of men in relationships. I’ve had FWB cook for me and buy me shit

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-01-31T05:11:00+00:00

They are totally worth it

2024-01-31T20:11:58+00:00

My current relationship is the first one where all of the boxes are checked and is more than worth it and one of the best facets of my life.

To be totally honest every other relationship by and large wasn’t worth it. I think hopping to commitment is unwise in general and there’s nothing wrong with actually making sure this person is worth committing to.

2024-02-01T08:15:54+00:00

An ally in life and children make LTR's infinitely better than any FWB.

Cherish_Lifee · 2024-02-04T23:37:20+00:00

Depends on what kind of man you are certain guys get relationships with a certain woman while putting 0 effort and getting some benefits out of it.

Another guy is going to have a relationship with the same woman but has to put in 2000 times the effort while getting half the benefit.

Every guy has to compete and at the end of the day make the decision if the troubles are worth it.

Title	Are relationship worth it?
Author	Otherwise_Possible2
Upvotes	19
Comments	121
Date	January 29, 2024 11:55 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1aea7ng/are_relationship_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-relationship-worth-it.1244122 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244122

Comments