Why do we seem so rare?

TheWormTurns22 · 2024-04-19T15:29:30+00:00

It's more like 54% on it's way to 60%. Also, note the percentages by demographics, more and more "gray divorces" are happening. Marriage, dating, pregnancy rates are all cratering, so much so even the squares are talking about it. 4.9 out of 1,000 men are marrying now! Lowest it's ever been since time began. All these happy married people you see will be joining your status soon enough; some may just be playing at it even now when you see them. No way to tell.

yes2matt · 2024-04-17T11:49:31+00:00

Couple things you can do about it:

Check your idea of "happy couple", betcha half of those need help.

More importantly, whatever you're talking about "stuck a cycle" make of very high priority to address, and start doing something about it. Your health and vitality matters, really only you can defend and build it, you can get help and make changes. One change at a time but "happiness " is absolutely not constrained to intact marriage/ whole family.

Really for your own sake, but also for the sake of your kids, take care of your business they need to have a dad who rises up.

beezo123 · 2024-04-16T19:57:52+00:00

If I brought my current flings to a birthday party I would have a lot better time. My wife was an anxious stuck up overly political judgmental close minded feminist weak asexual downer. You would have probably looked at me when I was still with my wife at a birthday party like I was happy. The truth is most men are hiding any sort of dissatisfaction because the wife will fuck their shit up if they show how they really feel.

intherapy007 · 2024-04-16T16:06:36+00:00

I took my three boys to an indoor water park resort over spring break. I filed a couple of weeks before that. It was an awesome trip! It was just me and my three boys. I didn't have the stress of knowing an argument could erupt at any given moment. I finally felt relaxed and in the moment with my kids. I started noticing the adults around the water park. 95% of them just looked dead inside. They looked miserable. They looked how I felt for the last 10 years. It gave me a little bit of hope that as much as this sucks, just seeing how much of a better place I'm in now, it'll hopefully be worth it. I didn't want the divorce. She begged for it. A month later when I found out about the affair, I granted her wish. It's been the worst experience of my life. But I'm hoping to come out on the other side as a better father and a better person.

Ok_Cauliflower6211 · 2024-04-16T04:36:59+00:00

Bruh….don’t take this the wrong way. But statistics are statistics for a reason. The “Happy couples with kids” you see today are most likely, in some stage or another, tomorrow’s other 50%. Just sayin….. it’s a cancer in america. It has broken and ruined so much. And in true american fashion, we are leading the world in it. It’s time for a change. One of the best things you can do for your psyche and for yourself esteem at this stage is to discover your purpose, and to know that you are making a difference. Dedicate yourself to that, and you will find that life gets easier. Reach out to me on PM anytime. Happy to talk to you about it.

Ok_Perception_1836 · 2024-04-15T18:43:58+00:00

The ex moved on because women don't love the way we do. They are utilitarians. We are objects to them. Pokemon to enslave and fight their battles, and be discarded when they're through with us.

CoderJoe1 · 2024-04-15T18:12:33+00:00

Would they invite many divorced dads to a kid's party? I imagine some dads may simply drop off their kids and pick them up later.

As for the happy couples, it's only polite to pretend everything's fine when out in public, even if they aren't all that happy in their relationship.

pk2at · 2024-04-15T16:43:57+00:00

Going to a birthday party is good for few. Many men go into a shell and don't interact with anyone after divorce

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2024-04-15T14:42:32+00:00

They may seem happy at the birthday party. But you don’t know what goes on behind the scenes when those couples are not in public.

My ex and I were masters of portraying ourselves as the perfect couple in public.

fishingforthought · 2024-04-15T13:25:22+00:00

Your emotions are taking over. You should seek help in grief counseling. What you are observing in gathering is what people want you to see. Might not be what is really happening in private.

NilEntity · 2024-04-15T04:28:53+00:00

Same here, in my daughter's friend group, I know of only one other child that has divorced/separated parents, and that only relatively recently (the kid entering the 'friend group', not divorce of his parents, that happened 3+ years ago). Not all marriages get divorced at the same/within a few years. Very likely some of those parents will divorce in the future and still fit the statistic then, even if they don't right now.

But yeah, being the only "single dad" when everyone else is coupled up (including the ex, but afaik she tries to hide her bf from that group of people, because he's the reason she nuked our marriage, kinda looks bad ...) kinda sucks. I kind of want more divorced parents to talk to, but I wouldn't wish it on any of them.

ABBucsfan · 2024-04-15T04:27:16+00:00

Weird anytime I go to a kids bday party it's only ever one parent with them here. I remember even seeing one of the dads after we dropped our kids off at school and knowing my situation he opened up how he had a tough period where he really had to set his wife straight and be was on the verge of leaving. Threw me for a loop cause I'd only ever briefly talked to him like a couple times briefly at bdays (often be like see ya at next one because several parties with same classmates)

Significant_Idea_663 · 2024-04-15T02:23:53+00:00

OP is hilarious. AngryUpvote

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-15T01:55:45+00:00

Only 15% of married couples are actually "happy".

wjficap · 2024-04-15T01:38:14+00:00

its like after you buy a prius then you realize everyone on the road is driving one

IceDue123 · 2024-04-15T01:32:04+00:00

You don’t know from the outside what is going on so don’t compare you situations. I was jealous of my friends and their spouses because they took trips to Hawaii, Las Vegas and Europe, Two years later they are all divorced.

Plus a bunch of my friends were envious of me after I got divorced.

67Luck · 2024-04-15T00:42:21+00:00

Don’t compare yourself (feeling rare) to others situations. They may only appear happy.

Give it all and yourself some time to adjust. After awhile, listening to some of the married guys- you might feel very fortunate that you’re no longer one of them.

Reflog1791 · 2024-04-14T23:37:51+00:00

If you saw me, my gf, and my kid at the party, you would have no idea I am divorced. Recently divorced dads are a small percentage of the population. They get girlfriends and sometimes have more kids.

slow-motion-pearls · 2024-04-14T23:28:39+00:00

I can’t stand being around them either. I’ve dropped a couple married friends due to this.

Accomplished_Gene176 · 2024-04-14T23:10:04+00:00

Likely their time just hasnt come..yet.

shizukana-yama · 2024-04-14T22:57:30+00:00

Brother, find yourself. True happiness is there. Free yourself from all belongings. Enjoy “your” life.

saygrace2 · 2024-04-14T22:47:23+00:00

I feel this same way. I also feel this in the corporate world. It seems like everyone has a ring on their finger and constantly talks about their significant other and I very rarely see anyone actually going through a divorce. I’m also 33 and maybe just haven’t lived enough life to see it but 50% seems high.

fffrdcrrf · 2024-04-14T22:30:46+00:00

I’ve never observed a relationship without problems, vice versa I haven’t observed relationships that don’t show joy. I just went through something similar and it’s lonely and sorta embarrassing but you have to adjust and avoid being cynical about others. Somethings are just out of our control and in hindsight maybe there’s a more compatible person out there and this time you’ll be looking from logic and experience versus (if you were anything like me) lust and excitement

Any-Dare-7261 · 2024-04-14T21:45:37+00:00

Women get complacent with a relationship way easier and earlier than men. Men go from 95% effort down to 90, then 85% and don’t go back. Why? She won’t reciprocate or do a fucking thing I ask. It’s serve her, worship her or she can just move on with the state crime family extorting you for money and your children. There is no fucking incentive for a woman to be a wife or mother at fucking all anymore. At all. Until there is legal prostitution everywhere then there will be at least competition, I don’t see it. There won’t be some radical legal reform either.

soybeener · 2024-04-14T21:42:41+00:00

All the other divorced dad's didn't have their kids this weekend.

It's a party dood. Have a beer , get off the interwebs and go talk to a pretty lady.

1antinomy · 2024-04-14T21:35:46+00:00

Everybody looks happy out in public

Knowing the intricacies of someone’s relationship would give you a much different view

savage_cabbages · 2024-04-14T21:33:53+00:00

I was proud of being married and having kids that when she said she wanted to end it, it took me about three months to process. I turned around one last time and realised I had been living in a fantasy. Our marriage died 5 years prior, and I was blind to it. It's like we're in marriage simulators, and when the VR goggles come off, processing that takes time.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-04-14T21:32:20+00:00

This is where critical thinking and really stratifying data is important. It’s been a while since I looked at the data, but I think it’s important to understand the breakdown. Ages, first, second, even third marriages, incomes, etc.

CRobinsFly · 2024-04-14T21:14:08+00:00

Depending on the circles you run in today & at this moment, the rates of divorce/separation fluctuate wildly.

Their happyness means nothing(I'd even say "good for them"), it's mostly just appearances at the end of the day. As CGA says, basically 99% of relationships ("marriages") have failed already or will fail.

If I may share my anecdotal experience and status at 36yo: I have zero divorced friends at the moment. My circle of friends is about half un/never-married men, the rest are "happily" married men.

I am close enough to a couple of them that they have confided in me privately that they're unhappily married and wouldn't do it again and theyre essentially sticking around for their kids - I dont blame them, I'd do it too, even though conventional wisdom says one shouldnt do that. In one instance recently I was up close and personal to an argument my friend had with his wife while we were boating; while it wasn't "world ending" or traumatizing (it reminded me of how some people talk to each other on the job when they dont like each other), I definitely walked away thinking my family got nuked for much less than what I just saw and very little of what happened between my ex and I other parties became privy too first-hand so I can't imagine what happens when my friend and his wife are in private.

I ended up briefly mentioning it to my friend when we were driving home without his wife (she drove separately with their kid) and he said "sometimes bitches just want to be dumb and not listen", I concurred but cautioned him that I found myself in my current state and without a family for much less than what he just did.

Psychological-Point8 · 2024-04-14T21:02:01+00:00

I've opened up to two friends who are married, guess what. They also have issues that people don't see just by looking at them at social functions. Every couple has problems.

LuvDonkeeButts · 2024-04-14T21:01:51+00:00

I totally feel you. I can’t stand going to events and feeling that I’m now this weirdo. I remember when I was growing up and seeing a divorced family; and thinking wow, that must be the worst thing ever. And I still believe that. Now it’s my life

tragicaddiction · 2024-04-14T21:01:20+00:00

it's time to start being grateful for what you do have instead of looking at what you dont.. nothing makes me more sad and triggered than thinking of what i don't have

but when i change my mindset to what i do have then it helps.. i may not be where i want to be, have the life i hoped for, but fuck, it could be worse.

just read through this forum and you can see how men are easily screwed over in divorce, that could have been you.. do you have your son and he is healthy? that's huge, do you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach and a steady paycheck? you are doing better than most.

start thinking of the things you can do now that you couldn't before.. you can have the house how you want it.. you don't have to have 3000 pillows on your bed. you can get a dog if you like, you can go on vacations where you want to go, you don't have to plan some shitty valentines day and spend a ton of money on someone who shows no care back.

you can do your hobbies that you like, cook what you enjoy eating and do stuff with your kid that otherwise may have been frowned upon because of an overprotective mother.. like go camping or even teach them to ride a bicycle.

once you find happiness in your life it makes it easier to move on and then you can actually find someone who is a better fit in your life.. or dont and just date.

learn from your mistakes and the past and live a better life, you are free to do that now.

theduckbilledplatypi · 2024-04-14T21:00:39+00:00

You got invited to a kids birthday party as a divorced male? We're not rare. Your access level after a divorce with friends you shared with your ex wife is. That's the sucky part of divorce, most people still involve the ex wife in their lives but the guy typically gets the boot.

AlmostThere22 · 2024-04-14T20:55:20+00:00

Nah man.

I bet half those women you saw don't fuck their husbands or give them obligatory star fish sex once a month.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2024-04-14T20:44:12+00:00

The percentage fluctuates and its currently about 41% of first marriages, that's number is for ALL of America. It includes the entire time spectrum all the way up to people who get divorced in their 50's and 60's and beyond. It also includes all socioeconomic backgrounds across every corner of the country. I'm guessing you are at an age and socioeconomic status that is more insulated from divorce.

Also - you are assuming you are surrounded by happy couples. Its an image. Scratch beneath the surface and you will find people carrying on and dealing with highly flawed marriages.

huggsnkisses · 2024-04-14T20:39:32+00:00

Just remember they're not stealing anything from your plate, so don't worry about it too much.

Title	Why do we seem so rare?
Author	0neMinute
Upvotes	67
Comments	77
Date	April 14, 2024 8:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c43caw/why_do_we_seem_so_rare/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-do-we-seem-so-rare.1515102 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515102

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