Cold approach is a 0 sum game especially for average & below men

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Unusual_Implement_87 · 2024-05-28T23:56:00+00:00

I have a friend that since university and all throughout his 20s would cold approach, join all sorts of clubs, go to clubs weekly, always out and about being social with many friend groups, went to the gym regularly, and had a very good job, yet he was never successful with women, not even once. He ended up just getting an arranged marriage in his 30s. He was basically the personification of the standard reddit dating advice, and the thing that I find hilarious is that he still thinks personality and game matters.

PinchRunners · 2024-05-29T00:47:02+00:00

i cold approached once to test my fair value on the market. she walked away immediately and everyone at the bar laughed at me. not doing that again

saving_private_ryan_ · 2024-05-29T01:25:17+00:00

Women don't want to be cold approached since they have limitless choices on dating apps.

arkzak · 2024-05-29T03:27:49+00:00

Do it in social environments like a bar and be well groomed. Cold approach on the street is pretty ridiculous in current year, sure. There are still situational applications.

his_purple_majesty · 2024-05-29T01:05:56+00:00

not sure you know what a zero sum game is

jazzmaster1992 · 2024-05-29T00:10:17+00:00

Just like online dating, cold approach is one of those things that people are potentially very good at, but many will struggle with. And it's for similar reasons: being able to "market yourself" is something many people aren't willing to do, because it feels demeaning, manipulative, or just seems exhausting and time consuming. Ironically, I think this is why many people struggle; not because they're average, but because so many folks want to just "be themselves" and hope to essentially happen into a relationship organically, but that kind of assumes that no awkwardness will occur at all, which isn't realistic.

What really can improve the dating situation for a lot of people is getting out of their comfort zone and talking to strangers, which I'd argue most people aren't the best at, but just about anyone can learn how to do. I mean this for both men and women when I say that confidence helps a lot, because knowing what you want and saying what you mean unapologetically clears the air, leaves less to imagination and can quickly open the door for prospective intimacy with the right people.

Learning to cold approach isn't necessarily a bad idea for guys, if they have an attitude of trying to learn from mistakes and not take rejection personally, all while not having insane expectations or unrealistic goals. There are definitely other ways to get good at socializing and talking to women, but none of it is going to feel like it "works" if you are trying to find the quickest and easiest way to find a gf or get laid, and get frustrated when it all doesn't immediately work out in the way you'd hoped.

Key-Faithlessness-29 · 2024-05-29T04:50:48+00:00

Cold approach in general is stupid. Women live their lives filled with fear of men. Especially unknown men and cold approach is built on men asking out women they don't know solely based on their looks. If you can't make the woman feel safe then let alone dating she would never want to be near you.

AreOut · 2024-05-29T00:06:45+00:00

"You would have to do 100+ cold approaches (the number goes up based on your attractiveness) just to hopefully get 1 number."

oof that's a very low percentage, try first to talk with a girl and see if it flows, if you ask for a number out of the blue then it's normal you won' get it

Metalloid_Space · 2024-05-28T23:56:37+00:00

Yeah, it seems stupid to me, but I've never tried so I can't really speak on the effectiveness.

binne21 · 2024-05-29T01:17:06+00:00

Eh, it almost worked for me sometimes. Got their numbers, started chatting, didn't work so I left.

Also, is today the first day you realise men have it tough on the dating market?

Wattehfok · 2024-05-29T03:15:22+00:00

I’m not sure you understand what a zero-sum game is, my dude.

McTitty3000 · 2024-05-29T04:37:18+00:00

Both of my most serious relationships started with cold approach, one lasted almost 10 years, and I'm currently married to the other one, anecdotal I guess for sure but if you refine your technique maybe you find something that works for you

Hosj_Karp · 2024-05-29T07:20:09+00:00

Cold approach is dumb. Meet women through your friends and social circles like your supposed to.

pg_throwaway · 2024-05-29T02:43:10+00:00

Totally agree.

Cold approach is the lowest-IQ method with the worse results. It's the telemarketing of the dating world.

People who sell cold approach are mostly grifters and scammers and usually aren't even successful at it themselves.

Cold approach also fails are understanding basic female psychology. Quality women are not particularly fond of getting involved with strange men that walk up to them on the street. The women you "catch" with cold approach will usually be bottom tier and unfit for a relationship.

If you want better quality women and less pointless rejections you should focus on more natural approaches like social circle game.

saywhatitis11 · 2024-05-29T01:07:17+00:00

There was a psychologist on YouTube he said one of his clients wanted to get past his approach anxiety and in 72 hours he approached something like 400 women. He went through the entire gambit of despair, hopelessness, frustration, confusion and ended up at total indifference to speaking to women which was a huge victory for him. If nothing else, cold approach can help a man become more brave and confident. Can help him understand psychology and human motivations better, can help him to be witty. I have a close friend who has approached women in many different locations and has a lot of clever one liners that has gotten him phone numbers is about 30% of the time. I’ll tell the girl I could check out line at Costco “I have a problem with this item. I keep checking you out but I can’t seem to take you home.” He is clever, 5 foot eight or 5 foot nine, Pretty average build, some kind of Middle Eastern Asian blend in his face so not especially attractive but now downright ugly. He is insanely intelligent and very wealthy but never flaunts it. He has not been able to get any of the girls to respond to his text messages but I think this is a problem in his text game.

It is way better for a man to do cold approach and just enjoy the process and see what happens. Being tied to an endgame statistically will just make you miserable. We’re not living for an endgame. We’re living so that we can live. Approach women and see what happens. Just consider a normal part of life.

Actual-Tangerine-659 · 2024-05-29T00:30:56+00:00

No no, guys just genuinely underestimate how god awful their social skills are.

Don’t care how much your friend in college or that one dude you knew “did cold approach” I will absolutely wager my house that it wasn’t because going up to girls and talking to them doesn’t work, it was that his game was bad. That’s literally it.

TallFoundation7635 · 2024-05-29T06:09:19+00:00

I disagree, but for different reasons. Cold Approaching women will give you a crash course on understanding and accepting rejection, which will be useful for leveling up your dating life.

one_time_animal · 2024-05-29T08:05:24+00:00

0 sum game would either mean

You're saying only women benefit from it
You're saying there are a limited number of opportunities so every time a man 'wins' it takes away an opportunity that another man might win

But the way you're using it is that men never win at it.

Boring_Tie_3262 · 2024-05-29T00:51:25+00:00

I’m autistic, I was homeless , no car , no job and successfully cold approached my wife on public transport.

Sparkling_gourami · 2024-05-29T01:07:23+00:00

I've only cold approached a few times, and it never went anywhere. The kind of girl I'm into are introvert shy girls, so I imagine that's the worst kind of woman to cold approach.

I think warm approach is the best option. Let her see who you are in some context, maybe even a few times if it's a reoccuring event like a sports team, and then talk to her and ask if she wants to grab a coffee. When I've asked out girls this way, I've always gotten at least a date.

Southern_Fall983 · 2024-05-29T01:08:30+00:00

“You would have to do 100+ cold approaches..just to get 1 number”.

This is what women don’t understand and likely don’t care to understand - there better be a good reason why you’re breaking up with a guy 80% of the time as chances are he’ll be relegated to a life of celibacy if he doesn’t initiate conversation with a ridiculous amount of strangers while you will just get whatever guy/simp you’ve already been speaking to behind his back anyway.

It’s way more of a “fuck you” than they think it is, but again they don’t give a shit because hey, you forgot to put down the toilet seat or take the trash out a few too many times

puddingbike · 2024-05-29T01:41:42+00:00

I believe men should NOT cold approach especially if your average to below average.

You're right, but you should say it like this:

Average and below average men should not cold approach unless it's with rather below average women.

toasterchild · 2024-05-29T00:48:57+00:00

Or, do it if it works for you and you like it? Isn't this all just a trial and error thing? Sure fake it til you make it sorta works but only if you eventually make it.

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harmonica2 · 2024-05-29T00:51:36+00:00

It's been said here before that men have to date down because most women are hypergamous. But if this is true, how far would a guy have to date down for cold approaching to work? For example, if a guy was say a 5/10 on looks, does this mean he would have to cold approach 1/10s?

Cjaylyle · 2024-05-29T10:17:12+00:00

Why the hell would you just walk up to a woman you dont know with the sole intention of having sex with them. Its a crazy concept to begin with. Very out dated and predatory.

Time_Commercial_8061 · 2024-05-29T10:23:46+00:00

Although I am a great believer in Cold Approach/Warm Approach and Walk ups....

If you are not a naturally social person, I do not think this will work for you easily.... at least not with a painful amount of effort.

If you can talk to women and it just does not go anywhere, PUA may give you an idea of why youi are coming across as boring.

If you are super introverted however.... sorry, I don't think anything involving expending energy and leaving your comfort zone will help.

AdEffective7894s · 2024-05-29T10:34:31+00:00

Just commenting to point out that you don't know what a zero sum game is.

I am not entirely sure either but it's not what you have described

MongoBobalossus · 2024-05-29T00:10:29+00:00

Depends on where you’re cold approaching, and who you’re cold approaching.

Read the room, stay in your lane, and you can cold approach just fine.

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-05-29T01:29:50+00:00

If you want to be successful when approaching women, here's the secret: 🔥 > 🧊

Warm approaching is better than cold. Most men are not attractive enough to inspire the level of lust required to make a woman risk hooking up with them. This is where ✨️vibes✨️, 😇personality😈, and 🧪chemistry🧪 come into play. All you have to do is talk to her. Create a low-stakes scenario that allows her to easily exit, don't be pushy, and understand body language. If you don't understand body language, you are too socially inept to approach women. That's just my opinion. I wouldn't recommend it, but most guys are too stupid for that advice to matter. Take rejection graciously and leave.

From the conversation, she will be able to gauge: how safe you are, how socially competent you are, and how attractive you are. Once she has a good idea of your personality and assuming the conversation went well, your chances of success increase dramatically. The more you can interact/chat with her, the better.

The problem with cold approaching is that men project how we work onto women. A random woman asking us out is almost guaranteed to work. That's not how women work, though. They need more than physical attraction to pique their interests. One of my favorite Tiktok creators @brennatalkstoomuch, explains it perfectly: men are visual and women are socio-sexual. Meaning social interaction and social intelligence is what gets a woman going. Of course, it's not the only thing, but it helps... a lot.

After changing my strategy, my success rate went from 0% to 100% (3 women). Cold approaching is simply ill-fit for how female attraction works. It can absolutely work when tailored to what women like. When done well, I don't think it's a waste of time.

Equivalent-Cat5414 · 2024-05-29T02:44:31+00:00

Maybe just don’t cold approach those who are objectively a lot more attractive than you (like she’s in shape but you’re not) but try it on those more on your level? Also don’t cold approach while either one of you are on the job or on public transportation.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-05-29T04:22:50+00:00

Bruh, cold approach for averages and below is literally playing with fire in this day and age. Roll the dice on SA accusations, as you provide her with means of identifying you lol.

profstarship · 2024-05-29T01:46:56+00:00

A waste of 30 seconds I could have spent mowing my yard, but now there's that one little patch I didn't have time to mow. I don't get the point of trying to dissuade human interaction.

NewOCLibraryReddit · 2024-05-29T00:45:39+00:00

Glad OP doesn't talk to people while he's out. Sounds creepy anyways.

berichorbeburied · 2024-05-29T03:13:05+00:00

Cold approach only doesn’t work if you try to fuck the first time you meet:

Every new person you meet is essentially a cold approach.

If you understand this. Then you understand cold approaching.

I just understood this now.

And I understand why people think it’s a waste of time.

Title	Cold approach is a 0 sum game especially for average & below men
Author	Rebexl5150
Upvotes	35
Comments	171
Date	May 28, 2024 11:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1d2ycj4/cold_approach_is_a_0_sum_game_especially_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cold-approach-is-a-0-sum-game-especially-for.1519868 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519868

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