How are "good" women supposed to prevent cheating, post-wall?

-Kalos · 2024-06-21T09:27:04+00:00

A woman can't do anything to prevent a man who will cheat from cheating. You can be the perfect wife but a cheater is still gonna cheat. You can be a horrible partner and guess what? A cheater is gonna cheat. It has nothing to do with you. You can't know who will and who won't until it happens unfortunately but you can lessen the possibility by choosing men who have no red flags for insecurity issues as a lot of insecure people cheat. Maybe test people's loyalty and see how they treat others before getting married. And people who are more accountable for themselves are probably less likely to cheat.

Otjahe · 2024-06-20T23:10:45+00:00

The question you need to ask to other women instead is, "How to find a man who won't cheat"

This defeatest attitude that all men will cheat, is sad to have and profoundly untrue.

Sure, a lot do, and they're weak, shit men. In the same way men are wrong when they say "all women are whores", saying "all men are cheaters" is a generalization that will only make you grow more resentful and blind to reality.

The problem has nothing to do with preventing him from doing it, it's finding someone who won't at all.

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2024-06-21T11:29:50+00:00

Marry a good man. Good men don’t cheat.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2024-06-21T01:33:19+00:00

There are a couple of things women can do to minimize the chances of this happening. As others have mentioned, the most important thing is to find a man that won't cheat in the first place. What that means is women need to find a man that's high in conscientiousness. A lot of women don't like that, so they unknowingly roll the dice.

The second thing is to find a man before he's fully established himself financially and make sure he knows you're with him, win or lose. It's unfortunately very common for men who settle down later, after they've "made it big-ish", to let their semi-success get to their head and end up cheating.

The last thing is to negotiate out ahead of time how you'll manage intimacy if one of you doesn't feel like it. I've had a lower libido than a few women I've dated, including my exwife, although most women I've dated have had a lower libido. What I've found to be the most successful is to never turn down intimacy requests, even if you have to set some boundaries on what that intimacy looks like. There have been plenty of times when I haven't felt up for sex and all I could offer was to caress & hold my partner while they or I used a vibrator on them. But the key is to never turn then down outright. The vast majority of the guys I know that are ~10-15yrs older than me and are divorcing their wives is because of a dead bedroom. For obvious reason, a lot dated younger, so it looks like they're "trading their wives in for a younger woman" but the truth is a little more nuanced.

fools_errand49 · 2024-06-21T18:05:24+00:00

First of all find a man early who is preferably the same age as you. Secondly make sure he understands the terms and trade offs of the arrangement and that y'all are on the same page. A woman who gives her youth to a young man to build him up has in that moment given something of greater value to someone of lesser value. A man who gives his middle age (and importantly the associated resources and commitment) to a middle aged woman is also giving something of greater value to someone of lesser value. Over the course of lifelong relationship that balances out. He needs to understand what he owes you down the line in return for what you in essence loan him up front. Vet the way a bank does.

nnuunn · 2024-06-21T01:39:26+00:00

Men who cheat will cheat "down" without issue, you could have the highest smv on the planet and that alone will not prevent cheating. The best way to guard against it is to try to find a morally upright man, and do your best to meet his needs, that's about it.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-06-20T23:26:07+00:00

PAIR-BONDING: the degree at which men pair-bond is weaker than women, with a low n-count or virgin wife she will be attached to her husband more than her husband is attached to her.

Not proven. Anectodal evidence from me and my friends is exactly opposite - women don't bond because they have men lined up to date them as soon as they re-enter the dating pool, while it's not uncommon for an average guy to remain single for years after he's been ditched.

VARIETY: men naturally crave variety far more than women, if he was also low n-count, he will biologically desire newer more diverse experiences with other women.

I see that as a talking point in online gender wars but little evidence or research proving this claim.

YOUTH: your body will have naturally gone down in attractiveness with age, and your personality has matured. You cannot compete with young, 18yo women who are far more exciting and fun.

Young women are only fun if you're into extremely childish kind of fun and they can't even financially support themselves so man will have to spend extra.

wtknight · 2024-06-21T14:57:07+00:00

“Post-wall” women should stay physically attractive and continue to have pleasant personalities. Most men their age are not going to have opportunities to cheat with pre-wall women, anyway. The most men usually might do is try cheating with someone slightly younger and nicer, and women can prevent this by being fit and pleasant, themselves, although they probably shouldn’t be dating or marrying a man who would consider cheating in the first place.

kongeriket · 2024-06-20T23:22:41+00:00

Thanks for the laugh, OP. I read this to my missus too so she got a good laugh too.

Over here in the real world, it's significantly simpler:

Be an adult and understand everyone has eyes. So being upset he looks is straight-up silly.
Any marriage where sex is not a duty to each other eventually becomes a longhouse. Don't create a longhouse and don't live in the longhouse. Yes, keep his balls empty works.
Keep yourself in decent shape and age with dignity

That's it.

I'm almost 40, with the same woman for 15+ years and she was a virgin when we got together. What we're not is terminally online dorks.

Yes, a lot of 20yos are physically hotter than my 35yo missus but they don't want to bear my children and don't have the patience or the openness to stick around to learn what good sex looks like. Not to mention they're mentally draining and there's no way I make time for that unless I'm pushed in that direction (see #2 and #3 above). And that's in addition to the generation-specific problem - which is that too many of them are impossible to unglue from those goddamn phones. Ain't no-one got time for that, hon.

18yo women who are far more exciting and fun.

Fun? What's fun in being glued to those phones? Or addicted to social media dopamine?

18yo gals only have their looks. That's literally it.

Heck, I avoided them when I was 18yo (and dated older women, a great decision since they taught me a lot that now makes me a better husband). When I was 18yo most of my age peers had weird or wrong ideas about life, and the gals played weird mind games that I had no interested in. A lot of that is still true with today's 18yo.

A big mistake those reading PUA advice (which then confuse with TRP either intentionally or out of ignorance) is assuming that that advice is good for family building. It's literally not.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-06-20T23:03:43+00:00

HOWEVER, if you are a "good" woman, with a low n-count, attractive, young, cooperative personality and you commit to a man who has a great future and a great personality, once you reach post-wall age his SMV will have increased while yours would have decreased. Your husband looking to other women is NOT preventable no matter how "good" you are initially were

Men are not women, men have burden of courting what is an expensive time sink. It may be really easy to consider such premise from a female POV where courting requires ZERO effort so you can just swap at a whim, this is not the case for men.

Barely-moral · 2024-06-21T00:05:56+00:00

PAIR-BONDING: the degree at which men pair-bond is weaker than women, with a low n-count or virgin wife she will be attached to her husband more than her husband is attached to her.

You don't understand men. Men WANT to completely dedicate themselves to something/someone they find worthy. They CRAVE it. It gives them purpose and makes idealists out of nihilists.

In this hypothetical the woman had years to embody whatever this man finds worthy of his dedication and devotion and acting on such dedication and devotion is something that man wants.

It is waaaay stronger than pair bonding.

VARIETY: men naturally crave variety far more than women, if he was also low n-count, he will biologically desire newer more diverse experiences with other women.

See above. Men want to dedicate themselves to something/someone worthy more than they want variety.

YOUTH: your body will have naturally gone down in attractiveness with age, and your personality has matured. You cannot compete with young, 18yo women who are far more exciting and fun.

You can compete. You had years to know how he thinks, how he feels, what he likes, how to read his body, his tone of voice. Years to learn how to turn him on, how to build up desire and anticipation. If you had all that time and can't compete against a 18 year old stranger then all you are saying is that you are a shit partner.

How can she prevent you, a man who has grown more attractive and now has many options, from cheating on her?

By becoming an embodiment of whatever he finds worthy of his dedication and adoration. By knowing him inside and out and making him happy. No. Not happy. You can't make him happy. You can give him purpose. You can give him a fulfilled life. That is how.

KayRay1994 · 2024-06-21T00:30:24+00:00

ngl this reeks of “incel man pretending to be a woman for bait”

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-06-20T23:15:48+00:00

PAIR-BONDING: the degree at which men pair-bond is weaker than women, with a low n-count or virgin wife she will be attached to her husband more than her husband is attached to her.

I don't think this is true

VARIETY: men naturally crave variety far more than women, if he was also low n-count, he will biologically desire newer more diverse experiences with other women.

Men desire variety regardless of their bodycounts. It's up to you as his wife to keep his balls drained.

YOUTH: your body will have naturally gone down in attractiveness with age, and your personality has matured. You cannot compete with young, 18yo women who are far more exciting and fun.

This is greatly overstated, of course you get less attractive as you age. Everyone does. It doesn't replicate growing old with someone, men aren't somehow "fun and exciting" as they approach 40 and women aren't.

FromAuntToNiece · 2024-06-21T11:32:00+00:00

A lot more older husbands, aged 40 and up, have sex outside marriage these days. Either cheat, or bully their spouses into one-sided ENM.

The thing though, is that many older husbands have sex with escorts not because of confidentiality, but because the same dating market dynamics favoring women apply to adultery: they struggle to find an affair partner.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-06-21T01:43:16+00:00

Imma be honest most men only cheat when their sexual needs aren't being met.... same way women cheat when their emotional needs aren't met

obviousredflag · 2024-06-21T09:32:20+00:00

You cannot prevent cheating. If you have a man who has the opportunity AND the personality to want to have sex outside of a relationship, AND the moral framework to be okay with this, or too intoxicated to accurately assess the consequences, he will cheat or divorce or both. Solution: have an open relationship, if you are a man who has what it takes to have lots of casual sex.

So what to do as a woman who doesn't want an open relationship? Pick a sociosexually restricted man, who does not want to have sex outside of his committed relationship. And also pick a man whose trajectory of value development doesn't go far from your own.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-06-21T12:44:13+00:00

Well if she's a virgin she's trading her V for his future commitment.

If she's not a virgin it makes no sense as she has little unique to show her commitment with. Short of having many kids and being a great mom, thats the only other thing, she has nothing worth committing to without either of those things.

It seems silly to most people but the V is the only thing that makes male fidelity make any sense at all because that's about the bond moreso than being a mother is, that's more about worthy of being financially provided for. V is More about being worthy of being faithful to.

She didn't wait for him so why should he forsake others? He simply can just say no ill fuck other girls. Doesn't change anything.

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grillopie · 2024-06-20T23:48:33+00:00

stop thinking about smv or rmv. relationships dont mirror an open market scenario so its not worth thinking about it in that way.

imo there NOTHING you can do to prevent cheating at that stage. the only thing you could have done is found someone who wouldnt cheat. its not about market value, its about a persons nature.

i dont agree that men “pair bond” less than women, whatever that means. even if they do in aggregate, its not a big enough difference that you cant find an individual who pair bonds a lot.

just_a_place · 2024-06-21T02:33:50+00:00

I don't understand the question. 😐

abaxeron · 2024-06-21T00:40:02+00:00

the degree at which men pair-bond is weaker than women

Most women don't pair-bond with men at all.

How can she prevent you, a man who has grown more attractive and now has many options, from cheating on her?

You cannot "prevent" anyone with agency from doing something without limiting their freedom.

I cannot "prevent" any woman from becoming my wife first and then deciding one day to get pregnant by someone else and never tell me. Or from agreeing to have my baby, and then changing her mind and getting an abortion. Or from filing some bullshit abuse accusations to get leverage in family court. Or from waiting for me to leave to work and poisoning my pets. Or from lying to our children that I am a bad person.

You can do a human thing and talk like a normal human being.

My SO is VERY VERY VERY afraid that I'll become an alcoholic. I listened to her, I heard her, I respected her concerns, and I don't bring booze home, or come home drunk, ever. It helped. Understanding that it's something she is afraid of, helped.

Any woman can do the same. Communicate. Make a mutual promise that if temptation bothers and opportunity shows up, they will talk to each other FIRST, and not make a scene, and never ever ever hold having these thoughts against each other.

This is not a guarantee. But this is something that can help, that women can do, and that they usually don't do.

FreitasAlan · 2024-06-21T00:40:10+00:00

I don’t think so. The pair bonding stuff is weird. I would say men pair bond much more than women and usually have a much more difficult time moving on. I would never throw away a decent low n count wife with whom I have history and maybe even children together (aka a unicorn jewel I’m protecting) in exchange for some younger degenerate woman I’ll betabux for. Also, only high value men (or people) improve in their 30s because they keep their health while improving in other areas of their lives. Average people don’t have to worry too much about any of that. Also the idea that men cheat more than women is simply not true at all. The median number of sexual partners is 3x more for women so if men really care about variety more than women they’re doing a poor job.

Brilliant_Island8498 · 2024-06-21T02:13:56+00:00

You are a very high IQ woman. I would def wife up someone like you

harmonica2 · 2024-06-21T03:45:50+00:00

How many women does this actually happen to though? I would have thought that a middle aged man cheating on his wife, for a younger woman, is rare unless I am wrong?

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-06-21T11:42:32+00:00

Spoiler Alert: Most men are not going to cheat on their woman if they are fit, fun, bring them peace, and are desirous.

You’d have a larger risk of losing a guy to porn than you would another woman if you fit the criteria of the above. The issue I see is with #3 most of the time. Which leads to issues with #4.

No_Matter_8648 · 2024-06-21T01:38:46+00:00

Pure gaslighting thread. Men don’t leave relationships. If you feminists respected data & stats you would know this. The stats say it’s 80% but me & you both know the other 20% of women manipulate men into ending those relationships which frankly skews the data.

Again the point is men don’t leave “post wall” women we just don’t want to start dating when you are post wall.

It’s called “if you won’t be with me in your prime, I don’t want you in your decline”

Honestly bad faith thread..!

TRTGymBroXXX · 2024-06-21T00:23:21+00:00

By becoming bad girls who suck, fuck and do anal.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2024-06-20T23:19:35+00:00

Don’t get fat either of you, communicate, and never take each other for granted

harmonica2 · 2024-06-21T00:07:56+00:00

Well it was said on here before that almost all guys in their 30s cannot get women in their 20s. So if this is true then the women should have nothing to worry about, unless the guys still attempt to, which is bad too of course?

Title	How are "good" women supposed to prevent cheating, post-wall?
Author	nogoatgoesawry
Upvotes	12
Comments	321
Date	June 20, 2024 10:25 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dkobys/how_are_good_women_supposed_to_prevent_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-are-good-women-supposed-to-prevent-cheating.1522320 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522320

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