She has HIV

Dramatic_Addition_68 · 2024-07-25T02:08:11+00:00

Damn dude I cannot believe you are going through this! I can’t imagine! I’m also surprised at how the doctors or clinicians didn’t press her to find out about how she caught it. I mean we were more pressed for transmission mapping with Covid. How did they just let her be? And how long ago did you get the test results back?

Metboy215 · 2024-07-24T18:31:44+00:00

She does know that now that she has it, she's kinda legally obligated to tell all partners past, present, and future. You can be convicted if you don't. But it differs from state to state country to country

ABS_EDC_61 · 2024-07-24T14:31:31+00:00

You sound like a decent dude. I'm sorry you're going through this. Focus on the positive, you don't have HIV! Biggest win you could ask for. Grieve, then move the fuck on. Count yourself the luckiest man alive.

Masypha · 2024-07-23T20:03:16+00:00

Unfortunately, it's your wife so you'd know her best. The possibilities outweigh the probabilities. There are possible ways/ places to contract from, such as work and what not, but ultimately how do you think she got it?

nfg2020 · 2024-07-23T19:40:15+00:00

Let’s say she did cheat. What’s your course of action? Stay with her or divorce? If your answer is stay with her. Then you should push forward. If it’s divorce then I say with your gut and not drive you’re self insane.

Primary-Objective360 · 2024-07-23T17:28:48+00:00

Well, you could request a polygraph. Infidelity specialists sometimes recommend the use of a polygraph to re-establish trust. Even broaching the topic may get you an answer based on how your partner responds.

I’m sorry that you are in this situation.

One-Load-6085 · 2024-07-23T12:16:29+00:00

I read an article that women were getting it from bad nail techs using unsafe tools also from vampire facials.

keeznutz8 · 2024-07-23T01:42:17+00:00

Um, if she wants to go the ‘I didn’t cheat I must have had it before’ route it’d be hard to explain why she didn’t positive for your first child. She cheated man, with a fuckin loser too

JumpyApricot80 · 2024-07-23T01:00:53+00:00

I read that HIV can lay dormant and without symptoms for a long time. Do seek a doctor’s advice. Good luck.

Financial-Builder-92 · 2024-07-22T18:50:31+00:00

Fact! You don't know if she was doing drugs or was cheating! Chances are, she had to be doing something to get the disease. You have nothing and the second child has nothing. You better not have sex with her or anything else. You don't need the disease. I would get the second child tested to see if the child is yours. My GUT FEELING IS "SHE CHEATED ON YOU AND DID IT RAW!" Most women that cheat are having unprotected sex, it adds to their extra level of excitement as their Simp husband pays the bill and has to beg for sex. Contact a attorney and see what your options are, otherwise you are going to suffer big time in the end. There is no way in hell you could have sex all those years and not have the disease!

ZackyAnarchyy · 2024-07-22T18:28:09+00:00

To just play devils advocate, even though it'd have to happen relatively fast, or another route. But what if she had a simple cut on her hand and came in contact with the blood of someone who had HIV? That could be a cause. Even though it's very slim, Other way is if she had an accidental needle stick that was from a carrier of HIV. Again, very slim chances of them, but a possibility non the less. I know this is no where near, but I did catch Chlamydia from an ex and that's how I found out she was cheating on me. After I got that call and a script sent to a pharmacy, was when I called said ex and dumped her ass. One pill, super saiyan anti-biotic and 30 days later, I was all clear. So in the off chance she did get it accidently from the rare chances i mentioned, she could've gotten it that way. Otherwise it's not in a good way and irregardless man, I'm sorry to hear this

Charlie-Dee-444 · 2024-07-22T10:01:16+00:00

Very likely she cheated since you dismiss the possibility of transfusion, she has never been sick, first born tested negative etc....simple elimination can only lead to this conclusion. But bear in mind she might never own up, in which case you have to rely on what the facts are saying and confront her on that basis and the onus should be on her to disprove those facts...it's highly unlikely she can disprove the facts coz HIV doesn't come out of thin air...you will have to be very tough with her to get some closure...don't sacrifice your mental wellbeing so she gets to keep hers by still having you around, even after all this. The call is yours to make. Good luck!

Vochey88 · 2024-07-22T09:02:14+00:00

It can lay dormant for years. It doesn't necessarily mean she cheated.

ForsakenFish5437 · 2024-07-22T07:41:10+00:00

Maybe she knew the whole time and hid it from

ww3historian · 2024-07-22T06:47:46+00:00

You know the answer brother. She cheated

Illgetitdonelater · 2024-07-22T06:17:41+00:00

I don’t think we are the ones to ask. I’d talk to a specialist on this one. Good luck.

Training_Ad1368 · 2024-07-22T02:41:50+00:00

Just for the heck of it DNA test both kids. When people live with that illness that long without giving it to you is because she has been taking medication. If she's been doing that she new she had the virus long time ago.

JohnnyD77711 · 2024-07-22T01:41:54+00:00

Either she cheated, is a junky and used an infected needle, or she had an unsafe blood transfusion outside of the US. I'm going with Door No. 1, bc you'd probably know something about 2 or 3.

Good news is that meds are fantastic now and she can lead a normal and long life if she sticks with the treatment protocol. Just ask any doc (I am NOT a doc. )

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-07-22T01:39:45+00:00

Has she been diagnosed by an infectious disease specialist? Or is this just getting figured out from her initial positive screen?

No-Profit-1027 · 2024-07-21T23:31:15+00:00

Sorry you are going through this. First of all, any patient with HIV for ten years and not on antiretroviral drugs will have the immune system weakened over time due to increased viral load and decreasing CD4 count.

Is she taking medications that you are not aware of? Get to your PCP and check those tests. If she had it for ten years and not taking meds, and you are both sexually active, then you are at increased risk. Get tested again. Conclusion: Her story doesn’t add up. She got infected recently.

producechick · 2024-07-21T22:06:52+00:00

No offense but yes it does sound like she cheated. For sure before your 4 year old was born which also means you need to DNA test your youngest. You've been living with a lie for 4 years, and will never tell you unless you start with the threats. Lawyer says, divorcing you that and you'll make her take a polygraph. She might start singing. Good luck and be safe

WhatsTheFrequency2 · 2024-07-21T21:42:30+00:00

Wait, how does a pregnant woman with HIV not pass that along to their kid?

Ancient-Homework7557 · 2024-07-21T20:49:26+00:00

That’s a mind fuck man. I’m sorry. I agree with the other men here. Get a DNA test. Get another round of STI tests for you and your kids. If it all comes out good. Thank God. Then get her to be straight with you on how she got it. If she won’t. Serve her. Then she will. She’s living on borrowed time at this point and you need to start planning your future for you and your children. I know this sounds harsh. But reality doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings or anybody else’s. Good luck.

grimxluna4ever · 2024-07-21T20:37:48+00:00

I'm so sorry Mine came up positive with HPV 8 years in. Same as you, no way to prove anything. She, of course, wouldn't admit to anything but I know she had been unfaithful afterwards. Won't admit to that either. Papers signed ten years later.

SouthParkTimmy · 2024-07-21T20:24:13+00:00

Did you ever have any suspicions before this diagnosis that she was cheating?

steelgripphoenix · 2024-07-21T20:17:49+00:00

Bruh no way she had it for 10 years and they never caught it on gynecologist visits or with the doctor with the first pregnancy. I don't want to be too accusatory but I think she's banking on you being uninformed.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-07-21T19:42:56+00:00

This is the kind of thing you need to double-check for all involved.

Do more tests with a different lab if possible and DNA test those kids while you're at it.

If it's still the case then you need to ask her if she got a transfusion, if she was accidentally jabbed by a needle, kissed a guy with an open sore, etc.

If she won't come clean then ask her to do a polygraph test. I don't think that's unreasonable given the context.

If you stampede directly to divorce you could be painted as abandoning your sick wife.

yosemitesam00 · 2024-07-21T19:16:49+00:00

If I were you, I'd get another round of HIV tests done to reduce the chances of false positives. Secondly, get a DNA test done on the 4 yr old.

silmarp · 2024-07-21T19:15:34+00:00

Dude, you are being naïve. Just hit her where it hurts.

Tell her you don't care but you won't stay married to someone who can give you aids. Provide no further questions no nothing. Show her that she doesn't matter. She is playing games? Show her the games don't matter because you consider yourself a priority.

Any-Dare-7261 · 2024-07-21T19:10:20+00:00

I would file for divorce unless she admits it. If she admits it and you can live with it then that’s you. But she doubled down on a lie. Either she shot dope or screwed around.

Opening_Sprinkles_60 · 2024-07-21T18:14:46+00:00

Some please will double down on a lie when confronted…My mother wouldn’t admit, even when confronted with DNA evidence that I was the result of an out of marriage relationship. Despite having all the facts, she took that lie (in her mind)to the grave without acknowledgement. She put up smoke screens, gaslighting, and playing like she was delusional and the victim. It was sad that a lie had that much power over her life. best to make peace with it and don’t let any one bull shit you especially if the math ain’t mathing. What angered me the most is when people try to manipulate you as if you are stupid and taking your understanding, compassion, and kindness for weakness.

BigPapaJava · 2024-07-22T10:50:42+00:00

Cheating is one obvious possibility, but it’s not the only way HIV is spread.

She may not have “cheated” on you by sleeping with someone else… has she ever had a drugs problem?

A lot of heterosexual HIV transmission comes from sharing dirty needles instead of sex.

Temporary_Medicine79 · 2024-07-23T08:36:04+00:00

Did she test negative for HIV in the first pregnancy? I would find out if it’s possible that she could carry the disease and test negative. I think this may be possible but I’m not sure. How was the relationship before all of this? Is there any chance she was being treated without you knowing it before the second child? Hell of a cloud to live under for so long. What do you know of her before the marriage? Possibility of drug use or risky sex? Possible work place exposure?

potatotornado44 · 2024-07-21T18:08:28+00:00

Cheater cheater, now she has a death sentence.

Hope it was worth it

BrughMaster · 2024-07-21T18:03:06+00:00

My brother had a false positive and then second test results came back negative 3 weeks later. That was rough 3 weeks.

Comprehensive-Kick28 · 2024-07-21T17:41:20+00:00

So you stayin’ or leaving? I wouldn’t worry about the rest

robertstone123456 · 2024-07-21T17:22:44+00:00

Sorry brother, talk about a big time body blow, I can’t even imagine the shock you’re going through.

Chances are she unfortunately cheated sometime after the first child. Unless the extremely rare incident, she went to the dentist and the instruments were not heat sterilized.

ArtichokeSavings9472 · 2024-07-21T17:20:56+00:00

That’s awful I would sit her down and have a real convo also please please stop having sex with her nonsense in getting it if you have somehow been lucky enough to dodge it

HusbandGettingBetter · 2024-07-21T17:20:18+00:00

Is there a chance that the HIV positive test results were a false positive?

Just in case, she should get two more tests independent of each other.

Do not make life altering decisions based on potentially unreliable evidence.

Sovetcki · 2024-07-21T17:13:56+00:00

What in the fuck... I'm going to give you peace of mind and confidently tell you that she cheated. Tell her in all seriousness that you (somehow) know for a fact that she cheated and that you can't live with it unless she comes fully clean. When she comes clean.. it's up to you what to do. I would take the kids and leave.

WulfHund00 · 2024-07-21T16:35:11+00:00

If there were no blood transfusions, and she wasn’t using needles, then she got it thru sex. If you did not hear about an HIV diagnosis with the first child seven years ago, then she did not have it then. She got it sometime between the two kids. You know what happened. The most likely scenario is that she had sexual contact outside your relationship. The dealbreaker for me would be that she exposed you to this and is not coming clean.

WulfHund00 · 2024-07-21T16:30:49+00:00

Over 10 years infected and then diagnosed incidentally without symptoms although not impossible, is very unlikely. She would have had an HIV test with the previous child, and you would’ve know she was HIV positive then. Also unlikely she had false negative test with the first child 7 years ago because infection over 10 years ago would give her 3 years to generate antibodies and a thus a positive test.

Open-Jacket-6499 · 2024-07-21T16:09:18+00:00

Clarify on timeline: 1. Married in 2014 2. First kid born in 2017, breastfed, tested negative 3. Pregnant in 2020, she tests positive

No medical procedures involving transfusion or surgery from 2017-2020.

There was a so called "break" from marriage in 2019. That's where my mind goes.

consultingthrowaw4y · 2024-07-21T16:00:35+00:00

I guess you'd know if she had blood transfusion, so you know the answer. Problem is with justice, probably she'll get away with it, as you can't prove it.

ramboton · 2024-07-21T16:00:13+00:00

i am not a doctor and I do not know a lot about HIV, but I do know how to google.....

North Texas Health Services says - When a person unknowingly contracts HIV, he or she may live for up to 10 – 15 years before ever developing symptoms or finding out they have the virus.

So it is possible it happened before she met you.

captainchippsixx · 2024-07-21T15:53:04+00:00

I would look deep into her phone. If she cheated it could be there somewhere

hwiegob · 2024-07-21T15:49:56+00:00

There's only a few ways to get it. Sex. IV Drug use (including medical). Blood transfusion.

It's easy to leap to cheating, but it is possible to get it other ways. Some totally innocent.

xeskind30 · 2024-07-21T15:46:02+00:00

It's either a blood transfusion or she cheated. I understand that it hurts, but you must get to the bottom of it. Any update on a DNA test for the kids? I am glad you and the kids are safe, but man, what a hit coming out of left field.

aquatone61 · 2024-07-21T15:32:14+00:00

Has she had any medical issues that would have required blood transfusion or something like that? It’s possible it could have come from a medical procedure.

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-07-21T14:28:01+00:00

Man, that is awful. If you know for a fact that no drugs were involved and shes not one of those random victims of medical malpractice (odds are extremely low), then someone here is lying... Also, HIV is transmitted sexually (primary mechanism), so it's quite astonishing that you are not HIV+. Are you sure?

Cheap_House8696 · 2024-07-21T11:59:02+00:00

That's awful, but yes she cheated, thankfully she did not not pass it to you or your children, I would get a DNA test done as well sadly.

Title	She has HIV
Author	Open-Jacket-6499
Upvotes	49
Comments	131
Date	July 21, 2024 6:50 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1e8g9vk/she_has_hiv/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-has-hiv.1524875 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524875

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