How would you feel if your bf/husband said he wasn’t initially attracted to you?

avocado-afficionado · 2024-10-13T09:27:54+00:00

I’m ok with it, but it depends. Does he mean he wasn’t initially attracted to me as in “didn’t really think about it” and it wasn’t an immediate love at first sight? Or did he have to actively convince himself to find me attractive? Cuz the latter would hurt.

iamsojellyofu · 2024-10-13T02:48:34+00:00

I would feel hurt ngl

missmireya · 2024-10-13T03:26:53+00:00

Tbh it would destroy me. In my opinion there needs to be an initial attraction from both sides.

MistyMaisel · 2024-10-13T02:34:55+00:00

Honestly, not shocked. We met at a mma gym which for those who don't know usually means as a woman you end up pretty quickly looking like a cave woman with drowned rat hair. To say nothing of the whole dehydrated blotchy I just fought for my life look. And the gis don't do a whole lot for your figure.

Frankly, I'd kind of find it positive too because it'd mean he liked me for more than my looks and saw who I really am. Which as a girl who is generally considered quite beautiful would be refreshing.

I could see if he said it the wrong way, like, in a way that implied he thought I was plain or ugly until he fell in love. That'd hurt. But if it was just you were a face in a crowd or I didn't feel instant chemistry. No reason to take that badly.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-10-13T10:12:44+00:00

Me and my boyfriend both thought the other one was kinda "meh" when we first met. Someone physically not looking bad doesn't mean you have to be enamoured with them immediately.

YouHateTheMost · 2024-10-13T11:24:25+00:00

It’s whatever and kind of expected lol, I believe that you need to have quite a few conversations to truly get to know the person before you, mind body and soul. Initial attraction makes no difference, as long as he’s fallen in love with me after he got to know me better :)

MoshiMoshi78 · 2024-10-13T02:15:30+00:00

It would definitely sting a little. Like I wouldn't break up over it but yeah, it would suck ass for a bit knowing that....

Smooth-Atmosphere657 · 2024-10-13T10:13:25+00:00

I think that it’s an unecessary comment to make. What does it even achieve? It’s just bringing up something hurtful which has no benefit to anyone. I would be really hurt, it’s an ignorance is bliss situation. It would be more hurtful them telling me than them feeling that way since I just think telling someone that is to cause harm. It’s overly honest for no reason.

Gillionaire25 · 2024-10-13T10:15:51+00:00

Hypothetically, I wouldn't care. I know I'm not a 10/10 and that I take awful photos. As long as he's attracted to me now that's enough. He's also named a few things about my personality that got him interested initially and that's more important to me than the fact that he finds me hot.

I used to get annoyed by guys who approached me based on nothing more than how I looked. It felt shallow and dehumanizing and I didn't have any respect for them.

flipsidetroll · 2024-10-13T13:58:56+00:00

I would feel nothing that would change my feelings for them. If that’s how they developed feelings, that’s how they developed feelings. (Clearly I’m a grower not a shower hehe). Getting upset of HOW someone develops feelings for me is an absurd thing to get upset over. Who cares how it happens? Getting upset over that is as absurd as being mad someone doesn’t love you when you love them. Even if I instantly felt attracted to them, how they became attracted to me, makes zero difference to me.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-10-13T02:12:50+00:00

I’m fine with it. I don’t want a man who focuses too heavily or primarily on my physical appearance. It’s a much bigger compliment for a man to find me trustworthy, loyal and a great companion rather than hot. Most of the time spent in a relationship is not in the bedroom so to speak thus it’s better to be recognized and respected for how we will spend the majority of our time together not the minority of our time together.

IcyTrapezium · 2024-10-13T02:25:42+00:00

A lot of women say that? I’ve always - ALWAYS - immediately known I was attracted to any man I’ve dated. Sometimes that attraction grew, sometimes it diminished.

I wouldn’t continue seeing a man who said this. He could be testing how much negative talk I’ll tolerate/negging me. Or he could be telling the truth and then I’d not want to continue the relationship. I once dated a man who told me that when we first met he was simultaneously extremely attracted to and repulsed by me. That relationship ended in a dead bedroom situation. Never again.

I get into relationships for a close friend and sex. A friend wouldn’t neg me and a man who wasn’t initially attracted to me probably wouldn’t want to have sex often. Hard pass.

EulenWatcher · 2024-10-13T03:00:48+00:00

It would be ideal if he was demisexual too.

This way we could easily relate to each other's experience and a problem of not finding pretty much anyone romantically/sexually attractive without getting to know them well.

ThatBitchA · 2024-10-13T03:01:45+00:00

Wouldn't sting or impact me in the slightest.

In fact, I'd expect it. I prefer a man who voices that he's attracted to my whole being, not just my attractive af face/body.

I personally hate being told that someone found me hot at first glance.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-10-13T02:35:28+00:00

I don't see how a relationship of mine could have ever started that way with a man. a man who wasn't attracted to me approached me picked me up took me home and then we spent weeks having sex multiple times a day until he moved in?

KikiYuyu · 2024-10-13T06:22:42+00:00

I'd feel bad, but just how bad I would feel depends on how it got said to me. But yeah, I'd feel negatively either way. I would feel glad that they changed their mind in the end, and it wouldn't ruin the relationship. It would be something I ask them about and feel a little insecure about.

SlothMonster9 · 2024-10-13T14:11:34+00:00

Depends if he usually finds most women attractive or if he's like me and usually finds everyone neutral. Me and my husband fell in love with each other when we were in 6th grade, so no, we were not initially attracted to each other.

attendquoi · 2024-10-13T15:02:40+00:00

Not bothered, I don't even remember the first time I saw him so I wasn't initially attracted to him either.

NaturalQueer · 2024-10-13T16:39:30+00:00

I think it depends on how it was said, but I don’t think this would ever happen cause I’ve really only dated people who have shown interest in me in at least some way sexually. Also it’s just kinda a mean thing to say so I would also be reacting to why they would say that.

I wouldn’t ever date someone who I wasn’t attracted to, I have dated people who I didn’t really think about that way at first but not people I am actively not attracted to.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2024-10-14T03:53:21+00:00

I'd be okay with it.

Attraction developing over time is perfectly fine with me.

I'd like him to find me attractive, but it didn't have to be immediate. And tbh let's be honest I'm no 10/10.

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NaturalQueer · 2024-10-13T16:39:30+00:00

I think it depends on how it was said, but I don’t think this would ever happen cause I’ve really only dated people who have shown interest in me in at least some way sexually. Also it’s just kinda a mean thing to say so I would also be reacting to why they would say that.

I wouldn’t ever date someone who I wasn’t attracted to, I have dated people who I didn’t really think about that way at first but not people I am actively not attracted to.

NaturalQueer · 2024-10-13T16:39:44+00:00

I think it depends on how it was said, but I don’t think this would ever happen cause I’ve really only dated people who have shown interest in me in at least some way sexually. Also it’s just kinda a mean thing to say so I would also be reacting to why they would say that.

I wouldn’t ever date someone who I wasn’t attracted to, I have dated people who I didn’t really think about that way at first but not people I am actively not attracted to.

Sorcha16 · 2024-10-13T17:52:43+00:00

I would wonder why he needed to tell me this. Sure if he felt it but why the need for me to know?

Sophiatab · 2024-10-13T20:00:18+00:00

My question is, how would you feel if your male partner said he wasn’t initially attracted to you? Would it feel more positive or would it sting a little?

My entire dating history (and both my marriages) has been men who admitted they weren't initially attracted to me, but somehow liking me just grew on them.

AnonPinkLady · 2024-10-13T21:39:14+00:00

I’m gunna go against the grain and say that it depends on the way it’s said. Me and my partner both found each other good looking when we first met but both of us strongly prefer sexual intimacy only in committed romantic context so when we first met neither of us was looking to go straight to bone town. If he said it in that sort of way like “the first time I saw you I just thought you were cute / beautiful but now I see you and I can’t keep my hands off you” or something along those lines- that wouldn’t bother me at all. However I think in any other context that would hurt anyone

Sadsad0088 · 2024-10-14T02:04:39+00:00

Like shit but I wouldn’t have gotten with him unless I felt his strong attraction so it wouldn’t be a real issue

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2024-10-14T12:26:41+00:00

I wouldn't be with him. Unless a man expresses he is very enthusiastically sexually attracted to me, from day one, there is no moving forward. Sexual attraction on both sides is a requirement for me.

Difficult_Falcon1022 · 2024-10-14T12:51:02+00:00

It really depends on the why I guess. I've known partners for a long time before we got together, so for a long time I wasn't attracted to them but still thought they were cute obviously. There's a difference between that and being unattracted to someone.

I appreciate to some this is "only" semantics but this is the sort of topic where the semantics is the cause of the conflict. People use words like attraction in debates and get annoyed at others and often it seems like it's because they're using the word to mean slightly different things.

So to answer your question, if my partner said "yeah I wasn't sexually attracted to you before we got together but thought you were cute" I'd obviously be fine as that's presumably how I'd also felt. If it was more "I didn't think you were cute" then I'd be miffed and confused why they'd say it.

DXBrigade · 2024-10-14T15:01:38+00:00

I don't mind, I am aware I am average looking at best.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-10-13T06:25:30+00:00

Depends on why.

Title	How would you feel if your bf/husband said he wasn’t initially attracted to you?
Author	cardboard_pyramid
Upvotes	80
Comments	110
Date	October 13, 2024 2:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g2ficq/how_would_you_feel_if_your_bfhusband_said_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-you-feel-if-your-bfhusband-said-he-wasnt.1533162 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533162

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