Q4M: You meet the perfect woman but you find out about her ex

krackedy · 2024-11-01T21:28:23+00:00

She's perfect and we have amazing chemistry? Awesome.

I don't give a fuck about her ex. As long as she's not still hung up on him, he's not an issue.

DGenerationMC · 2024-11-01T21:45:16+00:00

I'd ask her what was his overall rating in Madden and then never think about him again.

shadowrangerfs · 2024-11-01T21:27:51+00:00

If she's my ideal woman, then her ex-doesn't matter. There's a reason they aren't together anymore. Either she doesn't want him or he doesn't want her. Either way, I got nothing to worry about.

VojakOne · 2024-11-01T21:05:58+00:00

I'd shrug and go back to enjoying time with my perfect woman.

What kinda hypothetical is this lmao

Is this actually an issue for people? And if so, what's the issue? That she has an ex or that he's huge?

IcyStormDragon · 2024-11-01T22:18:50+00:00

Provided he's not a gangster or a drug addict I literally could not care less.

OwnedIGN · 2024-11-01T22:00:53+00:00

I am fucking screaming at that description 😂😂😂

“Black with dreads and gold chains. “🤣🤣

I’d feel she might be out of my league in that instance or that maybe I am outmatched - if I am being totally honest.

I’d run it up for as long as I could.

KentuckyCriedFlickin · 2024-11-01T22:43:53+00:00

Imagine if you were a "6'3 210 lbs NFL cornerback, absolutely shredded, dreads, gold chain, gold teeth, tatted up, double styrofoam cups" guy while reading this post. What changes lmao?

EsotericRonin · 2024-11-01T23:15:47+00:00

Lot of dudes in here need therapy. Saying they would leave her because clearly she's setting because they can't possibly compare to him. Once again not realizing that looks only matter so far as getting in the door; once you're in the door, personality compatibility matters more. If you're in the door in this situation, you've already won. This girl can get nfl players but wants to be with you for a reason.

Combatenjoyer23 · 2024-11-01T21:10:20+00:00

I'm trying to align my idea of the absolute perfect woman with one that would be partying with NFL players on a yacht and it just doesn't work.

But let's say that she's kinda close-ish to my ideal and I found that picture in her garbage, I'd think to myself "damn that's crazy", and continue the relationship as usual. But I would be well aware that she could cheat/leave me at any time and I would be fully ready to bounce at the first red flag. Basically I would just accept the fact that this relationship is likely going to be short term and derive whatever enjoyment out of it I could for however long it lasts.

OilJust4498 · 2024-11-01T22:02:19+00:00

>You meet the perfect woman

You can stop right there. I would take almost any women. The perfect woman? Thank who cares about her ex, that shit is in the past, Hell it could be in the present and while I wouldn't like it I'd probably tolerate it, especially if she was the perfect.

wtknight · 2024-11-01T21:14:35+00:00

I wouldn’t care as long as I knew that she liked me for being me and as long as the guy was actually her boyfriend and not just some guy whom she was sleeping with. I don’t date women who have had casual sex.

Windmill_flowers · 2024-11-01T22:18:29+00:00

YOU define your perfect woman. Body, face, hair, age, fashion style, weight, shape, attitude, personality, mindset, interests, etc. You got her in mind? Ok great.

Upon a closer look this guy is easily a 6'3 210 lbs NFL cornerback, absolutely shredded, dreads, gold chain, gold teeth, tatted up, double styrofoam cups, etc. They're on holiday in Jamaica on a yacht of some kind. She appears to be having the time of her life.

This is a woman that's clearly out of my league.

Dry-Ad3452 · 2024-11-01T22:47:37+00:00

I would prolly ask her who it is first, but I would likely shrug it off. As long as she ain't pining over him I'd be fine.

Goonerlouie · 2024-11-01T22:51:23+00:00

Whilst I prefer ex’s to be out of sight and out of mind for both for us, it wouldn’t really matter because it’s not all about looks, and if the chemistry is amazing, love will soon follow

meltbananarama · 2024-11-01T23:03:36+00:00

If she’s perfect and we have amazing chemistry I see no reason to care, but this hypothetical reads suspiciously like some cuck fantasy. Absolutely no reason for this guy to be a jacked black guy with a gold chain and grills. OP might as well have ended it with “How this make you feel white boy”

weenieandthebutt · 2024-11-01T23:13:11+00:00

I'm currently in a relationship with someone whose exes are all guys much taller than me yet to me it's a relief knowing that they weren't some chauvinistic rudeboy types or random Chads she had one night stands with. She has a picture of one of her first loves from her teenage years (she's a lot older than me) in her bedroom but it doesn't bother me at all.

Despite being outside her normally height preference, at least she doesn't treat me different nor held me to a different standard. If anything, she's the jealous, angry and territorial type at the slightest mention of my own ex.

It's mostly casual hookups that I'm funny about, past relationships I'm okay with.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2024-11-01T23:30:37+00:00

True story:

When I finally started leveling up, I went to my local gym to get a personal trainer. As I’m talking with one of the reps, this dude walks in. 6’6, tan skin, tatted, chiseled jawline, jacked but not too jacked, looked like a model. I jokingly pointed to him and told the rep “I wanna look like that dude”. He walked over and introduced himself. He was super chill.

Over the months of training we’d give each other a nod. I’d sometimes ask him for advice. I’d always notice women approaching him and giggling. Must be nice.

Then I met the perfect woman. After 4 months of FWB I started dating her exclusively. One day I bring her to the gym. She takes one look at him and her face gets red. I already knew.

We had a conversation afterwards in my car. Yup. They hooked up about a year and a half back.

I married her.

I still give him the nod when I see him at the gym.

Go ahead and call me a cuck, whatever. Yeah it slightly annoys me if I spend time thinking about it… but at the end of the day, I know she’s happy with me. I know she’s given her sexual best to me. I’ve taken her further and to more intense expirence than anyone. And I know she’s truly “in love” with me (as opposed to just loving me) Looks aren’t everything.

TheNattyJew · 2024-11-02T00:21:46+00:00

I'd be curious. Finding the pic would be a good opportunity to dig into why they broke up and how she feels about it. I have learned a lot about the women I am dating just by asking them things. This situation doesn't have to be weird unless I make it weird

Anonreddit96 · 2024-11-02T00:40:45+00:00

Kind of depends on how she is treating me. If she is indeed over him and is showing no signs of still in love with him then I couldn't care less who her ex is. Unless they are some kind of psychopath with powerwho would kill others or something.

But if she is the perfect women and if we are in an ideal relationship then her past wouldn't really matter much. Do note that, to be considered as my ideal women she also has to be mature enough to not get into another relationship until she is over her ex.

cookietoffeee · 2024-11-02T14:58:28+00:00

I'm leaving, I will never be able to compete and all of the time all she will think is about him, compared to him I'm a downgrade and she deserves better.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-11-01T21:05:36+00:00

I’d laugh and be like “best I can do is Jamaca Ny!” And then enjoy our time together

(As an aside, my wife’s ex was a tall pre-med major from a family of doctors. She still picked me, so: yeah)

berichorbeburied · 2024-11-01T22:10:44+00:00

When I’ve know women have been with other men

And if I have to see it

Either the sex tape or the guy or pictures of them together

I get a visceral reaction

And either temporarily or permanently I lose the bond/love/trust/loyalty/care/love I had for them

It really only affects the platonic qualities of my heart

I will still fuck them and date them and be nice or respectful or whatever

But I just no longer care or feel attatchment

So in your hypothetical scenario I’d probably still have sex

But if withdraw temporarily and not really want to talk or be invested

Probably just think of my situation and what’s the best possible move to make

Think about my emotions and self reflect on them

Tj21040 · 2024-11-01T22:12:34+00:00

I’d have one foot in the door and one foot out.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-11-01T20:56:03+00:00

I don’t say a word; I just walk out the door and ghost her

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Able_Meeting_7534 · 2024-11-01T22:12:53+00:00

Why would that bother me?

wtknight · 2024-11-01T22:16:21+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MikeArrow · 2024-11-01T23:08:43+00:00

I'd likely become extremely insecure, jealous and possessive. I'd try not to be, but I'm only human.

Throwaway26702008 · 2024-11-01T23:24:23+00:00

I might feel a little insecure and be surprised about why she has pics of her ex.

Other than that, idgaf

2024-11-01T23:25:22+00:00

Q4M: You meet the perfect woman but you find out about her ex

This is already unrealistic. I don't care about exes.

You are at her house and are throwing away some orange peels in the kitchen garbage

She doesn't compost them? What a skank.

when in the garbage you see photos of her and her ex...

Nah, I wouldn't. That's in the garbage, so I wouldn't notice or care about it. The garbage can exists so that I do not have to think about its contents ever again.

Upon a closer look this guy is easily a 6'3 210 lbs NFL cornerback, absolutely shredded, dreads, gold chain, gold teeth, tatted up, double styrofoam cups, etc. They're on holiday in Jamaica on a yacht of some kind. She appears to be having the time of her life.

So? He clearly still fumbled, and I get to reap the windfall of his fuck up. Why I would even bother to take a closer look in the first place is beyond me, he's just some sucker she thinks so little of she literally threw everything connecting her to him in the trash.

How do you feel? What do you say?

I feel great, I'd probably say nothing as I finish making breakfast. Nothing needs to be said until we have to figure out who is getting naked so we can eat breakfast off their nude body. 💅

ZennedGame · 2024-11-01T23:40:25+00:00

People will tell you a lot if you know what questions to ask and what to look for in the answer. This applies both verbally and nonverbal; I've learned more from how she answers a question than the answer itself, which is filtered to some extent.

I would start by asking if that was an ex, as to prevent building a story that is a fabrication of my own mind.

If the answer is yes, I would ask what made her leave him.

Depending on our level of seriousness, I may or may not ask why she feels the need to hold onto - no, to DISPLAY - that photo. There is a difference between a photo overtly in the kitchen and finding it in some dusty box in her closet 3 years in.

ComfortableJeans · 2024-11-02T00:05:46+00:00

Honestly, maybe be a bit insecure. I'm 6'3 and about 205lbs now. I'm strong, but I'm not super jacked. No tattoos, though. I did used to get fucked up at parties on codine and booze though. I even had a big gold chain at one point. So we're not that different.

I don't think I say anything about it. Inside, my raction would be to get a little insecure, but I don't think to the extent to let it alter the relationship. It's just one ex, that isn't THAT MUCH different from me.

Maybe I over compensate in some way for a bit at worst? I don't know. I think I would just experience some irrational emotional pain and try not to let it get to me.

My ex was a gym bunny that would go running every day and maintain a BF% blow a certain number. If my next partner isn't that, it doesn't mean I would love them any less, so I guess I'd hope my partner would feel that same way about me... Even if it's silly for me to be worried, because I'm about a big as the person you described.

I think it's normal to instantly compare yourself to someone in a situation like that, have a little worry that you don't measure up in some way, worry that you might not be enough for a person who you love. But I know my love for my partners hasn't depended on my exs, so I'd hope for the same.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2024-11-02T00:12:46+00:00

I would date but not marry.

Sure, she would be perfect. But unless the guy is an NFL QB, is HE "perfect" in terms of PHYSICAL attraction. Of course she would be perfect for Cubicle Carl's goofy self.

Basic Bob is a perfect "safe" man. Yes, she is interested in me. But is she interested in me as the safe option? Also, it's EARLY in the "dating" process. Of course everyone is all excited and happy. People change over time. People also change later in a relationship.

shimapanlover · 2024-11-02T01:38:21+00:00

Perfect in every way? I would marry her.

I wouldn't care who she was with. Perfect means she is loyal and would agree to the craziest shit I can imagine.

Perfect would also mean she is rich, I could quit my job and play video games all the time and she'd still love me. Honestly I don't mind if she was with a whole football team.

But perfect doesn't exist.

unhingedtherapist254 · 2024-11-02T03:43:41+00:00

Honestly, Probably just break things off. I'm really not big on dating ppl who had exes who were the exact opposite of me, especially personality-wise. I would sooner end up cheating or have a difficult time treating them right

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-11-02T08:50:31+00:00

Nothing actually. I'm better than him otherwise she woudln't be with me.

fredwester · 2024-11-02T09:46:19+00:00

My view is a bit different from most, I guess.

I sincerely doubt the fella has more tattoo coverage than me. Few do. But if he did, then it may give me pause to ask myself why she's consistently going for men with extreme amounts of tattoos - being part of someone's fetish isn't really flattering to me.

Apart from that, I find a lot of the things you mentioned - gold teeth and chains - to be quite silly looking. They certainly wouldn't intimidate me. Might cause a little chuckle, but that's it.

But the rest of the stuff - presumably very goodlooking man, wealthy, with whom she obviously had a good time. The fact that she's chucking her memories of him in the bin AFTER ONLY A FEW DATES WITH ME is extremely flattering.

I'd take that as a sign that I can compete with someone she obviously really liked. And it would also be a bit of an ego boost that she considered me "on the same level" (and if she's chucking out pics, then maybe even above the level) as someone who is very attractive and rich. Back of the net.

Windmill_flowers · 2024-11-02T11:31:34+00:00

Well, if she has a black thing, I don’t know that I would be the best match for her.

Cultural-Ad-8486 · 2024-11-02T11:45:57+00:00

I would probably continue the relationship with her. It could cause me a small attack of self-doubt and possessiveness, but probably all the bad emotions would quickly pass.

I would try to look at her attitude towards me from the outside and if we take into account that she is a "perfect woman" for me, then her behavior towards me is also ideal. I would probably ask her about the photos of this guy and whether I need to know something important for her personal boundaries, but by her body language I would understand her negative attitude towards him. Especially since these photos in the trash can were torn for a reason).

Probably guys who do not like this situation are worried about the feeling of inadequacy in appearance, inadequacy and retroactive jealousy. Self-doubt and retroactive jealousy can very often be valid feelings and essentially a warning from our brain. I treat this as an analogue of a car's "check engine" sensor, warning us of potential danger.

But any envy and jealousy cannot exist in conditions where a person feels loved and appreciated, so while this specific "perfect woman" treats me like a king, then everything is fine).

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-11-02T12:01:25+00:00

I’d be curious why she still has the photos, why she owns a home on her own, those are bigger questions.

Fact is, I’m more of a “got laid, don’t care” guy. Her behavior can either keep me around or eject me. I can fuck other chicks if I want to. Up to her to behave well. Is what it is. You get the enthusiasm you elicit.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-11-02T12:02:18+00:00

in the garbage you see photos of her and her ex

I see this as an absolute win.

Zabadoodude · 2024-11-02T15:21:30+00:00

If she seems really into me I wouldn't care. If she still seems hung up on het ex or isnt that excited about me, then I'm going to bounce, even if she's perfect I'm every other way.

2024-11-02T19:31:22+00:00

This post is pretty racist

Intelligent-Insight · 2024-11-02T23:26:14+00:00

Doesn't matter, it's not about her ex, it's about the dick count. If she had one ex like that and then chose me, it's better than if she had five lower-caliber exes. If that one ex was so great why would she choose me? If she did, I have nothing to worry about. And if it's just one, it's less disgusting than any other number except zero. And if it's just one of many, the problem is the many part, not this one ex.

EugeneCezanne · 2024-11-03T20:46:30+00:00

I don't think I would find it very interesting.

How did you expect men to respond to what is, as far as I can see, an amazing bit of good luck?

Silver_Switch_3109 · 2024-11-04T06:17:13+00:00

Most people have exes.

James_M_Croft · 2024-11-12T19:14:10+00:00

I would consider it a giant red flag and remember it for later, but would probably remain with her.

Busy_Recognition_860 · 2024-11-22T19:57:58+00:00

I’m guessing she needed the polar opposite of her ex, then?

Anyways if she’s perfect, she’s perfect.

Windmill_flowers · 2024-11-01T21:17:51+00:00

It's hard to imagine the perfect woman is dating me but still keeps photos of her ex.

In any case, I would keep the involvement casual, I wouldn't mind having casual relationships with someone who desires their ex.

OriginalThought171 · 2024-11-01T20:59:32+00:00

Hmm, thats a tough one.

Honestly, i would try to not compare myself to what this image represents, but it would definitely affect me negatively.

You know as they say, comparison is the thief of joy.

I would think: "What was the reason for the breakup? Am i her 'safe' option?"

I probably wouldn't say anything

ArtifactFan65 · 2024-11-01T21:35:49+00:00

My perfect woman is a virgin

enesutku12 · 2024-11-01T21:09:30+00:00

pump and dump

Cyrrow · 2024-11-02T00:16:30+00:00

Wonder if she had sex with him on the first date.

Incarnate24 · 2024-11-01T20:57:03+00:00

Have you already slept together in this scenario?

QuantityAcademic · 2024-11-01T21:00:44+00:00

Depends. I'd ask her how I compare and leave based on her response.

Barely-moral · 2024-11-01T21:59:24+00:00

If this is a surprise to me I will no longer hire the private investigator I hired to find everything about her before I decided to date her.

I should hire another private investigator to find out about this relationship that previous private investigator failed to inform me and after I have enough information I can make an informed decision about what to do.

I don't know her. I can't make a decision yet.

ImpossibleJaguar2727 · 2024-11-01T21:28:24+00:00

I'd realize I'll never be able to live up to who her previous man was and leave that relationship. Going from a man like that to me is a major downgrade and I'd highly doubt she'd actually be attracted to me.

No point in being with a woman if I can't be her best.

Title	Q4M: You meet the perfect woman but you find out about her ex
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	296
Date	November 1, 2024 8:51 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ghfl20/q4m_you_meet_the_perfect_woman_but_you_find_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-you-meet-the-perfect-woman-but-you-find-out.1533956 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533956

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