What are you looking for?

Gitsumrestmf · 2025-06-02T19:53:25+00:00

That's because different men are different. I know, surprising.

Personally, I have no interest in short-term, "casual" relationships. My goal, in terms of a relationship, is marriage and kids. Not interested in someone, who doesn't share that goal, and doesn't show the qualities needed for it.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-06-02T20:20:55+00:00

I wanted to marry a woman who could simultaneously be my best friend, someone I physically desired, and someone with a matching sex drive for me.

Before I thought about marriage, I still wanted all of these things sans the long-term items, in a girlfriend.

Things that were musts:

Sense of humor
Good conversation + An ability to discuss both the abstract and the specific
Looks and style
Compatible life goals (long-term)
Matching libidos + Matching sex-positive views on intimacy
Sense of adventure + Intellectual curiosity about the world
Intelligence + Emotional intelligence + Supportive partner + kind
Has a backbone, stands up for herself. Speaks her mind
Enough overlapping interests and hobbies that we had things to bond over
Enough non-overlapping interests and hobbies that we retained separate identities
A willingness to continue growing and improving throughout the relationship and life in general (long-term)
Team mindset when it comes to the two of us. Us against the world if it has to be, as long as we're united.
Financially responsible. (long-term)
No addictions.

Things that were nice to haves I found in her specifically but weren't required:

Good dancer/artistic/creative
Great cook/chef
Great with computers and hardware
Occasionally alternative styles (this is hot)
She looks young for her age. People say I do too, so we match in that regard, but as we've stayed together I love how she seems to age half as fast as everyone around us.
Inherited wealth (this was a totally unexpected bonus, and in no way factored into me choosing her)
Adventurousness in the bedroom beyond just matching libidos.
Her willingness to learn about and try some of hte hobbies that weren't overlapped, but not all.
Compatible traumas and her patience with me, and willingness to work through both of our issues - particularly those concerning our parents (we both have big issues with our upbringing and how we were raised that we didn't truly get to unpack until we were already dating).

Ultramega39 · 2025-06-02T19:50:06+00:00

I'm looking for real authentic love.

In a age where people promote gender war nonsense, or being overly paranoid about everything. I just want to have a real deep connection with someone who is loyal, emotionally intelligent, ambitious, absolutely exquisite, and matches my vibe.

Environmental_Day558 · 2025-06-02T20:17:16+00:00

I'm married now but when I was dating, this is what I looked for

Monogamy. This is a must, I don't do open relationships or "ENM" or side pieces or whatever they're calling it unless it's one sided on my end, which is not likely so I don't even bother.
Attraction. I need somebody that I like looking at. I wasn't requiring a super model, i'd be happy with an average looking woman if I found her cute and she checks all the boxes but below that, I couldn't do for any reason.
Similar age. We have a 4 almost 5 year gap but that's close enough. I couldn't date someone too much younger like dudes go after 18,19,20 yos but I need someone who is in a similar position. Too young they're not gonna want to settle down. I didn't want anyone too much older than me either.
Childfree. I had a vasectomy done, I don't want any kids ever. I didn't want any step children either. She has to not want kids or have any.
Similar lifestyle. Like if she's the type to want to live like a nomad and travel and live in many to foreign countries for half the year that wouldn't work out due to my work.
I get along with. This one is simple, we can't connect or enjoy each other's company then it wouldn't work. This includes stuff like religion, I'm not religious and idc if she is but if that is against her beliefs, i'm not converting and we wouldn't be compatible.

onlyaseeker · 2025-06-03T10:56:54+00:00

Sane, human people with a reasonable level of consciousness, which includes self-awareness and integrity. Exceedingly rare these days.

It's really not complicated. People like this should be the norm. But society has fallen off a cliff and is collapsing. Collapse just doesn't look like fire and brimstone. It looks like the republic in Star Wars before The Empire.

qwertyuduyu321 · 2025-06-02T20:00:10+00:00

What are you looking for?

A partner that I'm sufficiently attracted to, both on a physical and interpersonal level.

Nothing more, nothing less.

NiaNia-Data · 2025-06-02T19:46:27+00:00

Not fat, not ugly, not mean, not crazy, not stupid. but there is lee way here and there.

meisterkraus · 2025-06-02T19:34:40+00:00

A Long term relationship with a woman that is : Kind, caring,can communicate, honest, has similar goals, will to work for those goals, ability to compromise, open sexually.

If I could get that in an Asian or Hispanic woman that would be cool. Also red heads and alt girls (love me tattoos and piercings).

wtknight · 2025-06-03T00:07:31+00:00

I am looking to happily continue my marriage.

Soft-Neat8117 · 2025-06-03T00:22:59+00:00

I know this isn't going to be a popular answer, but I'm interested in looks and that's pretty much it. I've never wanted to get married or have a long term relationship, so I couldn't give a shit about personality, common interests and so forth.

I just want sex from hot women. I'll never have it unless I pay for escorts, but I still want it.

I'm not saying anything long-term is completely off the table, but I just don't see it happening. I get bored easily, I care only about myself and have a bad temper so I'd probably be a terrible husband/boyfriend.

Gold_Sheepherder6569 · 2025-06-02T20:53:41+00:00

I'm interested in a long term relationship but I'm not fully decided on kids, I think casual sex is pretty hollow

growframe · 2025-06-02T20:54:49+00:00

Right now: I'm not looking for anything, I'm focusing on other stuff.

Long term: Ideally an LTR (not marriage) with a girl that fits my wants, particularly not wanting kids.

Illustrious_Wish_383 · 2025-06-02T21:38:49+00:00

I feel like I'm spread a bit thin right now for commitment. 2 jobs, one of which is a new career I picked up in my 40's, so not only am I short on free time, learning a new field and career takes considerable mental bandwidth and energy too. I do plan to retire from one of my jobs, but this will be 5 years from now. That said, unless I win the lotto, it's the plan, and I'll be debt free before the end of the year *knock on wood*

I'm also an introvert - not antisocial, just naturally rather self-contained. I've adopted a fairly minimalist lifestyle over the past few years, and don't really desire to change that.

I was married, it didn't end well. I have no desire to get married again. If things don't work out, no reason to get lawyers involved. And I never wanted kids either.

So if I could find a woman who is okay with:

Someone who works hard, and long hours

Someone who prefers to live relatively simply or doesn't mind a partner who does

Someone who is okay with a partner who requires a significant amount of personal space

Then maybe I'd consider an LTR.

LTR's though, come with obligations, responsibilities, expectations. I feel like as it stands, I'm good on those, don't really want more.

But honestly? Something more casual fits my lifestyle better now. But more a FWB type arrangement, with someone whose company I enjoy (just not all the time), rather than chasing one night stands.

And I like sex, sex is fun.

GrandpaDallas · 2025-06-02T22:21:31+00:00

I've had my waves of seeking casual and non. Sometimes I have fun while looking for something serious.

Right now, I'm firmly looking for a longterm loving life-partner. I'm not interested in a fling with someone, and as a result I find myself flirting less with women under 30 (I'm 35) because I know that long term I'm probably not going to be interested. I'd rather be with someone closer to my own age.

Ideally, we would have an active and adventurous life (in all aspects), probably no kids at this point but I'm open to it, and die holding hands.

DumbWordsmith · 2025-06-02T22:53:34+00:00

First and foremost, I want someone with similar values who knows that fantasy is bullshit and isn't looking for a savior or a dancing monkey. And there's no way I'm ever going to become a stepfather; no matter how awesome someone is, that life is not for me.

Ideally, I'd like to be with the female version of myself. At this point, it ain't happening, of course, but that's what I want.

I don't give much of a shit about looks, as long as she's relatively fit (comes down to values and lifestyle) and hygienic.

I prefer Eastern European women (as I'm Eastern European), but they're incredibly rare here, and I also tend to get along well with Hispanic women. I'm most attracted to brunettes and redheads, on average, but it's not like I'd ever write off anyone who's blonde just because of that.

Again, I'm talking about what I want, not what I need. I've accepted that I'm not getting what I want, and I'm not going to settle at this point, as I value freedom and peace over the chaos that the average romantic relationship offers. However, this is the type of person who would add to my life.

Blue__Ronin · 2025-06-02T23:30:51+00:00

I'm looking for a woman who takes initiative, has a life outside of being a girlfriend and actually has the balls to stand up for herself. I can't respect anyone who doesn't.

Also someone who doesn't want kids. I hate kids. And i'm 17 lmao

JohnaldJr21 · 2025-06-03T04:47:00+00:00

Life partner

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-06-03T07:43:39+00:00

I have found someone to settle down with, who allows me to follow my unrestrainable drive to fuck beautiful women. We worked on the "no drama" part and got to a point where the drama is low enough so i could take it for the rest of my life.

So what am i looking for currently? Engagement rings and hot young girls.

Trancetastic16 · 2025-06-03T07:52:55+00:00

I’m an unconventional dating prospect seeking same.

Non-binary in that I’m Bi-gender/mentally feel both man and woman, so I’d require a partner who is Bisexual or at least Bi-romantic and able to see me as so, which also means open and diverse switching gender dynamics.

I’m also Pansexual, child-free, anti-marriage, Autistic, disabled, would be a dedicated house-partner.

Politically I’m a left-leaning Centrist and would be able to date anyone Centre or Left and be friends with right-wing people.

I live in multi-generational housing with my family and would choose to even if I wasn’t disabled and could work a regular job.

I’d want to share at least some hobbies such as music/entertainment/art/recreational drugs/learning about the world/travel/pets.

As long as we’re compatible in those regards, I can be attracted to any ethnic group, religious background, neuro-divergence or neurotypicality, socio-economic status and also fairly diverse with my taste in Looks that I’ve also found people who have been in accidents or with deformities still attractive, and Class 2 obese or less I’m fine with so long as they’re doing their best to work on their weight (I’m Class 1 obese close to getting back down to just overweight).

wizardnamehere · 2025-06-03T12:31:48+00:00

Men don't know what men want. Women don't know what women want.

It's actually a hard thing for anyone to know.

I'm looking for a relationship.

WanabeInflatable · 2025-06-03T13:19:55+00:00

Men are different. If engage in arguments here it is about valuing singlehood, people on PPD (and mostly men) are to obsessed with finding a gf or drama of being single. While in practice relationships / process of searching relationship are often inferior to quality single life. So looking for freedom from relationships.

RayAP19 · 2025-06-03T13:24:09+00:00

If I can't find someone who I can be in a LTR with (which seems to be the case), I'd like some casual sex with someone who I find attractive and who isn't emotionally unavailable, abusive, and is consistent.

What do I find attractive? Pretty face, not obese, not emaciated. Soft skin. Likes affection.

I don't think I'm asking for too much.

InitialAd4125 · 2025-06-03T13:51:17+00:00

Someone collapse aware... Yeah I've gotten pretty used to being single at this point.

Every_Pirate_7471 · 2025-06-03T14:45:02+00:00

Right now I have someone who I appreciate and am growing closer to each day, but when I was single the number one thing I was looking for in a partner was someone who I could see myself having a long term future with. Someone who was kind, respectful, a good partner, who I enjoyed spending time with and brought me happiness to be around. Some men are pretty simple.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2025-06-03T18:33:03+00:00

Men are supposed to have a nigh unto unrestrainable drive to fuck beautiful women.

I'll just respond to this point. You listed it first so it may be prominent in your mind.

I mean, sure, beautiful women are great. It's more the "drive to fuck" in general that affects men. I think it would go a long way toward making women understand men if they could experience 24/7 horniness that (crucially) is not provoked by any specific object of desire. Luckily it's subsiding somewhat as I get older, but when younger it ensured that thoughts of sex were intruding into my mind constantly, like it or not. Yeah, it's my responsibility to deal with this in a responsible way but this is still an annoying thing to deal with on a daily basis that I didn't ask for.

Sure, I've encountered some women who are similar and masturbate 2-3 times a day in response. But most have a responsive desire that brings up these feelings toward a specific object of desire. Much more convenient!

So I'll just say that whether or not men want casual sex with the hottest women they can find or a long-term relationship with that one special woman they usually have this "drive to fuck" constantly forcing itself to be consciously dealt with, especially when they're younger. If men talk about this frankly it can color everything with a seeming overemphasis on sex, which I think can make you suspicious of their intentions and wonder whether they're just following their base desires. Well... we are trying to cope with our base desires. Doesn't mean we don't want "real" relationships too.

I don't know if that's obvious or clarifies anything but there it is.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2025-06-03T18:33:17+00:00

Men are supposed to have a nigh unto unrestrainable drive to fuck beautiful women.

I'll just respond to this point. You listed it first so it may be prominent in your mind.

I mean, sure, beautiful women are great. It's more the "drive to fuck" in general that affects men. I think it would go a long way toward making women understand men if they could experience 24/7 horniness that (crucially) is not provoked by any specific object of desire. Luckily it's subsiding somewhat as I get older, but when younger it ensured that thoughts of sex were intruding into my mind constantly, like it or not. Yeah, it's my responsibility to deal with this in a responsible way but this is still an annoying thing to deal with on a daily basis that I didn't ask for.

Sure, I've encountered some women who are similar and masturbate 2-3 times a day in response. But most have a responsive desire that brings up these feelings toward a specific object of desire. Much more convenient!

So I'll just say that whether or not men want casual sex with the hottest women they can find or a long-term relationship with that one special woman they usually have this "drive to fuck" constantly forcing itself to be consciously dealt with, especially when they're younger. If men talk about this frankly it can color everything with a seeming overemphasis on sex, which I think can make you suspicious of their intentions and wonder whether they're just following their base desires. Well... we are trying to cope with our base desires. Doesn't mean we don't want "real" relationships too.

I don't know if that's obvious or clarifies anything but there it is.

SeemedGood · 2025-06-09T22:44:41+00:00

Proverbs 31

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-06-15T18:09:13+00:00

Well IF I were looking, I would want a loyal woman who respects me and brings peace into my life. I don't want what almost all women bring, emotional abuse and drama. I would want a good communicator, someone who doesn't complain about cooking and household work, someone who appeciates that I work to pay bills, they must have a good family that will openly accept me, they must love kids because I have three, must not be jealous that I am still really good friends with my ex-wife and I still hang out with her, respects my interests like reading and playing video games, and willing to sign a prenumptual argreememt.

That being said, since this is a complete fantasy that would never happen, I am not looking.

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-06-02T19:35:30+00:00

I want money and albums.

Ego73 · 2025-06-02T20:08:15+00:00

A friend with benefits/qpp I can hang out with and arrange some sexual encounters every once in a while. Attraction is definitely a plus, but I'd place mutual chemistry over that any day of the week. Maybe being cohabitation too, but I like having my own room.

Jetpine9 · 2025-06-02T22:38:16+00:00

Long term but not forever. No marriage or kids. Don't want to do relationships that look like the domestic partnerships I see. travel together, live separate. We can transition to lifelong friends, but I don't think the romantic part lasts, and that's fine. LTRs are still worthwhile even if they end. I found that once you get past a certain age, individuality asserts itself and compatibility becomes a matter of moments here and there rather than a full time thing.

KayRay1994 · 2025-06-02T22:45:12+00:00

To keep it simple - connection with somebody complimentary, someone to truly see me for me and someone I can fully be myself around, and just as important, someone who can fully be themselves around me.

Kapoue · 2025-06-03T04:01:00+00:00

I already have a fulfilling relationship with my girlfriend.

I date for Non-monogamous casual relationships. I want to find people with whom I enjoy a 5h date night at the restaurant and with whom I can have kinky sex. If she can become a friend that I can introduce to my friends/girlfriend great. If not, it's also ok.

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2025-07-16T20:39:23+00:00

For me. I'm not looking. I had my marriage and my kids so I no longer need and I don't want a woman. The only reason I ever wanted a relationship was to have kids. I have two kids now so I don't really need women anymore. No woman under 40 has any of the qualities I would want anyway. (Loyality, respect, comminucation skills, cooking and cleaning skills, no drama or emotional abuse, emtional intelligence, a good job, contributes to household income and bills, good with children, and brings peace to my life).

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Reasonable_Style8214 · 2025-06-02T19:46:19+00:00

A woman I'd want to marry: at least 6/10 face, has a consistent diet and exercise regimen, low N count, raised in a 2 parent household, doesn't smoke or drink, doesn't spend money on dumb shit to look cool on social media or to impress her girlfriends, and in general prioritizes long term gratification over short term gratification.

Yes, I know I will most likely never find one, but so far I'm perfectly fine with occasional hookups and FWBs with semi cute women. I know that compromising on any of those things will be a net negative to my life.

MarioWilson122 · 2025-06-02T23:37:37+00:00

For short nothing too crazy but I don't want to deal with alot of drama and they have to be atleast average in looks preferably.

For long term a nice submissive woman that isnt very experienced sexually and is ok with me having other woman.

MolassesDesigner976 · 2025-06-02T20:31:17+00:00

A single woman that I can respect would be nice. One that actually achieved everything in her life on her own merits, not skating by on networking connections and social charm. But as far as I can tell, they don’t exist. Women are mostly incompetent, so they have to convince actually competent people to vouch for or support them.

Failing that, a woman that acknowledges that everything she has, she has thanks to social and sexual privilege. But integrity amongst women is about as rare as merit.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-06-02T21:58:51+00:00

The reason the answers differ is simply because men’s attraction is so much more varied both individually and as a group especially compared to women, so much so that it encompasses everything a woman could ever be.

nightcall379 · 2025-06-02T23:30:20+00:00

Men are supposed to have a nigh unto unrestrainable drive to fuck beautiful women.

Men don't want relationships, they just want sex and intimacy.

Right, those things are only intended for the microscopic minority of the male population that women actually deem as being worthy of them

But if an average Joe ever displays any interest in them, he's immediately defined as a primitive, shallow animal

During the time I've spent here, I've heard men say a lot of wildly different things about what men want.

No, you haven't

Men just want a virgin wife, that is their looks-match, that will actually genuinely love them, and be loyal to them

That's it

Title	What are you looking for?
Author	Tylikcat
Upvotes	10
Comments	150
Date	June 2, 2025 7:28 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1l1r7ul/what_are_you_looking_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-you-looking-for.1553741 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553741

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