If You Were A Woman, How Would You Date?

GrandpaDallas · 2025-08-27T17:21:52+00:00

Sparingly.

I'd reject most men and hold out for someone I actually like and am attracted to who isn't a tool.

I'd hone skills I'm interested in, say similar to the crafting and plant care that I'm into as a man now. I'd also probably cook and study engineering/design like I am now.

I'd eventually date a guy I vibe with who doesn't detract from my current normal life.

...so I guess the exact same method that I use currently.

grown_folks_talkin · 2025-08-27T17:16:25+00:00

This question is not relevant because risk-aversion and desire to fit into a group are big parts of male-female differences so your entire personality would change, let alone libido.

That’s internal, then you have to consider the differing social messaging since childbirth.

Gender identity is a lot more than just being hotter.

Zabadoodude · 2025-08-27T18:53:42+00:00

If I had my exact brain I would be a butch lesbian powerlifter and would look for a nice femme girlfriend.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-08-27T16:53:54+00:00

Id probably do what I did as a guy and go for the people I thought were attractive and I vibed with.

Crazy, I know

Reasonable_Mouse789 · 2025-08-27T16:57:34+00:00

This is my worst nightmare lol. I only know how to take advantage of my side. I don’t know how to read people’s intentions well enough. I could just assume at random a woman who wants to sleep with me would probably also be okay with dating me, and be at least eventually successful.

Assuming I get an empathy boost by being a woman (almost any woman I get with tends to be really naturally good at social awareness compared to me), I’d probably try to make a lot of friends and date one of them. That seems to work best for most women, because there’s a higher baseline for how shitty men act as friends compared to strangers. It’s also how most women who seemed to want a relationship with me tended to go about things, and I’m guessing they were smarter about how dating works for them than I am.

wtknight · 2025-08-27T19:36:26+00:00

If I were a strictly heterosexual woman, then I’d date the man whose personality meshed the most with my own who was the best looking man who I could attract and who was also willing to wait for sex.

If I had any kind of bisexual tendencies at all, then I would probably date another woman, because there are more women who I like personality wise than men.

kongeriket · 2025-08-27T21:10:42+00:00

Would you date men in their 30s?

Yes. Although I wouldn't necessarily aim for it.

Assuming I'd have a very similar mindset to what I have now, I'd still want children and I'd still be sex positive. These qualities aren't age specific but statistically are much more often found in men (oftentimes way) over 25.

What hard skills (cooking, money management, teaching etc) would you prioritize?

I'm better cook that my wife now, lol. I do all of the money management too since I earn 90%+ of the household's income. So, again, assuming I'd have a very similar mindset as a women, I'd prioritze roughly the same skills - but mitigated by the fact that I'd be a woman. So no girlbossing, for sure.

However, as a woman, I'd lean harder into being a good mother and be better at working with very small children. As a men I'm good working with children older than 8 or 9 and absolutely love teaching/educating teenagers. But I suck at working with very small children. Luckily, my wife is great at that.

Also, I absolutely would invest a similar amount of time as I did as a man into being a good fuck.

Both men and women severely underestimate just how important being a good fuck really is.

ThyDoctor · 2025-08-27T18:20:58+00:00

Honestly check and see if they are on this sub and if they are move on haha

Iron-DBZ · 2025-08-27T16:58:21+00:00

I'd be on the dating apps, but I'd have a swipe cap for myself. Once I match with 5 people, I'd talk to them to see if they were compatible with me, and if they weren't then I would move on the next five.

I wouldn't have a platoon worth of men in my DMs. And if I somehow did end up with that many, I'd let them know that I have too many messages and unmatch.

What hard skills (cooking, money management, teaching etc) would you prioritize?

I have a hard time getting my head around this question. Are basic life skills something that you have to pick and choose?

What soft skills would you hone?

Avoiding crazy men.

Also, what is with this hvm thing?

Would you date men in their 30s?

At my age, no. I'm 26. I'd try to date cloosely around my age, people who were working on themselves like me.

The idea of trying to insert myself into the life of someone that's more established than me just seems parasitic, or at least infantilizing. I'd want to date someone that's roughly on the same level as me (in terms of the things I value, like intelligence, curiosity, interests, not necessarily money). I don't want to be a dependent of a man that already has their life together. Or a woman for that matter.

I've seen relationships between women where the older one basically runs the whole show. Just seems bleak.

Would you settle?

I would balance the trade-offs that all people have toward an arrangement that wouldn't bother me, yes.

Would you date hvm that is out of your league that doesn’t want monogamy and stay with him and have his kids?

What a chronically online question to ask.

IgorXY · 2025-08-27T16:46:52+00:00

I would be such a slut... only with hot guys (and girls) though. Oh and i would have preached that personality matters more than looks just to mess up with loser's heads.

Once again, ladies, no hate or anything. Not your fault to be born in the best ever time to be human woman. Enjoy.

WebNew9978 · 2025-08-27T17:37:58+00:00

Date someone that I was attracted to, have a good vibe with, have a decent amount of common things with him.

growframe · 2025-08-27T18:51:39+00:00

I'd date people I like and look for LTRs.

Basically what I do as a man

CharmingSama · 2025-08-27T20:59:11+00:00

id date women tbh.. i dont see myself dating men.

ThatGuyFromThisPlace · 2025-08-27T22:29:46+00:00

I would probably date exactly as I do as a decently attractive man. I try to meet people in the real world, I choose based on who I find attractive (and not what reddit considers so), I value independence, honesty, humor, and kindness, and majurity.

And I assume I would have similar luck, as in I don't find these people very often, but I do sometimes.maturity.

Edit: because you asked specifically - hard skills besides basic life skills are not important. And frankly, this whole post sounds way too much like an investment banker approach to dating...

Rich-Efficiency3394 · 2025-08-27T22:50:18+00:00

Id date people I found attractive and that fit my values and lifestyle.

You know, how I date now.

AreOut · 2025-08-27T23:20:24+00:00

Date for what? For a LTR I'd definitely date attractive late bloomer 10-15 years older. Attractive guys in their 20s wouldnt want to LTR a girl in description and if you gave chance to nonattractive insecure young guys you would have huge problem if you wanted to break up after they become jealous and possessive.

SamuraiGoblin · 2025-08-27T23:33:15+00:00

I would maximise my chances to meet men by putting myself among them, by joining a woodworking class, robotics team, shooting/archery club, hiking/camping/outdoors groups, etc, even if I don't (initially) have an interest in such things.

I would avoid the arrogant/pretty/alpha/wild boys, and target more average looking men who display sincerity, work ethics, loyalty, and other desirable traits. They might be a bit shy, awkward, and boring at first, but I could help guide them into being more confident. You can turn a kind shy man into a more exciting partner, but you can't turn an arrogant exciting man into a considerate/loyal one.

I would show him that I could make his life peaceful. That doesn't mean not having my own opinions or obeisantly putting up with shit, it simply means learning how to argue rationally, not creating drama for the sake of drama, and not playing silly mind games.

If I had my own career, I would show him that our careers could coexist well, splitting the chores at home, but if not, then I would show him that I would become a great homemaker and stay-at-home mother and support him in his career as best I could.

I would foster my own interests so that I wasn't boring, but I wouldn't seek validation and fun outside the relationship. And I would never disparage my partner among my friends. I would keep our disagreements and issues private.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2025-08-28T03:59:26+00:00

Find a hard-working, morally upstanding man of integrity, slighly above average intelligence, phyically fit, even if he's just a tad boring, and build a life with him.

There will always be a power imbalance if you date an older-well established man, it's like picking a winning team in the middle of the playoffs as opposed to pre-season. It's such an old concept that it goes back centuries - If you want to be an Admiral-s wife, you have to marry the ensign.

Past-Shoulder-631 · 2025-08-28T10:25:48+00:00

I’d try to find someone who was kind and respected me

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-08-28T13:42:45+00:00

I would have been a gym girly, gotten fit, and carried weapons for self-defense. Refuse to be a victim.

I would probably go through a phase of discovering what I wanted where I only took risks with both eyes open and didn't get coerced out of it.

I'd likely only have sex within committed relationships, and for situations where I was single, didn't want a relationship, or was working on myself, only date within situationships where I trusted the person (no same-night I just met you ONS's). I would refrain from getting wildly drunk in any setting where I wasn't surrounded by trusted friends.

I'd be on HBC and any guy who I didn't have screening results from would be using a condom. I wouldn't commit to anyone unless I trusted them and they committed to me, too. Publicly. Especially in this age of social media.

I would not have kids unless I was married and had a stable environment in which to raise kids.

I would exclusively date men my age and thereabouts. I would judge men's ability to provide a lifestyle according to their potential, not according to their current situation, while also sanity testing their future plans based on their achievements to date and any progress they make after I get to know them. I'd likely only date men I had at least some familiarity with before dating them, and I would enforce relatively long talking stages on anyone I met online.

I would only date men from middle class or better backgrounds, who didn't have mommy/daddy issues. I would judge them based on the friends they keep I would not date anyone who didn't culturally live as an American or a Canadian. Middle Eastern or Asian values would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't be somebody's trophy wife or bangmaid.

Skills: Money management, cooking, driving, DIY/handy skills, sports, dance, self-defense, firearms, fitness.

Soft skills: Social skills, flirting, empathy, general kindness, facial expressiveness, boundary enforcement, skills in bed, mastering my own orgasm so I can articulate my preferences, persuasivenss.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2025-08-27T18:18:19+00:00

I'd rub up against guys' dicks to get them hard to check for size and stay with the biggest one. Looks fade, but dick size is forever.

CommissionAny5421 · 2025-08-27T20:05:27+00:00

Probably not much different in philosophy than I would as a man, except that I'd likely have many more opportunities arise and I'd have more power in selection.

The goal would be the same either way though, finding someone with like values, and vision for their life, that I enjoy being around/enjoys being around me.

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Curious_Addendum3572 · 2025-08-27T16:48:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

aslfingerspell · 2025-08-27T19:14:47+00:00

In terms of what I value, more or less the same things I already do as a man: non smoker, not interested in having kids, similar age, financially stable, not super far away.

Soft skills needed would be direct communication and whatever is implicitly needed (like money management) for the other things I want.

Process wise, I would:

Make account. Wait for likes. After a suitably large but manageable amount (say 100), pause account.
Eliminate everyone without a visually attractive face and body. This should get it down to maybe 10-20 people.
Look through bios. This maybe eliminates another half, if my real life swiping habits are an indication.
Message or read messages from the remaining 5-10 with an eye for sorting out dealbreakers that weren't revealed in their bio and arranging a low-cost public date as soon as possible. Perhaps have a single "test" or two, like talking about something I think they might find boring to see of they share it too, if further filtering is needed.
Go on dates and repeat as needed.

bison5595 · 2025-08-27T19:58:49+00:00

Figure out what the criteria is for the man I want, work on that, and try to find the places and people they associate with and be in those places. Stay thin as possible, get lip filer and maybe breast enhancement if necessary

Ego73 · 2025-08-27T20:05:50+00:00

I wouldn't date men, for I'm not attracted to them. Good thing there's no shortage of hot lesbians out there.

BackgroundTime8298 · 2025-08-27T20:41:08+00:00

First of all, I would be a hoe at first

Let’s see. No need for hvm if I got money. I would probably settle for some decent guy that I might like for various reasons. I would rather date someone my age.

I would have the same skills I would as a man. Cooking, mechanics, financing, martial arts, etc.

Ultramega39 · 2025-08-27T20:59:01+00:00

Probably very similarly to the way I currently do. Someone on here once told me that I think like a woman, and honestly they might be right.

Although I do think that I would be more likely to approach/make the first move if I was a woman.

And I would be more likely to date within my own race (black) if I was a woman.

James_M_Croft · 2025-08-28T01:37:53+00:00

If you were an attractive woman from 22-28 with an average body, healthy bmi, attractive face like 7/10, and a pleasant personality, how would you go about dating hvm?

You know that pleasant personality for a woman and for a man are VERY different things right?

But either way, I would just go where the HVM are, sit, and wait. Like golf courses, tenis courts, high end events and the like. Maybe smile to one or two guy here and there. Do a "passive" variation of how I hit on women. I guess.

Eventually one of them would come to me.

Would you date hvm that is out of your league that doesn’t want monogamy and stay with him and have his kids? Would you settle? Would you date men in their 30s? Or try and find an up and coming hvm in his 20s?

I would just look for a guy who has similar goals, I would date and maybe marry yes, probably an older man, but not 10 years older, 5 years sound good enough, they would have enough resources to help me achieve my goals. I would also be quite bored, as women have everything handed to them so easily, I would probably fulfil all my life goals in a heartbeat. Whichever they were. And be as bored and boring as your average woman lol.

What hard skills (cooking, money management, teaching etc) would you prioritize?
What soft skills would you hone?

if I kept the male brain? everything. If not? probably basics of social skills, as it would bring me the most ease. Cooking andt eh like probably would be my hobby, it is already as a man anyway.

TempDong · 2025-08-28T07:53:00+00:00

how would you go about dating hvm

I would go about dating the exact same way I am trying to do it currently. Go on 1-3 dates with people I'm attracted to and feel might be compatible, eventually commit to exclusively dating to see if there is long term compatibility, and hopefully find a life partner. All of my "standards" are things that I either meet or exceed so I wouldn't change them as a woman. I definitely would never think about that "high value" bullshit.

What hard skills (cooking, money management, teaching etc) would you prioritize

I am already a great cook and financially responsible so that wouldn't change. I would also maintain the consistent gym routine I already have.

What soft skills would you hone

Same skills I already work on - talking to strangers, making friends, being a good conversationalist.

I would change literally nothing. That is why I find women complaining about dating to be so out of touch, it would basically be my current efforts + wayyyy more options + not even having to plan or pay for dates. It's like someone complaining about their credit card debt when their parents pay their rent and groceries.

Past-Shoulder-631 · 2025-08-28T10:27:47+00:00

If I was a woman I would honestly try to find the “Nice Guy” that women and feminists seem to hate. Like a quiet shy nerdy boy, polite and well mannered, respected me and my boundaries, was kind and thoughtful. It would help if he was handsome and good looking but like it’s not the biggest priority.

I would avoid “chads” like the plague. Like any guy who’s obviously looking to just have sex with me

justanother-eboy · 2025-08-28T14:20:03+00:00

Vet men heavily and get to know them very well. Save sex until after marriage tbh and make sure you marry the right guy

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-08-28T20:21:17+00:00

I will look for the kind of man I was raised to be: a kind competent provider. I would rather look at the kind of spirit he has instead of his skills. When a man has a growth mindset and a provider mentality, the needed skill set will come naturally

If I have my knowledge as a man, it would be easy to bond with him and make him fall in love with me

Aromatic-Following98 · 2025-08-29T00:08:19+00:00

Id be the same dumb whore they all are obviously

DragonflyOne8749 · 2025-08-27T16:47:33+00:00

How to date as a woman:

Exist

The amount of agency required of women is asymptotic with 0 Kelvin. They genuinely can’t understand how men don’t just get laid for existing.

KayRay1994 · 2025-08-27T17:07:55+00:00

🥚

Patrickstarho · 2025-08-27T21:12:11+00:00

I’d be an absolute slut and show my titties on discord servers

OkShame3452 · 2025-08-27T22:29:58+00:00

Do I have a career? If not try to marry rich dying old man.

If I have an easy way to support myself then date someone exciting

InkAddict718 · 2025-08-27T16:52:43+00:00

The same way they already date:

-Casual sex with guys out of my league

-Make relationship guys wait

-Lie about my body count

-Have an FWB or two while I still date

-Not take any accountability should something go wrong

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-08-27T17:01:47+00:00

how would you go about dating hvm?

Im hanging out at a couple trader bars downtown and hunting for quants. Im hitting on the ones celebrating not the ones trying to drink their way out of remembering catastrophic losses. That's a 300k/yr bag acquired attached to a personality completely repellent to women so I have no competition. Any attractive woman talks to one of these guys and can engage on the same level about risk modeling for 10 minutes isn't working again

Advanced-Ad8490 · 2025-08-27T17:04:07+00:00

In my experience from dating it doesn't make sense at all to pick a predictable partner. It gets fake & boring after just a year. Sex becomes a chore / routine. I'd rotate partners on the crazy scale while I'm healthy. A robotic life is not a life. It's like watching the same movie on repeat. Life is meant to be fun. YOLO YOYO.

When life gets though and my health declines I'd settle for someone stable and predictable. And have kids with that person (maybe if my finances allow).

I'm living the same life as a man.

Hot-Law2682 · 2025-08-27T19:30:28+00:00

It would be so easy.

I would look for a LTR with someone who supported me and was affectionate. I'd want someone who was active physically (not necessarily muscular) and who had the drive to establish a career (not just interested in working entry-level jobs forever).

As a woman I could probably find that in a week and never be single again.

Title	If You Were A Woman, How Would You Date?
Author	Good-Preparation-811
Upvotes	15
Comments	117
Date	August 27, 2025 3:56 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1n1kwct/if_you_were_a_woman_how_would_you_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-you-were-a-woman-how-would-you-date.1560629 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560629

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