Alot of women gaslight men forreasons they don't make the first move.

OffTheRedSand · 2026-01-19T23:43:22+00:00

Now every single week now there is viral video on Facebook, Twitter, Tik Tok, Instagram, where women will be up in flames and be very frustrated that men don't wanna approach anymore or they went to a club and all the guys stare instead of approaching

most of these are baits for clicks.

there is no shortage of guys approaching, not really.

the thing is "approach" is a very broad term. women don't cold approach, i mean if they do it's pretty rare. and a lot of women don't like men cold approaching them and it highly depend on the venue.

women do approach however but it's mostly warm approaches, friends turned to lovers is a common trope and most women who approach do it in that lane, not a random dm to a dude on insta or a cold approach on the streets.

men want women to approach them the same way they approach women but that's not what women mean when they talk about approach.

cb8585b · 2026-01-20T00:03:11+00:00

I don’t know why you’re stuck on this topic.

Do you realistically think women approaching in the ways men do would change men’s dating prospects ?

Who do you think women would be approaching if they were going to go out of their way to do so?

belongtomee · 2026-01-20T00:45:27+00:00

I won’t approach men for the sole reason I literally don’t have to.

There is no desire or incentive for me to do it.

Barneysparky · 2026-01-19T23:31:37+00:00

When women know a guy and get a crush on him, they certainly do approach.
You are asking women to walk up to complete strangers and ask them out. I am asking why would a woman do this? Most women don't like it when random men proposition them, why would they do that?

Do you want women to walk down the street and say free sex for anyone that wants it? Is this the real ask behind this constantly being asked question?

fiftypoundpuppy · 2026-01-19T23:40:23+00:00

We don't care if you don't like it. We don't care if you "believe our reasons." You can make a dozen more variations on this theme (and undoubtedly will) and you're never going to be doing more than screaming into the void.

Whatever feelings you have about this are completely irrelevant and meaningless to us. They do not change our risk/benefit analysis. They do not change the hearts and minds of your fellow men who insist they "have to take what they can get" because they "can't afford to have standards" due to "sex being a need." There is no diatribe you can write and no argument you can present that will ever be a persuasive case for women not behaving in our own best interests. Which is what these posts always try to beg, shame, nag, implore, and reverse-psychology women into doing.

Spamming our pussies at men is not in our self-interests. It works out for a handful of women. It doesn't work out for far more. Those women can be found in situationships; on waiting_to_wed; etc.

We see how men behave when they really want something. Hell, on this sub alone men have repeatedly threatened to end society when they don't get what they want. They say they'll remove our right to vote, and outlaw birth control.

And we're supposed to believe those same men find it an impossible burden, a Herculean feat to ::checks notes:: approach women?

The same men who "built society?" We... we are talking about those men, right??

Women generally don't find shy toddlers who hide behind their mamas' legs attractive for dating and mating. Courage; initiative; confidence; and follow-through are more desirable traits than men who, for example, complain incessantly on the internet that not enough women are willing to chase him and court him. Male effort is front-loaded (dating), because female effort is back-loaded (relationships). Making dating front-loaded as well is not a value-add.

I predict a response will be along the lines of "too bad, so sad, you're selfish and unreasonable and nothing you bring up is a valid reason to not spam your pussies at men." To which I'll go ahead and kindly request you re-read paragraphs one through, say... four

PositionStandard6089 · 2026-01-20T00:03:25+00:00

"Nobody likes Chasing." there are men and women who live for the chase and lose interest once someone is "caught". so gonna have to go ahead and disagree there.

mashedturnip · 2026-01-20T01:36:37+00:00

They all boil down to the same principle— men are easy. Don’t make it easy

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2026-01-19T23:56:59+00:00

When I think back to the guys I approached with romantic/sexual interest and the guys who have approached me I’d say it is pretty dark close to 50/50. Although to be fair I do not always catch on if a man is interested in me unless he really is direct about it! Some of us are genuinely socially retarded. 🥴

The prize = I think this mindset is something that has been socialized into women. A lot of women genuinely do have low self confidence and this is just a “fake jt til you make it” mentality. Men can also view themselves as a prize and they really should. Confidence is incredibly attractive to many women. Also - while I greatly appreciate that you do not have the mindset that a woman is responsible for cooking, cleaning, bearing children…there are many men out there that do view those tasks as a woman’s responsibility in a relationship.
Idea of chasing = I think some men are like yourself and hate the push/pull dynamic of dating but other men do genuinely get dopamine hits from convincing women to date/have sex with him. The best comparison I can think of is like gambling. Some people love to keep playing and playing hoping to finally win big and others decide it’s not worth it after a few spins.
Not liking a man who won’t approach = I think this relates to women wanting a man who is not super shy, not sensitive to rejection, etc… Unfortunately life is going to have many hard moments and most women want a guy who they know will face those hard situations side by side with her..not the guy who is going to emotionally crumble with things get hard every time.
Not like women who make the first move = again socialization and being taught that if women show interest first men will assume she is “easy” and not to be taken seriously.

I got tired or responded lol because all of the points after this were basically the same.

Happy_Huckleberry246 · 2026-01-20T02:06:45+00:00

No one is forcing you to approach women if you don’t want to. This sub rails against feminism but it’s the feminist women that are more likely to make the first move and go 50-50 with a guy.

Personally, I’m more traditional and wouldn’t be attracted to a man that didn’t ask me out first. Why would I put effort towards something I’m not interested in?

Women take on all of the risks of pregnancy and should be really picky about which men they choose to procreate with.

I almost guarantee you that the overwhelming majority of women who says this is either dating a guy right now or had an ex who they didn't meet through them the guy approaching them. They usually met through aquaintances or friends.

This is a semantic issue. Approaching and making the first movie is the same thing. Asking out someone in your social circle is still approaching them for a date. It doesn’t have to always mean cold approaching a stranger.

leosandlattes · 2026-01-20T01:16:16+00:00

I do not find men attractive when I have to approach them. His assertiveness is something I vet for, and that includes him making a move.

That’s me being honest in why I don’t approach men. Men can choose to believe this or not, but either way he’s not getting approached.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2026-01-20T01:27:55+00:00

There are lots of reasons men traditionally approach and women don’t, but if an increasing number of men are wary of approaching women I suspect it’s because they’re worried about coming off as predatory.

CactusBroMan · 2026-01-20T00:24:07+00:00

If you’re a halfway decent looking woman basically any man will accept your advances regardless of if he likes you, thinks you’re relationship material, or whatever. Sure, not every man will use a woman for sex, but the vast majority are happy to have sex with her while they decide if they ultimately want a relationship. Why would I as a woman even begin to entertain the idea of risking that? Why would I waste even a second of my time approaching and then blocking a guy when I realize he is looking to use me?

Additionally, there’s the added risk of a man settling for you in a relationship! Most men have no options at all, they’ll happily be in a relationship with you as long as you’re somewhat interesting and good looking up that doesn’t mean he sees a real future with you, it doesn’t mean he’s not settling for you and hoping something better comes along at some point. Again, why would I even begin to entertain this risk when I can simply not approach and just asses the men who already do approach me?

The rules are: there’s no reason a woman in her right mind needs to approach a guy. It puts her at risk for basically no benefit. Not even mentioning that if you’re a more traditional woman, you’re much more likely to not get a traditional man by approaching.

Ridiculous to think otherwise

sublimemongrel · 2026-01-20T01:24:50+00:00

This post is confusing to me because you’re limiting this whole concept of approaching to like cold approaching it seems? Like being approached by a stranger? I had zero interest in doing that and it was always awkward when someone did that to me so, no. I don’t know where you’re getting some sort of premise here that women by and large even want men to be doing that.

Meeting through friends, acquaintances, school etc is far more the reality for a lot of us and still involves a level of “approach” in order to move it forward into something romantic. But you seem to be excluding that entirely. That type of “approach” usually involves a lot more reciprocity than a stranger coming up to a stranger and asking them out.

Aphrodite_Nine · 2026-01-19T23:43:28+00:00

For what it's worth I think a lot of men and women try to compare each other to social expectations and opinions based on toxic social media trends. Men and women online are toxic period. At the same time society is trying to discard old norms and keep it. I feel a lot of people are confused and it takes a respectful in-person interaction not an online one to actually understand each other. I disapprove of the posts and gaslighting behaviour like so many people do. My behavior online isn't always good either honestly what can I say I'm not trying to point fingers to anyone it's not easy you disagree you wanna comment. But what I find is that online everything is unrealistic when it comes to the deeper connections men and women need to share. Not to mention everyone is different,some are affected by different upbringingings, religions and governmenting laws. There's no way one person can truly understand how each person in each situation feels and we're all just trying to figure it out. There will always be someone who doesn't approve and someone who does.

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-01-20T12:27:23+00:00

I’m fat. I’ve approached a few men in my life. Friends. Men I knew and was attracted to for their looks and personality. Always got rejected. Always knew I would. There’s no point in me asking. You just want beautiful women to ask you out. Also. For the majority of women our attraction is different. Cold approaches would be just those people we saw as physically attractive enough to garner a yes from us immediately. I have hardly any yeses straight out of the gate. I’m really not going to enjoy a sexual encounter with someone I don’t know. So why would I cold approach someone. I don’t know them.

badgersonice · 2026-01-20T15:49:55+00:00

Ok, why do men gaslight me and tell me that men will constantly approach any woman who isn’t fat or totally ugly? That wasn’t my experience at all, yet when I explain that, men here constantly gaslight me that my life couldn’t possibly be real.

As for why I didn’t approach when I was young: I had conservative parents. I was always taught that I was supposed to be feminine and patient and aso got older, guys would finally be a little more mature and start to notice me and ask me out. They taught me to be pretty and polite and kind, and told me when I still didn’t have a boyfriend to just be patient and lots of guys would want to date me. And that never happened.

I eventually started to ask men out because I’m apparently a complete and utter failure as a woman. So unattractive that men didn’t actually want me. Happy?

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-Kalos · 2026-01-20T05:32:51+00:00

She isn't that into you bro. That simple.

Innanaspeaks · 2026-01-20T10:31:14+00:00

Going for men who have the confidence to approach you is a great way to filter out shy guys with social anxiety.

I dont want those guys.

Vaudeville_Clown · 2026-01-20T11:39:21+00:00

It's a fake debate more or less.

A chunk of those are just rage-baiters.

Some of them are attention grifters. They just want the validation and free drinks and have no intention of going home with anyone.

And some of them are only addressing Chad who's learned that more often than not, women come to him. So why should he approach anyone?

Perhaps a few of them are genuinely bewildered traditionalists who've been living in a hole somewhere, but those sound more openly inquisitive rather than accusatory, while engaging with this subject.

I will however give some of them a point. If anyone speaks the truth about how there's men giving them a lot of eye contact but refuse to even say hi, then I do think the men are lame, or dicks (toying with them).

But I seriously suspect it's often a lie that guys STARE at them in the bar. I'm sure that's what they amp it up to be, when in reality they had maybe what? Brief eye contact with 3 men during an evening, which doesn't really mean anything?

the_scar_when_you_go · 2026-01-20T12:16:36+00:00

"I don't like the reasons," isn't the same thing as, "they're lying about the reasons to make me mistrust myself as a method of control and abuse." It's fine to just not like it.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2026-01-21T11:00:18+00:00

It's not exactly gaslighting because the women gaslight themselves, too. They don't like systematic thinking about these things. It tends to ruin it for them. Most women don't really know why women in general don't approach--not with any serious analysis. But they don't want to know and they don't have to.

The real reasons are cultural laid on top of biology. Responsive sexuality, etc. We shouldn't try to craft a system where the aim is for women to approach like many men today do. Won't work. Rather, a system where rejection is minimized for both genders but the job of pairing gets done is a better goal.

ComplexAttitude4Lyfe · 2026-01-21T14:44:37+00:00

"I don't approach men because I'm the woman and I'm the prize."

Get off TikTok. Those are the women claiming they are a prize. Most of us real life women will admit we're not necessarily prizes, but we will have standards to weed out the guys who obviously only want sex.

"MeN LiKe ChASinG WOmEn"

Here's the paradox. Some men claim they hate chasing women and want women to approach. Ok. But then they talk about how they conquered (might use other terminology) or otherwise won, like this is a contest. They brag amongest their friend group. So where do you think the aforementioned women got the idea that THEY are the prize?

(Caveat: this really applied to Stacy and Becky. Lots of men don't even think us average women exist.)

This genuinely gets under my skin because... you've talked to all men?

Let's turn that around. Have the men in this forum talked to all women? Because there are a LOT of posts generalizing what women do. What women want. For example, I've approached men. I put myself out there. But as I'm one person with one data point (I won't even count my friends who also do the same) you all call anecdotal evidence and I'm an outlier.

Even though most claims here ("Here's what I did and it didn't work.") are also anecdotal.

If you want me not to generalize how you feel about women, let's all agree that neither gender is a monolith.

pie-mart · 2026-01-21T22:40:11+00:00

I don't approach men cuz I don't care about getting a relationship or sex. If a man wants something he will have to talk to me

Its like selling makeup at a mall. No, I am not going to the mall trying to shop for makeup ever. But that doesn't mean someone can't stop me and give me a free sample and win me over.

But I do not care enough about makeup to go and shop and ask questions. And if I ever am doing that, I already know what I want and there is only 1.

Other than that, I do not care abojt buying makeup at a mall, but im not opposed if a good makeup stall person stops me and gives me a good pitch and a free sample.

SeemedGood · 2026-01-20T00:52:16+00:00

The real answer:

I hate surrendering the optionality of my intent.

But their underlying discomfort with surrendering that optionality is neither here nor there. Ignore the gaslighting excuses and ignore the real cause. Neither are your problem.

Be sufficiently attractive and they will throw their discomfort to the wind in a hurry, all by themselves. It ceases becoming a concern of yours. All you have to worry about is the discomfort of their husbands/boyfriends when women do abandon their own discomfort and make themselves available to you.

Zabadoodude · 2026-01-20T00:34:46+00:00

True, but calling it out won't change anything. Enough men still approach, so women don't have to if they don't want to.

Spiritual_Run9039 · 2026-01-19T23:49:47+00:00

They were the privileged gender for a reason no?

DGenerationMC · 2026-01-19T23:59:22+00:00

Here's the solution: don't allow yourself to get gaslit.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2026-01-20T11:56:38+00:00

I really love how you've removed so much of your quiet part out loud, mask off moments. I guess you figured out talking about financially oppressing and physically abusing women made you seem like an unhinged lunatic even to the old school conservatives you seemed to be both courting and slandering?

Women who think they're the prize

You didn't really prove this was gaslighting nor indeed even incorrect. Just that it is perhaps a unsavory mindset with which to approach finding love. I do love that you threw in the line about cooking meals and having children, I guess a tiger can't change its stripes entirely. Pro-tip, the gendered role which mirrors this in women isn't asking for a date, it's being a provider and protector. Just thought you may want to put that in your armory for the next time you go mask off so you can seem less unhinged.

Men like chasing women

I mean you don't. But, I know a lot of men who do. Some of them may even be old schoolers. The men complaining about having to approach are the men these types of women wouldn't want to date anyway. It's called a filter. The trash takes itself out. But honestly, speak for yourself, you don't have to call it gaslighting and use big fancy psych words to do that.

If he was really interested he'd approach

I don't think you've disproven this. Most men don't approach...so we wouldn't want to date most men...which adds up based on how women talk about dating most men. Even in these warm approach scenarios, usually the dude talked to her first and asked her out first. And most of us don't want to date cold approach so...yeah we ain't gonna start cold approaching. And, if he was interested, even the most pale wallflower god ever made would pluck up the courage to get out there. People's actions show their true desires all the time.

Men don't like it when we shoot first

I mean, I think a part of them does, but it's not the part that gets a long term relationship. I think this does subconsciously ruin the dynamic for both parties and then it often leads to problems down the line or being used for sex. Men begging for this are begging because they're beggars who want anything at all and aren't getting much at all. Them begging doesn't change the subconscious dynamic that will play out with women shooting their shot first. I also love how you minimize women's bad experiences as invalid reasons not to do things. Here's your own newsflash: that's called learning from mistakes.

Redux on means he doesn't like you that much.

Yeah, I don't like those men that much. This is accurate for me. Again, actions tell the whole story. He doesn't care to put himself out because he's not that interested. Same goes for me, except I'm rarely even thinking I'm interested and then deciding not to.

Use for sex

You cannot be this stupid. He'll hide his intentions, lie, make false promises about interest and commitment, and then once he gets his fill of sex skip town. I'd rather not have to try to figure out his genuine intentions AND also be the one approaching. I only do one shit job at a time. It's much easier and peaceful. And if that bothers men like you, frankly, I don't give a damn.

Ahh the age old money and sex are the same. Can't keep that mask on. Except buying applebees can't get you pregnant, give you an STD, lead to lifelong infertility, and combine a wonderful feeling of degradation with a lack of pleasure. They're ALMOST the same, except for the obvious bloody ways they are completely fucking different.

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2026-01-20T12:38:45+00:00

I don't approach men because I've never seen a man who was good looking enough to make me want to. Is that honest enough for you? If rauw Alejandro walked by I would definitely say hi. Otherwise, I'm good.

Title	Alot of women gaslight men forreasons they don't make the first move.
Author	Chemical-Low209
Upvotes	19
Comments	255
Date	January 19, 2026 11:15 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qhk4ss/alot_of_women_gaslight_men_forreasons_they_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/alot-of-women-gaslight-men-forreasons-they-dont.1571562 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571562

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