One thing that frustrates me about dating advice is that it often ignores the difference between having options and not having options.

When people say “just be happy single” or “wait until the right person comes along.” The advice lands very differently depending on your reality.

If you’re someone who knows you could find a partner relatively easily if you wanted one, staying single is a choice. It may still be lonely, but you aren’t shit outta luck either. Doesn’t carry the same weight, knowing if you didn’t want to be alone anymore, you have a clear path out.

If you’re someone without that luxury, the advice stops being chill and starts becoming “Hey, get used to the very strong possibility that this is your life.” And if it’s not the life you want, that’s a BIG problem. And there’s plenty of men and women that suffer from that reality.

I think a big disconnect is that people giving that advice are usually single as a temporary state, giving the advice to people who are stuck in it. I know the obvious response is “not all options are good options.” That’s true, but occasionally good options and average options with some bad beats having maybe one option every few years and said option is just using you, or picking and dropping you on a whim.

I’m not saying women can’t be lonely, or that every woman has amazing choices lined up. I’m saying advice about being content alone sounds very different when it’s coming from someone who knows they can likely leave singledom if they truly want to, versus someone who isn’t very realistically able to.