Just pick someone else is silly.

baller696969balls · 2026-06-21T21:59:36+00:00

What behaviours are we talking about? And honestly the amount of people, regardless of gender, willing to “negotiate” their behaviour and traits is quite minimal.

I think it’s the perfect advice, to pick someone else. Picking someone whose personality is mentally straining for you and whom you can find more critiques within than positive attributes, sounds like a fucking nightmare. Don’t make your life more difficult by finding more things to complain about, just search for someone that you really, really like as a person.

Virago04 · 2026-06-21T22:00:29+00:00

When someone says "just pick someone else" they are making a statement about compatibility, not availability. Also, what do you suggest a man should do in this situation? Keep pursuing women who have already shown they're incompatible?

Lost_Reaction_5489 · 2026-06-21T23:25:38+00:00

So, go into a relationship trying to change the person into what you actually want, and some people are surprised why many relationships don't last?

emmarie1023 · 2026-06-21T22:49:18+00:00

“The women who have the behavior these guys are looking for probably is already taken and is most likely in the minority of women”

Yeah. This is the same for women. The men who have the qualities most women want are taken.

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-06-22T00:30:19+00:00

It’s pick someone else or be comfortable being single. Is she abusive? Leave and be single. Is she social and goes out more than you like? Deal, or leave. If someone does something that’s against a boundary you have, enforce your boundary by leaving. The advice isn’t ever going to be stay in an abusive relationship or learn how to change them.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-06-21T21:52:29+00:00

If women have to choose better, then so do men

toasterchild · 2026-06-21T21:50:16+00:00

You don't need to have an abundance of options laying at you feet to go actively search our the type of person you will actually like. The lazier you are in your search for a partner the more likely you are to meet people who aren't a good fit for yourself. If you want to rely solely on online dating you either better be really good at creating a profile or ok dating people who are less than what you hope for.

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-21T21:55:16+00:00

How is that answer silly when it is the only other option you have? If you don't want to pay for dates or you don't want to wait for sex (as commonly cited examples) with the woman you are currently seeing, your only other choice—assuming you still want to participate in dating—is to find someone else who will be amenable to that.

TheColdWoman · 2026-06-22T00:54:37+00:00

"I think a big thing to consider is behavior and traits are honestly somewhat negotiable. Depends on how she feels about you. Sometimes women will be sweet for you and a demon to everyone else....."

Ah yes, the magical vagina fallacy. Or, I guess for you, the magical dick fallacy. You can "save" her or turn her into your ideal woman, a tale as old as pygmalion.

Good luck with that....

Let me tell you what happens when a woman tries to turn a bad man into one with a heart of gold - eventually he hits her or starts abusing her or starts smashing her phone, and then all the guys here sneer "you should have chosen better!" or "women love dark triad men, so they deserve the abuse...." My mom bought into that beauty and the beast bullshit, too. No shock she ended up in an abusive marriage. When I heard her peddling that shit around my daughters, I shut that down.

Do not, do not, do not try to mold some woman into your idealized version, thinking she'll change. Don't white knight to save the poor broken winged bird. https://www.alenaturley.com/blog/when-helping-others-becomes-a-way-to-hide-broken-wing-syndrome

They have to change because they want to change themselves and for themselves.

If it's a personality quirk, sure. Maybe one day, she'll get better about balancing the check book, but you cannot count on it, and if it is a quirk you can't live with for a life time, walk away.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2026-06-22T00:32:58+00:00

The point is if you’re gonna complain about someone’s behavior, “I have no other options” isn’t really an excuse. Either accept what you’re allowing, or don’t allow it

Solondthewookiee · 2026-06-21T22:12:10+00:00

No, it's not silly. Demanding universal compatibility from women is what's silly. You are not required to be in a relationship.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-06-21T23:48:49+00:00

You’re not entirely wrong, but if you read this back with the genders reversed, this is why telling women to “choose better” is often very hypocritical. Even if women have more abundant choices on the surface, most men with desirable traits are taken, and it is usually not immediately apparent which men actually possess the traits one is looking for since they all put on a mask and turn into someone else after you’re locked down. Some men are sweet to you and a demon to everyone else, some men are demon to you and sweet to everyone else. This is not a gendered trait.

Major-Platypus2092 · 2026-06-21T21:44:44+00:00

I understand the frustration, but this is just objectively what you should do. I'm not sure what you think the other options would be.

mooncake_bites · 2026-06-21T21:53:21+00:00

Then that probably means your expectations are unreasonable and you need to adjust accordingly or just be single. I notice you didn’t even provide an example and were very vague with “does/allow that.” Allow what? Whatever it is, I have a feeling deep down you know it’s unreasonable so that’s why you’re not even iterating what it is.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2026-06-21T21:42:14+00:00

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Ok_Use7 · 2026-06-21T22:39:51+00:00

What is the alternative though? To force who don’t to fit your wants/needs?

It’s either find someone else or tough shit imo. Behavior and traits are not negotiable. Anyone who drops their entire lifestyle to keep someone else happy is a dummy and only going to end up unhappy.

NiaMiaBia · 2026-06-21T22:35:38+00:00

It’s not a silly argument. It’s the only logical response to some of the “double standards” (or whatever) y’all cry about. If you’re upset that most women expect the man to pay for the first date, then find a woman that is ok with 50/50. What exactly do you expect people to say/do?

Like honestly - what advice are you expecting?

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-06-21T22:12:19+00:00

It just seems like the only alternative to this is what? Force women to accept a man they don't want? I'm confused as to what you're getting at.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-06-22T02:45:33+00:00

Literally just math with mild morality attached.

Say you want a bisexual baddie who wants girl banging threesomes MFF and you're the stud in the middle. But the girl you're with doesn't want that. We say find someone else. You say, yeah, but there aren't women lining up for me in the first place. Now, aside from the eye roll all onlookers feel when you say that, find someone else is the only other answer. Cuz what's the other answer, you "negotiate" this woman into accepting something she doesn't want that will likely make her miserable. No, cuz that would be wrong to do. You guys fundamentally want different things and negotiation in either direction would leave someone miserable and that's not proper nor good.

Sure, some folks will compromise out of desperation, but that doesn't end well for anyone. So why do it when you can be single and hunting for the person who wants to match your freak or share dreams?

Acrobatic-Monk9735 · 2026-06-22T04:59:26+00:00

Men constantly tell women to pick better and pick someone else. Equality.

KoninginVanRotterdam · 2026-06-21T21:55:10+00:00

No woman is gonna drop their entire lifestyle for you.

You are free to drop yours of course.

Sensitive_Housing_85 · 2026-06-21T21:40:17+00:00

i disagree with your argument on why, its not so much that these women are being picked but more so that they are trying to attract any woman, they are seeing any woman as success because they generally don't get women in abundance like at all, that's why the argument is bad, its not that they don't want to pick someone else, its that woman in question is their option, the better advice is to say they should prefer being single because that's an objectively bad partner

Arrowdodgingace · 2026-06-21T22:04:29+00:00

Here’s my philosophy: it’s better to have the absolute best woman possible for you or to be alone. I’ve tried going down the route where I compromise with a woman trying to make it work and it ended up with me being taken advantage of every time.

A relationship is not worth it unless it feels smooth like a hot knife through butter. This is why I get frustrated at people who say “duh a relationship is hard work!!” Because people who say this are clearly afraid of being alone and never had a genuine relationship.

You can choose to be alone until a relationship that’s amazing comes along. Yes if you want that you have to look hard and long, but I am telling you right now that bending to what a woman wants is never gonna make you happy or your relationships last.

So no I don’t think pick someone else is silly advice. But I do think this whole idea in the manosphere where completely changing who you are just to get pussy is somehow better than being alone is very dumb and misguided. A bad woman can make your life worse than if you choose to wait a little while.

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2026-06-21T21:44:31+00:00

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ZynoWeryXD · 2026-06-21T22:17:38+00:00

that's the same reason why pretty women think they don't have options, because they want someone compatible

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-06-22T14:57:41+00:00

At the end of the day, if a person is not interested- then you really have no other choices than to pick someone else, or watch them enjoy their life while you stay alone.

You can’t buy a house that’s not for sale, you can’t sell a car to a blind man, and you can’t MAKE Someone like you.

Gilmoregirlin · 2026-06-22T16:28:28+00:00

Then stay single? That's always an option.

Therealcatlady1 · 2026-06-22T05:44:05+00:00

It’s not a woman’s problem if the traits you want are in a minority. I want a tall rich man and that’s in the minority but I’m not complaining. It’s annoying to constantly have bickering or being uncomfortable because you’re mismatched. Ending it with someone for this reason.

This is a bad mindset. Tired of men wasting my and their own time trying to change my mindset/lifestyle because they’re expecting me to change. I don’t expect them to change, I just move on cause I have options and am not desperate.

BlueberryAccording45 · 2026-06-21T22:28:42+00:00

“Pick a woman who doesn’t care about height.”

98%+ of woman care about height.

One factor alone can disqualify a significant amount of women. Can’t really change your height either.

ladybird_00 · 2026-06-21T21:56:54+00:00

It’s not women’s fault if men don’t have an abundance of options. Why should she have to lower her standards to accommodate a man’s?

jorts-enthusiast · 2026-06-22T14:45:08+00:00

No, it isn’t. Why are some of yall so obsessed with the idea of staying in relationships where you aren’t compatible with each other?

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PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2026-06-21T21:42:37+00:00

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AutomaticBobcat9640 · 2026-06-22T08:40:03+00:00

that's why it's important to keep around a few women you would actually have a chance with, in case anything goes wrong

Brilliant-Block-8200 · 2026-06-22T19:22:34+00:00

Genuine question—when you say that some women would drop their lifestyle just to keep you, are you also considering her happiness and satisfaction in the relationship? If dropping that to keep you caused her to be unhappy, would you still be ok with that? I’m asking because I can’t really understand how you can say you care about your partner and be ok with them being deeply unhappy just to stay with you

Ju-demigod-do · 2026-06-23T11:58:02+00:00

To be honest, you should choose to be alone before putting up with extra baggage. I wish I had this mentality earlier on. Eventually, there will be someone else. It’s better you have the stability in life built before you meet them.

JollyBowler2510 · 2026-06-25T05:40:15+00:00

So instead of going to find a woman that does like or is ok with certain things, or changing yourself... you'd rather argue and debate with women who don't agree with these things you seek, to make them change? I'm not understanding what other option you are seeking, other than finding someone who fits your niche.

pie-mart · 2026-06-25T21:38:22+00:00

I think women are largely saying that as more of a subconscious backhand to the ever popular "just choose better men"

Its the advice we are given like 80% of the time, so I think we have sort of internalized it and are now asking the men who complain about their dating woes, "well, why aren't you choosing better"

love_in_october · 2026-06-22T08:22:16+00:00

As men are constantly complaining about on this subreddit, usually in straight dating men are making the first move. Meaning they pick who to make a move on and who to create opportunities with. If they don't like who they're picking, they could very well go and ask out another kind of person.

EKOzoro · 2026-06-22T04:53:21+00:00

The privellage of having options to anything in life is always not a big deal for the privellaged.

When I was a kid , I had to eat the same food for 14 yrs with occasional high quality meals or burgers or pizza. I used to see other people have a variety of stuff, but to them it wasn't any different because they were so used to it , it was thier reality.

I used to make a big deal about Even going outside to eat a fucking McDonald's.

LillthOfBabylon · 2026-06-22T10:54:19+00:00

the man having these types of problems aren’t running into an abundant amount of chances to even make an attempt to court a woman.

Considering most guys here dont think this guy is an idiot speaks volumes: https://youtube.com/shorts/_ke-Ep2Gu1E?si=xtUNv-WbFQcIyBDH

They do get an abundance of chances, they just burn through their chances and don’t care until they realize they’re down to almost 0.

Another example: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTB78HtsE/

Piss poor dating prospects and he was STILL PICKY.

Men who are truly desperate get snatched up fast. However, there are men who THINK theyre desperate but its really because their type dont want them and they refuse to loosen their standards

Title	Just pick someone else is silly.
Author	RiceApprehensive483
Upvotes	17
Comments	240
Date	June 21, 2026 9:36 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1uc1z0l/just_pick_someone_else_is_silly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/just-pick-someone-else-is-silly.1583340 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583340

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