Q4W - Any of you ever knowingly date a criminal or know an EMOTIONALLY STABLE woman who dated a criminal?

YveisGrey · 2020-03-03T16:08:00+00:00

[deleted]

YveisGrey · 2020-03-03T17:02:21+00:00

I agree most middle to upper middle class women are not knowingly dating criminals that’s really a class issue more than anything. And even the women I knew who dated so called “bad boys” had major issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and substance abuse issues. Well adjusted women tend to date more beta guys and seem happy to do so it’s the women with mental health issues and low self esteem that tend to be attracted to those crazy types.

sublimemongrel · 2020-03-03T16:20:27+00:00

No, unless by “criminal” they mean “man who recreationally used drugs/has ever had a DUI or ever got busted for pot”. My demographic when younger was middle class, college educated people. My demographic now is slightly higher. Save an outlier or two who came from lower class, fucked up backgrounds I have never known women who dated men who were in and out of jail, or who had violent or serious felonies on their record.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-03-03T16:12:43+00:00

well i am famous for being low neuroticism and emotionally stable to the point im often accused of having no feelings and also famous for finding "criminals" attractive in that the type of men i like have a tendency to have gone to jail in their youths for this and that. its not that i "find criminals attractive" per se, but that the men i find attractive tend to be the types who do stuff they get arrested for

i would think this would normally be the case because i am the type who both thrives on emergency/high conflict situations and stays calm in them. i cant see how an emotionally "unstable" woman could handle a high conflict criminal type man who breaks rules, gets in trouble, involves her in trouble etc

PennnyLame · 2020-03-03T17:05:48+00:00

Depends on what you mean by “criminal”... Guy who drank underage, smoked weed or did party drugs and maybe got caught in college and had some sort of low level charge? Or held a bag for his best friend who was on probation and was put on probation as a result? Sure. That’s very common in young men IME. They’re not career criminals- they’re college boys having as much fun on dad’s dime as they can.

Mallogen · 2020-03-03T18:56:03+00:00

I’m a masters-educated medical professional who ended a 13 year relationship with a boring yet stable man. I got lured in to the thrill of the lifestyle of a convicted felon (armed robbery, completed 7 of a 12 year prison sentence in a max security facility and finished up his parole while living off of me). I have never had more fun living a carefree lifestyle. He didn’t have any regard for safety or comfort but I thought I needed that after living such a “safe” life for so long with my ex husband.

I spent a ton of money supporting him in a short amount of time and ended up at the bottom of a staircase after I threw him in to a rage one night.

There were a lot of very appealing things about him at that time in my life but I still am physically struggling with the injuries I sustained and I absolutely wish I never met him.

Maybelowsmv · 2020-03-03T16:21:14+00:00

Yeah i do. My friend's sister is married to a guy who was good. He killed someone

iseeyouxo_ · 2020-03-03T16:53:46+00:00

Dated one before he became like that but FWB while he was? Lol

My first boyfriend ever in grade 10. We were so sweet and innocent. Broke up after 6months. Didn't stay in contact too much, he has a kid, been to jail, etc. He would reach out to me every couple of years to catch up but I had a LTR relationship at those times.

Was finally single when he reached out again, we caught up. Mind you it's been .. 11 years since we even barley dated. One thing lead to another, we'd call eachother when we're horny and that's it. Hes been trying to get me to his "ride or die" but I'm too emotionally stable for that lol.

I think it's just the fact he's my first of everything and we have an insane friendship that we both go back in time to when things were simple. But I'm seeing someone now, so I cut him off lol.

XtoDoubt · 2020-03-03T15:44:11+00:00

The women I know of who are/were with men who have done time are not from healthy upbringings/circumstances. The guys have at least a couple of baby mommas apiece. It's all kind of sad.

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Steorra9 · 2020-03-03T16:15:54+00:00

I knew someone who has been with an ex con for years. She is emotionally stable as far as I know. She's a really great person actually.

Though ex con is different than currently active criminal.

Feyra · 2020-03-03T16:36:03+00:00

I want to know, from the women’s side, if there’s any truth to this idea.

There's some truth to it, if I'm being honest. But it's more of a fantasy than anything: "ooh, he's a MAN's man, give me your spermies tough guy". I don't know any women who would act on that fantasy though. I'd liken this to rape porn. Rape porn can be very hot, but just because we might consume it that doesn't mean we want to be raped.

redditthrowaway1478 · 2020-03-03T17:08:23+00:00

no. i'm umc and white.

_nephila · 2020-03-03T18:06:28+00:00

No and no.

There's a big difference between "emotional stability" (or perceived stability) and mentally or neurologically normative. Many surgeons supposedly have a high number of sociopathic traits. They're also stable to the point of coldness... they have to be. No breaking down while someone is flayed open on a metal table in front of you, no cold feet when you have to make a risky decision.

BertTheWelder · 2020-03-03T18:53:08+00:00

I have a friend who is a lawyer. He married a woman and helped take care of her and her two daughters. They were married for around ten years and then retired to a farm together. They hired a farm hand who had a sketchy past. The farmhand got into a disagreement with someone and murdered that person. The wife divorced the lawyer and is now waiting for her fiancée to get out of prison while she lives in a run down apartment as opposed to the nice farm.

So, it happens.

Whelsey · 2020-03-03T18:54:09+00:00

My father proved to be a shitty person after marrying my mom(she was 19-20, they met on church and he was her first boyfriend and sexual partner) and after he got kids. I recently discovered he was cheating on my mother and planned on scamming his mistresses husband to get his money. He also ran over a child making her lose the ability to walk while drunk driving, so I suppose he's a criminal. He never got to jail, I think him being a police officer at the time helped him. Ever since then, my mother became very distrustful of anyone she dated and now she has a very good husband that treats her right and respects her.

DicamVeritatem · 2020-03-03T19:08:31+00:00

I’ve known a number of professionally employed, educated women who dated and even married some pretty damned sketchy men.

My favorite was an attractive, petite blonde with an MS in mechanical engineering with a great job in her field. She actually married a greasy, gaunt drug dealer who was also a user. Divorced him after about a year, complaining about his physical violence and drug using.

Within two years, she married another dude who could have been his twin. No shit. Lost track of her after that.

Pola_Lita · 2020-03-03T21:46:11+00:00

I've honestly never even *heard* of a woman wanting a man because he was a criminal, but I'm not sure I've ever personally known a criminal, either.

What I thought women were/are attracted to is "non-follower" types, socially in particular. Self-directed, self-made, self-supporting, frequently uncooperative, "not running for office" types. It's what I'm attracted to.

NarniaFox · 2020-03-03T16:12:45+00:00

No, I've never dated and never would date a criminal. I don't know a woman, who is stable, that dates a criminal. Women dating criminals usually either have problems with law themselves or addictions. They also most likely have low level of education and low paid jobs or no job at all.

2020-03-03T16:32:30+00:00

Yes. My best friend had very low self esteem and the guy was a cunning manipulator who tricked her into thinking he was a changed man because of Jesus. Huger mistake could not have been made. She divorced him and is now married to a normal guy.

I want to make it clear that she honestly believed he was a changed man or she would not have been with him.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-03-03T15:57:37+00:00

I know a girl whose baby daddy went to jail after they started dating. She waited patiently and loyally for him to get out of jail, gave birth without him, and was sooo sure he was going to be a great father to their baby boy once he had his freedom. Well he turned out to be a deadbeat who couldn’t find time to “babysit” his own kid and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him back to jail. They’re broken up now, she appears to be working hard and just became an RN. I feel bad for her, but I think she’ll be ok. She isn’t mentally ill or irresponsible, she just had a crappy white trash upbringing (alcoholic drug user mom, dead dad). I don’t know any women that specifically pursue criminals.

nemporisso · 2020-03-03T16:00:15+00:00

No, no.

I'd overlook criminality if I thought it morally justified, but wouldn't seek it out, that's silly

DebatePony · 2020-03-03T16:00:23+00:00

I've never known someone who was of sound mind/mental health to knowingly date a criminal.

SmurfESmurferson · 2020-03-03T16:22:13+00:00

Depends on what you mean by “criminal”

I’ve dated guys - and was married to one - with DUIs. Sometimes multiple. I’ve dated men who smoke weed or do other drugs recreationally. One of my ex’s was in the Mafia

I like risk takers, they mesh with my personality

Nodoxxintoxin · 2020-03-03T16:46:37+00:00

My younger brother is a felon, spent a year locked up for trafficking weed, is covered in tats and is married to a nurse. Don’t know if that qualifies.

He has never been a violent person in the least, but he definitely made money selling weed for a really long time. He has been clean and sober, completely straight arrow, no alcohol or weed for a decade, makes great money in the computer science field with an AA, and is married to a nurse. They live a pretty quiet life in a McMansiony suburb, take care of her aging mom, and except at pool parties when the neighborhood gets a look at the tats, no one would suspect his past. FWIW, he is very bright and a sweetheart, and all his girlfriends have been UMC type girls....not a white trash skank in the bunch. He probably doesn’t fit the thug life type you are talking about.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-03-03T16:58:08+00:00

Its not just an idea. It has been researched on.

goatismycopilot · 2020-03-03T15:55:11+00:00

No anybody I know who purposefully hooked with with dudes who did time or recycled in and out of jail had major issues.

flamingoinghome · 2020-03-03T16:52:02+00:00

What do we mean by "criminal"? Someone who has ever done an illegal thing in their lives? Yes, absolutely--but it's "crimes" like experimenting with recreational drugs, or drinking when they were still underage, or streaking on a dare, or one or two guys who've gotten arrested as part of a political protest.

"Criminal" as in someone who's done time in jail (not just locked up for a few hours like the protesters), or who makes their living by committing crimes? Nopenopenope. I knew ONE girl briefly when I worked in a restaurant who was dating a guy in jail, but she was a trainwreck herself--like with like.

_FIRECRACKER_JINX · 2020-03-03T17:12:56+00:00

somegenerichandle · 2020-03-03T17:17:23+00:00

The average person is either

came from very broken homes, dysfunctional family systems, and struggled with abuse/addiction/mental issues.

and those who are not are either in denial or in the minority.

This is also kind of a chicken/egg question. I have a friend who was with a criminal, she became a teen mom, so she'd fall under your broken home category. He had already been to juvi and when he got into prison, she had had enough. We only presume that people are stable and we could probably extend the definition to exclude those dating a criminal.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2020-03-03T17:21:47+00:00

No, I'm not poor or from mafia or sth, how does one even meet criminals? I'd have to go to some fancy 'lets bake christmas cookies for people in prison to pretend we dont despise them' event to see one.

mangolover97 · 2020-03-03T17:29:13+00:00

That knew he was a criminal? Only ones who were also criminals. All the non-criminal ones had severe emotional issues.

estrojennnn · 2020-03-03T17:29:29+00:00

I’ve dated a few people who were ex-cons, even felons but none were active criminals, and most actually had stable, lucrative careers. Anyone can make mistakes but I wouldn’t date anyone who was actively committing crimes or involved in criminal shit.

findingfemininity · 2020-03-03T17:35:05+00:00

Definitely no violent criminals. I know some women who have dated men that did petty stuff (shoplifting, drugs) or white collar crimes but I'm assuming that's not what you're thinking about when you say "criminals".

Also this question is entirely class dependent. My friends are UMC white & Asian people so obviously they're not going to be dating violent felons. We don't even know anyone that like that.

TJ902 · 2020-03-03T17:35:36+00:00

Honestly, I think this whole nice isn’t attractive thing applies to men too. Nice isn’t inherently attractive, and if it’s your defining characteristic, you’re boring. People are attracted to exciting, intriguing, unpredictable.

Cobra_x30 · 2020-03-03T17:35:52+00:00

Having known some gangsters back in the day and also some low level hip hop artists who had lots of criminal convictions... there is no shortage of women from all ranges of emotional stability that go for these guys. A lot of times I wouldn't classify it as "dating", but these guys are never alone. Did you miss the story about the "Hot Felon"? Women were absolutely swooning over his mugshot! That's just something guys don't do. You never hear guys going... "You know that Lorena Bobbitt? Yeah, She is so hot, I want to date her!"

littlecow888 · 2020-03-03T17:43:18+00:00

My cousin’s wife is married to a pedo drug dealer.

MOliOreo · 2020-03-03T17:57:44+00:00

Years and years ago I had one first date with a guy who began to talk about his past and mentioned doing time. He didn't seem remorseful (assault is what he did time for). I noped out of there asap and got off of okc and blocked his number. After him I started to at least do a Google search before agreeing to meet anyone from OLD.

Anyone I've known that seek those types of guys see criminal behavior as normal and are usually prone to doing the same things or at least condoning it.

eveleaf · 2020-03-03T18:18:36+00:00

Nope, not ever.

2020-03-03T18:29:02+00:00

I wouldn't date someone that hurt someone else (unless it mitigated them or someone else getting hurt) and I wouldn't date someone of low intelligence (getting caught breaking the law).

Most my friends and boyfriends are petty criminals as they take recreational drugs and certain forms of activism.

Cissnowflake · 2020-03-03T18:37:29+00:00

I’m friends with a woman who, no matter where she is living, fucks her drug dealer. All while talking about wanting marriage and children with the right man.

Nevidimka- · 2020-03-03T18:41:51+00:00

No, it's mostly people at the lower end of society dating other people at the lower end of society.

And it isn't just attraction; if you're a woman living in a ghetto and being either jobless or working unpopular lower end jobs, your dating pool - the people you meet on the daily, the friends-of-friends you're introduced to, even your tinder matches if you've set the radius low, will most likely simply contain a whole lot more criminals than the dating pool of a UMC grad student.

Economist_hat · 2020-03-03T20:04:18+00:00

My uncle is a felon and his last relationship was with a relatively stable woman. Relatively.

ontherailstoday · 2020-03-03T20:25:51+00:00

My mother dated a guy who was a bit of a con-man after she left my father. He wasn't exciting, powerful or dangerous... he was confident in social situations though. He was a physical coward. She didn't know he was a criminal when she started dating him (he had a small business that gave him a reputable aura) but she found out later.

He eventually fled the country because he'd been defrauding social security and they came a knocking for info. Came back later on when he he felt the heat was off. By then I'd had kids and my partner didn't want him round those kids when mum was babysitting them, so one day he showed up at my mother's place half drunk with flowers and a cask of wine, my partner grabbed him firm by the elbow and walked him to the property line and told him "No, Just no." and that was that. Then a few years later he died of prostate cancer.

The average woman does not find criminality desirable. The average woman finds confidence, strength, power, status and resources desirable. These are all things that different criminal career paths might lead someone to... but so might perfectly legal career paths. Learning to do cold call sales right, will, for example teach you confidence.

The common argument "women like criminals but I don't want to be a criminal so I'm stuck without sex" is bullshit and serves only to provide excuses. There's legal paths to all the things that criminality tends to be able to provide, and the legal paths are in many cases easier. It is far less risk and pain to take a job selling books or paintings or vacuum cleaner door to door to learn to have "front" and confidence than it is to start committing frauds or selling drugs. It is easier to become strong by lifting as a hobby than it is to become strong by lifting because da boss told you he wanted you to start going with the standover team and now you're so scared of getting your ass beat or having to shoot someone that you want to put on a few muscles.

In particular, if you are upper working class or higher in economic status there is zero excuse to focus on it being "criminality or nothing" for you because you have resources for gym fees, you have time off you could use to do a second job that teaches you different lessons, etc.

FreakXAurora · 2020-03-03T21:06:18+00:00

Nope and I don’t think I ever would

pinkdrawings · 2020-03-04T00:06:03+00:00

I've met women who have dated criminals but they were all emotionally unstable, wild, etc. They were not exactly..ideal women.

crawlingpuppy · 2020-03-04T00:29:06+00:00

I have a one criminal friend. I have consulted about him during my therapy with my psychologist who had experiences with prisoners because he was far from sociopathic criminal stereotype. He is far from being exciting, confident, powerful and dangerous. He is rather depressed, impulsive and lonely. My psychologist told me that my thoughts were overrepresented stereotype of criminals.

mistresswhat · 2020-03-04T01:40:52+00:00

One of my best friends from college was a drug dealer who ended up in a very longterm relationship with a very beautiful and incredibly academically accomplished woman. I would not describe him as "powerful" or "dangerous" though. He was just a nice, fun, reasonably attractive guy who had drugs. I've since fallen out of touch, but our mutual friend (who is longtime besties with his girlfriend, and actively dislikes him) admits he treats her incredibly well.

The extent to which terps tend to associate personality traits with jobs is incredibly dumb when you think about it.

I also work a job that is medium-criminalized and I will say that the one personality trait us low-level criminals tend to have in common isn't particularly "exciting" -- it's that we're practical. I guess if you're some square sitting at a desk all day this can be hard to wrap your mind around, but the thought process for most drug dealers etc is basically, "hmm, I need money, this is high-risk enough to have big profit margins but low-risk enough that doing it isn't super dumb."

2020-03-04T02:47:27+00:00

I dated a guy who’d been to juvenile for dealing, got out, kept dealing. Buttttt, I was also dealing at the time as well. I’d just never been caught. So it wasn’t his bad boy status, it was just lifestyle compatibility in that period of my life. I’m UMC, parents are still together, no addictions. I was just a bored 19 yo wanting to rebel against the world

OpdatUweKutSchimmele · 2020-03-04T05:11:36+00:00

I don't think there are many human beings that aren't criminals.

Maybe you mean to say "violent crime" or something like that.

redditthrowaway1478 · 2020-03-04T05:12:25+00:00

[deleted]

Sid_Insidious · 2020-03-04T05:54:29+00:00

Did you just use "emotionally stable woman" all in the same sentence?

hahahahahahahaha

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-03-04T07:33:22+00:00

I have dated someone who was rumoured to have done two years in jail for insider trading

He later confirmed this was true

Captain_of_Skene · 2020-03-04T15:25:16+00:00

For right or for wrong, there are a lot of men on Reddit who would consider the term "emotionally stable woman" to be an oxymoron

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-03-04T16:26:23+00:00

My dad used to deal weed lol.

DXBrigade · 2020-03-05T02:18:13+00:00

I am a square who hates drama and my friends are like me, so nope.

doctor_trucks · 2020-03-05T21:52:39+00:00

litlebitterthrowaway · 2020-04-10T00:17:20+00:00

My father is a criminal, but my mother was definitely not emotionally stable.

FlavFal · 2020-03-03T16:08:38+00:00

Hell no

I like good boys.

brokegradstudent_93 · 2020-03-03T15:59:42+00:00

I know women who date low level pot dealers and users but I don’t know women who knowingly date violent criminals

RF111164 · 2020-03-03T16:05:13+00:00

This was me lol

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-03-03T16:26:40+00:00

Stable women can differentiate between a confident adventurous man and a criminal, so no from my experience I have never known a stable woman who knowingly dated a criminal.

wtknight · 2020-03-03T17:02:37+00:00

[removed]

Title	Q4W - Any of you ever knowingly date a criminal or know an EMOTIONALLY STABLE woman who dated a criminal?
Author	redditthrowaway1478
Upvotes	25
Comments	210
Date	March 3, 2020 3:38 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fcwbl6/q4w_any_of_you_ever_knowingly_date_a_criminal_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-any-of-you-ever-knowingly-date-a-criminal-or.352082 https://theredarchive.com/post/352082

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