Q4Women: Has a man ever reacted aggressively when you rejected him?

DarthCach · 2021-01-10T12:36:31+00:00

Has this ever happened to you? Yes.

Is it a common occurrence? I believe so. Like you said there isn't any numbers to back this up but all my girlfriends have similar stories. Their friends have similar stories, their friends have similar stories...

Does this justify indirect rejections? When you clearly say no (several times) but it isn't being heard or respected, you have to change tactics. But you always assume he will listen and be able to handle a no.

deathbecomesme123456 · 2021-01-10T07:17:30+00:00

-A guy is still stalking me because I rejected him 3 years ago. I never remotely indicated romantic interest in him ever, even slightly.

-I have had men follow me on the street who I’ve said no to.

-On a date I went on, I told the guy I wanted to go home and he wouldn’t stop touching me and I had no way of leaving so he pressured me into doing other things.

-A guy in a bar who wouldn’t leave me alone even after I told him multiple times I wasn’t interested in men and I had to get back to my friends.

-A guy I was friends with since middle school sexually assaulted me because I rejected him.

There are a few others that I can’t think of right now. I just started avoiding men entirely after all of these, it’s been very cathartic.

SaccharineX · 2021-01-10T12:30:15+00:00

Yeah I've been sexually harassed by a dude who I rejected, cause after the rejection we agreed to stay friends and continue hanging out so I was in proximity to him. Not friends with him anymore obv.

Mimoxs · 2021-01-10T08:00:15+00:00

Yes. I've been threatened, stalked, and blackmailed.

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-01-10T12:21:10+00:00

I was called a slut, "important bitch" and a stupid bitch in the same sentence by a guy who approached me on the street and I said no.

I was chased by another dude who I rejected, he walked beside me and tried to talk to me until I run into a random bus to escape. And the chasing is pretty common, it happened to me a couple of times.

I was disturbed by a guy who sat in front of me in a cafe and wouldn't let go, even though I told him that I had a boyfriend. He talked to me and tried to flirt with me or something even when I stopped looking at him, turned my music on, and pretended to read a book. I had to leave my coffee unfinished and escape by pretending that I was going to the toilet (I was afraid that he would go after me).

Also, tons of dudes approached me or my friends in a bar and wouldn't let go, even though we told them that it was our night and we weren't there to find a man. I was followed to the toilet, suddenly grabbed by one of them. He held me and wouldn't let go, saying that he saw how I was looking at him (wtf). I panicked, pretended that I was interested and when he let me go I run to the toilet and called my friends that were with me in the bar to come for me, cause I was too afraid to walk out alone.

[deleted] · 2021-01-10T08:55:18+00:00

There was a time where I rejected someone and he started sending me some really aggressive and angry messages. I had to block him.

However, I find that most men don't react this way.

Reisiluu · 2021-01-10T13:40:11+00:00

One guy followed me home. He didn't leave me alone until I told him I have a bf. It's literally like a magic word, abracadabra and poof they're gone. In my case the truth but why are guys surprised women lie about it when we get followed the whole fucking night, in the bar and on the street, until we utter that one key phrase.

Another time I ignored a guy who was catcalling me and he grabbed my arm hard enough to stop me in my tracks. I don't think guys understand what it's like to be made unable to move or leave.

Plus some rude comments. Never been hit or worse.

I reject guys by saying "no thanks" with a polite smile, "I said no" and "are you stupid", escalating each time they don't take no for an answer. It usually works, although having to be the bad guy when I'm minding my own business is exhausting. I don't like repeating myself to idiots. Learn to fuck off.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-01-10T16:20:29+00:00

One time I was at a bar with my friend watching a band. We were standing up by the stage in a crowd of people. Next to us were two older guys, probably in their forties or early fifties (we were in college). One of the guys kept trying to talk and flirt with me. He offered to buy me a drink and I said thanks but I wasn't drinking (which was true), I was just there to watch the show. He kept getting closer to me, talking in my ear, trying to put his arm around my waist. I eventually asked him to stop and he did.

At one point my friend went to the bathroom. I got out my phone to text her to bring me a cup of water from the bar on her way back. The dude saw me texting, reached around and grabbed my phone out of my hand and said (yelled) "Oh so you've got time to text someone but you can't talk to me? Who are you talking to?" and started looking at my phone. I yelled at him to give me my phone back. His buddy who was with him was like "Dude what the fuck, stop being an idiot" and he gave me my phone back and I went to stand somewhere else for the rest of the show.

By far not the worst thing that can happen but it was definitely aggressive and a huge overstep of boundaries. That kind of thing would get his ass kicked if he did it to a guy.

Also had an ex stalk me and do/threaten to do some scary shit after I broke up with him.

Sage_Planter · 2021-01-10T16:36:50+00:00

I've had men call me the usual "bitch" or "slut" when I've rejected them. It happens all the time in the wonderful world of online dating.

It's less extreme than "aggressive," but sometimes you have to put kiddie gloves on when rejecting a man depending on how they fit into your social circle. For example, there's a man who I work with who has a crush on me, and despite very clear rejection, he's still into me. I can't full on blow him up because we're co-workers, and I wish he would just go away.

Gilmoregirlin · 2021-01-10T18:10:53+00:00

Yes many times, yes it is common. Yes it’s why often women will tell a man that they want a second date in person and then reject them later. I have had men literally get into arguments with me in public about why I won’t give them a second date. But by far my best story is a guy I went on two dates with. On the second date he chose a mid priced place to eat. I had a steak salad and a Diet Coke. He had a steak, three glasses of wine, an appetizer and a dessert. I offered to split the bill he declined. A week later he called me to tell me that one of his exes was pregnant with his child I told him that while I appreciated his honesty I was not interested in continuing to see him. He harassed me for two weeks via text and email, finally demanding that I send him my “half” of the money for the dinner, I blocked him.

superlurkage · 2021-01-10T19:05:47+00:00

Sure. Online and in real life.

That’s why I’m neither generous nor friendly to men anymore, you just get blamed when it goes pear shaped

merlinscalculator · 2021-01-10T08:16:03+00:00

I have had a man slash my tyres after rejecting him. Another one would show up at my house constantly, every day, for weeks on end yelling at me after rejecting him. And I’ve had one threaten to kill himself and then proceed to send me videos of him cutting himself with added messages of ‘this is because of you!!!’

A good friend of mine was murdered after rejecting a coworker, him proceeding to stalk her for months until she got a restraining order on him and him getting upset that she had gotten the restraining order on him. He broke into her house and murdered her. She was only 23 and that particular incident, more than anything that has happened to me, has made me very weary. We know it doesn’t happen often and it is quite an extreme case, but when it happens to someone so close to you it does leave a lifelong impact.

spacechicken1990 · 2021-01-10T07:29:00+00:00

GullibleClassic1 · 2021-01-10T07:39:15+00:00

There have been only two incidents in my life where things escalated to violence. The first incident is when I pretended to ignore a homeless men yelling out sexual propositions at me, this apparently upset him so much that he threw rock at me, hitting me on the side of my face causing a bruise to develop which didn’t fully heal until after a month. The second incident was at a bar, a random older guy started hitting on my friend and I. We tried to friendly at first by talking to him back but he kept on talking and talking, no matter how many signals we gave that we wanted to leave, so finally my friends and I just sternly told him we had to go and thanked him for the conversation. He seemed upset by this and grabbed my arm very tightly to make sure I couldn’t move and demanded to know where we were going. He only stopped after other customers and bartenders heard me repeatedly tell him he was hurting me and was promptly asked to leave. That left another bruise of my arm, that thankfully only lasted a couple of weeks.

Those are only incidents I have had deal with thankfully, all other ones the guy was either a gentleman about it, or would just insult and threaten me but never put their hands on me. I have seen my friends and relatives get physically hurt after turning down someone’s advances though.

I also want to say, it’s perfectly normal to get upset after being rejected, that’s a rational human feeling. It’s not ok to get violent no matter what gender you are. There is this blog which documents cases where a rejected person will over react and kill or hurt the object of their affection. Doing that just screams entitlement and being a poorly socialized individual. And before anyone says anything, I have probably faced more rejection then most on here so I know what it is like and never once have I thought about getting violent.

0seagirl · 2021-01-10T13:27:00+00:00

Yes. Men have followed me home, kerb-crawled me in their cars, and aggressively persisted after I rejected them. All of these were failed cold approaches. At worst, my first boyfriend threatened to kill himself if I left him.

Zombombaby · 2021-01-10T13:45:12+00:00

-ive been stalked and told theyd beat up my boyfriend. Guy was a random on the bus and I was a naive 16 yr old who liked talking about punk bands.

-slapped at a bar for turning down giving a BJ to a friend of a friend who had recently been married. Bouncers saw and did nothing

-almost run over with a truck and stalked by the people in it afterwards...twice on seperate occasions

-cornered repeatedly and sexually assaulted or attempted sexual assaults. I don't go out to clubs anymore because of this.

Those are the worst ones I can think of with a headache right now.

ivy176 · 2021-01-10T13:57:03+00:00

Yes, yes and yes.

AnarchoNAP · 2021-01-10T15:52:28+00:00

Yes. 1 Went on one date. At the end of the date he says he doesn’t want a relationship but would like a fwb situation. I say no. Sexual assault. 2 Went in a friend group. New guy asks me out in broken English. Uh, no. (I only speak English.) Attempted sexual assault. 3 Not uncommon for strangers to try to block you in if you aren’t responsive.

Fuck if I know.

Depends on the situation. If it’s a stranger, then all you know about them is they are at the point of asking out strangers. You don’t owe strangers shit except non-aggression. Lie away. I wore a fake wedding ring to work for years. If it’s a friend then no because 1) why are you friends with them if you think they’ll react violently? 2) at that point you’re likely trying to get gf benefits on a friendship subscription.

SaBahRub · 2021-01-10T16:58:19+00:00

Oh yes, several times. And threatened, on top of that.

2021-01-10T17:54:33+00:00

Nope. I block pretty quick though, whether it’s after I gave someone my number under duress or someone assumed familiarity too fast online.

I did get date raped once after I told a guy I didn‘t want him to come upstairs when he brought me home. He forced his way in after me and I complied because I was scared. Same guy raped my best friend in a public place. Raped a few others that I heard of. Should be in jail, tbh.

PrincessFKNPeach · 2021-01-10T09:29:03+00:00

I've had some pushy, but not aggressive. Then again, I'm 5'11 with broad shoulders and openly willing to stab people. I think the smaller a woman is, the more emboldened to try to intimidate her into saying yes the man will be.

Gh0sttttttt · 2021-01-10T06:47:54+00:00

I haven't dealt with any violence but I did get stalked once, got cornered at school once, but mostly they just say mean/creepy things.

rft24 · 2021-01-10T09:55:32+00:00

absolutely lmao, it’s happened a good number of times. i’ve been followed, grabbed, and called all kinds of names because i didn’t want to give a guy my number or my attention.

funlightmandarin · 2021-01-10T12:29:58+00:00

I personally haven't experienced aggressiveness in rejections, no. I've usually been the one to approach the guy in my relationships.

In STEM, most of my colleagues and fellow students are men, so I keep a very friendly and non-sexual atmosphere with the men in my life, and there's no flirting or ambiguous relationships, they know exactly where they have me.

A few of them have shot their shot with an invitation for drinks or something, but they've all taken the rejection gracefully. A couple of them were a bit awkward for a while, but maintaining the same treatment as earlier, they're now joking about it.

naamshiko · 2021-01-10T16:05:04+00:00

Obviously does not apply to most of the past year because I was living in a country in a lockdown, but before that, it occurred so frequently in one month that I wouldn’t be able to count it with my ten fingers.

And yes. My technic is now to pretend I don’t speak the language of whoever is talking to me. I don’t care if they’re a good person. I don’t care if they had good intentions. I had enough men follow me on the street, yell at me, insult me and my entire family, threaten to hit me, etc to make it a rule not to talk or respond to random men. I’ve been constantly carrying a knife + pepper spray and a kubaton in my bag for months. So excuse me if I hurt some men’s feelings, but I really don’t care.

PreparationWorried33 · 2021-01-10T17:52:43+00:00

Yes. I had one call me a stupid fucking bitch then he went in to try and hit me but the other people that were around intervened and he left. I’ve had 5 that followed me to try and persuade me to change my answer. The two that were in cars doing that were the scariest ones. Then over the internet or on social media I’ve had dudes tell me “thanks for wasting my time”, they’ve called me every derogatory name in the book and that I’ll “regret” rejecting them. Then I had two dudes after I blocked them,contact another member of my family online to try and get them to persuade me to talk to them. It’s crazy. I had a male co-worker get passive aggressive. He made a bunch of fake Facebook accounts of his “friends” to try and talk me into dating him and apologize for his erratic behavior. There’s a lot of loonies in the world.

_mwk · 2021-01-10T11:00:37+00:00

ive never been attacked but ive had pretty extreme reactions, mainly:

drunk dude smashes his glass on the ground at my feet after i refuse to dance with him all night even after my bf at the time told him to back off
weirdo on public transportation following me to uni bc I didnt give him my number
another street weirdo kicking my bike causing me to fall from it bc i didnt give him my number

that's the extreme ones I can remember. i try to reject anyone by text so I can block them if they react badly

Emberily123 · 2021-01-10T11:45:15+00:00

Yeah he threatened me, called me every name in the book

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2021-01-10T14:18:23+00:00

Well, I rejected to do anything sexually with a guy who let me sleep at his place after a party since I couldn't get home, so he raped me as I was too drunk and tired to fight (but said "no" very very clearly for several times). Apart from that, no aggression but unsettling persistence. A colleague from my office just didn't take no for an answer. Touched my hip and kissed my forehead in the break room out of nowhere. I told him I would report any touches next time. He only stopped verbal insinuations when I told him I am dating someone else. But I also didn't reject a lot in my life, so not a lot of experience to share.

ayeayefitlike · 2021-01-10T17:46:04+00:00

Yup. I would say probably one in five on average will say something horrible to me/get in my personal space in a way that makes me scared, but doesn’t go further. I would say that five times I’ve needed rescuing from an escalating situation (and some where inanimate objects were damaged with an aim to intimidate) - twice at work (once in a pub and once at a ducking library of all places), twice when out drinking and once at a house party from someone I thought was a friend.

Other than bruises left from grip, ive never been physically hurt, but I watched my sister get smacked round the face by a rugby player once - and nobody else that saw it would come out and support her, so she ended up getting made out to be a liar and half our town took his side.

Now, I tend to make a judgement call on whether I can shoot him down gently but clearly or whether I have to give him a fake number and ghost him, but you just can’t always judge it right.

asperges_me_domine · 2021-01-10T19:17:11+00:00

Yes. Besides the usual slew of "I didn't want to get with you anyway you fat bitch," etc. type interactions online, I had a guy get in my face, veins bulging, and hipcheck me into a stairwell when I made it clear that the date wasn't going well and I was intending to go home once the meal was done (AND I offered to pay). Because I had walked to the restaurant, I had to walk home alone while he followed me in his car yelling, one of the scariest moments of my life and I've been in actual armed conflict situations. Another time, I rebuffed a coworker's advances, and that triggered a whole chain of horrible harassment (we were the weekend crew in a rural EMS station- imagine having to SLEEP in the same bunkroom, alone, 5 feet away from someone who just threatened you- being awake for 48 hours is not an option). He didn't get fired, just a peepee smack from HR and our union. I left soon after.

2021-01-10T21:44:59+00:00

Yes, same stories as everyone else. Guys I know this seems like nothing to you and for the most part nothing terrible has happened when we have been insulted or intimidated. But there is a survival instinct that kicks in when a man gets aggressive towards us that spike up the bodies adrenaline and put us in fight or flight mode. It’s a hugely stressful experience so while it seemsLike less of a big deal if a dude at the bar arm checks you you are experiencing the same thing just a smaller scale because there is a higher likelihood that you could hold your own in a fight. Feel free to mock and chide us for more biological functions we’ve evolved to ensure our survival and we will continue to protect ourselves from violence, even if the likelihood of such violence is statistically low.

Sekina7 · 2021-01-10T09:28:27+00:00

I was recently chased down the road my a young man I told no repeatedly when he tried to get my number . He waited for me after I rejected him, followed me towards my car and only backed off when I told him my “boyfriend “ will be meeting me in 5 mins . I’ve been spat at , screamed at , threatened with violence , blocked on the road , etc etc . It gets tiring and often scary . That’s all.

mandoa_sky · 2021-01-10T12:48:33+00:00

yup. he created another account (after i blocked him) just to tell me that no one would want me because i was too old.

i figured that i made the right choice in the blocking.

arcticshqip · 2021-01-10T07:24:19+00:00

No, never.

emzw · 2021-01-10T14:11:15+00:00

Yes. When I noticed he was playing manipulative games I put an end to it (we were flirting). When I left without saying goodby, he got angry. When a neighbor stalker send me perverted letter confessing his hornyness, ehhh, love to me, the police had to get involved. And when my MARRIED neighbor kept coming into my garden and I told him to stop it, he killed my two cats. An electrician proposed I could pay the bill with a massage. When I said no, he came and “visited” me on a Saturday screaming I had to let him into my house. An other stole personal info of my computer, but later confessed he did it because he was jealous at my new boyfriend. And don’t get me started on sexual assault and harassment in other contexts! And men’s obsession with rape we call porn, prostitution and PUA/Game, I’m disgusted by them! Now I hate men. Don’t want them I my life, don’t trust them at all, going my own way now!

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-01-10T15:27:13+00:00

Nope.

nemporisso · 2021-01-10T15:59:46+00:00

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spacechicken1990 · 2021-01-10T13:18:31+00:00

[deleted]

wtknight · 2021-01-10T14:18:36+00:00

[removed]

Zonkey_Zeedonk · 2021-01-10T19:53:42+00:00

Absolutely it happens. Either with passive aggression, defensiveness, or outright anger. It’s why many women have some fear about turning men down directly and so resort to options like giving a number just to ghost, or “slow fading” out.

JMR2546 · 2021-01-10T21:03:15+00:00

Yes. But only once. The date was going well but the guy got super drunk and started revealing all kinds of red flags. He got fired for stealing from the family company which he of course denied. Used to have a coke addiction (prob why he was stealing). Was raised by his mom but sounded like he hated her (she was part of the decision to fire him). I didn’t show on my face that I found any of this alarming. So he said “we should hang out again”. I said ya know, I had a good time getting to know each other but I don’t think it’s the right fit and he yelled at a fancy bar “then why the f*ck are you still here!!?” Like pretty loud lol. I was in shock and didn’t say another word. I got up and quickly left. I definitely learned my lesson and will never be so honest again, in person at least.

Clearhill · 2021-01-10T21:22:45+00:00

Sure it's happened, and I've seen it happen to loads of my friends on nights out. I once had a guy yell and swear in my face with his fists clenched and accuse me of leading him on because apparently I had been looking at him across a dance floor. Thankfully I wasn't alone, but it was still unsettling. He was a lot bigger than me.

Although I'm not sure it's fear alone that makes women give indirect rejections. A lot of it is that we're conditioned that saying no is rude, so you don't like to, and also you often feel sorry for the guy and are trying not to be blunt in case you hurt their feelings.

kigerting · 2021-01-10T23:27:13+00:00

Yes. Men seem to not believe it happens often because most men wouldn’t do something like that, but guys that do behave this way do it over and over and over again. So are most men engaging in this behavior - of course not. If you want to be mad at anybody for women being overly cautious about rejections, be mad at the small percentage of men who have put this fear in us

Maude2010 · 2021-01-11T03:21:55+00:00

Yes. And I’ve had men tell me that if I reject or break up with a man, then I have to expect this. So apparently I have to be with any man who wants me as long as he wants me, and I get no say in the matter.

Tomatoccino · 2021-01-11T06:03:58+00:00

I was shopping at Tesco and some random asked me if I had plans on Saturday night. When I said that I did, (I literally said yeah, visiting my sister, she’s just had a baby) he punched me hard enough to shatter my orbital bone. No warning, just punch. I was out like a light and ended up with three operations to repair the damage. He was only arrested and charged because my family are locally politically influential.

octocombo · 2021-01-11T20:17:11+00:00

Yes, it has happened to me. Yes, it's a common experience among women. No, it's not something that men usually do. No, it doesn't justify indirect rejections, because often a woman who gives indirect rejections will just have to keep giving rejections until the guy gets frustrated and she eventually has to give a direct rejection anyway, after the guy is in a bad mood because he thinks she was leading him on. Yes, it justifies polite rejections. You should always treat the people who you're talking to as fellow human beings who deserve common courtesy.

iloveyoubutyou · 2021-01-10T19:27:56+00:00

I told my ex boyfriend I wouldn't date him again and the next morning he told me he had a nice dream where he was choking me and I liked it.

For reference this guy sexually assaulted me (held me down and kissed me) and when I tried to break up with him said that I was the one going too fast and now he felt worthless. He manipulated me into getting back together. 3 weeks later I couldn't stand the thought of seeing him again so I blocked him.

I unblocked him a year later out of guilt and said hi, not expecting him to immediately want to get back together. At that point I had realized he was crazy and I told him no.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-01-10T08:26:13+00:00

[removed]

Title	Q4Women: Has a man ever reacted aggressively when you rejected him?
Author	tnais
Upvotes	25
Comments	235
Date	January 10, 2021 6:44 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ku9foj/q4women_has_a_man_ever_reacted_aggressively_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-has-a-man-ever-reacted-aggressively-when.748423 https://theredarchive.com/post/748423

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