Don't bother "communicating", actually. Just go.

BananaSlugGhost · 2020-12-14T21:19:32+00:00

You cannot make yourself heard by someone who doesn't want to listen.

You cannot make yourself understood by someone who is determined to misunderstand you.

You are not responsible for communicating basic instructions of human decency to your partner.

The burden is not with you.

threedotlove · 2020-12-14T19:30:56+00:00

I cannot tell you how many times I tried to 'communicate' with my last boyfriend. His responses were always 'that's your problem' or 'if you need something, tell me.' I WAS telling him - he just didn't give a fuck. They never do.

ScrappleSandwiches · 2020-12-14T19:35:29+00:00

Ugh, the “what if he’s depressed.” My now-ex was depressed in the last few years of our marriage and did nothing about it. He moped around, watched TV and drank himself into a stupor every day while I did all of the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Once I filed for divorce he went to a psychiatrist and got meds within literal days. Enabling a depressed person is not helping them!

TMNTApril · 2020-12-14T20:54:13+00:00

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temproaryusername · 2020-12-14T21:11:46+00:00

I'm not anybody's mommy. If you do not know how to treat others respect, take care of yourself and your environment, pay your bills, not cheat, not lie, nor how to help others.... then all I can say is "Sorry your parents were completely incompetent. Good luck and goodbye."

getbentgent · 2020-12-14T20:32:17+00:00

Yeah communicating didn't work for me, my ex looked me straight in the eye and said, "I don't care." So yeah reddit experts, how do I communicate now? Eh? It's just a big joke.

Summerisle7 · 2020-12-14T19:29:32+00:00

wow this is PERFECT.

Why is it always "Sit him down and...."? Fuckin guy is most likely ALREADY sitting down. it's not hard to get a man to sit down. Getting the video game controls out of his hands and getting him to listen to what you're saying, that's the hard part

BashRunes · 2020-12-14T20:44:23+00:00

They don't want to "communicate". They see that as "nagging" and being "on your period". Just another case of "women, am I right? So sensitive." If you don't have common sense for what's decent and respectful, your ass is out the door. It's no skin off my nose to silence and shut down men who try to silence me.

atuan · 2020-12-14T20:11:15+00:00

By "you need to communicate" they mean "you need to understand him" and it never goes both ways.

My nex was always about communication and it took a long time to learn communication meant him repeating his view until I accepted it.

2020-12-14T21:38:24+00:00

[deleted]

Fitncurly · 2020-12-14T21:33:20+00:00

[deleted]

watpompyelah · 2020-12-14T21:21:13+00:00

Men: women talk too much

Men: why are you always nagging me???

Men: how dare she tell me what to do??

But yeah. Us not communicating is the problem. 🙄

Cynistera · 2020-12-14T20:03:51+00:00

I don't know how many times I tried to sit my ex down and talk stuff out. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't but after so many attempts you just get tired.

SakuraGirl88 · 2020-12-14T21:51:52+00:00

Every time I "communicated" it was me talking to a brick wall about my issues. When he had a problem, he claimed I didn't understand. I am not your emotional support human. Go to a therapist!

vmuzondi · 2020-12-14T22:30:32+00:00

Lmaooo I love this visual. Seriously though, the relationship sub has issues. The amount of times I’ve seen women being told to communicate is insane. I always assume women have communicated because it’s common sense. It’s relationships 101 for God’s sake.

kaitybubbly · 2020-12-14T22:34:03+00:00

Experienced this firsthand with my last relationship. Communication doesn't work if you're talking to a wall. You can try to communicate until the cows come home but if the other person doesn't want to listen or put in effort to change, then honestly you're better off saving your energy and just leaving. I'm not here to teach someone how to be a good partner.

SpaceC4se · 2020-12-14T22:03:39+00:00

depressed(your problem)

This was a nice touch

GettingOffTheCrazy · 2020-12-14T22:01:15+00:00

My ex husband of 20 years was all about this and nothing ever resolved

2020-12-14T22:18:21+00:00

I'm honestly learning that this applies to everyone. Not even just men. If someone isn't making you happy be it bf, family, friends, CUT THOSE TURDS OFF

ms_monquis · 2020-12-14T23:44:53+00:00

On the one hand: Communicate with him!

On the other hand: Women talk too much!

What it really comes down to: Do what you want, you're going to get shit on either way, so you may as well amuse yourself.

SirCrowDevoidOfCorn · 2020-12-14T20:47:30+00:00

I love whoever made this!

LevelTurbulent · 2020-12-14T21:31:36+00:00

Why are we expected to constantly communicate while they grunt and fart? If it’s so important to them perhaps THEY should learn how to do it.

heythereitsemily · 2020-12-14T21:47:28+00:00

Oh come on you all, we DO need to sit him down...then walk away and live our best fucking lives.

AnniaT · 2020-12-14T22:01:06+00:00

I ain't communicating anymore... no one should need communicating to learn how to treat someone with respect and dignity and be a decent human being.

Example-Opposite · 2020-12-14T23:41:11+00:00

One ex told me “only weak minded people communicate”

Scrotes 😒

donttakemelightly · 2020-12-14T23:19:43+00:00

I love how he's always depressed 🤣 "that's signs of depression" or it's signs that he's an asshole.

javagarbagecollector · 2020-12-14T23:47:27+00:00

My boyfriend's mind is like teflon and whatever i say slips off right away. I take so many hours of my life to explain something to him with so much energy and nothing ever gets from my mind into his. He just hits me with his original point again. Selfish, inconsiderate and in complete auto pilot. I don't know why they have relationships

riricide · 2020-12-14T23:38:35+00:00

As someone who was depressed, you staying is not going to change a damn thing. Just leave.

Reporter_Complex · 2020-12-15T00:11:33+00:00

I do believe that you should ask to communicate once - just to be sure he isn't (or is) an ass.

Twice makes it true,

Third time im out.

As for the truly depressed men (and women) and not willing to seek help, then their behaviour turns toxic very quickly, and you can not help them. Thats a doctor/psychs job, not the partner. Sure, if theyre getting help, then stay and support (within reason), but it is not your responsibility to fix broken people.

scooter_se · 2020-12-15T00:56:53+00:00

Even the best communicator can’t make some dipshit actually listen. Men’s inability to listen is more of a problem than anything.

thowawaywookie · 2020-12-15T04:11:57+00:00

Communication only works if both people want a resolution.

Men don't want a resolution. They like things as they are and just want you to shut up.
Men lie so much. There is no point in asking where the relationship is going, etc. They'll just lie to you.
They know what you want. They didn't forget. They just don't care.

Confection_Efficient · 2020-12-15T04:56:02+00:00

I can’t even tell you how many times I’d tell a friend about a conversation I had with my ex that ended with the cliffhanger question, “So what’d he say after you poured your heart out?” And that disappointed look on her face when I said, “Umm. He said nothing”.

warinmymind94 · 2020-12-15T05:09:35+00:00

Can we extend this into couples therapy? No amount of relationship counseling will get him to transform from a LVM into a HVM. also notice how its almost always the women (usually a pickme too) dragging the man against his will to relationship counseling and then you'll hear stories about how the guy sits there and refuses to talk or keeps blaming the woman and refuses to take any accountability or listen to any of the therapists suggestions. If you're at a point where your relationship needs counseling you just need to breakup / get a divorce. Please don't get this confused - I 100% support therapy and counseling when its for families or individuals, it can be a great tool and resource to really help people - i advocate for people to try individual counseling! This is also why its so important to level up yourself and be in a good place before you start dating and its why we don't date potential or a work in progress.

Aocwannabe · 2020-12-14T20:23:24+00:00

When did this obsession with communicating/talking it out become so pervasive? Does it coincide with the rise of “therapy” culture?

Talking is important but it’s not a panacea. I want a man of action but it seems that 🇺🇸 culture doesn’t produce them anymore.

faeriestix · 2020-12-15T02:34:34+00:00

It's impossible to communicate with someone who won't listen to you. I hate this shitty advice.

rottenturnipqueen · 2020-12-15T02:56:48+00:00

A man that doesnt want to understand or change is incapable of doing that. Women often give too many chances trying to get them to understand. It's not our job to teach men basic fucking courtesy in a relationship.

Jessicajf7 · 2020-12-15T01:34:56+00:00

Men need THERAPY! We are not here to make them feel better. They need to take care of themselves. Cuz I'm not gonna do it.

sikulet · 2020-12-14T23:47:44+00:00

Read a few r/nicegirls commenting we are incels over here. They don’t realize we are actively trying not to get laid by LVM, not involuntary celibates.

Anyway. Once they tell you to communicate have him on this position - remove a letter from his name everytime he messes up. When you’re on the last letter, it’s time to block and delete lol. https://www.reddit.com/r/witcher/comments/kctfnf/not_even_big_v_could_make_us_done_with_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

-sIm0n3 · 2020-12-14T22:46:05+00:00

Lol!! This tickled me a little too much.

Saitschik · 2020-12-15T00:00:17+00:00

Depression is something you have to work through alone. I think it's too much to demand another person to share that burden, it doesn't work anyway.

If you need help seek a professional, dragging others down the dark cloud is neither fair nor healthy.

Helpful_Stock · 2020-12-15T09:01:37+00:00

Every time I brought my feelings up to my ex he would turn it around on me and I would be the one who ended up shouldering the blame for everything. He'd also do this thing where he'd change the subject or derail the conversation so i'd completely loose track of the arguement and couldn't make my point. It took me the longest time to realize what he was doing. Looking back i can't actually believe the lengths someone could go to avoid understanding and listening. So yeah, fuck anyone who say "communication" will magically solve a relationship with a shitty man

GretaTheBeeotch · 2020-12-15T01:49:39+00:00

I needed this today- thank you!

Papaverinum · 2020-12-15T11:37:50+00:00

"what if he’s depressed" Well, if he is, then what? I'm no therapist.

No one tells men "what if SHE’s depressed". They do not care. My ex left me out of the blue moon, even doe he knew I had terrible suicidal thoughts back then (diagnosed mental illness). He didn't even care to check I killed myself or not after the breakup.

oddcharm · 2020-12-15T17:10:46+00:00

Just here to say this goes for friends too! My last falling out was because I established boundaries over the way I was being treated. I was cOmMuNiCaTiNg how it made me feel to be treated like that, and even WHY I felt that way based on my past etc, only for them to turn around and cross that line AGAIN just a week later and in an even worse manner! LOL.

I'm not proud but I lashed out at my ex friend and they had the audacity to ask what my issue was and for me to explain - NOPE. You are not 2 years old, and I will not treat you like you do not understand. This was a good friend of 15+ years and I literally blocked her and haven't spoken to her since March. I do not regret refusing to communicate again and explaining that things like lying and broken promises and putting men before me hurt my feelings. It's common sense!

(We won't even get into how I never even got an apology and how they tried to flip the conversation on me about something shitty I did almost TEN YEARS prior, which I apologized for and never even came close to doing again.)

Title	Don't bother "communicating", actually. Just go.
Author	AlienUtterings
Upvotes	2101
Comments	123
Date	December 14, 2020 7:25 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kd4gb6/dont_bother_communicating_actually_just_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-bother-communicating-actually-just-go.748793 https://theredarchive.com/post/748793

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