Has a man ever left you or started abusing you when something negative happened to your looks?

NotMyRealName814 · 2022-02-23T19:24:59+00:00

Nope but I had a long term boyfriend start looking for a way out when I had a breast cancer scare in my late 20s. Luckily things turned out well for me and I kicked the asshole to the curb.

Ok_Passenger_5717 · 2022-02-23T21:18:10+00:00

I lost weight and he commented that my boobs got smaller.

pallid_vvitch · 2022-02-23T20:25:56+00:00

I gained 5 lbs and my ex-husband told me that he could no longer maintain an erection and would be happier if I lost weight. It turns out it was bullshit to justify his porn addiction so I left.

FUBARfromLSA · 2022-02-23T19:32:02+00:00

Yes, after I had a partial mastectomy that left a tiny scar under my boob about this long:

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Scrote said no one else would want me because if it lol.

Several boyfriends later he still tries to call me drunk.

anon_throw_blonde · 2022-02-23T19:41:28+00:00

Ex-husband said he was no longer attracted to me after seeing two kids come out of me. 🙄 Nevermind that he put them there…

One of many reasons why he is an ex.

waterloosunsetjs · 2022-02-23T20:33:01+00:00

Yuupp dealing with adult acne leads to alotta uncalled for comments or looks etc. especially from men. 🙄

Rheanne · 2022-02-23T21:04:27+00:00

Yep! My bf of 5 years started cheating on me when I changed my hair color from blonde to red. When he got caught, he said he “only dates blondes” (among other lame reasons and excuses). Joke’s on him though, I didn’t like the red and went back to blonde (my natural color) soon after I dumped his ass, and the girl he was cheating on me with dyed her hair dark brown.

makeawomancum · 2022-02-23T19:47:37+00:00

Not personally, however my low value dad abused my mother about her weight. My mom had 3 pregnancies and 3 c-sections in 3 years. She lost so much blood and it should be expected she gained weight after sacrificing for the kids. My dad has ALWAYS weighed far more than my mom, despite her being only a few inches shorter than him. She has never made fun of his weight. He once said she looked like a refrigerator and laughed as a neg (my mom told me this happened when I was very young). Because of him, she developed a borderline eating disorder. When I was a kid I once saw her faint from only drinking water and eating pieces of bread for too long. I learned to mimic her eating disorder and it wasn’t until recent years (after she left my LV dad) that her and I have relearned how to eat healthily.

This experience has made vetting to see if a man will resent me for appearance change a top priority. I plan to take good care of myself always, however I don’t want to worry about being abused postpartum or at all. Women deserve to be cherished.

Edit: my mom had lost all the “baby weight” by the time I was about 8 years old, but by then she was already deep into her eating disorder. Breaks my heart now looking back how she felt pressure to stay a size 0 or size 1 when she had a total of 4 kids to take care of (my dad was rarely ever home). I’ve never been overweight in my life, I’ve always been underweight - however I still have body dysmorphia sometimes. I don’t want to fear my body changing and aging naturally.

Psychological-One701 · 2022-02-23T21:46:37+00:00

I have been treated cruelly by at least 2 partners after a haircut they deemed too short. My first boyfriend said he would love me even if my hair was green or if I was bald but refused to talk to me for 3 days and said I was a stranger to him when I got a chin length haircut. In another relationship I noticed a very sharp decline in his affection after I cut my hair from which the relationship never really recovered.

Puzzled-Survey-6886 · 2022-02-23T20:19:13+00:00

I had a guy break up with me after I had a nose job. I was already out of his league and he was dumbfounded by how much attention I got with him right next to me. I don’t think he could handle me being any better looking.

Prinnykin · 2022-02-23T21:59:28+00:00

Yes, I went through something traumatic and lost a lot of weight.

He told me I was no longer attractive, had the body of a child, and I was a turn off. Refused to have sex with me or even touch me. He put me down every single day, then proceeded to cheat on me with so many women I lost count.

When we broke up, I put the weight back on. Surprise, surprise, he wanted me back. Superficial prick.

WritingThrowItAway · 2022-02-23T20:37:35+00:00

I mean, I didn't get hit until I was visibly pregnant. I guess that counts.

ceramicunicorn · 2022-02-23T19:39:41+00:00

I’m just here to applaud you on your user name.

NomadKitKat007 · 2022-02-23T23:32:06+00:00

I had an appendectomy that resulted in 3 tiny scars.

My ex made sure to tell me I was unattractive and that those scars better disappear quickly.

The scote literally asked my my mother to come take care of me because he couldn't handle post-operative care.

Nonsluttymen · 2022-02-24T03:20:11+00:00

I'm not going to get into detail, but my male ex starting abusing me in an extremely diabolical way once something very bad had happened to my looks.

He had used the excuse that I had hurt him but I'm 100% sure he wouldn't have dared start severely abusing me if the issue with my looks had never happened. He knew I would have left at the first hint of abuse otherwise. He started abusing me severely in a myriad of messed up ways despite knowing my life had just turned upside down and I had just become suicidal. The abuse was verbal, psychological and sexual. I was beside myself and he absolutely took advantage and did not care that he was pushing me off a proverbial cliff. What little self-esteem I had left, he set out to destroy. This was many years ago now but he traumatized me so much, I start low-key shaking when I think of it too much.

Fast forward; one of the last times I spoke with him, he made sure to tell me that no guy would want to be in a true relationship with me, saying I would have sex with the guy but only "pretend" it was my choice, implying that sex is the only thing I can offer since my looks changed for the worse. He, of course, went on to become a community dick, fooling around and having one night stands with the kinds of women whose appearance he had always insulted. He only tried to seriously date women whose looks he perceived as better, but used the ones he deemed as unattractive as breathing fleshlights, hence his comment. Who he used for sex and didn't had nothing to do with these women's personalities since he couldn't even remember basic details about the women he actually "liked."

This is the same guy who had given me a memento with the written words, "I will always love you."

Seriously wondering at this point if men are capable of love whatsoever, especially after seeing all your comments here.

msinclaire · 2022-02-23T20:52:00+00:00

Way back in the late 80’s it was shameful for a white woman to have a big butt. It implied that you were lazy and sat on your ass too much. My waist was 25” and the fullest part of my hips measured 38”. I was very sensitive about it.

My boyfriend at the time made constant neg comments about it-“ Your ass would be big on someone 6 feet tall” (I’m 5’2”). “If I let you sit on my face you’d suffocate me”. “You could never be a stripper with that ass”.

Of course now women are paying $$$$ to have my butt.

SteadyCandlelight · 2022-02-23T21:51:05+00:00

A NVX acted like it was something with my looks but it really was the fact he was going bald (veeeery early 20s). I actually got better with makeup at the time and was getting more compliments, but he got uglier so he had to neg me into staying. Unfortunately I internalized it (Pre-FDS) but in hindsight it was 100% the fact I got better style and confidence and he went bald.

Actually, from reading some of the comments it seems that negging started when the women leveled up, but we are conditioned to internalize men’s lack of self esteem & abuse. They neg you into staying or leave you before you leave them.

Edit: words

gold_sunsets · 2022-02-23T21:12:32+00:00

In my experience, they negged me when I looked good and then I started putting on weight & not taking care of myself because my self esteem was eroded and what's the point of trying. Familiar playbook.

samegurlsame · 2022-02-23T21:27:29+00:00

My last LVM Bf kept getting on me about how I gained weight (literally called me fat multiple times, told me I wasn't as attractive, was less physical, the whole 9 yards) and didn't "look as hot as when we first met", during a pandemic and while I was doing a residency soooooo.... yeah

Note: he was a HUGE narcissist, also didn't work out and loss muscle mass/definition but was "skinny muscular " at baseline so when I called him out back he said he was "fine because he still looked good and could get back in shape whenever he wanted"

crayshesay · 2022-02-23T23:03:21+00:00

I had a nut job of an ex bf I was in a bad accident and he assumed I was disfigured. Went and sent me messages that I deserved to be disfigured and hoped it detracted from my overall look. Asshole. I was fine and only my hair was damaged & a minor neck injury

StatusPop- · 2022-02-23T19:51:01+00:00

I am the one that left my ex’s so none have left me but when I started to lose weight and an ex knew that that was my plan, he started negging me and told me to come and stand in front of the camera so he can see me head to toe and then he chuckled when I did and said “you’re losing too much weight, I like thick women and idk if I’m going to like you as much if you lose your ass and tits.” So I told him to go get himself a thick woman, he stopped laughing and then he gaslighted me saying “so you don’t care about how I think? You must be losing weight for another man 😠 I was just telling you that I liked you better thick but it’s obvious you don’t care if I am attracted to you because you want to leave me.” I was losing weight because I started to develop knee problems (that he knew about) due to my weight. I am tall and thick like Megan the stallion but the weight was holding me back in many ways such as back problems due to my boobs. I did end up losing weight and leaving that dickhead for gaslighting, cheating, manipulating me and financially using me. He was projecting his insecurities onto me because he was getting a little old and had a dad body even though he wasn’t a dad, so I listened and made his fears come true by dropping him.

Edit: he told me this on FaceTime which is why he told me to stand in front of the camera

_nilya · 2022-02-23T20:22:46+00:00

My x used to make sure to express his dissapointment in my looks every time I didn't put together an outfit, my make up and hair. I was young and naive at the time and let it slide but not for too long hence he is my ex. God, this was coming from a guy who had badly crooked teeth and looked like Sloth in The Goonies. I had my eyes and ears up my arse at the time.

r-t-r-a · 2022-02-23T21:44:08+00:00

Yes, my ex let his mask slip when I gained a lot of weight due to birth control (as he refused to use condoms). Started with emotional gaslighting up to overt cheating and manipulation. He stole a bunch of my stuff when I kicked him out.

cookiemobster13 · 2022-02-23T22:26:26+00:00

My last ex was conversely preoccupied by how good he thought I looked (hey I agree I look good) but it was getting weird. The last night/fight we had together I was in shock and he was in smooth over mode and he randomly, out of nowhere, said “your abs are right and tight”.

I wanted emotional assurance we were okay and that I was heard, instead I got praise for being a trophy. That’s all how I mattered to him.

AryaZombie · 2022-02-23T22:56:56+00:00

I dyed my hair blue and cut it just above my chin. He stopped wanting to hang out. Look at me cry lmao

chamomilepill · 2022-02-23T23:12:22+00:00

Dude threw a fit and threatened me with the cold shoulder because I wanted to cut my hair 🤡.

miss_kay4 · 2022-02-24T02:33:15+00:00

A friend’s NV husband lost attraction when she gained weight after the death of her dad at the start of the pandemic. Apparently he’s been saying he’s unhappy in the marriage. Just found out recently he’s now on OnlyFans.

Coco_spacecat · 2022-02-23T23:19:10+00:00

My ex broke up with me after I became too depressed to take care of me anymore. And why was I depressed? Because he threatened me almost every week with killing himself, didn’t take his meds for his bipolar disorder and had a meltdown every few days, and I had to clean and cook for us while still working because “he paid all the bills” (not true, at the end we were almost 50/50). Lesson learned.

Japanese_Lasagna · 2022-02-24T05:31:43+00:00

Oh yeah, I gained some pounds while I was dating a man who was in the process of losing some pounds. He was quite heavy when we got together. But once he was the leaner partner, he left. 🙃

Moral of the story: Don’t date men who are fatter than you. They won’t show you the same kindness of looking at the person within.

KetoKittenAround · 2022-02-24T06:37:46+00:00

I had a cheater ex who starting putting me down for a 10 pound weight gain at 5’10 (went from 130 to 140) to his friends. I found out about him and his friends took me aside about how he complained about how fat I had let myself get.

Not that it matters but at my height it doesn’t mean much. I am not as bones looking but fit the exact same size of clothing and actually have more energy lol

At any size I was way too big for him. That smol little nobody.

Basically he was cheating on me since whatever size for years but he was about to final chop me and had to start to find reasons with his buddies. Also reasons for the cheat.

I’ll say this. Own whatever is going on .scars. Whatever. You are wonderful and you are not a charity case EVER.

Bad people will forever find ways to put you down.

PS I will say I have another trait I can’t lost because it will dox me . It is a thing my whole life. I feel nothing bad about my specific thing. Save to say that anyone who has dealt with me has known right away I’m not ashamed and never feel shame about it. It is not attractive but I know it is me, I am attractive

LimePristine4046 · 2022-02-23T20:41:36+00:00

I cut my hair and he said he was embarrassed and didn't want me to go to his house anymore so his parents wouldn't see me

sofiacarolina · 2022-02-23T23:45:14+00:00

yes. this was in 2015. I got diagnosed w several chronic illnesses and developed hair loss and acne from them/meds. I have severe bdd so I reacted by not wanting to leave the house bc I had to wear a wig and was covered in acne. I was suicidal everyday. I encouraged my bf to keep going out if he wanted to on the weekends bc I didn’t want him to resent me by having to stay home w me and wanted to be a ‘cool gf’. Well ofc he ended up hanging out with a girl we all knew and all his bros he’d go out with encouraged him to pursue her. that’s when my then bf of 5 years broke up with me to sleep with her and then came crawling back one to two weeks later (I don’t buy that he didn’t cheat on me before breaking up w me tho). I was in such a vulnerable circumstance with such low self esteem that I took him back. We broke up amicably two years later, but it really messed me up. not even the cheating but just how easily a man can discard you if you’re struggling and their common lack of empathy or actual love. I always think back to the stats around female cancer patients and how many are left by their male partners.

jenaemare · 2022-02-24T04:48:01+00:00

No but I was threatened to not get over a certain weight or he'll dump me. Also, I was not allowed to cut my hair shorter than shoulder length.

daisy_0720 · 2022-02-24T12:50:50+00:00

I'm fortunate that I've never had a boyfriend make negative remarks about my appearance, but I'm tearing up reading this thread. I don't understand how men can be so cruel and heartless. They truly don't deserve us.

Purple-Try8602 · 2022-02-23T21:19:10+00:00

I have psoriasis that flares up head to toe every few years, the LVM’s don’t mind or mention it & probably secretly like it 🤣 I’ve had a few be like if you cut your hair my weeeneee will be sadddy. Snip snip scrote.

suicidepinata · 2022-02-23T20:10:06+00:00

This guy I dated 8 years ago kept being weird about this zit that showed up near my lip. He kept thinking it was herpes even though it was clear I struggled with acne. AND I’ve never had any sexual relations before him because HE was the one who “took my virginity”. He didn’t want to kiss me because of it and would bring it up constantly. I was already insecure enough about my acne and him doing all this extra shit made me feel worse, so I broke up with him.

jp2117515 · 2022-02-23T22:29:29+00:00

Pregnancy

ThankGodsImPretty · 2022-02-23T22:39:15+00:00

Yeah. I got sick. He checked out then got mad and escalated to violence.

Resident_Coyote5406 · 2022-02-23T20:35:04+00:00

Yep, after I gained weight while pregnant that was in part because of him accusing me of trying to cheat on him because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t eating for two like my OB recommended

SmootherThanAStorm · 2022-02-23T22:16:45+00:00

Nope. My NVX treated me like shit no matter what.

Cotton1candy · 2022-02-24T01:53:54+00:00

Yeah after having a c section that put me in the hospital for 3 months

her-vagesty · 2022-02-23T23:33:48+00:00

Yes, I gained 20 lbs during my master's course and instead of saying to me "hey let's go for a run/the gym/let me cook you a healthy dinner for you to take to the lab so you don't have to get take away" he said "you've gained a lot of weight and I don't find you attractive anymore". He also said that he did me a favour by being blunt because if he hadn't then I would've continued to gain weight until I was about 600 lbs and couldn't move anymore. Apparently there was no better way of saying it to me to prevent this continued trend of weight gain. Funny how three years on I have still not reached 600 lbs....

Tzarzarina · 2022-02-23T21:52:52+00:00

Gained 20 pounds or so and ex acted disgusted by my body. I’m still traumatized by the way he was so obviously grossed out by my body when we’d be intimate. Told me if I ever gained weight, he’d dump me in front of his friends and screamed at me for being a fat bitch when I was leaving him. Fucked me up psychologically for life. Especially because I was in a mindset of thinking men wouldn’t care about small flaws before I was with him. Struggling with disordered eating now.

graceinspades · 2022-02-23T23:53:31+00:00

Nah, moved to a different state state though so he went and put his dick in someone else. Utter trash

vaguelinen · 2022-02-24T15:45:43+00:00

In the early days of my relationship my boyfriend asked if I liked my belly being kissed and I was so confused. I have a short torso and pregnancy ravaged my stomach so I just took it on board that it was as gross as my ex made out. It had been so long since I’d been kissed gently on my body that I honestly didn’t know where I liked it. I am so sad that past me put up with so little affection.

deathbecoming · 2022-02-24T00:00:32+00:00

Not obvious abuse, but emotional neglect, sure. One of my exes.
I used to wear a full face of makeup to cover pretty intense cystic acne. After a little over a year of dating, and moving in together, I talked with my dermatologist and we decided to try a break from makeup. Within a few weeks I also cut off about a foot of my hair, just because I wanted to. Around this time he just stopped acting attracted to me. We still had a fairly active sex life, but he was not longer affectionate outside of the bedroom, and wasn't as into even low-level PDA (holding hands, arms around each other). We went to a friend's wedding where he refused to dance with me. My body didn't change, but the fact that I had visible acne and a bob sure did.

Mcccy · 2022-02-24T14:28:19+00:00

Not looks but migraines..

Ironically he had migraines as well. Yet my once a week migraines that caused me kaleidoscopic vision and I was terrified cause I could literally not SEE, were silly to worry about and I was overreacting.

One_Growth331 · 2022-02-23T21:03:44+00:00

I pretend that I have a huge scar on my abdomen.

I also got a boy cut- but that doesn't stop men from ogling at my body.

Can't win either way.

Kingkazola · 2022-02-27T05:34:59+00:00

He called me fat then I walked in on him cheating on me with a woman who was significantly larger than myself.

Title	Has a man ever left you or started abusing you when something negative happened to your looks?
Author	Nonsluttymen
Upvotes	416
Comments	99
Date	February 23, 2022 7:18 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/szpgdj/has_a_man_ever_left_you_or_started_abusing_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/has-a-man-ever-left-you-or-started-abusing-you.1103269 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103269

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