Men Pushing Pregnancy During Dating

Greendreem · 2021-04-20T04:12:43+00:00

To trap you. That’s it.

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-04-20T04:20:12+00:00

“He said he doesn’t want to be an old dad and wait too many years”

Why didn’t he do it earlier then? Instead of pressuring someone much younger into such a permanent life decision. There are probably many late 20s women who want kids. but instead he found someone who was in a much different life stage (probably recently left college, focused on starting their career.)

I mean you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. I’d see this as a red flag. Or at least an incompatibility. Dump his ass! 💯

ScrappleSandwiches · 2021-04-20T04:24:44+00:00

If all you had to do was jizz you’d want them too. Most of them expect women to raise their kids 24/7 while maintaining a full-time job, cooking and cleaning for everyone, while their role is to play video games and brag to their pals at the bar about how fertile they are.

And yeah, this is a red flag, this guy is too old for you, it’s only been a few months. Saying he wants kids someday, fine, pushing them now when you barely even know each other and you’re only 23 is looney tunes.

Platipus6 · 2021-04-20T04:28:45+00:00

Dump him. He's not practical or pragmatic. He wants YOU to have kids, he wants to be a sperm donor with trophies and a legacy, he doesn't want to be a father.

You have a fatal incompatibility, there's nothing more to ponder.

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-04-20T04:32:42+00:00

[deleted]

spinsterchachkies · 2021-04-20T04:26:41+00:00

That’s creepy and weird to me when men push having kids before they even get to know you. How do these men know if she would even be a fit parent to your child? How do they know you would be compatible for life? That’s a red flag to me because it shows he isn’t picky about what person fills that role, as long as it’s filled. Scary. I only want kids if I find a compatible partner I can raise a child with. Men don’t think that way. Anyone will do. He reeks of desperation

2021-04-20T04:27:46+00:00

It's a dominance thing. If he convinces you to have children, he'll feel like he owns you in some sense. And then he'll probably use it against you. Red Flag!

WildTenderness · 2021-04-20T05:50:20+00:00

You've been "talking" to someone? Not even dating? And he's already started bringing up kids in a non-commital situation? It really sounds like he wants to find a way to trap you without having to spend money on an engagement ring/marriage/house/etc. Huge red flag imo. Stop "talking" to him.

LetsGetin_Formation · 2021-04-20T05:49:23+00:00

You know after he pumps you full of kids he will sleep with other women? Despite giving up your life to birth his spawn, you will NOT be the last woman he sleeps with. He’s not even thirty yet. He’s not even close to ready to settle down. But at your age 27 seems a lot older than it is.

You raise the kids while he continues to date and live the dream. His legacy continues and you give up your life to make it so.

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-04-20T04:44:58+00:00

So many red flags I nearly lost count 🚩 Please run

baobab77 · 2021-04-20T05:30:39+00:00

Because he has no interest in being anything but a kodak dad. Just there for the happy moments - not the middle of the night feedings; supporting you post-partum; taking sick days for the kids; too busy for parent/teacher interviews. He sounds like the type to trap his bangmaid.

Also, I was 23 dating a scrote that was 29. It's a mistake. The closer to 30 they are, the less afraid they are to get you knocked up. This scrote stealthed me and 100% believed in the pullout method, while having daddy/abandonment issues. Run, sprint, evaporate from his life. You'll regret not heeding to your instincts.

eveloe · 2021-04-20T08:23:18+00:00

When guys used to tell me they wanted to be dads, I’d ask them what their preferred parenting style is, what they think about Montessori schools and how much they had set up in a trust fund for their children.

If they’re really about that life they’ll have an answer. It is very telling when they haven’t considered anything beyond “I want to play baseball/football 🤡”

For example, Cameron from Love is Blind knew he wanted a wife and family even before he went on the show, so he bought a FOUR BEDROOM HOUSE near good schools before the show started filming to show that he was committed.

After they were married, Lauren had a place to move into that he deliberately left mostly undecorated so he could get his wife’s input.

ENFP_Canadian · 2021-04-20T04:23:31+00:00

Red flag.

GodILoveTheEnglish · 2021-04-20T04:53:47+00:00

It’s just something to hold over you for the rest of your life. Drop him. Your views aren’t compatible, and he sounds pushy.

Davina33 · 2021-04-20T05:54:34+00:00

They want all of that but they don't want to marry you, don't want any commitment, they want to trap you, they want to abuse you ad infinitum. I would look at this guy as a red flag. Child rearing takes a toll on us women, so much so that I am child free and will remain that way. You are right to be cautious, he sees you as nothing but a uterus on legs. I would be running a mile.

TellCerseeItWasMe · 2021-04-20T05:56:44+00:00

Men don't have kids; women do!

Men do very little in the life of a child

Ffs it's nothing but joy for them the entire way especially in the conceiving part

Independent_Leather3 · 2021-04-20T04:24:11+00:00

He’s too old for you.

Davina33 · 2021-04-20T05:57:38+00:00

I have a friend who is a HVW. She is 31, a clinical nurse specialist and dating a consultant. She was married young but when she found out her husband gambled her inheritance from her grandmother, she divorced him straight away. She has travelled and focussed on her career, she does want children but is very selective about her boyfriends and certainly won't do it without a ring on her finger. Like you said, you want to live your life first. This man isn't the one.

KAT_85 · 2021-04-20T07:27:03+00:00

Never ever have kids with a man you don't know well/aren't married to. EVER. If you want a baby and don't end up finding a man worth marrying, go the sperm donor/adoption route. They know that a child diminishes your opportunities far more than it does theirs. The only thing that gives them pause/forces some sort of accountability is marriage, and even that is a bit overblown by MRA types. (You'd think that women were just able to waltz in and wreck a guy's life if they're married with kids, but the reality is far more nuanced.)

I love my kids but I would not ever reproduce with someone without marriage.

circescircus · 2021-04-20T09:44:59+00:00

So many red flags.

When you first start talking to someone, you tell them if kids are in your life plan or not. It's a basic compatibility issue. On the first few dates, you might talk about when you picture yourself settling down and having kids, but you don't talk about it like you're going to do that with them. It's just date 1/2, you don't know this person.

The fact that he talks about it a lot when it sounds like you haven't even met, is a huge red flag. He doesn't know you. You don't know him. Is he just looking for a woman, any woman, to have his child? What kind of father will he be if he can't think long-term, sensibly or realistically? Does he not value building a relationship, getting married, etc before having a kid?

You say he "pushes" for it-- why is he being so aggressive with someone he doesn't know? Can you imagine how controlling and aggressive he will be in a relationship, especially if you are pregnant or have a small child, and are vulnerable?

You are 23. Some people have kids at 23 but they are usually broke, and most women who have kids at that age (even if they get married) are abandoned by men. He knows you don't have the money or earning ability to leave easily after a child. He is targeting you. And based on this post, you also sound naive, so he is targeting you for that reason as well.

And while 4 years is not a huge age difference if you look at the numbers, the fact is that a 27 year old woman is far less likely to put up with this guy's creepy breeding fetish crap. Even many 23 year olds will not put up with him. You sound extremely naive. I was very naive at that age too (grew up sheltered), and while I was academically advanced at that age, was working in my field making pretty good money, mentally/emotionally I was closer to 18, not 23. A lot of freaks and creeps tried to target me too. I remember it vividly.

You've been talking to him for a few months? Please avoid this-- you can't really screen or get to know someone by "talking", even if you talk for several months. The guy is bad news. Very bad news. Please block him. Also work on your boundaries and listening to your gut feelings. I can tell based on how you write this post, that this man makes you very uncomfortable, and yet you still talk to him? Why? When you give men the benefit of the doubt to this extent, it makes you a prime target for narcs, psychopaths, abusers and users.

MadameDestruction · 2021-04-20T07:02:43+00:00

I feel like very few 23-year-old men want to be a father, yet a lot of men in their late twenties and older will see no problem with knocking up a 23-year-old woman...

Perhaps because by that age they are thinking more about the status than about the practicality of having kids. And (to follow their probable line of thinking) why should they have to think about the practicality anyways? They don't have to deal with their kid so much, a woman will. Because even at 23 a woman is a woman, therefore she will be naturally motherly. As opposed to the future dad who needed some time to settle down. After all, only men are individuals while women are a category in a man's life.

Anyways talking about kids so early, especially in a pressuring way and especially after your partner has expressed that they don't want kids yet for completely valid reasons: red flag 🚩

Meredeen · 2021-04-20T07:51:17+00:00

My senses reading this is that he's trying to baby trap you. A pretty common and sad thing.

Exsqueeze_meh · 2021-04-20T05:14:46+00:00

A friend of mine has a kid and the father is a total seed spreader. I'm convinced, from hearing his back story, that he hates his mom so much that he gets woman after woman pregnant and then bails on them because he enjoy's punishing women. He's a complete piece of shit.

Another reason I think men want to have kids is to have proof that they spermies are strong and working and also that they are not virgins. Everything they do is posturing for other men's approval. Women are just another utilitiy for them.

M1nette · 2021-04-20T08:26:19+00:00

Some guys have a pregnancy fetish. They don't care what happens after you are knocked up. It is pure perversion and irresponsibility disguised as a desire to be a dad.

They pick young women because they are more easily persuaded and lack experience and often direction. Perfect to plant the seed. vomit

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-04-20T14:39:28+00:00

He said he wants to have kids, not raise them. ;)

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-04-20T13:04:34+00:00

He's insecure. He's afraid he won't have another chance.

Don't get married till you're 30.

HappyNovel · 2021-04-20T12:54:10+00:00

Ahhhhh, get the fuck away from him.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-04-20T14:24:03+00:00

It's also future faking

RecordingImportant94 · 2021-04-20T14:49:19+00:00

As someone who was trapped into an abusive relationship when a bit younger than you by having a baby, RUN. RUN RUN RUN.

I love my daughter and don’t regret having her, but no way in hell am I letting her throw her life away in her early twenties like I did. And I don’t want any other young women to either, work on achieving your dreams and living your life DO NOT get tied to a loser scrote for the rest of your life by having their kids.

SnooPickles4103 · 2021-04-20T04:58:26+00:00

The age difference is already a red flag. Run.

vee_aye_aye_aye · 2021-04-20T12:06:01+00:00

Watch your contraception around this guy.

the-worst- · 2021-04-20T14:38:20+00:00

Becausemen are the ones who baby trap women. He wants you to fall pregnant now, before you reach full mental maturity, and when you're more niave, vunerable, and easier to manipulate.

In short, you are right that he has no interest in children he only has an interest in forcing you into a position where pretty much no matter what he will always be a part of your life. He likely won't help raise the children or do any sort of housework.

This is why you vet extensively, especially if you want to have children. Scrotes only care about trapping you, and don't care about the resulting children.

Notspecificc · 2021-04-20T16:16:19+00:00

This is the type of guy who will saddle a woman with kids and either A) take off as soon as reality hits or B) make her life miserable in one way or another(abuse is on a spectrum like most things just remember that) because again, reality suddenly smacked him dead in his face.

Block, delete. Bye 👋 not worth the risk. Do not even entertain having kids with any man until you know what he’s about and at least have a good support system outside of him. Some of these men can sniff out when you’re on the fence about it and if he wants to trap you, he’ll pull out all the manipulative stops to rope you in. Don’t let it happen.

Thesseli · 2021-04-20T12:00:50+00:00

They're trying to trap the women into a relationship.

fairywakes · 2021-04-20T15:26:01+00:00

Please don’t pursue anything with this man! His fears are about being “old” more than the financial readiness and responsibility? What a joke.

You know what you want and I’m actually your age and on the same boat as you when it comes to needing: financial safety and marriage before kids. This guy will never propose or offer you a secure high value life I can almost promise you that. Run sis! 🚨

Alarming-Midnight-73 · 2021-04-20T16:12:48+00:00

27 is too old for a 23 year old. You're just out of college probably or just starting your career.

Some men do wake up at 26/27 and realize that if they don't marry soon and have kids, they probably never will. Instead of leveling up and doing the right thing: save money for kids, move to a good neighborhood, seek out women close to them in age and life goals, date intentionally, they will try to get with a younger woman and pressure her into all that.

SpringJonesOcean · 2021-04-20T06:51:13+00:00

Some women are probably flattered and think it means more than it actually does.

"He picked me to have his offspring! I must be special!"

Yellowsunflowerlover · 2021-04-20T13:46:26+00:00

He was already heading in his 30s and wanted to trap you. It's never about wanting kids. It's a way to have you in their life forever, or at least until they're 18.

moonartemis1989 · 2021-04-20T15:24:30+00:00

[deleted]

LR_today · 2021-04-20T16:51:32+00:00

Don't have kids before 30. There's no advantage to it. Tell this guy to go knock someone else up. If you stay with this NVM, get an IUD as I wouldn't trust him to not mess with your BC.

mushy_teabag · 2021-04-20T16:07:04+00:00

He wants to trap you

qineh1 · 2021-04-20T21:34:24+00:00

I was seeing a guy last year that I met on Hinge, and he made it VERY clear how much he wanted kids. We went on maybe two dates, and he constantly brought up the topic of kids. I told him that I was very adamant on not wanting kids ever and that we shouldn’t continue seeing each other due to this. In response, he verbatim told me “I bet you’ll change your mind for me “. Puke No I won’t, and even if I did change my mind, it wouldn’t be for you foh. He also lied about his age on his Hinge profile, saying he was 33 but was actually 38. Luckily he is long gone now, and I probably will never use dating apps ever again now haha.

myoklife · 2021-04-20T12:57:10+00:00

Ok girl RUN! I cannot stress this enough! I know exactly what he's doing and I have seen it with my own eyes.

For a lot of men (and women) 27 is a magic number, the age at which they always "planned" (expected, felt entitled) to be married and/or have kids by. They hit 27 and it doesn't happen, and they start panicking cause they absolutely cannot handle the thought of it not happening until (gasp) their thirties.

I have seen it in multiple people. I dated a 26yo when I was 19 and got to watch him turn 27 and do exactly what your boy here is doing. I had a 26yo (female) coworker basically break down to me about not being engaged by 27.

If he's bringing it up to you this early, which is wildly inappropriate especially since you've indicated you don't want to have this convo...that shows it's on his mind constantly. His mental "biological clock" is ticking loudly. He has gone full pickme at this point cause it's not about having a partner anymore. It's about getting someone knocked up as soon as possible so he can check that box.

52490 · 2021-04-20T06:06:21+00:00

This is my own personal opinion.

There’s nothing “wrong” with your guys age gap. But, the specific ages of 23 vs 27 are at veryyyyy different stages in life. If you’re in a western society, best case scenario he really is thinking about having kids soon because he’s around 30 years old (which is when a lot of people these days have kids in the USA). Vs you at 23 which is still in explore mode (not meaning that in a sexual or dating way, just in life in general). Does that make sense?

Worst case he doesn’t want kids and is using that line because he thinks you want kids now or soon.

Edit: to be clear I also 100% agree with the other comments. Too many red flags to count and if he doesn’t know the first thing about having kids, he will soon find out...and then resent you for it.

kbenixo · 2021-04-20T15:34:14+00:00

Thanks everyone for the comments! I no way intend on having kids, I was just curious to hear some outsider opinions. I’ve had gut feelings about this but just wanted to confirm that I’m not crazy (as most men I’ve dated in the past made me feel this way).

ms_monquis · 2021-04-20T18:06:37+00:00

When someone wants kids — I mean actively chooses to have kids, actively wants to have and raise children — that's great, and it's definitely something that everyone should be up front about in the early dating stages. It isn't something I believe people should compromise on because that's awful for everyone involved. If people who don't want to raise kids would stop having them, the world would instantly improve (and vice versa — have kids with people who want kids!!! you know how babies are made FFS, no more "oopsies").

For me, this is first date conversation, for sure: Do you have/want kids? But someone being weirdly eager with someone he doesn't know well? That's...off. It reads like he isn't thinking about a family so much as he's looking for a vessel for his mini-mes. There's a whole culture that I admittedly don't much understand where children are a status symbol — "she had my kid" "I gave him a baby" — you've seen it. It's fucking weird. "I wanna put a baby in THAT" is one of the grossest things I've regularly seen men say.

Bringing it up early? Establishing what kind of future you want? I'm a fan. A few years ago, I had a first date with a guy I really liked, had a great date, but he wanted 5 kids and I wanted 0, so there was no second date. We were both bummed about it because we really got along well and would have had a great time, but I respect him hugely for being sure and secure in the future he saw for himself, and not either pulling an "I'll change her mind" move or just coasting along with each other until he found someone who wanted the same thing. I think that's all mature and reasonable and sensible.

But that's an internal decision. If I definitely wanted kids, I wouldn't be dating someone who wasn't sure. At all. I wouldn't keep bringing it up, hoping something changed.

FDS-GFY · 2021-04-21T02:01:43+00:00

When did this become a thing? In my 20s men did not want babies.

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-04-20T22:48:48+00:00

I went on one dare with a tinder guy, then he started texting me asking if I would have his kid. Another text was him asking if he can come live with me. So maybe the kid entitles them to a rent free place to live, in their minds

Title	Men Pushing Pregnancy During Dating
Author	kbenixo
Upvotes	258
Comments	82
Date	April 20, 2021 2:55 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/muh3yx/men_pushing_pregnancy_during_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-pushing-pregnancy-during-dating.762400 https://theredarchive.com/post/762400

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