Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered (Jan 2nd 2020)

ldnsurvival · 2020-01-15T19:38:52+00:00

Do we have a new one of these threads going out soon?

BDizzy18 · 2020-01-06T20:44:25+00:00

Hey mods, what's a girl gotta do around here to get promoted from the "newbie" label? 😁

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-01-06T19:46:32+00:00

I know I have a 'clock' going on and a timeline but... I just can't bring myself to want to date right now.

Now that I'm living fully on my own and I've separated myself from my family I'm just... so content. I think about dating again and I feel a little bit of excitement at the thought, but mostly... I don't want to put the effort in. And then I think about what if I did start seeing someone again, and then I let myself get attached, and then slowly, slowly they start all those behaviours that hurt me so bad.

All I can think of is how much I love being home, how much I love my dog, and how much I like where I'm at. All I can think of is finally, finally after 28 years on this Earth, everything is quiet. No one is yelling at me. No one is complaining to me. It's quiet.

I love the quiet. I don't want to be yelled at anymore by anyone. I don't want to date anymore. I love this quiet.

a-net_ · 2020-01-06T04:24:32+00:00

I'm taking a break from dating. Too exhaustive to deal with LVM and minimal effort guys. I just browse reddit and talk to my girlfriends.

kamui_zangetsu · 2020-01-05T22:07:57+00:00

Why do guys say they want to be friends when they don’t actually mean it? I dated 3 guys last year that have all said that and they dropped communication since? Wtf

thowawaywookie · 2020-01-05T08:23:28+00:00

[deleted]

BlueBlackRedP · 2020-01-05T00:50:15+00:00

No interest in collecting fuckbois phone numbers in 2020. No interest in giving my number out to complete strangers, especially after some weird stalky experiences.

So weeding out trash early.

This is within seconds of matching. Hardly even a hello. 🤢

https://imgur.com/CHJBUxw.jpg

the-cool-hedgehog · 2020-01-04T23:46:53+00:00

Hey ladies, I found this subreddit a couple of days ago and been browsing it relentlessly ever since. Thanks a lot, I must say it has had a huge effect on me, as a lot of things align with the things I have learned in my ongoing therapy, and the Pick-Me mentality has been a fresh category for me how to look at my own relationship problems. Last year I broke up with my long-term LVM and started focusing on myself, however, some months later I of course relapsed and developed a huge crush on some guy from my friends circles. Now for several months I have been obsessing over him and trying to lure him into liking me by always being superfriendly, nice and available and dropping hints that he should make a move but also being "this cool girl" when I get a rejecting vibe from him. There is undoubtedly some chemistry between us, but he hasn't made a move of any sorts, always respectfully keeping a friendly distance. All my friends who know about my crush have been telling me to ask him out myself and that "he's probably shy" and I should "help him" to overcome his shyness. After reading numerous posts here I suddenly feel... free from my obsession. It is so much easier for me to accept now that not showing enthusiastic interest in me = no interest in me and I must respect his boundaries and do not need to "try harder" or "help him overcome the shyness" in order for him to "pick me". So thank you for this community and helping each other out with your stories and advice! <3

babysoymilk · 2020-01-04T14:05:50+00:00

I just want to vent about my best friend still not properly dumping her trash boyfriend. They've been in a relationship for 7 years, lived together for 1 and the relationship has been rocky basically from the start. She has finally signed a lease for a new apartment, but still gets intimate with him! He's a horrible person and boyfriend. He recently had his driving license taken away due to a DUI, he has spit into her face during an argument, he tore apart her passport, stole an heirloom from her family and sold it to buy weed etc. She reported him to the police one time when he got violent towards her and he had to pay a fine. This kept him from getting a job once when it came up in a background check, so he blamed her.

It is so frustrating that no matter how often I (and other people) tell her he will never really change, only for her to be blinded by him pretending to work on himself.

Desert_Kitty · 2020-01-04T12:05:26+00:00

Hello. I met this guy on OLD, he lives 100km from me so for first week we have been just texting daily. I have never felt connection like this with somebody from OLD, he is smart, funny, nice, doesnt play games. We had first date at my city and he took me to coffe before lunch, then we had lunch and then tea and cookies in my favorite tea room. We arranged second date a week later on 31., when this happened: we went on dinner and in the end of it he suggested we should split the bill. I told him I dont pay for myself on dates, so he paid it, but he told me this will be problem for the future. We then talked about it and came to conclusion that this does not lead to relationship because nobody wanted to change opinion on who should pay. Given that he is very verrrry good kisser and we have amazing chemistry together, I sugested we should stay FwB and he did not accept this offer, because he needs emotional connection to have sex with somebody and he reallly likes me and it would be too hard for him to just sleep with me. But still - him not paying for girlfriends who work for themselfs it one of his core values and he cant compromise on . WTF? We dont speak anymore, but I cant wrap my mind around this. Any ideas on why does he have it this way?

laeriel_c · 2020-01-04T07:44:58+00:00

I despise dating apps, they're way too time consuming for not much pay-off and I feel like I'm only interested in about 1/2000 guys that I see on there. I've spent hours swiping and only met up with two guys, both of whom turned out to be looking for a hookup. Does anyone have any tips on what the best places are to meet men? I live in London.

Meredeen · 2020-01-04T02:51:59+00:00

I'm keeping a close eye on my friend, who has been dating an ex addict for five years, and is now engaged. She's a good momma to their son. He relapsed I think a couple months ago, and she told him on no uncertain terms that she doesn't need him to survive and she'll kick him out if he does again, for the sake of her son, she doesn't want him to be around an addict like she was with her dad. She said he's on some new antidepressants and seems to be doing better, but admits she does wonder if it's only a matter of time before he slips again.

I'll be there to encourage she goes through with her promise if he does fuck up again, I don't want her to put up with that. He seems to be a good dad, he has a good job and does put in the work to take care of the son so she can take a break and go out with friends when she needs to. I asked her some carefully worded questions to make sure she wasn't in any bad situation, she seems to be doing fine for now, but I'm watching to make sure.

janeaustenfan99 · 2020-01-04T00:33:11+00:00

How do you ladies feel about stating upfront in your profiles that you are seeking something meaningful or want a longterm relationship? Is it desperate or disadvantageous to state this upfront? I usually like to say I don’t know or I’m not sure if asked because I don’t want the guy to use that to manipulate me, but now I’m wondering if being explicit is better. If not, how do you convey that you want a relationship in a positive way?

frostbyte91 · 2020-01-03T23:22:41+00:00

[deleted]

annarea · 2020-01-03T22:37:49+00:00

How do I get a flair?

evaporative · 2020-01-03T19:27:17+00:00

Hey ladies, I need some input. How often should a HVM be taking you out on dates?

hyggeskape · 2020-01-03T15:56:21+00:00

Do any of you feel soooo much guilt for not telling your girlfriends to DITCH their LV partners? I'd say like half of my close girlfriends are dating LVM that are manchildren/cheaters/liars and even though they see that they still stick around!! Two of them got married to these losers in 2019 and one is about to have his baby. I did tell the now-pregnant one to ditch her manchild while we were in college. She did for a few months after she caught him cheating with a CRAIGSLIST PROSTITUTE, but a couple months later they were back together. Smh.....

SextMex · 2020-01-03T14:19:49+00:00

Was about to go on a first date with someone and he asked me to wear pantyhose for him. Barf!! Blocked. To think a few months ago I might have laughed it off. Better to be alone than deal with a man's sexual entitlement towards women.

-_emma-_ · 2020-01-03T14:03:32+00:00

Came over this sub after ditching my bf because I realised he was always gonna stay unambitious, and i didnt really see any future there. I have never really read anything related to dating strategy before and I've found what I've read here so far really enlightening, so thank you ladies for the eye opener!

lolumadbr0 · 2020-01-03T13:19:46+00:00

When a boy asked me what I wanted I went and told him what I wanted.... Then he goes and I quote

" I wouldn't mind making out a lot"..... Ok nexxxxxt ✌️

ldnsurvival · 2020-01-03T12:18:36+00:00

I'm super pleased that I can now come here and read content before dating, during dating, and even once a man is showing proper interest. A great resource, and it has already given me confidence in a) trusting my gut b) sticking to my standards and c) identifying red flags. Thanks 💗

SextMex · 2020-01-03T08:36:17+00:00

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even_thriller · 2020-01-03T03:45:55+00:00

So I thought I was talking to a promising dude until the all important “What are you looking for” and got the “Well I don’t know what I want but with work being crazy I don’t want to jump into something serious blah blah” so I wished him well and moved on. He seemed totally taken aback when I parted ways when I said we want different things and it wasn’t going to work. Meanwhile I took a nice hot long shower and have text messages from other guys too. Weeding out LVM has been getting easier and easier as time goes on and I’m sticking to not getting my time wasted in 2020.

edit: Also this thread is super useful I like it!

level_up_always · 2020-01-03T00:35:04+00:00

Also I vote to keep the weekly thread this is great <3

Amelania · 2020-01-03T00:29:40+00:00

I just found this sub a few days ago, and it has prompted me to stop being a lurker and create an account. I am ALL IN on #FuckboyFree2020. Thank you ladies, sincerely.

I ditched the last fuckboy I'll knowingly be giving any of my time or attention to, last week. You want to take over 24 hours to respond to a text that you prompted, just to try to reschedule our plans for that day? Fuck yourself, because I won't be doing it anymore.

level_up_always · 2020-01-03T00:13:22+00:00

Said I would update on meeting men online but in unconventional places that weren't dating sites. Well, I gave up lol. Not because there weren't any but because I literally can't stand talking to men online in any context. They're all the same, boring af, asking the same bs questions I should really make a bot to answer. I don't understand why people say online dating saves time when it's the biggest waste of time. I can size someone up in person way quicker and get treated better, why would I waste time giving some loser a dopamine hit?

Even the ones that are high value don't put you in the same category if you met online - its not even conscious that they're doing it. You're seen as disposable even if you didn't meet on and OLD persay anything online they think bc they met you they can meet another or just get off on the attention without any inve$tment. You should be paying me with all the free attention you're getting (which I literally do lol) Nah, not for me and I encourage everyone else to do the same. You're literally giving them something of VALUE that they need to PAY for, for free. It's basically like buying them drinks since you could be doing something else with that time including making money aka opportunity cost. In person I'm at least going to have an enjoyable time either way and if I happen to meet someone great if not I still came out a winner. This online crap is lose/lose for women.

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-01-02T21:45:52+00:00

I’m just gonna rant! My post on here about not being attracted to the guy I was dating got SO MUCH attention from angry male lurkers!! Why can’t they accept that not all women are attracted to all men?! Why can’t they handle it when women are “shallow”? They get so infuriated when women dare to have standards about looks! I’m so disgusted.

ThunderofHipHippos · 2020-01-02T21:38:33+00:00

As per my New Year’s Resolution, I have been applying to around 30 job positions per day. I’m looking to get back into sex work after about four months of rest, and I really need a stable side income to supplement my earnings. I’ve received an email for a telephone interview, which is cool.

Also, I’ve been applying to Access to Higher Education courses like crazy so that I can progress to a Radiography degree if medicine doesn’t work out. I’ve got so much booked for the coming months (appointments, open days, interviews), I’m gonna level up hard in 2020. Also, I’ve been practising my hobbies and watching/reading more of the shows/films/books/mangas.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud posting here since I’m not looking to date until I’ve got my shit together. Maybe I’ll get a sugar daddy or something, but not like dating dating. Like dating for a future with someone. But this subreddit really helps me to keep focus in order to become the best version of myself.

working-girl- · 2020-01-02T20:53:38+00:00

how do we feel about HVM who have small annoying habits? Do we let them go or should we nicely push for them to stop doing it?

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-01-02T17:52:46+00:00

I'm on CoffeeMeetsBagel ($35) and the matches are much better "quality," but the guys I talked to yesterday dropped off the face of the earth. I guess they don't check it as often? I don't get notifications unless I open the app. Just annoyed because it only gives you around a week to chat. So, if someone forgets to open the app and see the match, the chance is gone. I guess it weeds out low effort, but I must say I am used to snappy responses on the cesspools of OKC and such. Or maybe I need to put down the phone... thoughts?

fightevilbymoonlight · 2020-01-02T15:20:30+00:00

I'm new here and I keep seeing the term "breadcrumbing", which I'm unfamiliar with. I've checked the sidebar and have searched posts for some clarity but haven't found much. Could anyone give me a quick definition and some examples in different contexts so that I can better understand it? Thank you!

ama_ansk · 2020-01-02T14:15:51+00:00

I met a great guy a couple of months ago. We saw each other a couple of times (it’s long distance so makes I harder) and text almost daily. I tried my best to avoid any feelings and only think rationally about all this and I don’t seem to notice any red flags, quite the opposite. (Been very careful with that bcs of past experiences, and thanks to this sub I know what to look for). We celebrated NYE together (with a couple of friends of mine) and when we were alone he asked me « what are we for you? », I said I’m not sure and he answered that he’d like something more serious in the future and for me to be his gf. I said that I’ll have to think about it and he was ok with that.

I think my heart says yes, but my brain says no. I have anxiety so I can’t really trust my gut. Ladies, what can help me take a decision about this? And when is it ok to let your guard down a bit and catch some feelings ?

goatismycopilot · 2020-01-02T13:16:53+00:00

[deleted]

lawlessesq · 2020-01-02T13:05:40+00:00

Met a guy OLD and we exchanged numbers a couple days before Christmas. After that initial conversation, he waited 4 days to contact me again, which was a late “Merry Christmas” text on Christmas Day. He then texts me early the next day and we exchange a few messages over a few hours. Another couple days go by with no contact. We exchange a few messages on Saturday, then another 4 days of nothing. He then proceeds to match with me on another dating app and attempts to have a conversation there despite having my number. I immediately unmatched and deleted his number. #FuckBoyFree2020 in full effect.

level_up_always · 2020-01-02T12:56:38+00:00

I am with a guy who is doing all the right things but he sometimes gets a bit of a belly because of lack of exercise.

I've been telling him he is better off without it and encouraging to go to the gym, and he said it is his goal in the next months

How long should I wait for him to come around and get a bit fitter? (he is not fat, just gets a bit unfit sometimes, but the bit of belly is enough to make him less attractive) I am working on myself as well and not looking model like, but I am attractive and wish to look more fit. How should you proceed if your HVM is sometimes unfit?

curlygirl507 · 2020-01-02T12:55:13+00:00

Rant: I found my abusive ex's "new" girlfriend's Facebook profile yesterday. (They've been together for well over a year.) He started dating her within a month of us breaking up. She's really pretty and has a lot of pictures of dogs and beer. Since he's an alcoholic, she seems like a better match for him than me. Maybe now I can finally stop thinking about him. I really hope he's changed his ways for her. She seems like a really sweet person.

janeaustenfan99 · 2020-01-02T11:42:47+00:00

I spent NYE with a guy as our second date. He never made a move on me or tried to kiss me even at midnight. Is that weird?

level_up_always · 2020-01-02T10:41:31+00:00

I’ve seen lots of discussion here about hiding sexual trauma from any man we date (this makes us much less vulnerable to him if anything were to go wrong). Now that my situation is beginning to include sex, I am getting triggered every once in a while. Something has got to give, otherwise I will have to avoid sexual situations altogether. How do you navigate this?

daglowup · 2020-01-02T09:37:26+00:00

Hey beautiful pals, just a minor question about OLD. What's your opinion on when a guy hits you with the "where do you live?" question pretty early in the conversation? To me it just screams uninspired and potentially like he's just trying to come over or something. But maybe I'm being too harsh and it's a genuine factor in deciding to ask someone out?

themissdaydreamer · 2020-01-02T09:36:02+00:00

I finished reading Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility and I couldn't keep myself from taking the characters on a FDS light and how dating could be as dreading and complicated even in 1800's when chilvary and courting still existed. Austen's ability to portrait fuckboys and pickmeishas is so impressive and it's been more useful than most dating counselors altogether. "What would Jane Austen would do?" has become an actual motto for me.

Dry-Attitude · 2020-01-02T08:16:19+00:00

[deleted]

airhostess_inthe60s · 2020-01-02T06:50:29+00:00

I hope it's ok to post this question here.

Basically I've been on a few dates with this really great guy (or so it seems). He asked me out to go on a 4th date on Jan 1st, but didn't confirm a time and place. So today, he messages me around 2pm saying he'd had a bad hangover after a NYE'S party, and asks if I was still down to going out. I said I was not because It was too late to confirm any plans (I was also in pjs vacuuming my place). He then sends a sad emoji and says that he had already made up his mind to see me. I stayed super chill about it, told him it's ok to reschedule to tomorrow and asked what time he would be free. He hasn't responded since 4pm and he usually does within the hour.

I'm slowly getting over my pickmeisha syndrome. In the past, his behavior would have me feeling guilty but it now annoys me more than anything. So my question is: Why do guys sulk? And what to do about it? Should I confront him?

Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered (Jan 2nd 2020)
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	53
Comments	198
Date	January 2, 2020 6:21 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eiuiey/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.723376 https://theredarchive.com/post/723376

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