Why aren't men more afraid?

austin101123 · 2021-07-03T10:12:21+00:00

I think this plays into women's lives just being valued more than men's, too.

Steyrox · 2021-07-03T09:16:14+00:00

I think most men are afraid but we are drilled not to show it. I think the silence you see after things like #metoo and "why men dont speak up" is one way to react to it. We know for a fact we have been exposed to all these things ourselves to some degree so it feels a bit silly to "admit" to being the perpetrators.

As an example, statistically mothers perpetrate more child abuse than men (which makes sense since they do more of child caring). Most of the victims of this are boys. Its silly then to teach boys that they are oppressing women while at the same time being abused by their moms. How would you react to that?

SuspicousEggSmell · 2021-07-03T09:50:34+00:00

I think partially cause we aren’t reminded at every corner even though that is the statistic. News tends to emphasize female victims and in general those stories are talked about more often. Even within family, my sister was given a talk and I wasn’t, so I think it indicates our tendency to be more hyper aware of women’s safety, to a point that is probably not helpful

WhenIsItOkayToHate · 2021-07-03T10:16:27+00:00

Personally, I've always been conscious of my safety in potentially dangerous situations; obviously I can't speak for other dudes, but I would say that I do become anxious and insecure about my safety in those situations... I simply keep my insecurities and heightened awareness silently to myself until I'm out of those potentially fraught contexts.

AskingToFeminists · 2021-07-03T10:25:39+00:00

What good will result from our being afraid, exactly? Our fear will not get people to protect us. Our fear will not make us less likely to become victimized. Our fear will not make us more attractive to women.

So what's the point of living in fear, exactly?

lingdingwhoopy · 2021-07-03T12:24:59+00:00

Just speaking personally, I am afraid. Always have been.

I'm a fairly large guy. 6ft flat, stocky build.

But I've always felt uneasy walking around the city at night. Especially less densely trafficked areas.

I've had many uncomfortable run-ins with people over the years. Thankfully, never ones that turned violent or criminal.

I would go out on a limb here and say I think many men, maybe even most, feel some degree of unease with this, but we don't express it for various reasons. Fear of shaming by peers. Fear of being dismissed as being a, well, a wimp. Fear of being invalidated by having women's fears thrown back in your face, etc.

That last point is what bothers me the most. I don't identify as a feminist nor an MRA. I don't even identify as egalitarian or humanist because the conversation around this stuff is so toxic literally every term has been weaponized against people. People with an ax to grind read "egalitarian" and assume "Oh, so code for anti-feminist/MRA..."

So I simply stay away from labels altogether.

But what I truly believe and want to convey when I have these discussions is that ALL our collective experiences are valid. Women. Men. Everyone.

I think in order for any progress to be made we MUST simply all learn to stop being so defensive and HEAR each other out. That may sound corny, but fuck. How is it not the solution, people?

Memes_The_Warbeast · 2021-07-03T10:06:07+00:00

Well you as a women will have been taught / shown to always be wary of walking alone at night or of strangers at a bar because society perceives man as aggressive horny meatheads who can't control themselves and women as innocent pure fairies that can't defend themselves (these concepts are bullshit by the way you can 100% defend yourself).

Because of these precepts you'll have had people constantly drilling it in too you too be wary of these things whereas men haven't, if anything we get the opposite. Being told to 'man up' and 'quit being a bitch'

elmiraguth · 2021-07-03T10:56:59+00:00

This might not be a popular opinion, but I actually think women are too afraid. Even though men are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime, it's still very unlikely. I think it's more likely to die in a car crash and neither men nor women are especially afraid of riding in cars.

So I'm more curious why are women so much afraid (of strangers at night).

eldred2 · 2021-07-03T18:09:34+00:00

When women show fear they are comforted and protected.

When men show fear, they are shamed and spurned.

mrmensplights · 2021-07-03T15:15:08+00:00

Three things

Are men afraid?

Men are very afraid all the time. So why do we still face our fears? Stiff upper lip? Throw ourselves out there? We know men have no intrinsic value to people like women do. If we stop performing then the people in our lives will abandon us. We must continually demonstrate value or we are considered a burden. So we just carry on. Find ways to cope until we break and then we are discarded. So you see, we face annihilation one way or the other but facing our fears and facing the world gives us a chance to live. Also, testosterone helps in a pinch!

Women talk publicly about bring afraid

Evolutionary psychology. Men don’t get anything out of grievance. When women complain, both men and women listen and try to fix it. They try so hard to fix it that women even complain men try to fix it. Men don’t experience that. There’s no in-group bias in favour of men, and no “men are wonderful” effect like there is a “women are wonderful” effect in psychology. When women have grievance and voice it, from an evolutionary perspective that’s like hearing a baby cry or a siren. Everyone scrambles to fix it. That’s the main mechanism by which feminism works. On the other side, When men have grievance they are shunned and it makes people uncomfortable. Cowards, broken, gross, incels. Posting in this sub just got you banned from other subs, by the way.

Why are women afraid

They shouldn’t be afraid to the extent that they are, but they are trained to be via propaganda. Psychological studies show that women just have more anxiety about “the stranger”.. more natural anxiety. Feminist propaganda has taken that existing signal and amplified it several times to where women are paralyzed with fear. Statistics don’t back up their feelings but they now live in a prison of their own design. It’s tragic.

friendofalltehworld · 2021-07-05T08:07:14+00:00

Boys spend a lot of their time engaging in risky behaviour. They are playing at managing risk. Thus when they get older men have a at least some idea of the actual risk involved in various activities as opposed to the perceived risk. (On average of course. I know an 'extreme sports' type woman who does things so dangerous that even watching them gives me a nosebleed).

Statistically speaking, walking home at night etc, is NOT risky. Comparitively speaking, driving on a highway is vastly more risky - and still not very risky.

Additionally, boys get a lot more rough and tumble play and thus many of us are more comfortable with the prospect of getting into a physical fight than women, since we've experienced physical pain a lot and it's no mystery.

Sometimes the fear of a thing is worse than the thing itself.

no_user_ID_found · 2021-07-03T16:07:18+00:00

We are, we just don’t show it because society won’t let us. And we don’t talk about it. Because it’s just part of life.

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2021-07-03T11:01:11+00:00

You could also ask the inverse: Why are women more afraid despite having lower risk? And that answer is in large part the media. When a woman dies, in an attack, it makes more sellable news because it tugs on heart strings more. The media many times doesn’t even mention the gender when casualties are male, and may not make a story on it. They are more likely to do so when the victim is female.

I think you are also on to something and that is awareness. I think you are right that many men don’t know they are more at risk. Plus men are more likely to have higher risk tolerance anyways, even if they are aware.

AmiablePenguin · 2021-07-03T10:28:04+00:00

What makes you think we're not? We're just better at hiding it due to social conditioning.

MeasurementRealistic · 2021-07-03T12:53:39+00:00

I think a more fitting question is "Why are women so afraid?"

Murder, aggravated assault and robbery have a really low chance to happen to anyone. Why do women spend so much time being afraid of something that is unlikely to happen?

azazelcrowley · 2021-07-03T16:50:25+00:00

Women are afraid as a result of a persistent propoganda campaign to get them afraid in order that they will support authoritarianism and hatred, thus preventing any form of solidarity among the 99%, similar to the anti-muslim hysteria after 9/11.

It is an unreasonable and neurotic level of fear that women hold and the reason men aren't afraid in that fashion is they aren't being whipped up in this fashion.

It is an insoluble problem because pointing this out leads to tantrums due to the persistent thought terminating axioms women have trained themselves into where they refuse to consider the idea that their feelings might in fact be invalid, but leads us to the problem of "Why aren't men afraid?" and blaming it on toxic masculinity.

No, it's because we don't have the entire economy of the first world funnelling billions of dollars a year into telling us to be afraid and that we need authoritarian measures against some nebulous group to fix it, constantly spamming us with new stories about how dangerous the out-group is, and so on.

The disparity can only be fixed by dumping billions of dollars into brainwashing and terrorizing men through the media, or by cutting off the funding to people who keep winding women up and noting that they are in fact arseholes and misandrists and getting women to confront the fact that they are misandrists when they feel this way, same as anyone who got spooked when near a black person would be a racist. It can't be fixed by ignoring the material disparity in the "Wind-up merchant" funding and pointing to some vague concept without a causal mechanism being elaborated on.

Women are afraid because a lot of people have paid good money to make them afraid so they can use that fear for their own purposes. It's not at all connected to reality or womens actual experiences. The presence of the statistics just goes to show that, clear as day.

But again, noting that isn't going to work because the sheer volume of thought terminating cliches packaged in with that propoganda disable womens ability to have self-awareness or consider that their feelings and perspectives may in fact, be total sexist nonsense. They are raised from birth to reject that possibility.

NotAllWomen and so on.

POO_IN_A_LOO · 2021-07-03T10:50:00+00:00

internalized disposability

facts_onfire2 · 2021-07-03T08:59:11+00:00

Because, indoctrination!!

_name_of_the_user_ · 2021-07-03T11:12:53+00:00

Women are afraid because you're taught to be. You're taught that you're weak, nearly helpless, unable to defend yourself etc. There's been a constant campaign (not an organised one, but it's there) in media that results in people believing this. Movies, TV, news (this one is especially bad), feminist media, social media... you're bombarded with reports of women being hurt and men hurting you. It dehumanizes men and infantilizes women. And when something does happen you're trained to hold onto your victim mentality forever.

Men are less afraid because we're bombarded with the opposite message. We're told that we're strong, tough, and when men are hurt it never makes the media.

In top of that, we are afraid. We either try not to show it, because people that hurt others pray on the weak, or we show it in much more private ways than women do in the days of social media.

In all honesty, I think men are an appropriate level of afraid. We're fairly confident we'll be fine, but we know the chance isn't zero that something will happen. We take precautions where we can or it's practical. And we generally understand that person to person we have a fair chance in a fight because both people are made of the same materials.

Women seem to not realize that it takes the same force to damage you as it does to damage me. Ok, you don't have the upper body strength we do. Why is that the end of so many of these conversations? You generally have longer legs for the same height, use them to your advantage. Not being as strong doesn't mean you're defenseless. With training, or especially if you have to use some sort of tool, that disadvantage isn't terribly difficult to overcome.

I've watched a 130lb dude drop of 230lb dude like a sack of potatoes with a single punch. The lighter weight guys had enough training to know how to swing through his whole body and understood that weight doesn't make someone less likely to fall unconscious from a hit to the head.

Pick up an asp baton or something similar and take a class to learn how to use it. One of those can incapacitate a person in short order. And, stop listening to the bombardment of media telling you you're a victim and that's all you can be. You're a lot more capable than that, and men are a hell of a lot less capable than the media would have you believe.

JunkyardRevenant · 2021-07-08T19:47:58+00:00

We cant really just stay in our homes and hide, there are jobs and tasks to be done. Even if we were worried we would be silenced about the issue promptly. Personally I am afraid of these things, but expressing that is frowned upon. Men are usually taught to be brave and deal with hardships as they arrive growing up, which means often times if you're scared you just toss the feelings away.

TheSpaceDuck · 2021-07-03T14:45:11+00:00

You raise a very important topic, and to be honest I'm really glad to see more women taking notice and asking questions about it. There is no single answer that fully explains it but rather the sum of a few different factors:

- The main factor is definitely media and public speech. To be honest when you asked "Is it because they don't know they are majorly victims?" you pretty much nailed the main reason.

People believe what they hear from the media, from politicians, organizations like UN, etc. - if you hear on a daily basis that "women are afraid to go out", that "society is not safe for women" etc. you will obviously believe it, because why wouldn't you? Even if you've been victimized yourself, chances are you'll be sure that women have it even worse. On this topic just like any other, people who research statistics are a minority. So propaganda is by far the biggest factor here.

- The second factor is, the world is safer than media makes it look like. It might be especially true concerning women but this also works as a general phenomenon. I can tell you from my own experience. I live in Portugal and about a decade ago violent crime was going rampant. I was robbed or mugged on an average of twice a year. Pretty much all of my male friends had gone through such experiences. However, and as bad as this sounds, you're unlikely to get seriously hurt if you don't resist. During all these times I was mugged etc. I had knives pressed onto me (by both men and women in fact), I had muggers holding me in place and a few other situations that can be considered violent. However I did not resist and not once did I get actually stabbed or beaten beyond "slightly roughed up for intimidation sake".

The only time when I did risk very serious damage to myself was when I was mugged at the entrance of a train while carrying a backpack with my laptop and other valuables. They grabbed me as I was about to get in and I forced my way through to attempt to save my valuables (and because the train meant likely safety). They grabbed me and pulled me out of the train saying they were going to kill me. I managed to muster all my strength and drag myself back into the train, and that got me into safety. If I hadn't managed to it's likely I would've been either killed or beaten to a pulp. However the reason is because I did resist.

I do not mean to victim-blame by saying this or state that "you should not resist", what I mean is most of us don't resist if we're outmuscled, outnumbered or faced with a knife or other weapon and for this reason a lot of this violent crime doesn't end up in a permanently damaging or traumatizing experience. Cases of murder or getting beaten unconscious for no reason do happen here and they affect men very disproportionately, however unlike other forms of violent crime they're not something most men will inevitably experience. Such forms of crime are fortunately outliers, so we do fear them but it's not a likely enough threat to be worth being in the back of your mind all the time.

- The third factor is, we get used to it. I can't think of a better example for this than a situation I had a few years ago in Poland. I was with my (Polish) girlfriend on a tram where a very shady-looking guy started shouting racist insults and phrases like "go back to your country". My girlfriend was rather traumatized by the whole event, to the point that she had trouble sleeping that night. And she was very surprised at how unfazed I was by the whole situation. I told her that compared to what I had experienced in Portugal, that was nothing.

And that made me realize something. My perspective being both a man and Portuguese was completely different of hers, who is both a woman and Polish (I lived 8 years in Poland and I can say it was way way safer than Portugal, even as a Southern-looking foreigner). And that I got used to so many actually violent situations that some minor offenses like racist insults didn't really phase me anymore.

These are the 3 key reasons why men aren't as afraid as they should be when going out. There are others that have been pointed out such as "men are taught not to show fear/rejected by women when we do" and so on, but I'd say those 3 are by far the most relevant ones.

EDIT: That being said, we do take preventive measures. Speaking for myself, after my experiences I for example started avoiding certain neighbourhoods and avoid using my phone outside in places where I don't feel completely safe.

voltran1987 · 2021-07-03T14:23:34+00:00

We do get scared, but we also know that if we don’t do anything no one will.

Plus, when we do say we’re afraid, we’re immediately silenced. Whether it be shaming you and saying you’re less of a man, saying you’re a misogynist and taking away from women’s issues, or victim blaming you because you both have penises.

2021-07-03T09:12:00+00:00

Feminist have indoctrinated women. Being a feminist also means you are more likely to sacrifice men.

See below:

https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/h8za7e/scientific_study_feminsm_makes_you_more_man/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/gqdcdj/women_rape_men_almost_as_often_as_men_rape_women/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

YooGeOh · 2021-07-03T12:44:56+00:00

I think the campaigns themselves make people afraid, and since most if these campaigns are targeted towards women, its women who end up feeling less safe. Women are safer now than 50-100 years ago (in the west at least) yet I'd guess from the narrative landscape that they're more fearful than ever. This is as a direct result of the ramping up of discourse surrounding male on female violence, and the amplification of violent acts committed against women in a way that never was before despite violence against women being previously more common. That last point is also a result of the wide availability of media and social media allowing stories and ideas to spread easily than before. There has never and will never be a society wide focus on the levels of violence, death, disposability, and general threat that men actually face in society because men are seen as less valuable than women and are not the gender generally seen as needing protection, so it's never something men hear about regularly so never have it in their mind that there is someone trying to kill them at every corner because they're male.

I also think there's a psychological aspect to it, some behavioural evolution stuff that results in men and women having differing reactions to hypothetical dangers that was necessary because of the different roles we used to play in society millenia ago. I don't know...that's a bit of a maybe.

jacksleepshere · 2021-07-03T12:28:02+00:00

Because they don’t buy into the fear mongering and they aren’t told they need to be scared when they leave the house.

lockdown_pain · 2021-07-04T00:28:18+00:00

We are!!

Most people who carry guns (concealed carry) are men and they are also the most often to cite wanting self-protection are the reason for having it.

Men are very conscious of their own protection. However, it looks different than it does for women.

ferrocarrilusa · 2021-07-06T23:10:47+00:00

is it really young women who are especially vulnerable? I mean, it's true that the average woman is not as strong as the average man, but wouldn't the average 20-something woman be stronger than the average female? I would think that elderly people are at greater danger because they are less likely to have the strength to defend themselves.

probably part of the framing is because of the myth that "pretty girls" are at heightened risk of rape, based on the misconception of such atrocity being motivated by libido

ferrocarrilusa · 2021-07-06T22:58:03+00:00

I used to wonder the same thing. Maybe it's a biological thing (i.e. hormones) that makes men more willing to take risks, or a cultural thing (or both).

Possibly also since sex crimes, some of the most serious offenses that can happen, are more against women. But I do believe that the cases where women are most vulnerable involve dates, parties, and alcohol. Not dark alleys or public spaces. Likewise, it's not wise for parents to make a big deal about "stranger danger," since most molestation is by adults who the children know and trust (teachers, sitters, priests, bus drivers, etc.) I think robbery is the only violent crime that's normally perpetrated against strangers. Also why the sex offender registry barely helps anyone.

LastRounder · 2021-07-05T13:15:05+00:00

So, I guess my question is, why aren't men more afraid?

We are more accustomized to danger and physical confrontation, than women. Look on how boys play. I mean, without gen-X helicopter parents.

Look where boys are playing. I am 31, but I precisely recall several construction grounds, and just overall dangerous places, we used to be often with my friends when we were boys. Sometimes, I wonder how we all managed to be alive and well through our childhood, ha-ha.

Middle School also was not a walk in the park. So, I gues, normally we are more prepared to face dangers. Plus, known fact, that men, in general feel fear less intensive than women do, or in another way, than women do. Like more "fight" than "flight" in fight or flight dilemma.

And if they are, is it because they don't show it?

We are more in controll of it. Sometimes you just have no time to feel fear, and it comes only after all is said and done. Plus, often we are in charge in dangerous situations,so having somebody to protect/care of takes huge piece of brainwork from processing fear. Plus, yes, we often do not show it, because it may make somebody near to panic. And that will worsen the situation further.

Summarizing, we feel it not same way as women do, are more prepared for danger overall, know how to handle it, often have to handle it, have no time for it and overall give less fucks about it.

helloiseeyou2020 · 2021-07-03T17:42:40+00:00

We have fear too. The difference is no one asks us if we do, no one publishes stories about it, and no one would care even if either of those things were not the case. I also see no purpose in expressing this fear or going put of my way to tell others about it. Youre the first person to ask me, and so I am answering you. As a man, I will probably never be asked again

Im a big guy that has handled myself in fights. I still have that fear in a dark alley at night, or retrieving my car after parking it somewhere remote for an overnight. But nobody asks, and there isnt an entire field dedicated to commodifying my fear, so no one knows about it.

2021-07-05T06:49:00+00:00

Men are wired to be less afraid than we ‘should,’ because being afraid is not very productive, and we need to be productive for a wide variety of reasons (provenance, fertility, economics to name a few). Also men can biologically afford to be the risk takers since they are less valuable than women.

BloomingBrains · 2021-07-05T06:24:44+00:00

It may be vastly more likely to happen to me, but at the same time, its still a really low chance overall. So I guess its kind of a "won't happen to me" sort of attitude. But also what would you even do anyway? Outside of obvious things like not walking down dark alleyways alone at night , there isn't much, and if you voice too much concern over it, people will laugh. In the meantime I won't stop it from me living my life.

I find the whole "protect women" thing funny. For one, according to the statistics, my presence is actually making them less safe just by being there since I'm a more likely target. Two, I've found that whenever men try to protect women, they often think WE'RE going to be the threat. Example: I was just in Vegas this last weekend partying, and me plus a fellow guy were talking to this drunk woman that was really wasted. She wanted to leave and couldn't find her friends, and we both agreed we legitimately wanted to get her back to her room safely, but her friends eventually found her and got her the hell out of there. They didn't want us to leave with her. Which don't get me wrong, is a probably the best resolution to that scenario, but what I'm saying is that it ended up being other women that protected her.

Honestly if anything really scares me, its not the odds I'll get randomly stabbed or anything, its how you often hear people say that it's my job to protect women while also treating me like a threat. Don't get me wrong, what happened with your boyfriend is wonderful, but that could've gone another way. He could have been stabbed and seriously hurt. It makes sense that he did what he did because he's your boyfriend, but its not reasonable to expect the average man to do that for the average woman he doesn't know. And certainly not actively. Maybe if you're in the right place and the right time, sure, but we can't be Batman grappling across Gotham City stopping crime, its ridiculous.

2021-07-05T05:59:10+00:00

Because society tells them they can't be afraid.

2021-07-03T10:52:36+00:00

"There's also the expectation that when a man and woman go anywhere together, the man has to sacrifice his life for his woman/girlfriend/wife/female friend."

You answered you own question. Indoctrinating someone with the belief that they are to sacrifice their life for others inherently causes that person to devalue their own life. So why would someone who devalues their own life fear losing it?

17abdul · 2021-07-03T12:52:40+00:00

Men are afriad , it's just the know how to handle that fear and sometimes makes it into courage plus they have been taught in general to value their life less , why do you think they are more likely to take dangerous jobs regardless of being the most likely to die in workplace, or not seek mental help even thou they are more likely to commit suicide, alot them realise that no one cares so they dont care of course this applies to some men not all

purebredginger_ · 2021-07-04T20:16:36+00:00

Because men are taught that they have nothing to fear, even though it isn't true

ShivasKratom3 · 2021-07-04T19:41:47+00:00

Told not to be

The problems we face are not talked about. So you end up not afriad

In my neighborhood I've been robbed. Almost carjacked. Had guns drawn on me by accident. Watched a knife fight on my street. Someone died at my front door by getting shot.

But every woman I talk to says I dont know what it's like to be afraid at night. They come from wealthy neighborhoods where I know women go for early morning runs. I live in a bad neighborhood in a very bad city, across the street from the worst park in my neighborhood. It pisses me off so much when I hear "even in good neighborhoods women are still at high risk" while I deal with this shit. I hate having women tell me what it's like to not want to walk home at night. I work nights. I wake to gunshots twice a month. People just dont even realize or care cuz "I'm a dude it either doesnt matter or I cant somehow ju jitsu my way out of everything".

Many men are scared and dont talk. Most like me had the fear pounded out of them along with the ability to cry. Many arent even told how at risk they are so dont know. And finally and controversially women are told to be afraid even if they are in a good neighborhood and thus their fear overrides mens. The idea that women should be afriad even when not based on fact is pressed and therefore the mass of their voices, and fact their fear is way more important than mens drowns out any men saying that theres a problem.

Blauwpetje · 2021-07-04T18:47:45+00:00

There's no point in being afraid all the time. You decide to do something that can be risky, and once you decided it, it's good to be careful, but exhausting to be afraid. Even when I was in Belfast during the Troubles, mostly I wasn't afraid, but I was scared to death when a car stopped beside me late at night (still don't know what exactly that was). I've been afraid more times when I was in real danger, but never when I was in possible danger. But neither did I take unnecessary risks.

Funny enough, I can be very afraid to make contact with unknown people, especially women I might like. But I guess that's a different kind of 'afraid'.

Applepieoverdose · 2021-07-03T12:03:07+00:00

As well as the replies of other guys here, I think a portion of it is simply practicality, and another is fearmongering.

Practicality: If we have to be scared of other guys now, we have nowhere to turn socially. Sure, there are some guys who will turn to women, and that’s always a bit off; but the majority of us want a social group that includes other guys. (Am aware that sounds a bit incel-y, but it’s based off of personal experience and a recurring theme in r/askmen where somebody asks something to the effect of why men don’t share feelings with women; generally it’s the fear of weaponisation or sharing of private fears/guilt/insecurities that were shared in confidence)

Fearmongering: quite simply, guys are the targets of violent crimes more often, but the media focuses on women. We always hear about women getting robbed/mugged/stabbed/raped/murdered, and it saturates the news, which in turn leads to a part of how women respond to the news. We rarely hear as much about men as victims, so it doesn’t really affect our way of thinking about it.

Jazzlike-Parsley-566 · 2021-07-04T12:10:00+00:00

I think two main reasons, from personal experience.

Many conversations I've had on the topic have been framed as "men don't have to think about holding your keys between your knuckled/checking their back seat/ making a phone call while walking home alone" even though I have done a couple of those things to keep myself safe. When it comes to a lot of matters of safety and sexism I am fairly used to being brow beaten with what I do and don't have to fear for. It very much doesn't feel worth while to contradict, the few times have challenged these ideas I have been told I am just trying to take away from women's fear/calling them irrational.

The second reason: I think women are being scared by a zealous media and ironically, it is probably actually working to keep them safe. I have nothing to stake this idea on but I imagine that men, not being routinely told how defenseless and at the world's whim they are, tend to risk the outside world more often and suffer the consequences because of it. Women do not tend to risk these situations as often and as such are not as victimized as often.

Truth be told I am paranoid when vulnerable. I think that's just human.

seraph341 · 2021-07-03T10:58:39+00:00

I care in terms of being aware of my surroundings, de-escalating bad situations and avoiding conflict.

If I see myself in a bad situation I'm sure my heart will start to race. Till then I just try to not think about it and stay safe.

theAnalepticAlzabo · 2021-07-03T23:10:03+00:00

Ma’am. We ARE afraid. But we have been taught (largely by women, I might add) that in order to be worthy of love and respect, we have to show no fear or weakness of any kind.

If truth be told, however, we also have this itch to protect the women in our lives. It feels good sometimes, to take a risk for a loved one. It’s so built-in that when shit REALLY hits the fan we don’t even think about it: we just find ourselves between you and the threat.

mcmur · 2021-07-03T17:27:01+00:00

Is it because they don't know they are majorly victims?

Probably this.

But mostly because you just can't just walk around all the time being scared for your life.

The whole "women get attacked everyday just for being women!" which leads to the behavior you described is hyperbolic nonsense. They are measurably safer then men and I think women getting into the habit of fearing for their life every time they go outside isn't mentally healthy but its encouraged by the MSM.

Langland88 · 2021-07-03T17:15:15+00:00

I just want to say it depends on where I am at. There places I have been to at night where I walked down roads not really too concerned because the crime rates were significant lower and the people were generally speaking not really roaming around at the time of day except for situations involving commuting to work or even being at work(like police officers or EMTs).

However I have also been in places where I am literally scared of walking. I have been in the heart of major cities where they locked down the skywalks after midnight(because they want to deter homeless people from sleeping in there) and a good example of this was Minneapolis in Minnesota. And I've ended up walking a few blocks outside just concerned of the potential dangers that could happen. Also I have been in smaller communities where drug use and even murder suicides are common which once again I was out at the time when that stuff could happen and it made me scared. I even recall a story where my friend refused to give me car keys because we both had a few beers(despite that I wasn't even buzzed) and he made me go to gas station that was roughly an hour's walk away in this said community.

My point is that I as a man can get scared if I am in the right areas for thefts, assaults, and murders to take place. We are just not afforded the platforms to talk about it. For political purposes, it just doesn't sound good to talk about the problems facing men because we have had the Feminist movement control that narrative that women most often the victims and men are most often the bad guys and if we aren't, well we still created the society for this to happen.

beatstorelax · 2021-07-03T17:08:29+00:00

we fear lots of stuff. but simply don't tell anyone about it

Idesmi · 2021-07-03T17:04:07+00:00

They are. I am, at least. At night I only cross well-lit places. When someone starts shouting on the subway train, I get as far as I can. And I will never physically intervene in a fight or robbery. My life is more important than anyone else's, and I think everyone should feel like that.

It's also true that I very rarely reflect on statistics, and much more hear groundless "opinions". What I always have in mind though, is that I don't want to be another victim.

Kennierterablade · 2021-07-03T16:45:35+00:00

It can be VERY different for everyone, some would say they don't care, Others that they hide it, personally, I feel fear, but don't let it stop me, I go and try to do a living as everyone day by day, just taking care of myself (a false phone and wallet to give in case someone assault me, a knuckles in mi bag if they don't want just money, living in Mexico can be intense). I don't romantize taking care of myself, nor victimize myself, just keep goin forward. But that's just my way, as I said, everyone will tell something different.

Furiousfapperdapper9 · 2021-07-03T09:33:52+00:00

I'm not afraid because nothing ever happens to me when I go outside. I don't think I've ever been the victim of a violent crime.

locnlol · 2021-07-03T09:15:48+00:00

Well first you are a young woman, so men are going to avoid appearing afraid in sight of you. That just wouldn't do.

Secondly I'd say some (many?) men are 'afraid', or rather wary of going out at night especially in some areas. We tend to be well aware of the risks, especially as we get older. But we also know if we stand a chance to fend off some potential attackers, and outrun others. Most women can do neither, so the feeling of helplessness is probably more terrifying than the reality-based statistics.

JustSomeOne2100 · 2021-07-11T12:03:40+00:00

I think many are and just learn to hide/suppress the feeling as this is the manly thing to do. When I was younger I was afraid on many occasions. I am not a big guy so a lot of people could kick my ass if they wanted to. I will give you a few examples.

When I was around 11, I used to walk to/from school about a mile. One day a man pulled up to be in a car asking for directions. He then spent about 5 minutes driving alongside me trying to get me to get in the car with him. 100% this guy was a pedophile. This messed me up for a while and I was afraid to walk to school but never told anyone.

On another occasion, I was playing with a friend and this older guy around 20 came up to us and started talking to us. He seemed nice enough, when suddenly, out of no where he punched my friend in the face, knocking him to the ground and giving him a bloody nose. Then started talking as if nothing happened. Obviously totally freaked both us out. We ran as fast as we could.

When I was around 16 I went to the cinema with a friend, afterwards we walked back to the bus station to go home when we were surrounded by around 10 older guys. They wanted us to fight the smallest guy in the group. Even I though I had a chance to beat him but knew I would be beaten up by the other guys if I did. A couple had knives, I thought I was going to die. We both found an opportunity, and ran for our lives. They chased us for a long time but eventually we lost them. I had to walk the same route in the future and I was always freaked out, just waiting for them to show up again.

This is just a handful of examples. I have never been afraid of women but I have been I guess you could say sexually assaulted and been made to feel humiliated and very uneasy on 4 or 5 occasions.

shit-zen-giggles · 2021-07-03T15:12:28+00:00

Physical strength difference is of course a valid and rational point.

Additionally, men and women have different basal/biological levels of anxiety and this difference gets exacerbated by societal gender norms.

Skirt_Douglas · 2021-07-03T14:36:03+00:00

Because we have to go out into the world one way or another, not taking risks is not an option for most of us. Many of us, definitely me, experience the fear. I don’t clutch my keys, not because I am not afraid, but because I have my hand is already full with an actual knife. I have walked the streets of LA at night, clutching a knife in my pocket, bracing myself for the possibility that the guy walking behind me is going to jump me. I know that fear, I just don’t make a big deal about it because I don’t perceive it as an evil system trying to oppress me. If I got mugged by a man, it is almost certainly because he is poor and desperate, not an evil patriarch trying to put me in my place, he has less overall power than me, not more. Complaining about being afraid will not help me. Who would help me? Absolutely no one. So I see the fear as an inevitability, if I want to park in LA without shelling out 20 or 30 bucks for a private lot every time, I have to brave the fear risk being attacked.

CourageousGoblin · 2021-07-03T14:15:13+00:00

I'd like to think most people in developed societies feel safe.

hendrixski · 2021-07-03T13:58:02+00:00

That's a valid question. Thanks for asking it and starting this dialog.

windows_n_cheese · 2021-07-03T13:40:09+00:00

We are

skellious · 2021-07-03T13:37:56+00:00

I am scared shitless so much of the time but if I tell people that I'll just get laughed at. Men don't get sympathy, we just lose any social position we have.

YesAmAThrowaway · 2021-07-03T10:39:30+00:00

The chances are low as hell. It's just that society teaches women to be paranoid outside and that male privilege ree and waah.

lorarc · 2021-07-03T10:03:28+00:00

Men are afraid however:

1) Men can't show they are afraid because they loose social status, women reject men who show fear so they have to learn not to show it

2) Men are more rational about it, you won't find many men you know who will be willing to take a stroll in the bad neighbourhood of your town at night because they are rightly afraid something will happen to them. However they won't be afraid to go out at night in the city centre even though they are more likely to be a victim then women who do say they are afraid.

funkynotorious · 2021-07-03T09:45:31+00:00

I am not an expert on hormones. But I have read some research papers that testosterone has something do with it. It lowers your anxiety and stress.

LacklustreFriend · 2021-07-03T11:23:22+00:00

There isn't one clear answer or reason. It's a complex system governed by a whole range of factors. Honestly, this goes for many things related to sex/gender issues - anyone who tells you it's just because of one thing hasn't thought it through completely or is selling you snake oil.

There are both social and biological reasons why men are less afraid of their personal safety than women. Socially, men are conditioned to ignore fear and their personal safety particularly when it means protecting others, particularly women. Men are also conditioned to be self-sufficient, and to not rely on others to address or reduce the risks they face. In contrast, women are conditioned be hypersensitive to fear and their own safety, ironically, much of feminist messaging reinforces this by emphasizing the victimisation of women. There are naturally plenty of social, status and sexual incentives to conform to these behaviours respectively.

Biologically, there are differences in genetics, personality and sex hormones that can also at least partially explain the difference. Men are far more likely to be risk-takers than women, and therefore do not value the personal risk a situation may apply to them as much. Women are also more likely to be neurotic (in the personality sense), and more likely to feel emotion more intensely, particularly negative emotions including fear and anxiety. Sex hormones also play a significant role. Testosterone can enhance aggression and push men towards fight in a fight-or-flight scenario. While information on sex differences in stress hormones, such as adrenaline or cortisol, is harder to find, from what little I know it likely does play a difference. Stress hormones seems to invoke differences in behavior between men and women. Stress hormones (specifically cortisol) in women tend to invoke 'tend-and-befriend' behaviours in women (e.g. seeking protection), while for men it invokes confrontation and aggression. For adrenaline I am less certain. I cannot find any reliable information about sex differences in production or response to adrenaline. Of course, there are plenty of other hormones to consider.

These systems all feed into each other or other systems not mentioned here, often creating feedback loops. For example, neurotic tendencies in women heighten the sense of fear they feel, which causes them to overestimate their risk, which they tell to other women, which results in socialization of fear in women, which in turn plays on women's neuroticism, and so on.

chappel68 · 2021-07-03T17:18:59+00:00

I'm a big dude - 6'5, 230lb or so. I'm not 'afraid', and don't hesitate to walk around alone at night. I try not to be stupid about it - pay attention to my surroundings, etc. I've done martial arts training in the (depressingly distant) past, and although I doubt it would do me much good in an actual fight, I believe the confidence it gives does a lot to discourage many potential threats.

A bunch of years ago I was walking on a sidewalk in downtown Sturgis during bike week, looking in shop windows instead of where I was going, and walked right into a guy coming the other way not paying attention as he was admiring the bikes on the other side of the sidewalk. The dude turns toward me really fast, and I apologize. He looks straight into the shoulder of my leather jacket, then up, up at me, and suddenly he's all apologetic too. It only occurred to me later that he might have had a much different attitude if I was a foot shorter.

Maybe I'm just a naive country bumpkin; none of that makes me bulletproof.

Honestly I think I'm more likely to be maced by a woman who mistakes me for a threat. I always give women a very wide space, even cross streets rather than crowd them on a dark sidewalk.

Kakatheman · 2021-07-03T15:26:45+00:00

I think its just diffrent mindsets. I've been chased and beat up when I was younger due to rough neighborhood but I got into a few street shuffles when older but I still would walk late at night. Not really afraid to go to foreign countries either.

I guess its just mentality, if something happens, it happens, nothing you can do it about. But when something happens to woman, they have a different value set and there's bigger social ramifications they have to endure, as opposed to men.

Glittering_Stock6272 · 2021-07-04T00:27:21+00:00

Could this be backwards? That because women are more afraid, their choices are slightly safer than men's, and the statistics are just a reflection of this?

fishhelpneeded · 2021-07-03T18:25:22+00:00

Honestly I am worried sometimes. I assume I have the male equivalent of “resting bitch face” so random Karen’s and kyles like picking fight with me from time to time. It’s definitely worrisome. I’ve seriously considered obtaining a concealed carry permit due to it.

ibuildpoop · 2021-07-17T23:43:00+00:00

When society tells you all your life that your problems don't even exist, you don't realize how bad you have it.

DanteLivra · 2021-07-03T15:32:46+00:00

Men are taught that being afraid is a "female emotion".

Gifaro · 2021-07-03T17:36:35+00:00

I'm guessing you question is "why aren't men more afraid than women?"
For me its both because of taught mentality and reality

Women are taught they have to have fear. As you mention, "there's also the expectation that when a man and woman go anywhere together". If you grow in that environment how could not it happen for women not to be more afraid? There is also of course the strength / size and reality of rape and sexual harassment

Phantombiceps · 2021-07-03T12:13:03+00:00

The fact that men are not afraid is already baked into the stats. Less afraid to attack or mug someone despite the crazy consequences, more likely to be a good victim of such a criminal, etc. I think it is partially social conditioning / punishment mostly indirectly from women, and on the other hand partially hormonal. The ability to focus on objects that is greater in males, probably also entails some environmental social obliviousness, with women better at social cues.

who_said_it_was_mE · 2021-07-03T17:19:19+00:00

Because we carry guns or we are arrogant and unfortunately sometimes both

2137gangsterr · 2021-07-03T12:12:25+00:00

Calculated risk.

Its the same with car accidents. Are women afraid of using cars, even though humans statistically have ~1% of chance getting into fatal crash every 10.000km?

Plus men just know city better - and know where its unsafe after the dark

Title	Why aren't men more afraid?
Author	JackieNaper1907
Upvotes	184
Comments	125
Date	July 3, 2021 8:42 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/ocu81s/why_arent_men_more_afraid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/why-arent-men-more-afraid.1060981 https://theredarchive.com/post/1060981